by Robin Roseau
"What are you doing?"
"Killing orcs. That one looks like Mrs. Franklin." I sat back down and began typing. "Sorry, remember I said life got weird? Weird just walked in. Well, sort of. Hot babe walked in."
"Can I watch?"
"Little shit."
"Whom are you talking to?" Claudine asked, standing over my shoulder.
"Some guy. I decided to try guys for a while. The sex is really weird. It seems to require a keyboard."
She put her hand on my forehead. "You're not feverish."
"Relax. I was bored." I shut the game down. "What are you doing here?"
"What? I'm not welcome?"
"Don't be ridiculous. You're going to get busted though."
"Don't care."
"I do. We have to let it play out. You have to go before I start pumping you for information."
"I know how I'd let you pump me." She made a rude gesture.
I snorted. "Stop that."
"Seriously," she said. "I have information for you. Are you going to torture it out of me, or do I have to tell you anyway?"
"You're in a good mood."
"I tell you what. We'll trade information."
"I don't want you getting into trouble, Claudine. Your grandmother has a wicked way of getting even."
"Hey, I know enough not to eat her brownies. Are you going to trade or not?"
"All right. What do you know?"
"Uh, uh. You're first. I want to know where my hug and kiss are."
I laughed, stood up, and opened my arms. She melted against me, and if the kiss was chaste, it was warm at the same time. We hugged for a minute.
"Hug me tighter," she whispered. "I can feel my resolve fading, fading... It wasn't my fault, Grandma Melanie. She was hugging me. I couldn't hold out any longer!"
"You goof."
She pushed away. "I hate to break the mood."
"We could skip the information trade and talk about that pumping you mentioned a minute ago."
"You had your chance. Hope has been looking at me with a gleam lately. I think I'm going to go visit her next."
"Uh huh. Wasn't Hope swooning over some guy the last time we got together?"
"She just hasn't met the right woman."
"Oh, you did not say that. Do you know how many times guys have tried that line on me?" I shook my head. "What's going on, Claudine."
She sighed. "The biddies want to see you."
"Then they can do what my last girlfriend used to do."
"What's that?"
"Sit in her car across the street and stare through a pair of binoculars, hoping for a view."
She laughed. "She did not!"
"You're right. It was two girlfriends ago. That girl was whacked."
She laughed. "Stop it."
"Okay, she only did it a couple of times, after we broke up."
"Funny."
"Totally serious," I said. "This was back in Portland, and it's hilly out there. There was a spot up the street that was just about level with my apartment windows."
"You're serious."
"Yep," I said.
"What did you do?"
"I gave her what she wanted. I undressed in front of the window, let her have a real good look, then held up a sign that said 'Stalker'. She wasn't really whacked, but she realized she was acting that way. She called me the next week and apologized."
"So is that what you'll do for the biddies? Give them a peep show then hold up a sign?"
"Why not?" I asked. "They've already seen everything, anyway."
"God, you looked hot up there, Blythe."
"I bet, but not a one of you decided to give me some... relief."
She groaned. "I considered it, but the table was in the way. I'd have had to crawl up on it, and the dignity in the room was so high, I just couldn't lower it."
We smiled at each other.
"We haven't really talked about that night," she said quietly. "I don't really understand."
"I don't, either. Not really. That message wasn't for me. Sylvia was right about that. It wasn't for anyone from our generation."
She cocked her head. "You're different, now."
"Not from that," I said softly. "From white marbles."
She sighed. "Yeah. Damn it. I like this Blythe, but..."
"I know. I'm turning into my grandmother. I don't like it."
"You're too young to not care what anyone thinks."
"I care what you think, Claudine. And Kiki and Opal and Judge Wren."
"Not Sylvia?"
"Sylvia doesn't see things the way we do," I replied. "I'm fascinated by the way she thinks, but I can't keep up with her."
"You're good for her," Claudine observed. "She's half in love with you. Hell, several of us are half in love with you."
"I don't get that. Okay, I actually get Sylvia. But I don't get the rest of you. I'm the girl you didn't like, Claudine." I paused. "And if the biddies win, it's going to be because they turned me into my grandmother. I don't think anyone will love me then."
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"For now? I'm going to continue to be my grandmother. After? I'm going to ask Opal to keep me for a few days. She'll tear me back down and then let me build back up the way I want to be."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I think so. Then we'll see." I looked her up and down pointedly.
"I don't think we're meant to be," she said softly, then turned away.
"We have one good, proper kiss in front of us," I said. "After that, I don't know."
"Sylvia?"
"Sylvia. Sylvia needs someone to take care of her."
"You take care of her."
"Yeah, but I like to be allowed to be the princess sometimes."
"I don't know what that means."
"A pillow princess," I said.
She made a "keep going" gesture.
"That's a lesbian term for someone who lets her partner do all the work."
"Oh," she said. "Oh. Like sex with a guy."
I laughed. "I wouldn't know."
"Lie on your back," she said, sort of splaying herself backwards, her face tilted to the ceiling, then she lifted her arms in the air. "And lift your legs. Pretend you like it."
"Stop it."
She lowered her eyes to mine. "I kid you not."
