by Robin Roseau
Renee Cooper was standing in the middle of the room, clearly speaking, but her back stiffened, and then she turned to look at me.
As did every other pair of eyes.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced at it. "Just in time. They were about to demand a vote."
I smiled and looked around. Kiki was practically bouncing out of her dress, and several of my other friends looked nearly as pleased.
At the head of the room, if that was the right term, sat the judge, Mrs. Grafton, Mrs. Shaffer, Mrs. Franklin, and Opal. So they hadn't gotten to the good parts yet.
"I'm sorry to interrupt," I said. "I hear there is to be a vote."
Mary Ellen stood up. "Was she invited?"
"Yes," said Mrs. Franklin. "She certainly was."
"Excellent," Mary Ellen said, sitting down. "I look forward to the vote."
I bowed my head to her.
"I was stalling for her, wasn't I?" Renee Cooper asked.
"Yes, Mrs. Cooper," said Mrs. Shaffer. "But you know the park projects are valuable to us, and we appreciate your update."
"If you want more, see me later," she said, and she hurried to her seat.
"Well, Ms. Todd," said the judge. "You certainly make an entrance. You look enchanting this evening."
I offered a curtsey. "Thank you, Judge Wren." Then I moved towards my right, accepting a tight, tight hug from Kiki and an easier hug from Liah. I nodded to my other friends. We could greet properly later.
"Well," said Mrs. Franklin. She climbed to her feet. "There is to be a vote. It will not be the vote you expect. I hate to disappoint you."
The muttering began immediately. I was going to let the judge handle it, but she turned to me.
"Let her speak," I said softly. Not everyone heard me, but the closest did, and they turned to face me.
"Speak up, Ms. Todd," called the judge in her best courtroom voice.
"You are not a rabble," I said, raising my voice. "You are the Order of Circe, and a revered member of this order wishes to speak. Let her speak."
"But-"
"Let her speak." I turned to Mrs. Franklin. "You were saying?"
There was a little more muttering, but then eyes returned to her.
"I'm an old woman," she said. "I have served the Order and our community for most of my life. I have tried to always make the right choices. I would like to believe I succeeded most of the time. But I have failed from time to time, too, and at times, my failures have hurt people who never deserved to be hurt."
And at that point, any final muttering ended.
"I am an old woman," she repeated. "I wish to enjoy my fading years. It is time to step aside. Oh, not entirely. I wish to remain in the Order. I wish to continue to help serve our community. I think my heart would shrivel like my skin has, if I couldn't continue to serve."
She brushed a tear aside. Then she turned to the council. "I have tendered my resignation to the council, effective from this moment. They have accepted, and have agreed to return me to a full member of the order, with all the rights and responsibilities -- and only those rights and responsibilities -- thereof. I want to thank the council." Then she turned back to the rest of us. "And I wish to thank all of you for your support these many years. It is time to step aside for the leaders of today. I represent a leader of our past."
They were stunned, and no one spoke. And then the judge and Opal both looked at me, and I nodded.
I pried my arm from Kiki's grasp, smiled at her, then walked around the seated women to step up to Mrs. Franklin.
"I am not a member of this order," I said. "But like you it has been a major part of my life, even though I didn't know it. I hope everyone here understands the debt you are owed for your decades of service to the Order, to our community, and to the women here, past, present, and future." And then I kissed her on the cheek.
I stepped away, returning to Kiki. "You knew," she whispered.
I didn't comment.
Some of the other women thanked Mrs. Franklin, some hugging her, some whispering to her. Then she asked for a seat, and Claudine immediately stood, offering hers. She moved to stand beside me.
"The council hopes to fill the vacancy shortly," said Mrs. Shaffer, standing up. She looked around. "You know. I had a speech planned." But she looked at me. "I wonder if we could just skip ahead."
I smiled, walked around the room, and kissed her cheek. By the time I'd led her to a seat, Sylvia had vacated it.
