by Abbi Glines
My phone dinged, alerting me of a text. I glanced down at it, and frowned.
Sawyer: Where are you and where is Beau?
I hesitated, not sure how to answer. The fact that Beau was missing bothered me, though.
Me: I’m at Grana’s grave. I haven’t seen Beau since he left church yesterday.
I waited for a reply, but none came. Grabbing my keys from the bench beside me, I stood up.
“I need to go, Grana. Love you,” I said, and blew a kiss toward her headstone before making my way back to the car.
Chapter 21
ASHTON
Before I could close my car door, Sawyer was in front of me. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all last night, and he had a cut on his nose and a bruise under his right eye.
“What happened—?”
“Where is he?” Sawyer ordered, cutting off my question. I shook my head, staring up at him, trying to figure out why he was so determined to find Beau.
“I told you I don’t know. I left church and went to see Leann. I stayed the night at her dorm and came back this morning.”
Sawyer mumbled something that sounded like a curse, and my eyes flew open in shock. The sun beamed down on his face, and under the bruise I could see swelling along his right cheekbone. Apparently, he’d found Beau yesterday at some point.
“Did Beau—?” I reached up to touch his face and he swatted my hand away with a disgusted sneer.
“Don’t touch me. You made your bed, Ashton, now you can lie in it. I’m not yours to touch.”
He was right, of course. I simply nodded. Anger lit up his blue eyes.
“You did this, you know. He’s gone because of you. You ruined his life. I hope it was worth it.” Sawyer’s voice was laced with the anger flashing in his eyes. One thing was for sure: He hated me.
I didn’t nod this time. I just stepped around him and walked away. It hurt too bad to see the hatred in his eyes directed at me. I needed to find Beau. Not calling him yesterday had been a bad move, but I had refused to believe he’d run off. He’d been ready to fight for me. And from the battered appearance of Sawyer’s face, he did fight for me. I was ready to choose him over everyone else. It was time I threw caution to the wind and went after what I wanted too. And I wanted Beau.
* * *
Eight hours later I stood outside, staring at the door of the bar where Honey Vincent worked. I hadn’t ever been there in the daylight. The peeling paint and badly beaten-up door weren’t noticeable in the dark. Beau hadn’t shown up for school today. People who had once spoken to me acted as if I didn’t exist. It would have bothered me if I hadn’t been so worried about Beau. I’d texted him several times, but there was never a response. Sawyer had directed his angry glare my way only once, when he was heading to the field house after school. He had walked by my locker and shaken his head as if to blame me for his cousin’s absence. My fear that he was right had gotten stronger all day long. I should have called Beau yesterday. No, I should have stayed by his side. At the first sign of struggle, I had lied and run, leaving him to hold the bag. I’m an awful person.
The door to the bar opened, and Honey stood there with her hand on her hip, staring directly at me. Her long dark hair was pulled to the side of her head in a low ponytail, and she was wearing a pair of snug jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. It was the first time I’d ever seen her body so well covered.
“Well, come on in for crying out loud. How long you gonna stand here and study this door? He ain’t in here, so you can’t will him to walk out of it.”
Beau wasn’t here, either, but maybe she knew where he was. I hurried after her as she spun around and headed back inside.
The bar was different at three o’clock in the afternoon. The curtains were pulled open, letting sunlight inside, and the windows were open too, allowing a fresh, cool breeze to waft through the place, almost taking away the stench of stale beer and cigarettes . . . almost.
“He left yesterday. Ain’t been home, neither. You messed those two boys up good, girl.” Honey shook her head as she wiped glasses off and hung them back up above the bar.
“I know. I need to fix it.”
She shook her head and let out a hard laugh. “I reckon that would be nice, but the damage is done. Those boys about beat the shit outta each other in here yesterday. You’ve made them both crazy. Never thought I’d see a girl come between them two, but then I never figured you’d ever look Beau’s way either. Once you started showing him some interest, I knew this was all going to hell in a handbasket real quick. You’ve always been my boy’s weakness.”
