by Abbi Glines
“Thanks for tonight. I really had fun.”
“I could tell. I liked watching you have fun. You’re incredible when you let that wall down around yourself.”
“Wall?” I asked, turning to face him.
He didn’t say anything at first. But I kept my eyes fixed on him, waiting.
“Your perfect wall. The one you keep up for the world to see. The one you use to hide the girl I know underneath. The girl who wants to laugh and have fun. Perfect isn’t fun, Ash.”
I let the bad girl out with Beau because I knew he wouldn’t shun her or reprimand her. He knew a part of me I didn’t show anyone else. Sure, Grana always encouraged me to make my own decisions and embrace the real me, but I still kept the truly bad side of me hidden, even from her. I wanted to argue with him and throw my wall up to block out his seeing inside, but I couldn’t. I needed him to let me be me. No one other than Grana ever let me stretch and spread my wings. Beau had always been the only other person to accept me as I am.
I nodded and fixed my eyes back on the road in front of us.
“I can’t be that girl all the time. My parents, Sawyer, the people in this town, they all expect the good girl. I can’t let them see this side of me. But it feels so good to let her loose. If only for a little while. So thank you.”
I didn’t glance back to see his reaction, but I didn’t need to. His hand reached for mine, and he held it. No words were needed because he understood.
Chapter 6
ASHTON
I woke up to find my mother sitting on the edge of my bed. Even though my vision was still blurry from sleep, it was hard to miss her bloodshot eyes and the dark circles underneath them.
“Mom,” I asked, wanting to reach for her and comfort her. The little girl inside me was terrified to see my mom so obviously upset.
“Good morning, sweetheart. I’m sorry if I woke you, but I wanted to talk to you before Dad got back home.”
Immediately my stomach dropped.
“Ashton, honey, Grana passed away.”
All other thoughts left my mind.
“What?”
Mom let out a small sob and reached for one of my hands. Her gentle squeeze didn’t comfort me. Instead it terrified me. It felt real. She was real. OhGodNo.
“Last night Grana went to sleep. When Dad got there this morning to fix her water heater, before he went to the church, he found her in bed. It was a heart attack.”
I shook my head, not believing what my mother was saying. I had to still be dreaming. This couldn’t be happening. We had plans. Grana and I. There were so many things we still had to do.
“Sweetie, I know you were close to Grana. This is hard on all of us, but I know it’s hardest on you. It’s okay to cry. I’m here and I’ll hold you.”
I’d never thought about Grana dying. She was a fixture in my life. My escape from the world I lived in daily. She understood me in a way my parents never had. Grana never expected me to be perfect like my parents and Sawyer did. Being with her was freeing. It was like, like when I was with Beau. I could be myself and I knew she loved me. An emptiness settled inside me as tears rolled down my face. I still needed her. How could she be gone? I’d just been to see her. She’d just told me how no one could be as perfect as Beau without his shirt on. We’d laughed together. She’d just had a pedicure. How could she be dead? She wasn’t ready to die. Her toes had been hot pink. She was ready for some fun. We had plans to go to the movies together.
“We have plans,” I choked out. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Nothing made sense.
My mother’s arms came around me, pulling me into her embrace. All my life I’d found comfort in her arms, but now I only felt numb. My Grana wouldn’t be there for my wedding day. We’d never take that cruise together or go scuba diving in the Bahamas. She wouldn’t be there to make sugar cookies for my kids one day. Where would I find an escape from the pressure of my life? How could I live without her?
Ashton,
Again, sorry for the long delays in e-mails. After a full day of hiking, I crash when we get back to the cabin. I’m fighting off exhaustion so I can write you. Today Cade and I took a special trail that my mom and sister didn’t want to try. So Dad stayed with them. It was pretty steep in areas. It was great. The view we finally came to was amazing, and Cade got to see his first black bear. I think he took a dozen pictures of it.
Hang in there. Your boredom is almost halfway over. I’ll be home in twenty days.
