Oh.
It comes back to me. That night I confronted Ben about the calls and texts on his phone. Nicole. The whole time it was her. I must have gotten too hammered on the wine that night, because I didn’t remember the confrontation. But now…
I can’t do this. I can’t stay around. I can’t see them together and I don’t want to see them after they have hooked up, that’s for sure. I head out of the balcony area and head for the back exit stairs. Fuck! I need my bag. It has my wallet.
Then it hits me, when I was on my way over to his place after work and I saw his car in a drive way… it was probably hers!
Fuckity fuck fuck shit!
I make my way to the backstage area, by holding up my press badge and peeking around every corner and doorway. The last thing I need is to see Ben with her. All I can see in my head is her on her knees blowing him and begging him to come back.
I swallow down bile.
I try to blend into the crowd as I rush to Uliana’s dressing room to fetch my bag. Thank god for my friend letting me stash my gear in her room. I swiftly turn into her room and close the door behind me. I am greeted by Uli’s little dog Sage, and bend to pet and show her some love. Maybe it’s the affection I need from her instead.
“Can you believe this, Sage? He takes her back here somewhere to do God knows what? And to forget about me out there.” I sit on a small chair and hold the little cutie. She curls up in my lap and I can’t help but let her.
I hear the roar of the crowd, which must mean the show, is over and any minute the band will be coming back here. I can’t see anyone right now. But at the same time I don’t want to leave this peaceful moment.
I know as soon as I walk out of that door, things are going to change.
I take a taxi right back to the hotel to grab my stuff. When I walk in I just throw it all back into my suitcase, thankful that I am not like most girls that I know, because I packed very little.
I need to get out of here before Ben shows up. He has been trying to call me and text. I don’t want to talk to him, I just need space. I need to get out of this city right now. I have a credit card for emergencies and I have never had to really use it, but I think tonight counts as an emotional emergency.
I fly outside and hail another taxi, and tell him to take me to JFK airport.
I was able to get the next flight out to Seattle, but I am stuck here for a couple of hours. I decide to hit up the airport bar. I need something to hit me hard and fast; a shot it is. I throw it back and order another. After the second shot I am warm in my seat and decide that since I am in a public place I should stop there, but at least it took the edge off.
I head to my gate and pop in my headphones, thankful that I have a book in my bag with me. I could use some Kellan Kyle right now. Two play lists and a few chapters later I am being called for my flight.
As I settle into my seat, I reach for my phone to turn it off. When I do I see that I have twenty-eight missed calls and seventeen texts… all from Ben. I open one out of curiosity and because of my vodka buzz from the shots.
Where are you? I am fucking losing my mind! Tess!
And another:
You are scaring me Tess. Where are you? I don’t know if you’re dead in a back alley somewhere. Oh my god Tess! Please call me if you are ok!
I power it off and drop it into my bag.
As soon as I land, I call Erin to come pick me up.
“Where is Ben?” she asks.
“With Nicole still, I assume.” I know I have a dead look on my face right now. Hell, I am probably in a state of shock. All I know is that I need my best friend to get me drunk.
Her eyes bug out. “What do you mean with Nicole? His ex-fiancé?”
I nod.
She grabs one of my bags and leads me to her car. “Tell me everything.” I tell her.
“You sound too calm right now, are you okay?”
We are sitting in her car, which is freezing, because it’s the middle of November and all I can seem to focus on is the sound of her heater roaring to push the heat in the sporty BMW.
“Tess!”
“What?”
“God, let’s get you home.”
Back at my place, Erin pours me a big glass of wine and I change into my pajamas. Grabbing my pillow and blanket from my bed, I curl up on my couch while Erin throws in The Breakfast Club.
“Erin, just because I ran out of New York City to get away from my boyfriend who was probably fucking his ex, as I was boarding my plane, does not mean I need a John Hughes marathon.”
“Yes, it does.”
I roll my eyes. Deep down, I am loving the idea.
As the night goes on, I get more and more intoxicated. Because for every lead male in every movie we see, I picture Ben. I see Ben holding the boom box over his head under my window. I see Ben putting that diamond stud in his ear and throwing his fist in the air. I see Ben leaning against his car as I am leaving the church waiting for me.
The sun is coming up as I sit on my couch just staring out of the window. Erin is passed out on the floor next to me. I decide to get up and check my e-mail. I have an announcement e-mail from Maroon 5 to check out photos from their latest tour and for fans to tag themselves.
Not being able to resist a little Adam Levine in the morning, I click the link. Then I scream.
Erin bolts up and rushes over to me. “What the fuck is wrong?” She is panicking.
I throw my iPod in her face and jump up and down.
“The band fucking posted my photos from that show a while back! Adam posted them on the website!”
“That’s really great Tess, but do you think you could have eased that news to me? And not screech it at the tops of your lungs at the buttcrack of dawn?”
“Sorry,” I tell her but inside of my head I am doing a hula dance and fist pumping the air.
