But he’d never made love to her in her home.
He’d tried to keep that distance.
And, apparently, he’d fucked up in doing that. He’d fucked up in a lot of things with Eliana.
When he pulled into her driveway behind her beat up old truck, he barely had time to turn off the engine before she had her seatbelt off and was trying to wedge herself out of the Rover.
“Wait a minute,” he snapped. “Let me help you before you get hurt.”
“Too late,” she whispered, and he cursed. “I’ve been getting out of cars on my own for a long time, Malik.”
“But you don’t have to do it alone now,” he said, hoping she understood he meant more than just the vehicle.
She shook her head. “It’s never as easy as that.” But she waited for him to help her out of the Rover. That had to count for something.
His hands shook as she slid down his body, her belly protruding and scaring the shit out of him. When he felt a slight push at his own stomach, he froze.
Eliana blushed and tried to pull away from him. “That’s just little squirt making his or her presence known. Just a kick. You don’t have to freak out.”
Malik’s tongue went dry. He swallowed hard so he could speak. “It’s my first kick,” he whispered. Something else she’d said triggered his mind. “You don’t know the sex of the baby?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise,” she answered. “I don’t know why now that I’m trying to figure out the nursery and everything. But I just went green and yellow.” She shrugged. “And as for the kick? You could have felt them all if you’d been here, but you weren’t.” With that parting shot, she slowly made her way to the front door.
Malik let out a breath and closed the car door, locking it behind him. Well, he’d gone a little too fast just then, but it wasn’t as if he’d done this before.
In fact, he wasn’t aware of anyone who had this particular problem. It wasn’t every day that a lion shifter next in line to the throne, dealing with a possible uproar and war in his Pride, found himself a soon-to-be father with a not-so-human potential mate after he’d left her all alone because he’d been forced to hurt her. There weren’t any manuals for this sort of thing, so Malik was just going to have to wing it and pray to the goddess he didn’t screw everything up.
Eliana let herself in and waved to the living room where there were two large chairs and a couch that looked lived in rather than ornate like the ones in his current home. He preferred these.
“Take a seat, I need to pee.” With that, she left the room and walked toward a hallway that must go to the bedrooms. Malik ran a hand over his face.
Okay, as long as he didn’t growl or roar, he should be okay. But telling a male lion not to be a lion wasn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world.
He sank down into the cushions of the couch and tried to catch his breath. He was going to be a father. He’d barely had time to contemplate the fact that Eliana could be his because of her circumstances, and now there was a baby—little squirt—added to the mix.
He snorted at the nickname. That sounded like Eliana’s doing and he liked it. A lot.
“What are you snorting at?” Eliana asked when she came back into the room.
Malik immediately got to his feet and walked toward her. She froze but didn’t put her hand up to keep him away. “I was just thinking how much I like the name ‘little squirt.’”
She blushed again but didn’t say anything. It seemed she was waiting for him to speak or at least explain himself.
He sighed and reached out to cup her cheek. This time, she pushed him away. “Eliana.”
“No. You don’t get to do this. You can’t just come back into my life after crushing me. I don’t know why you had to leave, but I’m out, Malik. I’ll let you say your piece, but I already made up my mind.” Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them away. “I had to do that because of the baby and I can’t just change it because you’re back. It’s not fair to me, and it’s damn sure not fair to our child.”
He shook his head. “I had to go, Eliana.”
“You told me that it meant nothing to you. That I meant nothing to you.”
He winced, remembering the words he’d been forced to say when he’d forced her out of his place. “It was the only way I could think of to shut you out of my life. I had to go. I know you don’t understand, and I know I hurt you more than I can bear, but I hurt myself, too.”
She flipped him off. “Boo hoo. You hurt yourself? Well, screw you.”
He took her hand and kissed her middle finger. When she let out a growl of her own, he let her hand fall. “My kind, the lions, cannot mate with humans. It’s not only forbidden, but the mating mark doesn’t work. It’s not prejudice, it’s actually impossible. So when I started to fall in love with you—” She opened her mouth to speak, and he put his fingers over her lips. “Let me finish. When I started to fall in love with you, I knew I had to leave because it would hurt us more in the end. Or, at least, that’s what I thought. I didn’t know you had a chance to shift into something paranormal. I didn’t know we had a chance.”
She shook her head, this time letting a tear fall down her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb and tried to catch his breath.
He wouldn’t grovel, wouldn’t fall to his knees and beg forgiveness. He was the son of the Leo, the King of all lions. He would, one day soon, be the Leo and reign over his people. He couldn’t fall for her more than he already had, but he could hope she could see how he felt.
Because if she didn’t, he wasn’t sure what he would do next.
Chapter Three
Eliana couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. And yet, she knew he wasn’t saying everything she needed to hear. There were a few key things missing from his speech, and she wasn’t sure she could forgive him without those words.
In fact, he hadn’t asked for forgiveness at all.
He was just so…male.
A male lion, at that.