Love ya,
Sawyer
Sawyer,
Hey . . .
I didn’t want to tell a computer screen that my Grana had died. I couldn’t tell him about washing the car with Beau and playing pool in a bar. My vision was blurred from crying, and typing on a computer was the last thing I wanted to do. I erased my response, grabbed my purse, and headed for my car. I could lie to myself and say I didn’t know where I was going, that I just needed to get away and drive. But I knew deep down exactly where I was headed.
* * *
I parked my Jetta out by Mr. Jackson’s barn. Beau hadn’t been home, but his mother had taken one look at my stricken face and told me where I could find him.
I heard the tractor before I saw it. My feet started walking toward the sound. I needed someone to help me forget the awful truth. I didn’t need a stupid e-mail telling me about waterfalls and bears. I needed someone here, and the first person that came to my mind was Beau. He wouldn’t tell me everything would be okay. He wouldn’t try to appease me like a child. I needed him.
The minute he saw me walking across the field, the tractor stopped. His eyes locked on me and I started to run. I could feel the wetness on my face from my tears as I ran toward him. He jumped down just before I reached him.
Beau caught me as I flung myself into his arms. The silent tears turned into loud sobs for the first time since my mother had told me Grana was gone. He didn’t ask. I’d known he wouldn’t. He would wait until I was ready.
BEAU
I pulled Ashton onto my lap as I sat down under an old oak tree. Her arms tightened around my neck as she sobbed pitifully against my chest. I was scared to ask what was wrong. Instead I held her and waited. My chest ached so bad with each sob that it was difficult to take deep breaths. Sitting here and waiting on her to calm down enough to tell me who I needed to go beat the shit out of for making her cry wasn’t easy. A sob shook her body, and I cradled her tighter against me. My heart had a spasm with each tremble of her body. Even when we were kids, I didn’t like to see her upset. The one time a kid had hurt her feelings on the playground, I’d reacted by shoving the kid’s face in the dirt. It had gotten me two days suspension, but it’d been worth it. No one bothered her again. They knew better.
Her sobs slowly began to ease to soft little whimpers. I gazed down at her as she lifted her head from my sweaty chest. Her big green eyes stared up at me, and the tightness in my chest throbbed. If someone had hurt her, I would kill them. If Sawyer was the cause of this, I would take him down. Cousin or not, no one was allowed to make Ashton cry.
“My Grana had a heart attack last night. She’s gone,” she whispered.
I hadn’t expected that.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“Just hold me please,” she replied.
I’d hold her forever if I could.
I gently moved the hair stuck to her tear-soaked face back and tucked it behind her ears. She glanced down and tensed as she finally noticed my lack of a shirt. My chest was now soaked with not only sweat but her tears. I started to say something, but the words got stuck in my throat as her hand moved up to my chest and she began softly wiping the droplets of moisture off me. I stopped breathing. I knew it was wrong to let her do this, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. She shifted in my lap until she was straddling me. I let my hands fall to her waist as she continued touching my chest. My heart started slamming against my ribs so hard I knew she had to feel it. I needed to stop this.
“Beau,” she said.
I tore my eyes away from her hands on my chest and gazed up at her face. There was a question in her eyes. I could see it. Was this what she needed right now? Was it wrong to let her deal with her pain by doing something that would only cause us more pain later? The tears in her eyes had dried up. Her mouth was slightly open as she took deep heavy breaths. Ah, hell.
“Yes.” I managed a strangled reply.
Her hands left me, and I started to take a deep breath to ease my burning, oxygen-deprived lungs when I realized why she’d stopped driving me crazy with her innocent caresses. That deep breath lodged in my throat as her top came off. Without taking her eyes off me, she dropped the little tank top onto the grass beside her. I had thought nothing could be sexier than Ashton in a bikini; I’d been so wrong. Ashton in a lacy white bra was by far the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
“Ash, baby, what’re you doing?” I asked in a hoarse whisper. I tried forcing myself to look up at her face and gauge what she was thinking, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the soft tanned flesh pushed up over the top of her bra. I wanted to pull that lace down so bad and get my first look at her nipples.
