by L. A. Casey
Whenever he was close to me, all logical thought vanished.
“I make you nervous,” he said, and he sounded ... pleased.
“You drive me crazy,” I corrected. “You just kissed me.”
“I know.”
“Damien, you can’t just kiss me whenever you want.”
He got in my face. "Fucking watch me."
My limbs felt like jelly.
"Why did you kiss me?"
“I had to,” he said. “He kissed you last.”
Dante.
“No, he didn’t,” I said with a sigh. “Of all the things we did, kissin’ wasn’t one of them.”
Damien’s brow furrowed together as he took a step back.
“What does that mean?”
“Nothin’,” I answered. “I don’t want to talk about Dante.”
“He’s part of the talk, and you know it.”
I lifted my hands to my face and sighed.
“You have confused me even more than I already was,” I said, dropping my hands. “I thought you wanted to be friends?”
“Do friends kiss each other the way I just kissed you?”
I licked my lips, still tasting him.
“No,” I said softly.
“Then no, Alannah,” he growled, “I don’t want to be your friend.”
My heart pounded against my chest.
“I can’t offer you more than that.”
“Bullshit,” Damien clipped. “I felt the way you kissed me, and I see how you look at me. You want me; you’re just scared.”
“Just scared?” I repeated. “Damien, I’m fuckin’ terrified. Me only experience with you ended in disaster.”
He set his jaw. “I’m not the same person I was when I was eighteen.”
I lifted my chin. “Neither am I, and that is thanks to you.”
I turned and made for the exit, but Damien wasn’t having it. He grabbed my arm again, rounded on me, and placed his large, hard body between myself and the exit.
“No,” he quipped. “You’re done walking away from me when we’re talking.”
My mouth dropped open. “You’re givin’ me an order?”
“You bet your perfect ass I am.”
It was wrong to be so turned on by his show of dominance.
“I don’t take orders from you or any other man.”
“We’ll see,” he growled.
“We’ll see nothin’ because—”
“Because what?”
He was in my face again, but I couldn’t think.
“I don’t know!” I snapped. “I don’t know anythin’ when you’re this close to me.”
“And you say you can’t give me more?” he asked on a growl. “Your body knows who it belongs to; your brain just needs to catch up.”
That snapped me out of my haze.
“Me brain and body aren’t the ones callin’ the shots,” I quipped. “The heart that you broke is!”
Damien leaned back and looked down into my eyes.
“You know I’d give anything to change how I left things with you.” He placed his hands on my shoulders. “I know you know that.”
He had told me as much many times over the past year, but I always put it down to his guilty conscience.
“I don’t know what I know anymore,” I admitted, looking down. “Everythin’ is so messed up.”
Damien tipped my chin up until my gaze met his.
“We need to talk about everything. Just the two of us, babe.”
Babe.
I swallowed and nodded. “When?”
“Tonight,” he answered. “I’ll come by tonight.”
My heart pounded against my chest. “Okay.”
He released his hold on me and said, “I’ll walk you out.”
We left the back room then, heading out to the front where my car was ready and waiting. Alec and Kane walked into the shop at that exact moment, and I looked up at the ceiling, silently asking God why he hated me so much to put me in this situation.
“Your car is good to go, good lookin’,” Dante said from my right, gaining my attention.
He walked over to me, staring at me like I was the only person in the room, and before I knew it, I was staring at a person’s back instead of Dante’s face.
“That’s far enough, asshole.”
I closed my eyes the second Damien spoke, and in my heart, I knew what was about to happen.
“I’m gonna give you two seconds to step aside so I can talk to me girl real quick.”
Oh, God.
“Your girl?” Damien snapped, stepping forward, getting in Dante’s face. “She’s not fucking yours, you piece of shit.”
Aideen’s brothers were the only men I knew to all be as tall as the Slater brothers. Even as tall as Dante was though, Damien had two or three inches on him. I rushed over to Alec and Kane, who were just watching the lads like they were having a casual conversation.