I sank down onto a stool across the bar from her. My stomach churned with guilt. What had I done to Beau? How could I say I love him and hurt him so badly? Love wasn’t selfish.
“I’m an awful person. I’d take it all away if I could. I can’t believe I’ve done this to him.”
Honey paused and raised an artfully sculpted brow. “Him who?”
“Beau,” I replied, frowning.
A sad smile touched her lips and she shook her head. “Well, I guess he ain’t as stupid as I thought he was. I figured the boy’d thrown everything away for some little gal looking to have a good time. I didn’t think you’d actually care about him, too.”
I wanted to get mad, but how could I? I’d done nothing to prove I cared anything about him. If you loved someone, you didn’t screw up their life. You made it better. All I’d done for Beau was cause him to lose the one person he loved most in the world.
“Do you know where he is? I just want to talk to him. I need to fix this.”
Honey sighed and slid a glass onto the rack above her head before meeting my gaze.
“No, Ashton, I don’t. He left here after beating his cousin’s face in. He was hurt and angry. I figure he needs some time, and then he’ll come out of hiding. For right now you just worry about fixing your problems with Sawyer.”
I shook my head. “There is no fixing my problems with Sawyer. He hates me. All I can hope is one day he understands, but I don’t have time to deal with him.”
Honey leaned both her elbows on the bar and studied me for a moment.
“You mean to tell me you ain’t getting back with Sawyer at all? You ain’t even worried about losing that fine future he planned on giving you?”
There was never a future with Sawyer. I’d known that all along.
“I love Sawyer, but I’m not in love with him. I never intended on forever with Sawyer. I just need to see Beau. The only dealing I want to have with Sawyer is getting him to forgive Beau.”
Honey nodded and reached out to pat my arm.
“I think I might could like you, gal. Go figure. Me liking the preacher’s daughter. Crazier shit has happened.”
A smile tugged at my lips for the first time all day. She reminded me of Beau just then with her amused expression and the same hazel eyes.
“I need to talk to him. Please, as soon as you see him, tell him to call me.”
Honey nodded and went back to wiping the glasses. I stood up and started for the door. The letter I’d written him during literature, apologizing and begging him to please talk to me, was in my pocket. The plan had been to slip it in his locker, but he’d never shown up at school. I pulled it out and turned and walked back to Honey.
“Could you give this to him when you see him?” I asked, sliding the folded paper across the bar toward her. She reached out and picked it up, meeting my eyes.
“Sure, darlin’. I’ll make sure he gets it.”
* * *
Both of my parents’ cars were in the driveway when I finally pulled in well after five o’clock. It was time to face the music. No one met me at the door, which was a good thing. I stepped inside and was leveled by my father’s penetrating stare. He was sitting in the recliner with the Bible open in his lap as he peered at me over his reading glasses. He was angry, hurt, and disappointed. I could see it all in his eyes. I dropped my purse on the coffee table and sank down onto the couch to face hi
m.
“Glad you could finally make it home. Your brief text message telling me you were fine and staying the night at Leann’s wasn’t exactly comforting. Your mother has gone to bed with a headache from the worry.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I replied. I truly was sorry I’d upset them. Even if I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
“Sorry, huh? Well, you don’t appear sorry. I will say I’m glad you got to school on time and even made it to Grana’s grave. Don’t look surprised. I visit it daily, and I noticed the fresh rose on her headstone. Only you would bring her a single rose from her own rose garden. No one else would think of it. You’re a good girl, Ashton. You always have been, but this summer something has gotten into you, and we need to straighten it out.”
He’d blame it all on Beau if he knew. He wanted it to be someone else’s fault. The fact that his daughter was one big fake didn’t even register with him.
“Beau Vincent’s missing too. Everyone thought you two’d run off together. But then you texted that you were at Leann’s and her dorm counselor verified the information when I called and checked. So you weren’t with Beau, but it is awfully suspicious that he is missing too and Sawyer has a black eye. What happened at church, Ashton?”