“Touch me,” she whispered. The fact she was Sawyer’s girl no longer seemed to matter. I couldn’t tell her no. Hell, I couldn’t tell myself no.
I traced a line from her collarbone to the top of her cleavage. She gasped loudly and sank down in my lap, applying pressure to my cock. She was going to send me into a crazed frenzy if she kept it up. As if she could read my thoughts, she seemed to test me as she wiggled her ass in my lap.
“Ah, damn,” I moaned before grabbing her face and pulling her mouth to mine.
The moment my mouth touched hers, my world started spinning beneath me. I couldn’t get enough. I had her bra off and my hands full within seconds. The loud moan of pleasure that escaped from her mouth almost sent me over the edge. Both hard nipples pressed against my palms and I wanted to taste them. I’d wanted to taste them for so very long.
I’d lost my virginity at the age of thirteen and there had been many girls since then, but nothing had prepared me for this feeling. Ashton wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her bare chest up against mine, causing me to shudder for the first time in my life. I kissed a trail from her mouth to her ear then down her neck. I’d crossed the line kissing her and touching her. I needed to stop this.
“Please, Beau,” she pleaded, and sat up on her knees, presenting her tight, pink nipples to my incredibly eager mouth.
I was weak, and more turned on than I’d been in my entire life. Pulling one of her nipples into my mouth I groaned and bucked my hips up against her warmth.
“OHGOD,” she cried out as her hands grabbed my arms tightly and squeezed.
I was trembling. I needed more. I needed to stop this. We shouldn’t be doing this. She was upset. She was Sawyer’s.
I released her nipple from my mouth and closed my eyes tightly so I couldn’t see the other tight little puckered nipple I’d yet to get a taste of. Dammit all to hell. How was I supposed to control myself?
Ashton shifted in my lap and I thought she was getting up but her warm breath tickled the skin just below my navel. Before I could respond, her pink tongue darted out and licked at the tattoo over my left side, dangerously close to my hipbone. I opened my mouth to stop her when her hand ran up my leg and cupped my hard-on and gently squeezed.
“Holyshit,” I moaned, unable to keep from pressing my throbbing dick against her hand. I couldn’t seem to control my body any longer. She’d somehow taken over its responses.
When her finger traced the top of my jeans, then began unfastening them, I managed to regain some form of willpower. I covered her hand with mine and held it firmly in place. I couldn’t let her do that. She was trying to forget her pain with pleasure and as much as I’d like to help her out, I couldn’t. I had a fucking conscience after all. Dammit.
“Ash baby, we can’t do this. You’re upset,” I managed to get out in a hoarse whisper. My heart was still hammering against my chest and my damn erection was making my jeans incredibly painful.
“I just need to touch you, Beau. Please,” she whispered crawling back into my lap and tracing kisses up my neck. Sawyer. I needed to remember Sawyer.
“Just touch me a little more,” she pleaded, pulling back and looking up at me with sad, needy eyes.
I couldn’t tell her no. Not now. I’d let it go too far. I was hooked. I slid my hands back up her waist teasing the undersides of her breasts before covering them with my hands. Damn they were fucking perfect. She was perfect. “Tell me where you want me to touch you,” I said, needing her to guide this.
She arched her back, pressing her tits farther into my hands, “That’s a nice start,” she replied in a soft moan. Seeing her head thrown back and her eyes closed like she was in the middle of an orgasm made everything else fade away. I needed more of that. I needed to see it again. Slipping one of my hands back down her stomach, I moved it to her thigh and ran it up the inside of the shorts she had on until I felt the warm wet fabric of her panties. She shuddered against me and cried out. “What about this? You want me to touch here?” I asked, leaning toward her ear and whispering as I slid one finger inside her heat.