Again I returned to Kiki's side, wedging my way between her and Claudine. I received an arm around my shoulders from one, around my waist from the other.
"How much of this did you do?" Claudine whispered into my ear. I smiled and said nothing.
The judge stood. "Well. I had a speech, too, but Ms. Todd said everything I wanted to say." But she walked over to first Mrs. Shaffer, then Mrs. Franklin, and kissed one hand from each. Then she straightened and looked at me.
"Oh no."
"We need your words, Ms. Todd."
"I'm not even a member!"
"Get up here."
I sighed, and the judge sat down again.
"I don't have any words."
"Yes, you do."
"Pushy, pushy, pushy. Fine." I looked around. "I have one word. Healing." And then, yet again, I walked back to Kiki and Claudine.
Shaking her head, the judge stood back up again. "Concise."
I inclined my head.
The judge looked around. "I would prefer we drop the requested vote. I don't know if our bylaws allow us to do so."
"Screw the bylaws," I said. "You vote them out, and I'll walk."
"Crude, Ms. Todd," she said. "Very crude."
"Oh please," I said. I sighed dramatically. "If anyone wants to hold this vote, stand up and declare yourselves. If no one is brave enough to stand up, then perhaps we can move on."
The judge shook her head, but some of the women snickered, and then several of them began clapping. Soon the entire room was clapping, and they continued until the judge held up a hand.
"I believe I agree with Ms. Todd. If you want this vote, stand up and show the courage of your convictions. Otherwise we are moving on, as she has suggested."
Of course, not a single woman moved.
"Excellent." She set her eyes on me. "I do enjoy your input, Ms. Todd."
I smiled sweetly.
"We have two council positions to fill. Wilba Everest's position will remain open for the immediate future." She moved back to her seat. "Mary Ellen Hankins, front and center."
"What?"
The judge didn't answer but simply waited. Finally Mary Ellen moved forward, taking a place in front of the council.
"Ms. Hankins, the council has considered a number of replacements to fill the fresh vacancies. Your name was the first mentioned and received full support. Will you fill this seat with integrity and dedication?"
Mary Ellen's mouth opened and closed several times. Then she looked around. "I am uncomfortable with this process."
"Excuse me?"
"You ask me to serve as a leader for these 26 women."
"25," I called out.
"You hush," she said, turning to me. "And you are coming to see me on Monday. Do you hear me?"
I smiled.
She turned back to the council. "Leadership is earned."
"You have earned it."
"The people being led deserve a voice."
"They had one," said the judge.
"Whom?"
"Me," I said.
"You hush," she said, turning around again. "You're not even a member."
I smiled again.
She turned back. "A full vote. Two thirds blue, and I'll accept."
"Screw that," I called. "I don't want to stand here while we count marbles. My feet hurt already. If you want Mary Ellen Hankins to sit down next to the judge, stand up."
Everyone in the room stood, some more rapidly than others. And then nearly everyone crowded around her, hugging her and all speaking
at once. I couldn't see past everyone, so I remained hiding in back. It took a while, but the judge pulled the meeting back into order. Mary Ellen remained standing.
"Well, Mary Ellen. What say you now?"
"I will serve," she said. "Thank you for your support."
The judge patted a chair. "Alice Hart," she called out. "Front and center." The doctor climbed from her seat looking rather confused. The judge gave a speech similar to the one for Mary Ellen, then asked if she will serve.
"You can't ask me that," she said. "Maybe Mary Ellen's vote was unanimous, but mine wouldn't be."
"You are perhaps right," said the judge. "And yet, we ask regardless." Then she pointed at me. "Hush. If we're voting, this needs to be marbles."
"Fine," I said. I walked over to the table, grabbed a bright, blue marble, held it up, and then dropped it into the hat.
"You're not even a member," said the judge.
"Then you know to pull out one blue marble when you do the count," I said.
The doctor was staring at me. "I would like to know how my name came to be mentioned."
I smiled. "Are you asking me?"