The king of the freaking jungle was an asshole.
“You know none of that matters, right?” she said, her voice cracking. “Because there’s no tug or anything like the other girls had.” Amara hadn’t felt it, but that had been a siren curse and Eliana had a feeling that wouldn’t happen twice. “I can’t be your mate because I didn’t shift into my paranormal self the first time we had sex. That’s how things work for the lightning-struck. That’s how it’s always worked. I’m not your mate.”
And it hurt more than she could bear that she’d been forced to say that, been forced to come to that conclusion long before he’d returned to her life.
“You’ll be the father of this baby because I’m not so callous as to push you away from him or her, but you’ll never be mine.” She swallowed hard. “You can’t be.”
Malik cupped her face and shook his head. “That might be how the other paranormals and lightning-struck work. But that’s not how lions work.”
“What do you mean?” She remembered now that he’d said something like that when he’d walked into Dante’s Circle, but her mind had gone in so many directions since then that she’d forgotten. “How do lions mate?”
“We choose,” he said simply.
“Huh?”
His thumb caressed her cheekbone, and it took all within her not to turn into his palm and nuzzle him.
“As lions, we don’t give in to fate like the others. There isn’t some magical connection that sparks between a lion and his mate. That comes after. The lion within chooses a mate, and the human half almost always agrees. We choose a mate. Meaning, the bond doesn’t come from sex alone, and you wouldn’t have shifted into your paranormal self because there wasn’t a bond yet. And before you ask, I didn’t let the bond happen—though my lion wanted you—because I thought you were human. I didn’t know it could happen at all.”
She let out a shaky breath and her knees went weak. If she weren’t forty-seven months pregnant, she might not have almost fallen a
s she had, but with little squirt doing somersaults the same way her heart was, she couldn’t keep her body up.
Malik caught her easily and lifted her into his arms. Alarm spread over his face as he carried her to the couch. His muscles didn’t even look strained from carrying her weight, and she had to give it to the gods who had developed lion shifters. Because, damn.
“What’s wrong? Is it the baby? What can I do? Do you need water? What about sheets? Is the baby coming?”
His hands were actually shaking on her, and she had to hold back a smile. “I’m fine. Really. I just got a little lightheaded over everything. The baby isn’t coming.” To emphasize the fact, little squirt kicked again, and Malik’s eyes widened.
“That was a foot,” he coughed. “I just saw a foot.”
She put her hands on her belly and nodded. “Kicking seems to be his or her pastime. It’s like I’m incubating a little alien baby or something.”
Malik blinked, his face pale. “Not an alien, a lion cub.”
She froze. That made sense. As with the others in her group, the dominant strain of DNA would be the one to lay claim to the baby’s abilities. Thousands of years ago, as the supernaturals mated with one another over and over, the bloodlines became so diluted a new race was born—humans. It was because of that, that certain members of the Conclave—the governing body of the paranormals—had tried to see what would happen if something sparked the dormant paranormal DNA in some humans.
Hence, Eliana and her friends.
Since lion shifter outweighed whatever fraction of paranormal DNA Eliana had left within her body, the baby would be a cub. A lion cub.
Dear goddess.
In all her planning for the baby, she hadn’t thought about birthing a baby shifter. What would she do? Would it come out in shifter form? No, the others’ hadn’t, but what if she were different? Could a human birth a lion? What if the baby clawed its way through all the new furniture Eliana had bought?
Her mind went dizzy again, and Malik held her to him.
This was all too much. And yet, the man hadn’t asked for forgiveness.
He’d assumed she’d be there at his side, and yet she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t figure out what she would do next. Eliana was more than that.
“I can mate with you now, Eliana. We can go on like we should have in the first place, like none of this ever happened.”
That was the wrong thing to say. Holy hell, this man would never learn.
She let out a breath and cupped his face before raising her lips to his. He let out a shocked gasp before kissing her back. His lips were smooth yet firm. She loved his lips, loved the way they felt on all parts of her.
And yet, there was a chance she wouldn’t have those lips on her again.
Because she was worth more than what he was giving her, and if he didn’t understand that, then there wasn’t a future for them.
“I can’t do this, Malik,” she whispered.
He pulled back, confusion in his gaze. “What do you mean? You’re not human. We can mate and raise this baby and everything will be okay.”
She shook her head. “It’s not that easy, and if you would stop thinking like a prince of the lions or whatever, you’d see that. You can’t come back into my life after being gone for months and tell me that I’m yours and everything is okay.”
“What do you mean? I’m not pushing it under the rug, but I’m here now. We can move on.”
She let out a growl and pushed him away, this time not stopping the tears from falling down her cheeks in force. “You left me. You made me feel like I’d done something wrong or that I wasn’t good enough. You made it so I couldn’t get ahold of you when I found out I was pregnant. Even your so-called friend Tristan couldn’t reach you because you’d hidden within your realm.”
“I had reasons, I had to leave.”