She climbs into my bed now and I continue to scroll through the photos. Then I see the one that has Adam, me and Ben in the photo. I look at the bottom of the page and it reads: Photos taken by Tess Martin with Tones Magazine.
The past twenty-four hours replay in my head just like that. What’s worse is I see flashes of Ben’s phone screen in my hand. I see the missed calls, the incoming texts. Then I see what I didn’t remember before… the text I had opened. It read:
If you want it, come get it.
I’m going to be sick. I run to my bathroom in the nick of time to hail to the porcelain throne. When I empty my stomach of the wine and nothing else in there, I climb into my empty cool bath tub and close the shower curtain. I let it all out.
I pass out in my tub with the text burning in my brain. A couple hours later I hear screaming at my door. Curious, I creak my bathroom door and I hear Erin yelling.
“She doesn’t deserve a fucking cheating asshole like you! Just leave her alone!”
Then I hear the voice that used to bring me so much joy. Ben speaks up and he sounds distraught and aggravated. “Is she here? That’s all I need to know. I need to know she is safe. She left without a word! I thought she was dead! Is she here, Erin?”
“She is, but you are not seeing her. She is safe. She is home with me, someone she can trust, unlike you.” Erin snips.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“She saw you with your whore of an ex last night.” She says as-matter-of-factly.
“What?” Ben’s voice is stunned.
“Yeah, that’s right you got caught. How long have you been cheating on Tess behind her back Ben? Huh?” Erin is lit.
I sink to the floor, because I can’t seem to hold my weight any longer.
I hear Ben growl and then a loud punching noise. I see Erin’s shadow jump.
“Tess!” he yells. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“It’s not…” he pauses, “It’s not what you think.” His voice breaks and so does my heart. “Please! Tess! I love you, you have to trust me. You just have to trust me.”
“Yeah, well seeing you wit
h the whore how do you expect her to trust you? And punching the wall isn’t going to solve anything, you moron. Why don’t you get out of here before you tear up her place any more than what you just did?” I hear the door slam shut.
“Fucker,” I hear her say under her breath. She walks over to the bathroom and slowly opens the door.
“Hi” I say.
“Hey, yourself. Did you hear that out there?”
I nod.
“I am sorry, Tess. He is such an ass.”
“Thank you for not letting him in. I just don’t have it in me to see him.”
“I know.”
I have class this morning, but I think sleep sounds so much better. Before I head back to bed, I email my photos from the show to Mrs. Fuller.
Just because Ben broke my heart into tiny jagged pieces doesn’t mean that I am going to give up on my dream. I am not that sappy of a girl. I can go on living. But loving again… now that will be the challenge. I still love Ben, but my heart hurts too much right now and it doesn’t want to agree with my brain on the fact that I probably need to forget about him.
But how do you forget your one?
I just don’t get what happened! Before the show things were perfect and I am not exaggerating, but they were fucking perfect! Then, when I went to go find her after the show she was gone. A few staff members said they had seen a pink-haired girl coming out of Uliana’s dressing room and leaving the concert hall.
Fuck me. I hope she didn’t see Nicole.
When I got to her place and talked to Red, I knew right then and there that Tess had seen Nicole and the way she had her hands on me. I can see why she bolted.
It hurts that Tess automatically assumed that I was going to sleep with Nicole.
Every day I call. I text. I try coming over with her favorite flowers.
But I know it’s going to take more than some calls and flowers to fix this. I need another guy’s opinion. Maybe Dan can offer up some advice.
I launch into the story.
“I had no idea Nicole was going to be there and how she got back stage is beyond me… then again…”
“I bet she blew a security guard.” Dan says what I don’t.
I huff out a throaty laugh. “Most likely. Anyways, she came up behind me and started groping me and licking my neck. I thought it was Tess, since I didn’t see her on the floor taking photos. When I turned around, it was Nicole.”
“What did you do?”
“I pulled her away from the stage, took her out back in the hopes Tess wouldn’t see her.”
“She did anyways didn’t she?”
Not being able to control it any longer I let out a deep cry. No man wants to cry to another man, but this is too much.
“Hey man, just get it out now, because if she is what you need, you are going to need to really fucking fight to get her back.”
Holding the phone in one hand and rubbing my face with the other, I feel my tears running down my cheeks.
“Hey, I have to go.” I know my voice sounds ragged and clipped.
“What are you doing, Ben? Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m good. Just something I need to do.”
“Tess, you have to come to the wedding!” Caroline begs.
The wedding is in a few days and I am having doubts.
I have been avoiding Ben for over a week now. I know I can’t run forever. Erin has made that fucking clear enough. Ever since she and James have become an official couple, she is now all about love and once you find your true love, your one and only then you need to work it out. That it will be worth it in the long haul.
James is pretty dead set on the fact that he will marry Erin one day. I am happy for my big brother and my best friend, but I can’t help but feel pained, too. I know that makes me sound like a whiny snob, I am just going through the stages of grief. I think
“Please, Tess!” Caroline shouts at me. “Come and stand with Gwen and me.”
