‘Look at her!’ I shouted and pointed at the floor. ‘Does she look like a man? Did she get up and push you back, as a physical equal?’
Zak’s cheeks flushed red but he wouldn’t meet my gaze. ‘Not my problem if he’s a coward as well,’ he muttered.
‘She’s been on hormones for ages, you idiot. Had the surgery. She has no more testosterone than me.’ I wiped tears away with my arm.
‘Would you behave like that with Jenny or Chanelle?’ snapped Noah.
‘Of course not,’ he said, sulkily.
‘Good thing, because I am not as tolerant as Elle and would have probably shoved you back.’ I shook my head. ‘And you talk about role models. You disgust me.’ I turned away from him as Noah helped Elle to her feet.
‘Come on,’ said Noah. ‘Let’s get you away from this creep and clean up that face.’
Elle’s eyes were wet but she stood firmly opposite Zak. ‘I hope that made you feel better,’ she said in a wavering voice. ‘Made you feel like a man.’
He snorted. ‘And you’d know what that feels like, wouldn’t you? Bet you regret rejecting your masculinity.’
She swallowed. ‘You can’t reject something you’ve never had. You know, when I was a small child, I used to sit in the bath and try to push bits of me back into my abdomen. I knew they didn’t belong, and that I didn’t belong in that body.’
Zak grimaced. ‘I don’t want the sordid details, thank you.’
‘Why? It’s only natural to fear the unknown. The more you know the better. You need to educate yourself – for your daughter’s sake.’
He snorted again. ‘I don’t fear you. I fear what you could do to her.’
‘Why? I’m a heterosexual, adult woman.’
‘Your gender is a matter of opinion.’
Elle’s voice broke. ‘Well at least we agree on one thing, then – yes, this is about my gender and nothing to do with sex.’
A muscle flinched in Zak’s face and he fiddled with his watch.
‘When I sat in the bath as a small child, I wasn’t thinking about what that part of my body could do. I was wishing I could wear a pretty swimming costume without a bulge in the front.’
‘I’m not listening to any more of this,’ muttered Zak, although Elle’s comment about gender had extinguished some of his fire.
‘Just get the hell out of here,’ hissed Noah, ‘whilst we decide whether to have you charged with assault.’
‘That wouldn’t serve your custody hearing very well, would it?’ I stared at him.
‘Don’t threaten me,’ said Zak.
I glared. ‘I’m simply stating a fact. You’re the one who’s been issuing threats and ultimatums.’
‘Yeah, well if you don’t move out within the week, my so-called threat will become a promise.’ He scowled again and turned on his heels. The front door slammed behind him. Elle shook off Noah and made her way into the kitchen. She sat at the pine table and her face crumpled. A sob escaped her lips.
‘Oh, Elle.’ I knelt down beside her and slipped an arm around her waist. ‘He’s not worth it. Honestly. Don’t let him upset you like this.’ Good thing I didn’t have a temper. I could have easily run after Zak and pummelled him to a pulp. Or tried to.
Noah lifted a first-aid box down from a cupboard. His face looked angry and pinched.
‘But it won’t be just him,’ she said and let out another sob. ‘I’ve got this for the rest of my life. And I’ll probably never find a partner who loves me for who I am.’ She gulped. ‘Haven’t I been through enough?’ Her body shook. ‘The surgery was painful but that was the easy part. The rejection, the insults – that all hurts much, much more.’
I made her look at me. ‘Elle. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Noah and me are here for you. And the people who make nasty comments won’t just have it in for you – it won’t be personal. They are probably anti everyone who’s different from them – blacks, immigrants, and gays. Which almost makes them the minority, if you take our population as a whole.’
She sniffed. ‘People just don’t like change or anything that challenges their world view.’
‘Let me clean you up,’ said Noah and stood by her side with an antiseptic wipe.
‘I can look after myself,’ she said, stubbornly, and took the wipe. ‘Honestly. Must be these ruddy hormones.’ She half-smiled through her tears. ‘Normal service will resume soon.’
Noah took back the wipe. ‘Remember all those times you looked after me?’ he said in the gentlest of voices. ‘Now don’t be so bloody proud.’