“Do somethin’!” I demanded. “Right now!”
Kane glanced at me, then up to the lads again, dismissing me without a word.
I turned to Alec. “Please!”
“Not yet,” he answered without looking at me.
“I hate to break it to you, mate,” Dante quipped from behind me. “But she sure as hell isn’t yours!”
I sucked in a strangled breath as a dark cloud of what I knew was fury fell over Damien.
“Please,” I begged, rushing forward and squeezing between them. “Can we all just stop and breathe for a minute? This doesn’t need to end in violence.”
“No violence?” Alec repeated. “That doesn’t seem right.”
Kane snorted but kept his eyes trained on his future brother-in-law.
“Kane, do you think this is goin’ to sit well with Aideen?” I asked, hoping he would see reason. “Do you think she is goin’ to be understandin’ of you fightin’ ’er brother? Because you know you’re gonna fight ’im if he hits Damien.”
“I’m not going to fight,” he said with confidence. “I’ll just break it up if it pops off.”
“Mr Collins!” I hollered desperately for the only man who I knew would end this madness. “Mr Collins, sir!”
“He’s gone to lunch, good lookin’.”
“JJ!” I shouted, ignoring Dante. “Harley!”
“We’re ’ere, Alannah,” JJ answered from across the room. “But you need to move aside so they can sort out their differences, darlin’.”
“Fuck you, JJ!” I snapped. “And you, Harley. Neither of you speak to me again.”
“What about Gav?” Harley huffed. “He’s ’ere, and he’s not plannin’ on stoppin’ them either.”
“Fuck ’im, too!”
“Thanks a lot, dickhead,” Gavin grumbled to his brother. “Now she’s gonna ignore me when she sees me next. She’s not like Bronagh; she’s doesn’t hit me when I piss ’er off, she ignores me. Silence hurts way worse.”
I ignored them all and focused on the Collins brother who was causing me so much trouble. I shoved Dante’s chest with both of my hands, though the action didn’t make him stumble back like I’d hoped it would.
“Stop this, you’re eggin’ ’im on for no reason.”
“I have me reasons,” Dante replied to me but kept his eyes over my head as he stared Damien down. “Plenty of ’em.”
He was a lost cause, so I turned and looked up at Damien.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t fight, Damien.”
“He called you his when you’re not.”
“Well.” Dante chuckled. “She sure as hell isn’t yours, bud, or she wouldn’t have had been on my cock otherwise.”
Damien attempted to swing at Dante, but because I was directly in the middle of the pair, he stopped before I could get hurt. His eyes though … I had never seen anger like it dwell in them before.
“Just stop!” I screamed as I pushed Damien back by his chest. “Look at me!”
He did; his eyes dropped to mine, and they softened almost instantly.<
br />
“Please,” I begged him. “Don’t do this. I hate fightin’.”
The tension in his face slowly began to fade away.
“You better listen to ’er, Slater,” Dante sneered. “Otherwise, I’ll have to fuck up that pretty face of yours some more then talk to me girl.”
Dante had the audacity to slap my behind for no other reason than to start a fight by claiming I was his. Damien’s eyes hardened once more, and he moved around me so fast I barely had time to register it. I screamed as Damien and Dante collided, but thankfully, it only lasted maybe thirty or so seconds before all the lads pulled them apart. I hadn’t realised I was crying until the shouting stopped, and my cries could be heard.
“I said stop!” I bellowed. “I don’t want anyone to fight!”
Both Damien and Dante were breathing like enraged bulls and glaring at each other. Dante’s nose was gushing blood, but Damien wasn’t bleeding. He looked as if he faired better out of the pair of them. I wasn’t even sure if they heard a word I said, but I knew the others did because I received a frown from each of them.
“Ye’know what?” I said to pair of saps, sniffling. “Kill each other for all I care. I’ve bigger things to worry about than your poxy egos.”