He was asking, but he didn’t really want to know the truth. No father wanted to hear this kind of truth. I shook my head. “I got into an argument with Sawyer, and we broke up. I ran off to see Leann and get away. That’s all I know.” I was getting so good at lying. Not something to be proud of. Dad nodded and he closed the Bible in his lap.
“Good. I’d hate to hear you were messed up with the likes of Beau. Breaking up with Sawyer is probably a good thing. You two were too serious, and you have college coming next year. You need to be free of a boy so you can focus on your future.”
He stood up and placed his Bible on the coffee table. His green eyes met mine, and he pointed to the book he’d just laid down. “Bad company corrupts good character. If you read your Bible more often, you’d know this.”
I watched him turn and head for my parents’ bedroom. I really wished he had hadn’t made me hate to read the Bible. Having it shoved down my throat all my life had made me bitter toward reading it. I believed it, but my dad had used it to his benefit too many times and ignored the parts in there that would point out his wrongs. Like judging Beau without even knowing him. That was in the Bible too.
Chapter 22
BEAU
Beau,
I’m so sorry. For not calling you. For running off. For Sawyer. I’ve ruined everything for you. I was so selfish. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Just please forgive me. I can handle anything else if I can know you forgive me. Maybe what we did was wrong. Maybe we should have handled it another way, but I can’t make myself regret any moment I spent with you. You gave me memories I’ll always cherish. I won’t make this hard on you. I’ll let you go your own way. Just let me know you don’t hate me.
I love you,
Ashton
I ran my thumb over the words “I love you” as I stared at Ashton’s letter. She loves me. Ashton Gray loves me. I’d left her thinking this was her fault. The panic in her wording was clear. She thought I could hate her? Did she not listen to anything I said? Had my actions not told her enough? I’d sacrificed everything for her. How could she think I hated her? It wasn’t even possible. The permanent ache where my mother had ripped my heart from my chest and basically thrown it at me eased some as I reread the words “I love you.”
Right now I needed her arms around me so I could cry. Cry for the man who’d been the only dad I’d ever known and lost at such a young age. Cry for the brother who I’d never realized I had yet loved him anyway. Cry for the only girl I’d ever loved, the only person other than Sawyer I’d ever have died for, and the impossible situation we were in. I loved her so much. I’d chosen her over Sawyer, and I’d do it again. But things had changed now. Sawyer was facing the same pain I was. Maybe more so because it was his father, or our father, who’d cheated on his wife, ignored me my entire life, and lied to him. A tear rolled off my chin, and I quickly moved the letter away so my tears didn’t smudge the words on the page. I needed to know someone cared. Someone loved me. Folding the note so I could see the words “I love you” and her name, I pressed it against my heart and lay back against a bale of hay. Tonight I wouldn’t get much sleep, but I’d have Ash’s words to keep me warm.
ASHTON
High school had always been easy for me. Having Sawyer as a boyfriend had protected me from harassment. As I stood in front of my locker and took in the word “slut”—painted in red nail polish across the pale blue paint that had gone unmarred the past three years—I had a moment of realization. I truly had no idea what high school really felt like. Maybe I was a slut. I wasn’t a virgin anymore, and I wasn’t married. Did that make me a slut? No one knew about me and Beau, so the fact I was being labeled a slut only meant they were hinting at it.
I sighed and quickly did my combination and opened my locker. I was instantly glad I didn’t have ventilation holes in my locker. There is no telling what they would have tried to stick inside. I could hear whispers behind me as I pulled out my books for first period. No one spoke to me or stood up for me. Not that I expected them to. This was day three of “Shun Ashton.” I couldn’t really blame it on Sawyer because he wasn’t participating. He wasn’t standing up for me either, but he wasn’t joining in on the fun. Everyone loved him and wanted to defend him. If ridiculing me made them feel as if they were accomplishing this, I could handle it. They were only words.
As if I’d spoken out loud, I was shoved into my locker from behind. The corner of the locker slammed into the side of my head, causing me to go a little fuzzy from the impact. I gripped the side of the door, praying I wouldn’t pass out. Laughter of the female variety ensued behind me, and I closed my eyes until the pain subsided.