"Always?" I asked. "Like that?"
"No. Depends on the guy. Some like you on your knees. Pretend you like it."
"Claudine!"
"I think all my boyfriends have sucked, and not like you might suck," she said.
"You're serious."
"My sample size isn't that big."
"I tell you, I've never been near a guy, but even I know if that's what sex is like, it's the wrong guy. I guarantee that."
"Yeah, you're probably right." She paused. "One of 'em gave me an orgasm once. Surprised the crap out of me."
"What?" I screeched. "Jesus, Claudine, Opal can give me eight in a night, and I'm counting multiple orgasms as one. I'm not as good as she is, but I could give you two between now and when you go tell the biddies I said to fuck off."
"Wait. What? Multiple orgasms?"
I laughed.
"Now you're the one who is teasing again."
"Nope."
"Shit. You're serious."
"Yep. I'm not that good. I've done it, but not often."
"God, Blythe." She turned away for a minute, fanning herself.
I smiled and stepped up to her, putting a hand on her back. "Like I said, Opal will tear me down and then help me build myself back up."
She took several deep breaths. "Look, they're over at Grandma's. They want you to dress and come over. Um. Well, it was an hour. Now you have about half that."
"I don't come when they snap their fingers," I said.
She turned to me. "Please, Blythe. You have to."
"Actually, no, I don't."
"You said you were going to see this out. Going over there is seeing it out."
> "Going over there is putting myself under their thumbs."
"But-"
"Inviting them here tomorrow, on the other hand..." I smiled. "Yes. That will work. I don't think we need formal invitations. Handwritten will do." I grabbed her hand and pulled her to Grandma's writing desk in the parlor. I sat down. "Who am I inviting? Mrs. Shaffer, your grandmother, Mrs. Franklin of course."
"The judge. And Mrs. Everest. She might not come."
"That would be unfortunate."
I wrote six notes in total. For Mrs. Everest's, I added, "I sincerely hope you will be able to make it." I signed them all then showed her how two of them were different. "You'll make sure Mrs. Everest knows her note is different."
"She shouldn't be here," Claudine said, pointing to the last note. "She's not a biddy."
"Don't tell the others I invited her. And it's short notice. She might not come."
* * * *
I made brownies.
I even dressed.
And I left the gate open. I was just the epitome of welcoming.
They all came, one earlier than the others.
"Do you know what you're doing?" Opal asked.
"Winging it." I smiled. "I have a feeling if they hold my friends too tightly from me, they'll lose everything. So I don't need one single thing from them."
"I can't stand at your side for this. That will get their backs up."
"You stand with the judge," I said. "And I think Mrs. Everest."
"I can't advise you."
"You're not here for advice, Opal." I paused. "Later, when this is over, I'm going to need you for a while."
"I know. I'll take care of you. When you're ready for me."
"Thank you."
"We need to talk about Claudine sometime," Opal said.
"Yeah. Before, or after?"
"Maybe before. I'm not sure. And Kiki."
"Not Kiki," I said. "That's a conversation between Kiki and me."
"Maybe you're right," she agreed. "And it needs to be before."
"Yeah." I looked around the room. "I don't know where you should be when they get here."
"Let me worry about that," she said. "Do you know what you want from this?"
"No, but I know I wasn't going to get it on their turf. This is my turf."
"I think you know, but you don't know if you're hard enough to take it from them."
"Fuck."
"Yeah," she said. "The perfect sentiment for the situation."
We didn't talk after that. I finished setting the tableau. I thought about making them wait at the door, but I decided that was playing the game their way. I wasn't sure if Grandma would have made them wait. But I was going to use my manners the way she taught them to me. I was waiting by the door as two cars pulled into the circle.
I greeted the five of them, all quite properly, a smile, a kiss on the cheek, a warm word or two. And then I welcomed them into the house.
Judge Wren was last. She leaned down to whisper into my ear. "You're playing a dangerous game."
"I'm not playing a game at all," I said. "It's just that all of you are so accustomed to games, you see one where none is intended."
She leaned back, looked at me, then nodded.
Then I collected Mrs. Everest's arm, told her how pleased I was to see her, and inquired into her health. We babbled happily as I led the way to the parlor.
When we arrived, Opal was standing at the windows, looking out onto the lawn. The women froze, all except Mrs. Everest, who I kept moving forward.
"I was not aware this issue concerned you, Opal," said Mrs. Franklin.
"I wasn't aware there was an issue," I said. "I invited a few people to my home to express a lack of ill will. I presume my invitation was accepted with a similar sentiment."
I got them all settled, and then Opal took a seat near Judge Wren, and clearly quite separate from mine. I poured tea and shared brownies then leaned back, drinking my tea, but leaving my brownie on the coffee table before me.
"How is everyone today?"
Opal caught my mood about the brownies, and she wasn't touching hers, either. Instead, she was watching everyone else, her gaze slipping to me from time to time.
The brownies were absolutely harmless, but I wasn't ready to assure them yet.
The five of them were staring at the brownies though. But then the judge looked at me carefully, then at Mrs. Everest. And then she picked up her fork and began to eat.
I smiled.