I stormed forward, snatched my keys from Harley’s hand without a thank you, and headed for my car.
“Alannah!” Damien shouted. “Please, wait. I’m sorry! Baby, wait!”
I ignored him. I got into my car, started the engine, and pulled out of the garage. Driving in the direction of my parents’ house, I did nothing but cry. My chest was rising and falling rapidly, and my hands had a death grip on my steering wheel. I was furious and hurt. Always fucking hurt. When I pulled up outside my parents’ house, I was glad to see my da’s car wasn’t in the driveway. I was a bit early for dinner, but I didn’t want to go back to my apartment and sit by myself. Not after what just happened at the garage.
When I got out of my car, I locked it and headed inside my parents’ house. The sound of my ma singing from the kitchen brought a small smile to my lips. She was always happy and always looked on the bright side of everything. I wished I was more like her and didn’t dwell on the things that made me miserable.
“Alannah, is that you, hon?”
I hung my coat on the rack.
“Yeah, Ma, it’s me.”
“Brilliant,” she chirped. “You can help me with dinner. I just got the veggies chopped. Da just called, and he will be joinin’ us tonight. Isn’t that great?”
“Yeah,” I echoed. “Great.”
I leaned against the wall and resisted the urge to smack my head against it. I’d already endured an awkward conversation with Dante and Damien today, as well as watch a fight between the stubborn eejits, and now I had to sit through a dinner with my parents and pretend I didn’t know that my da was sleeping with another woman.
Mondays fucking sucked.
“Alannah?”
I looked up. “Huh?”
My ma smiled at me.
“Hon, I’m talkin’ to you.”
She is?
“Sorry, Ma,” I said with a forced chuckle. “I was miles away.”
She came to my side and nudged me. “Is it a man who’s got you thinkin’ so hard?”
I looked at her, and the second I saw her devilish smirk, I laughed.
“You’re such a child,” I teased as I diced the chicken breasts.
“That wasn’t an answer,” she said, waggling her brows.
I shook my head, amused.
“Yeah, it’s about a man,” I said then clarified. “Two men, actually.”
“Two?” Ma whooped. “Gerrup ow’ da.”
I put down the knife, leaned my head back, and laughed until my sides hurt. She rarely spoke in slang, but when she did, it cracked me up.
“It’s not as excitin’ as it sounds,” I assured her, still chuckling. “It’s actually the complete opposite.”
“Tell me everythin’.”
I was glad my ma was the type of mother that I could tell everything to, and for that reason alone, it killed me even more that I was keeping my da’s affair from her. I told her everything, but I couldn’t bring myself to put that on her shoulders. I’d rather it be my burden to carry than hers.
“Ye’know Damien Slater, right?”
“The little shite who took your virginity then up and fled the country when you were eighteen?”
My lips quirked. “Yup.”
“What about ’im?”
“I told you that he came back from America not long before Jax was born,” I added. “Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, what I haven’t told you is that he’s been tryin’ very hard to make up for what he did when we were kids. He’s been really nice to me and hasn’t done anythin’ to upset me. He’s given me space and has been an all-round gentleman.”
“But?”
“But.” I sighed. “I’m terrified that somethin’ bad will happen again if I let ’im in. The last time, we weren’t even a couple, and he really did a number on me. I’m scared that even bein’ just his friend will hurt because if he got with another woman ... it’d kill me.”
I couldn’t deny my romantic feelings for Damien anymore, not after the kiss we shared at his job. I knew that deep down I had always harboured feelings for him, but after we fell out and he left, my mind did everything possible to cover up those feelings. I guess I believed if I denied how I truly felt about him, then I would get over him.
That clearly hadn’t worked out too well.
“So, you don’t want to be Damien’s friend or anythin’ more because you’re scared of gettin’ hurt, but you also don’t want ’im to be with anyone else ... because that would also hurt you.”