"I think perhaps I am."
"I couldn't say how it was mentioned. However, I distinctly remember writing it down on a piece of paper, immediately below Mary Ellen's, and then handing that piece of paper to the judge. Perhaps she came to some sort of conclusion from that act."
"Why? Why me?"
"Because I bet you don't want it," I said.
"So you expect me to decline?"
"No. I expect you to serve with distinction, integrity, and honor."
She stared at me before finally giving her answer. "I wish a vote in our usual fashion, but I also ask for a two thirds vote. I do not want this position. I do not covet it. I certainly do not ask for it. But if this group wishes me to lead, as best I am able, I will do so."
The vote was close. The judge removed the first blue marble, setting it aside, and when she was done, the vote was short one half blue marble. Everyone sat quietly. The judge picked up my marble and stared at it. Then she dropped it into the martini glass with the other blue marbles.
"If anyone wishes to object," she said quietly, "we can conduct a second vote in another 15 minutes." She paused, but no one spoke. "The vote passes. Welcome to the senior council, Doctor."
"I will serve," the woman replied, "to the best of my abilities."
"Thank you, Doctor. Please, can we all congratulate Doctor Alice Hart?"
She worked the room, and I think that was intentional, finally coming to me. "You and I will be talking," she said.
"I look forward to it," I said. "How is your garden?"
She shook her head before moving off.
Beside me, Kiki leaned in close. "Ass kicker."
"Damned right," I said. I turned to her. "I need to talk to you, after."
Her face fell, but I caressed her cheek. "No. It's good. Okay? Trust me."
"All right. Slumber party?"
"No. Not yet. Well, maybe. I don't know. A little more to do here."
"Right. A little more to do."
The judge managed to get everyone back to her seat, and then she stood, then paused. "No. I am not the right woman for this. Opal, would you, please?"
They traded places, and Opal called out. "Ms. Blythe Suzanna Montgomery Todd. Front and center."
I smiled, tore myself away from Kiki, and moved to stand in front of her. Claudia shoved a stool at me, and I laughed, sitting down on it.
"You know," said Opal. "I don't know what to say about this woman. She makes me ache."
I smiled.
"You know, I'm not going to say any of the things I might say. Everyone here knows everything by now. We wish to consider you for membership in the Order of Circe. Before we vote, do you have anything to say for yourself?"
"No."
"Really?" Opal said. "Everyone wants a speech from you."
"No they don't. These are powerful women. They have better things to do than listen to me prattle. Call the damned vote."
Behind her, the judge was talking quietly to Mary Ellen and Doctor Hart. I saw the questions go back and forth, and then they both nodded.
"Go ahead, Opal," the judge said. "As discussed."
"As discussed?" I said. "You better-"
"Quiet," said Opal. She leaned down and whispered. "I can steer this vote any way I want, and if you don't want to be an initiate for the next five years, you will shut your mouth."
I shut up.
She smiled and patted my cheek.
"The council has voted," she said, straightening. "We are agreed. The vote will be as follows. A white, black, or red marble have their usual meanings. A green marble is a vote to make Ms. Todd a junior member of the Order of Circe. And a blue marble is a vote to instill her as a full member."
"No."
"Hush, you. I have my tongue trap, and I will use it."
I stuck my tongue out at her, and damn, but she wasn't bluffing! And she was fast besides. She had it snapped in place before I could react, and the room roared in laughter.
"And don't touch it."
"This is unseemly," I tried to say, but I'm fairly sure no one understood me. However, I earned more laughter.
"Ms. Todd, nod or shake your head. Will you accept the decision of the women in this room?"
I nodded my head.
"That stays until the voting is complete. Nod your head."
I nodded my head.
"There are 25 votes," she continued. "It requires 13 blue marbles for Ms. Todd to be considered a full member." Then she called for the vote. I sat still, and Opal took her time collecting the results.
The vote was close. There wasn't a single white or black marble. I received one red marble, 11 green marbles, and 13 blue marbles.