As he carefully removed the blood, I wondered what sort of mess Noah had been in before.
‘So tell us,’ said Elle, her tone just a little shaky half an hour later, as she sipped a sugary cup of tea in the garden. ‘What was Zak talking about when he ordered you to move out?’
I exhaled. ‘Yesterday morning. He’d heard about you. He issued an ultimatum. Said if I didn’t find somewhere else to live, he’d get his lawyers to petition for him being April’s primary carer.’ I sighed. ‘He’s not really a bigot. Not deep down. He just hasn’t been himself since his mum died.’
‘What will you do?’ said Noah and put down his mug.
‘Nothing. No court is going to hand him that simply because one of my housemates is transgender. Imagine the uproar! He’ll need something more concrete than that.’
‘You can use his violence against Elle.’
‘I really don’t want it to become a slinging match – for April’s sake.’ I didn’t want anything to ruin her new-found happiness – and happy she was, when she eventually cycled into the garden, after visiting Tom.
‘Bath and bed, Missy,’ I said and bent down to give her a hug.
She yawned. ‘Okay, Mummy. Can Tom and Lizzie come to tea this week?’
I glanced at Noah and Elle.
‘You don’t need to ask us,’ said Noah and smiled. ‘Any day is fine.’
It was true. We mostly had the same routine every night. Eating together. Watching TV. Reading and chatting. Apart from Monday evenings when Noah went out. I mentioned I’d seen him once going to church.
‘Well, he has to, with a name like his,’ Elle had said, whilst Noah had smiled and winked.
April looked at Elle and walked over. She clambered onto her knee. ‘What’s happened to your face?’
Elle’s cheeks tinged pink. ‘I fell over. Think I broke the green lampshade.’
‘You know what Mummy says makes everything better?’ said April and leant forward to kiss Elle’s cheek.
Her eyes glistened as my daughter pulled away. April bit her top lip.
‘Sorry about letting out your secret,’ she said. ‘Tom’s mum says everyone’s different and no one should stick their nose into your business.’
‘Don’t worry, poppet. You might have done me a favour. It’s hard work hiding things.’
April’s eyes widened. ‘Did you always know you were a girl?’
Elle nodded.
‘Sometimes secrets seem really, really big until you tell someone,’ said April. ‘And then they kind of shrivel a bit. Like a popped balloon. Out in the open they aren’t as big as in your head.’
‘When did you get so wise, sweetheart?’ I said, astonished. ‘Come on, let’s get you bathed,’ I said gently.
Elle gave April the thumbs-up. ‘How about you teach me another song tomorrow after school?’
‘Cool! Beyoncé has just released an amazing single.’
Later that night, as April lay in bed, I kissed her on the forehead. ‘You know what you said to Elle earlier, about big secrets? Have you ever had one? Because you can always talk to me.’
April looked away. ‘I did have one. I told it to Tom last week.’
I raised an eyebrow.
‘His mum told him he shouldn’t take my cake any more at lunchtime. That it was for me to eat.’
‘And was that your secret – that y
ou were giving food away?’
‘Kind of. You see …’ She sat up. ‘You won’t get cross, will you, Mummy?’
‘No. Not if you tell me the truth. As long as you are honest, we can always work things out.’
She glanced away for a second and then looked back. ‘I know you worry about my weight. I was trying to diet at Oakwood Towers because all my friends there said people grow up ugly if they aren’t thin. But with my new friends, all that stuff doesn’t seem so important.’
‘Is that why you’d been giving your cake away?’
She looked down at her hands. ‘Yes, but also … I thought if I stayed thin and you and Daddy were worried about me, you might get back together.’ She met my gaze. ‘But Tom said it doesn’t work like that. He has a cousin called Jack who had cancer like Granny. That caused Jack’s parents to argue all the time and they ended up divorced, even though they had ginormous worries about him.’
I leant forward and we hugged tightly for several moments. ‘So you won’t give your cake away any more.’
‘I’ll really try.’
*
Noah in my bed. Zak losing his temper. Elle’s hurt. April’s confession.