“Oh, for crying out loud. Are you just going to stand there and take this?” I slowly turned my head to see Kayla looking at me with an exasperated expression. She grabbed my arm to steady me.
“I get that you think you deserve this or whatever, but there comes a point when enough is enough. You need to stop them, or they’ll continue to run over you. Get some teeth, girl.” She took the books from my arms and closed my locker.
“Come on, I’m taking you to the nurse because you got a dazed and confused look in your eyes. Once she says it’s okay, you can go to class.”
I was dazed and confused. Why was Kayla helping me? She was head cheerleader. I’d have thought she’d be the ringleader in the anti-Ashton posse.
“You really should have thought about this before you decided to cheat on the town prince. Someone like Sawyer has too many loyal subjects. You’ve pissed them all off. They hated you because you had him for so long, and now they hate you because you hurt him. They feel vindicated in their brutality toward you. So either you get yourself a bodyguard or you get tough. This isn’t going to go away overnight. This could last all freakin’ year.”
Kayla led me down the hall toward the nurse’s office.
“I know. I figured I’d just let them get their anger out and maybe it would blow over sooner,” I explained.
Kayla snorted. “Not gonna happen. Either Sawyer stops them or you do. Where’s Beau? If he’d get his tail back here, he could stop all this.”
I wanted Beau. I missed him. I reached down and touched my pocket to make sure the new note I’d written him last night was still there. I’d decided to take it to Honey this afternoon, just in case she was able to get notes to him. I wanted to make sure he knew how I felt. I didn’t want him to be alone.
“Did you really do it? I mean cheat on Sawyer with Beau? I find it hard to believe Beau would do something like that to Sawyer. But Sawyer isn’t talking, and Beau is MIA.”
I wasn’t going to lie anymore. Sawyer knew the truth. I didn’t have his feelings to spare. Lying would be denying Beau. I couldn’t deny him.
; “Yes, I did.”
Kayla paused, and I thought she was going to throw my books down or some other dramatic reaction, but she let out a low whistle instead.
“You admit it. Wow.”
I shrugged. “Everyone knows. I broke it off with Sawyer. No reason to lie.”
Kayla raised her eyebrows. “I can think of one reason to lie. The bunch of crazies who think they need to defend Sawyer by making you their punching bag.”
“Maybe, but I’m not going to lie about Beau and me. He doesn’t deserve that. I have nothing to be ashamed of except ruining their relationship.”
Kayla opened the door to the nurse’s office. “You really are unique. No wonder you got the Vincent boys fighting over you.”
* * *
Other than an ugly welt on the side of my head, there was no damage, but I was beginning to wish I’d at least needed stitches so I’d had an excuse to leave school. By lunchtime I’d had my books knocked out of my hands so many times I’d lost count. Kayla had stopped once to help me pick them up, saying again how I needed a bodyguard. The janitor had cleaned my locker and the entire student body had been threatened with school suspension if caught defacing school property. So they had resorted to putting sticky notes with cruel comments on my locker instead. I stopped reading them once I realized they were just another form of punishment.
Sawyer had watched quietly as people had knocked my books to the floor all day. When our eyes met after I had cleaned off my locker from the latest onslaught of messages and he did nothing but walk away, I decided I might hate him a little. He wasn’t the perfect guy I’d thought he was. Maybe I’d put him on a pedestal too. The Sawyer I’d known wouldn’t have stood by while someone was bullied like this. My eyes had been opened to another side of him, one that was real but one I didn’t like very much.
I was looking forward to getting a tray and heading outside to eat alone and enjoy some peace and quiet. Walking up to the lunch line, I ignored everyone around me. It had become my mantra to not make eye contact, but that seemed to make them all act worse. So instead I practiced tunnel vision, which was why I probably didn’t see the Coke before it was poured over my head. I squealed as ice ran down my face and Coke burned my eyes. It trickled down my shirt and plastered my hair to my head. The lunchroom erupted in laughter. Nicole stood in front of me with her empty glass and a smirk on her face.