Opal smiled as she dropped the 13th blue marble into Doctor Hunt's martini glass.
Then she stood and came to a stop in front of me. "Welcome, Ms. Todd, as a full member of the Order of Circe."
I mumbled at her and pointed to the tongue trap.
"Not yet," she said. "Do you agree to keep that until I remove it?" I nodded slowly. "May I consider that a promise?" I nodded again. "Good. And you promised to honor the votes of these women tonight."
I immediately began protesting, and a second clamp appeared in her fingers, this one with little spikes, and I knew what she'd used on my tongue before. I grew still, staring at it.
"I believe we are clear, are we not, Ms. Todd?"
I nodded frantically.
"Good. This next vote will be controversial. The candidate herself has vigorously turned down the council. She does not covet a position of authority, and she has legitimate concerns what power could do to her. I understand these concerns. But one final position on the council remains unfilled, and the council would invite Ms. Todd to fill it."
I began shaking my head, but I didn't make a sound.
Opal stepped away from me. "Wilba Everest served as a moderating influence on the council. She, like Ms. Todd, never coveted power. She, like Ms. Todd, has a heightened sense of right and wrong. The council requires someone like Wilba -- or Ms. Todd -- in that position."
She looked around. "However, she is a new member, and asking her to fill the role is controversial. And she won't take it with the pressure the council is willing to apply. She might accept if it is the choice of this group."
Opal moved around the room a little. "Frankly, I don't know if it's fair to ask this of her. I am not going to advocate one position or another. However, I am also not going to open this for discussion. A red marble to vote no. That is not a vote against Ms. Todd. That is a vote to give her time to grow accustomed to the idea, and we'll ask again, or perhaps another candidate will come to light, but I do not believe so. A blue marble to vote yes. Any other color is an abstain. Two thirds is required. Please vote now."
I stared straight ahead, but when Opal looked at me, I pointed to the tongue trap and made a pr
aying gesture. She nodded, stepped forward, and removed it, then leaned down. "I want you," she whispered. "God, I enjoy doing that do you."
I laughed. "You may have me, but I'm too raw to play tonight. I need your help. Can you take me somewhere?"
"Where?"
"Anywhere you can play. And play. And play."
"And you can heal."
"I can rebuild, and heal. Give me back my innocence. Can you do that?"
"Only some, Blythe. You know that."
"You shouldn't have done this."
"We must."
"You should have made me an initiate."
"Is that what you wanted?"
"I don't know. But this vote is too soon. Some are going to vote yes for the wrong reasons."
"And some will vote no for equally wrong reasons. But you'll accept the outcome."
"I'll accept the outcome," I agreed.
And a minute later, she collected the hat.
Autumn
Fall arrived, and it was lovely.
I looked around the room. I looked around the room at all these women, dressed in their gowns, their necks and ears glittering with color, their eyes bright. And I felt blessed to be in this room.
Opal almost caught me napping. She called my name and asked me to make my report. I stood up, moved to the center of the room, and looked around.
"These recommendations are preliminary," I said. "I'm going to outline things we know, and things we need to consider, and then the recommendations of the Initiation Process Committee."
I then laid out the current process. Everyone was well aware. I discussed the history, and I discussed the stress to the candidates. I explained how the stress will hit different candidates differently, and offered examples of mitigating conditions.
And then I offered our recommendations. I finished by saying, "We believe the process should largely continue with only minor changes. We believe it should be very rare that a candidate should skip over the initiation process. We believe it is unlikely the process can achieve all the goals if it is rushed. We believe the hazing process serves a good purpose, in spite of the occasional juvenile nature of the hazing."
I looked around the room. "We have recommendations. I do not believe we should vote on them at this time. I believe we should consider them. Discuss them. But I believe we need to make some changes before we invite our next member. And I believe we should test the process with someone who can take it if we make mistakes. I do not believe we should make every change proposed tonight. We should make some. Questions?"