It had been quite the weekend, I thought, as I sat up late in the kitchen, sketching different outfits. I’d forgotten what a stress buster it was to lose myself in creating. It allowed me not to think about where I would be this time next week – not just emotionally but physically. I paused and focused on reality for just a minute. Would Zak carry out his threat?
One thing I knew for sure, after the inspiring self-awareness both Elle and April had displayed today: I alone had the power to change my life. All I had to do was be brave enough to try.
Chapter Twenty
‘When are you coming in for that free blow job, Elle?’ said Steph and leant on the glass counter.
We all fell about laughing. A couple of customers pulled faces. Everyone else who knew our local hairdresser smiled, unsurprised at her joke.
‘Well Elle usually doesn’t work on Wednesdays,’ said Noah. ‘She shouldn’t be here now. So how about his afternoon? I’m guessing Wednesday is less busy for you too.’ He gave one of his charming smiles, completely back to his bright and breezy self following the healing of his foot. The downside of that was me having to get up early for our daily jog. I’d like to say I felt fitter, but my legs still ached after half an hour pounding concrete.
‘I can talk for myself, thanks,’ said Elle and smiled at Steph. ‘This afternoon would be good. Thanks very much.’
‘Fab. I’m thinking of branching out into nails. Elle, you could be my guinea pig.’ She picked up her takeaway cappuccino and glanced at her watch. ‘Shall we say three o’clock?’
‘Cheers,’ said Elle. ‘That would be really great.’
‘I’m thinking chocolate brown to match that great hair colour of yours,’ said Steph and raised her cup before leaving the shop.
Elle, Noah, and I glanced at each other.
‘She’s been really sweet and supportive,’ said Elle. ‘She stopped me in the road yesterday and asked how I was doing – said to ignore the whisperers behind my back. Do you know she’s fifty-eight?’
I gasped. ‘Blimey. She wears that well.’
‘Said she sometimes gets snide comments, because of her false eyelashes and tan. She even had Botox last month. She was quite open about it. She told me to stuff the haters. You only live once and you should follow your heart.’
Talking of haters …
Okay. He had apologised and perhaps to class him as a hater was unfair. But our jaws dropped as Postie walked in. It was the first time since last Saturday. We thought, despite his email, Postie couldn’t face coming back. Noah stood more upright and set his mouth in a straight line.
‘We don’t want any trouble,’ he said to him.
Elle glared at Noah. ‘I can fight my own battles, thank you,’ she hissed. ‘What is it with you today?’
I smiled. The fact was he cared – perhaps a bit too much, at times, but it made my heart swell.
Postie put down his shoulder bag. ‘My usual, please,’ he said. Then he bent down and rummaged in his bag before pulling out a cube-shaped cardboard box and handing it to Elle. She glanced at Noah and then opened it and pulled out a white mug with a picture of a hammer on one side. On the other side it said: ‘Sorry for being a tool’.
Postie gave a sheepish smile. ‘Louise found it on the internet. I didn’t want to come in until it arrived. And I figured a barista could never have enough mugs.’ His cheeks turned ruddy. ‘The wording is a bit crude but I hope it gets the message across – that I’m sorry for being a complete idiot.’
Elle looked from the mug to Postie and then back to the mug. ‘Well, I am always won over by presents. And I can tell a lot of thought went into this.’ She smiled and stretched out her hand. Postie hesitated before shaking it and then turned to Noah and me. ‘I understand if you don’t want my custom any more. This online dating malarkey – I’ve decided to ditch it. It’s not a natural way to meet people and is driving me crazy in the head.’ His cheeks turned purple and perspiration appeared on his brow. He glanced at Elle. ‘Not that I’m anti … You see … It was such a shock, what happened to me.’
‘It’s okay,’ she said softly. ‘You probably reacted no differently to the way any other man would have. That’s why …’ a tide of red swept up her neck ‘… I’ve decided transparency is the way to go – with a little help from April spreading the news.’
‘It takes a certain type of person to admit they’re wrong,’ I said and patted Postie’s arm.
‘Forget it,’ said Noah. ‘Let’s move on.’