I closed my eyes. “It sounds so stupid when you say it out loud.”
“It’s not stupid, hon,” Ma assured me as she wrapped her arm around my waist. “It’s just unfortunate that the person you care for is the person you’re also terrified can break you.”
I opened my eyes.
“I wish I could click me fingers and get over everythin’ ... it’s just so hard. A voice in the back of me head reminds me of how hurt I once was because of our actions when we were eighteen. What if I got over everythin’ and gave ’im a chance, and then everythin’ went wrong? I can’t imagine how much it’d hurt if I loved ’im and lost ’im. I get anxiety over it.”
“I understand that, and that worry is completely valid ... but it’s also no way to live your life. Worryin’ about somethin’ that may never happen is like takin’ a sip of poison each day. Nothin’ good will come from it. The only person you’ll be hurtin’ is yourself.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I know.”
“What about the other lad?” Ma asked as she reached down and smacked my behind.
I yelped as she went over and sat at the kitchen table.
“The other man.” I sighed. “Is Dante Collins.”
“Any relation to Aideen?”
“Oh, only ’er older brother.”
Ma whistled. “Well, you fucked up there, love.”
I shouldn’t have laughed, but I did.
“Want to know the worst part?” I quizzed. “I was with ’im in private, and no one knew about it except Dante’s brother Harley ’cause they’re each other’s soundboard, but everyone found out when I told Damien after he asked me out for lunch last week.”
“Oh, shite.”
“Oh shite is right.” I snorted. “I’m good with Aideen, though. I worked up the courage to speak to ’er about it this afternoon.”
“That’s good,” Ma said. “Why ’er older brother, though?”
“Well, Dante is exactly like Damien used to be. He doesn’t understand the word commitment, and he is way too handsome and charmin’ for his own good.” I continued to dice the food. “I wanted to see if I could have a purely physical relationship with ’im without developin’ an emotional attachment.”
“You did a sex test on the man?”
“Ma,” I groaned. “Don’t say it like that. You make it sound creepy.”
“Sorry.” She snorted. “Go on.”
“I just wanted to prove to meself that me age was the sole reason Damien affected me the way he did.”
“But you’re twenty-four now, and you still feel the same hurt over Damien, and the same attraction ... right?”
I grunted. “Right.”
“So, your age wasn’t the problem; you just had a strong connection with the lad.”
Another grunt. “I guess so.”
“So, your sex test with Dante really wasn’t all that necessary.”
“Ma.”
“What?” She chuckled. “I’m only sayin’.”
I shook my head.
“About the test, though,” she continued. “It wouldn’t really prove anythin’ unless the sexual subject was Damien. You can have sex with many men and leave them, but you wouldn’t be able to prove anythin’ unless you had sex with Damien and left ’im. He is the one who got you all tied up in knots in the first place, so you’d have to experiment with him to see if your theory was accurate.”
My mouth dropped open.
“That’s exactly what Bronagh said!”
Ma grinned. “I always said she was a bright girl.”
I shook my head. “I’m not havin’ sex with Damien just to prove a theory.”
“Why not?” Ma quizzed. “You had sex with Dante to prove it.”
She was a smartarse, but a smartarse who made total sense.
“That’s enough talkin’ about who I have sex with, thank you very much.”
Ma laughed, and it brought a smile to my face. I loved her laugh.
“It’s all so interestin’, though,” she continued. “Two men and only one of you.”
“It’s worse because Damien and Dante never really got on.”
“And now they hate each other?”
“Pretty much,” I said. “They fought today over me.”
“Hold on,” Ma said with a snap of her fingers. “So, you’ve be sleepin’ with Aideen’s older brother, and no one knew about it, but now everyone knows about it, and the man who you clearly have feelings for knows, and hates the older brother, and fought ’im over you?”
“Basically.”
Ma clapped her hands together. “This is like an episode of Maury!”