I had texted Caroline a few days ago, telling her that Ben and I are having a fight right now and that I don’t think the wedding would be the best place to reunite. I figure she is a teen she has watched enough Gossip Girl and whatever other popular teen show there is out there to know what I am telling her.
“Maybe this will be a great way for you and Ben to meet on mutual grounds.” She is still trying to convince me.
“I just don’t know.”
“Gwen really wants you there. She thinks of you as a daughter, Tess.” Great, now she is really driving the knife deep into my chest and twisting it.
“Fine!” I throw my free hand up in the air. “I’ll stand.”
“Good! Thank you! Are you free tomorrow to come over for your last dress fitting?” I saw Caroline’s sketches for the dresses and they were amazing, not your typical bubble gum pink and bows.
“Sure thing, text me when you want me.”
I am going in to work early, hoping to hell I miss Ben. I need to talk to Mrs. Fuller. This will also be my first time meeting my new boss.
I walk into the already redecorated office. It is now deep purple with candy skulls strewn about the space, along with vinyl records on the walls. This looks way better and wicked cool. I am greeted with a warm smile from a dark haired woman in her early thirties, I am guessing. She has a purple streak in her bangs and she has full tattoo sleeves on both arms. Oh, I like her.
“Tess, how are you? It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“I am doing good, thank you. I have to say I love your style.” I gesture around the room.
“Thank you,” She smiles. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I was wondering if I can be assigned to another journalist, ma’am.” I try to keep eye contact and refrain from tearing up; God knows I have cried enough to last a lifetime.
“Is there a problem with Mr. Mitchell?” she asks.
Shit. I didn’t think about the reason why I am asking for a new partner. “No, he is fine, Mrs. Fuller. I would just like to work with someone new. Maybe get some new experience.” There, that seems okay, doesn’t it?
“I see. Well, I have a few journalists here, and one who could take you on. Katherine Potvin, I am sure she would be more than happy to work with you. I will contact her right away.”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
“Oh, Tess, before I forget…” She reaches into a drawer in her desk and pulls out a white envelope. “Here is a little advance, if all goes well we will discuss your payroll.”
I take the envelope and thank her once more. I look around all corners as I exit Mrs. Fuller’s office. As soon as I step foot back into reception, I find Pete sitting at his desk typing something into his tablet. His head pops up. Crap.
“Tess!” He stands to give me a little hug. “It’s been way too long since I have seen you. Loving the pink hair, by the way it is fabulous on you! What are you doing in here so early?”
I talk about the New York show photos.
“I know that Hun, I know every appointment and every meeting that goes on in here…” He trails off, but I can see there’s something else he was going to say.
“Every what?”
He looks down. “Every call.”
“What do you mean, every call?” I ask, almost knowing the answer.
Eying me sympathetically, “All the calls that I have to forward to Ben’s office… the ones he ignores and they come to my desk.”
“Nicole?” I can feel my throat closing up and the tears well up again. I was in a way hoping that the whole Nicole situation with Ben was a figment of my imagination, but now, hearing Pete tell me about the calls makes it that much more real.
“Yeah, you know about her then, I take it?” he asks.
“Unfortunately.”
His jaw drops and I can see actual hurt on his face. As little time as I have known Pete, I love him. He is so sincere and full of love and compassion. He has a thing for life and doesn’t care to keep the negative around. “
I am sorry love. But if it’s any consolation, he has been looking like shit these days.”
“What do you mean?”
He looks at the clock. “Well, if you stick around much longer you will see what I mean.”
I give Pete a little kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for the warning, I owe you one.”
“Here is my number, if you ever need to talk love.” He shoots me a blue Post-It.
I take it and I bolt for the stairs.
Erin’s condo is huge and decorated completely different than my small studio. Hers is full of creams and light blue accents. Clean and classic.
“What would you like to do tonight?” Erin asks.
I shrug. I still don’t want to get into the fact I know about her and Ben.
“Well, what do you say I run to the corner store and pick up a few pints of Ben and Jerry’s?”
She smiles when she sees my eyes light up.
“There’s my Tess. Something coffee-flavored, I assume?”
“You know me too well.”
By the time Erin gets back I am in my sweats and my favorite black T-shirt. She puts the brown bag down on the counter and pulls out four different pints. “What’d you do? Get every flavor they had?” I tease.
“Yes, actually.” She beams. “It’s a small store.” She laughs. “I tried calling you to give you an option, but when it went right to voicemail, I had to get one of each.”
“Oh, sorry about that. I haven’t turned my phone on much as of lately.”
Opening the pints and grabbing two spoons, she carries all of it to the living room and places it down on the coffee table. Sitting down next to her, she hands me a spoon.
“You have to face it sometime.”
“Can’t I just change my number?” I ask while taking a large spoonful of tiramisu-flavored ice cream.
Erin just gives me a no you most certainly cannot look.
“Oh.” I talk through a mouthful. “So, Caroline talked me into still standing for Gwen at the wedding.”
Private Show (The Private Series) Page 16