"This is good, Ms. Todd," she said.
"It's nothing special," I said. "I'm afraid I used a box. I hope no one is offended."
The other four hadn't touched theirs, but the judge was taking looks for her bravery.
I shook my head, picked up my own plate and fork, and began to eat mine. "You four should be ashamed. They're just brownies. Do you really think I'd poison Mrs. Everest? God, I'd put her in the hospital! Is that the kind of woman you think I am?"
"We weren't sure how angry you are," said Mrs. Shaffer. She eyed her brownie carefully but finally took a bite.
I sighed. "I don't like the woman you're turning me into. I don't like her at all. Is this how my grandmother became so hard? Too many of these games?"
I finished my brownie, and by the time I did, Opal and the judge's plates were clean, and the other four were eating theirs.
I leaned back. "There's a great deal about my grandmother that I admire. And I miss her. But I don't want to become her." I looked at Mrs. Grafton. "It was a legitimate way to haze me. But it also took some of my innocence."
"I know," she said. "Loss of innocence is a part of maturity."
"Maybe so, but I don't want any more help on that path."
At that, she inclined her head.
"I don't want to ever look at a glass of wine, handed to me by a friend, and wonder if there's more than wine in it." I looked at Opal when I said that, and she nodded. She knew that was a request for more help.
The others didn't say a word.
"Well, it's been a pleasant afternoon so far. I believe you came here to say something to me."
"We did not intend an audience," Mrs. Shaffer said with a glance at Opal. "Why is she here?"
I sighed. "Why does this have to be back room cliché? She hasn't said anything to me, but I believe everyone knows why you're here but me."
"I'm a proud woman," Mrs. Franklin said.
"Ah." That I could understand. I shook my head. "I really don't understand what any of you want. I'm not letting myself back under your thumbs. You're going to turn me into someone I don't want to be. Do you understand that?"
"I remember your grandmother when she was your age," Mrs. Everest said. "Hell, I remember her when she was half your age." She shook her head. "You are the spitting image of her, Blythe, in appearance and demeanor. When you wear her gowns... and sitting in this room..." She shook her head again. "She was so full of life, just like you. She was so sweet, and so giving of herself."
"What happened?"
"The Order happened," Mrs. Everest said. "Don't get me wrong. Most of what we do is for the best. People have careers they could never have had. We make the community a better place. But we make people hard in the process."
"The Order turned my grandmother into someone her own children couldn't live with," I said. "My mother lived on the streets for a while instead of living with her. I don't want to become that person." I sighed. "Let's all drink our tea, talk about the weather, and bid each other adieu. Then you can go tell my friends they are allowed to be my friends."
"It's not that simple," said Mrs. Franklin.
"Of course it's that simple. It's only complicated because some of you want to make it complicated."
"It's not that simple," said Mrs. Franklin. "There's been a call for a vote, and it's come from enough people we have to honor it."
"A vote."
"They want me out. Either I deliver you into the order, or I'm out. And I know I'm going to lose that vote. It won't be unanimou
s, but it will be overwhelming. There are people in this room who will vote against me, and I don't even blame them."
I stared. I'd wondered, but I didn't think it would actually get to that. I looked away, then decided that wasn't enough. I climbed to my feet and moved to the window, replacing Opal from her position earlier. I stared outside for a while.
"Before you arrived," I said. "Opal asked me if I knew what I wanted. I told her I didn't. Then she said she thought I might, but she wasn't sure if I had grown hard enough to take it."
I turned back to face them. "I have," I said. "But that isn't the person I want to be. Give me back my friends, and I'll ask them to withdraw the vote."
"It won't be enough," Opal said quietly. "Some might honor your request, but if there's a vote, they're going to vote against her."
"Are you one of my friends calling for a vote?"
"No. And I'm trying to stay outside the fray. I think I'm here for other reasons. But I know how I'm going to vote, if it comes to it, and so does everyone else in this room."
"The Order does good work," said the judge. "There are politics. You can't put three people in a room and not have politics. And we're powerful women. All of us. Sylvia puts a red marble in a hat, and it changes the nature of the universe. But the Order does good work. Do you want it to destroy itself?"
"That's hyperbole."
"I don't think it is," said Mrs. Shaffer. "If you don't join, at least a third of the members are going to resign and form a splinter group. That's a mistake. We need to be united. It can't be two groups of women competing with each other. We have the world against us, Ms. Todd. Hopefully you see that."
"More than a third," said Opal. "I think. Maybe some will take the safe route. I haven't been able to judge everyone."
"Opal is right," said the judge.
"So, what?" I asked. "I join the fold like a good little sheep, and put myself back under your thumbs? I give up everything I am for this? No. I won't do it. I won't lose more of myself than I already have. Give me another option."
"I never tried to hurt you," said Mrs. Franklin.
I lifted an eyebrow. "I had just spent hours dangling from the ceiling. I came down and was sobbing. It took another hour to calm me down. And fifteen minutes after that, you gave me four white marbles. Who does something like that?"
And then I caught Opal's expression, and I stared at her. And that was when I knew whom the message was for, and what the message was. She caught my gaze, and I nodded to her.