He let out a long sigh. ‘Thanks. I’ve come to value your company over recent months – all of you. Since my divorce. It’s great having a chinwag with my morning coffee.’ He glanced at me. ‘Louise says you’re struggling to work out how to fulfil April’s third wish on that list of hers.’
I nodded. ‘Yes. Next up is helping her to find treasure at the top of Rainbow Mountain.’
He pulled a face. ‘The latest teen romance film?’
I nodded.
‘If you need help setting up a treasure hunt, I’m your man, after years of working with the Cubs.’
‘I’ll bear that in mind. Thanks!’ I gave him the thumbs-up and finally Postie’s shoulders relaxed. His usual twinkly eyes returned when he and Noah started discussing a recent international cricket match.
*
‘I didn’t think you were going to forgive him,’ I said to Noah, later that afternoon when Elle left for the hairdresser’s. He and I sat at a table eating toasted chicken tikka paninis after the lunch rush.
A smear of tikka sauce stuck to the corner of his mouth and my instinct was to kiss it away. Like lit fireworks about to explode, my nerve endings still fizzed in his presence.
‘Everyone deserves a second chance,’ he said. I met his tawny make-love-to-me eyes and wondered if he knew I was mentally undressing him. But I didn’t want to jeopardise our friendship. Okay, I did. Because every time I saw him I wished that tender mouth was kissing my throat, my neck, my …
I took a glug of cold water and bit into the panini. Sometimes it was hard being sensible. But I wasn’t Zak. Nor Chanelle. They’d proven how dangerous it was to let your hormones direct your destiny.
‘This third wish of April’s … I have an idea of how to fulfil it,’ he said.
‘You know I want to come up with the answers myself.’
‘Stop being so stubborn! You’ve only got two days.’
I groaned. ‘Good point.’
‘How about I just give you a clue.’
‘Okay.’
‘Did you read that bestseller last year – The Ever-changing Seasons?’
I grimaced. ‘Yes. Couldn’t finish it. I found the characters so unlikeable; I didn’t relate to any of them.’
‘Well, you should have stuck
with it – remember the gardener, Ross? By the end he’d redeemed himself, so his wife gave him another chance. And to tell him she no longer wanted a divorce, she arranged to meet him in a pub. It was called …’ he cleared his throat as if to announce something important ‘… The New Leaf.’
I shrugged. ‘So?’
‘Think about it.’ He got up as a customer signalled that they were ready to pay. I sipped my sparkling water again. The New Leaf. So, the pub was appropriately named. But what had that got to do with me setting up a treasure hunt and finding a rainbow? My brow furrowed and then I was suddenly hit by a bolt of inspiration. Noah came back to the table and I beamed.
‘Very clever. How come I didn’t think of this myself?’
‘Because you just aren’t blessed with my brains,’ he said airily.
‘The pub on the edge of village, at the base of Laventon Mountain. It’s called Rainbow’s End, isn’t it?’
‘Exactly. So that kind of makes Laventon Mountain a rainbow mountain. You could plant the treasure in that area – maybe even treat April to dinner out at the pub.’
I wiped my mouth with a paper napkin. ‘Yes. We could walk up to the top of the hill.’
‘Just check the weather first. You know how quickly rain and fog can sweep across the top.’
I pulled my phone out of my apron pocket. ‘It’s due to be fine on Friday,’ I said a few minutes later. ‘A colder front is due to arrive but not until the next day.’ I let out a sigh of relief. ‘Thanks so much. It’s a weight off my mind.’
Now I just had to come up with a bag of treasure for April to find. I would keep it simple. The whole point of this list had been to prove that you don’t need money to achieve everything you want in life. And by Friday I had packed what I considered to be the perfect goody bag. I found a cycling map for the village, which I knew she and Tom would love. I added a little netted bag of chocolate coins and I took and printed out a cute photo of Buttercup. I put it in a little frame I saw in the Post Office, going at half price. Plus I handmade a voucher and drew on it a picture of a mum and daughter. On it I wrote ‘Time with Mum to do WHATEVER.’ We could go swimming or have a picnic … April could decide. Finally, I dropped in a necklace made from multicoloured wooden beads. I’d bought it from Comberfield market, when I was shopping with Elle.
The New Beginnings Coffee Club Page 22