“OhgodBeau,” she gasped, shaking in my arms. I knew what she needed. It might physically put me in a world of pain, but I’d give it to her. If this is what she needed right now, I’d make sure she got it.
“You feel like heaven, Ash.” I bent my head and pulled the nipple I hadn’t gotten a taste of yet into my mouth before moving my finger in and out of her tight hole. I wanted in so bad. But she wasn’t ready for that. This was about helping her not me.
“Beau . . . please . . . ohgod . . . Ah . . . Beau . . . please . . . more . . . please . . .” she panted as she began rocking her hips against my hand. She was close. I could feel it. And fuck if I wasn’t close too. Just watching her and tasting her and feeling her wetness was about to push me over the edge.
“I got you, baby. Come for me,” I encouraged her before I gently bit down on her nipple.
“BEAU,” she cried out in a load moan and shattered against my hand. To my surprise, I went off with her.
More than an hour later I held her as she sat curled up in my lap. I was waiting on the horror of what I’d done to wash over me, but having Ashton in my arms wasn’t helping me work up the remorse I should be feeling. Instead I finally felt alive.
ASHTON
I opened my car door and turned to peek back at Beau. My heart fluttered wildly at the sight of him. I’d wanted to go all the way, but he’d stopped us. A smile tugged at my lips because I knew he hadn’t stopped me because it was wrong or because he didn’t want to. It just hadn’t been the right time. Beau had been as deliriously turned on as I’d been. He’d looked at me with those beautiful hazel eyes, no longer hiding his feelings.
“Can you get out tonight?” he asked me as he stepped toward me just close enough to touch my waist. The skin where his hand grazed tingled with anticipation.
“Yes, it’ll be late though. I’ve got to go to Grana’s. People will be bringing food and all that stuff. I’ll need to see you to cheer me up. Make me forget.” I’d crawl out my window for him if I had to.
He stepped closer and I watched as he lowered his mouth to mine. Just like before the earth fell out from under me with the touch of his lips. I clung to his shoulders, afraid I’d collapse if he let me go. He broke the kiss and moved his mouth to my ear. I shivered and pressed closer to him.
“Text me when you’re ready, and I’ll meet you at the park behind your house,” he whispered, then stepped back.
I grabbed the door for support before nodding and getting into my car.
Beau stood there watching me as I backed up and turned the car around to drive away. I didn’t want him to regret anything. Right now I didn’t want to think about what was wrong with us. It felt too good to be wrong.
My phone rang and I reach
ed for it without looking down to see who it was.
“Hello.”
“Stop looking back at me and watch the road,” Beau’s deep, smooth drawl came through the phone.
Smiling, I realized he had his phone up to his ear. He was almost too far away to see him clearly now. “Well stop standing there all shirtless and sexy and causing a distraction.” I replied.
Beau sighed. “What are we doing, Ash?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that, and right now I didn’t want to. “Let’s just enjoy it,” I begged.
“I’ll do whatever you want me to. I always have,” was his reply.
* * *
“Where did you run off to last night?” Leann whispered as she plopped down on the step beside me.
I’d decided to hide out on the stairs once Grana’s house was filled to capacity with people. They were suffocating me. Leann was here with her mother, and I appreciated it, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I studied her expression to see if she had any idea Beau had taken me to play pool before taking me home. I’d texted her to let her know he was driving me home because I had a headache, and I’d left it at that.
“Beau offered to take me home, so I went. I wasn’t in the mood to hang out after the incident with Ryan.”
She leaned over closer to me, bumping her shoulder against mine. “Girl, you should’ve seen the bloody mess Beau made of Ryan’s face. He beat the crap out of him. It was hot.”
I rolled my eyes at her words, hiding the secret thrill I felt over having Beau stand up for me.
“Don’t roll your eyes. You have no idea how hot he was beating Ryan’s face in. He kept warning him he’d kill him if he even looked in your direction again.”