“And you haven’t told me them. You just told me that you couldn’t have me so you left and broke me in the process. So unless you have something else to say, I can’t be with you. I can’t put myself out there without finding a way to trust you again.” She paused and rested her hands on her belly. The baby gave a soft kick, as if knowing she needed the touch. “I can’t let you be with me, and I can’t be with you only because the baby is now part of the equation.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” he growled. “I’m here because of you. I came back to the human realm because of you. The baby just made it that much more imperative.”
She shook her head. “You still don’t get it. You can’t dictate.”
“I’m not dictating. I’m saying you’ll come with me to the lion realm and we’ll raise this baby together and be mates. There isn’t another option because it’s what we both want. I don’t understand why you’re not more excited about this.”
She blinked. He truly didn’t get it. She didn’t think he was being callous or even cruel. He just simply didn’t understand that she needed more than words about a fate she’d never fully trusted. She needed him to know that he’d hurt her and to find a way to make that better because there would be no healing until he understood that. She couldn’t raise her baby with him without the assurance that he wouldn’t leave again.
Or worse, take the baby with him.
He hadn’t said as much, and she knew she was overreacting to that end, but she couldn’t think with him so close…so close, and yet, so far away.
“I need time to think, and you’re not giving me time. You’re telling me what we’re doing because that’s what you’re used to. I don’t know how your realm works, but I know enough about lions in the wild to know that you think you’re the king of the jungle. Or at least something like that.”
“I’m not a lion in the wild,” he growled.
“And I’m not a lioness or prey. I’m a pregnant human who is freaking out over the fact that everything I thought was real isn’t. You’re not human. This baby isn’t human. And now you’re telling me I’m your mate and we’re going to live happily ever after in your realm. You didn’t ask. You didn’t even think about the fact that I have a job here. I have friends here. Family. I had to make plans when you left, and you can’t rip them all away because you think you’re back and my king. It doesn’t matter that you’re a shifter when it comes to that. I wouldn’t let any man dictate my life. Now, you need to go so I can think.”
“I’m not leaving you and our baby.” He held onto her arms but didn’t squeeze. He knew his own strength, and she had to give him praise for that. He wouldn’t hurt her physically, but he’d damned sure hurt her emotionally before.
“You need to go,” she whispered. “Give me time.” He hadn’t admitted that he’d done anything wrong. Hadn’t said he was sorry for breaking her. Hadn’t given her a second thought, beyond bringing her with him to his realm. He might have said he was falling in love with her, but he hadn’t said anything else along those lines. If she had to beg for him to grovel, then it wasn’t a true grovel. She didn’t need to see him on his knees, that wasn’t who she was, but she needed him to give her time.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered.
“You did it before.” It wasn’t fair of her to say so, but she wasn’t feeling very fair at the moment.
He swallowed hard. “I’ll be back soon. Once…once you have time to think.” He cupped her face. “I…” He didn’t finish his sentence. It was as if he couldn’t, and she wasn’t sure what he would have said anyway. Instead, he kissed her forehead and walked away.
She’d been the one to push him away this time, yet it hurt just as much as it had before. The door clicked closed behind him, and she gasped out a sob, her body shaking. Why had she said what she’d said? Why had she pushed him away like that?
It made no sense. The only thing she wanted was to wrap her arms around him and never let him go.
And that was why she didn’t do it.
Because once she did, she’d never let go. And she wasn’t sure she’d survive if she had to watc
h him leave her again. He might have said they could mate and he could mark her—not that she knew what that entailed since she hadn’t asked and he hadn’t offered up an explanation—but she wasn’t sure she could trust that. This wasn’t like the movies where the hero would walk in and say she was his and the heroine would fall into his arms, happy and forgiving without another word. There weren’t happy endings in real life. Not entirely. Not without work and words that meant something. Eliana hadn’t heard those words from Malik, and she hadn’t given them to him either.
She needed a moment to breathe, to figure out what to do next about her and little squirt. Having Malik around, hovering like the male he was, wouldn’t allow her to think. Of course, she hadn’t merely said that to him. She’d lashed out because she was still hurt.
And that was something she’d have to apologize for once he came back.
If he came back.
The door opened again and she lifted her head, her heart in her throat. Had he come back already?
When Amara walked in, her long auburn hair in curls around her face, Eliana let out another sob. Her friend rushed to her side, wrapping her arms around Eliana’s shoulders. Eliana leaned in to Amara and let the grief that she’d done a poor job of hiding so far slide over her. She’d let Malik walk away—forced him to go away—because she hadn’t been able to deal with the feelings inside of her. She knew she should have let him stay and say more, but if she had, she might have given in without thinking of herself and her child. It might be the right choice in the end, but Eliana still feared that she’d made a horrible mistake.
“Shh, darling, let it out,” Amara whispered. “You haven’t let yourself do this in all these months.”
Eliana swallowed hard and wiped her face even as more tears came. “I haven’t been able to. I was afraid I’d never stop.” She sniffed hard. “And now I don’t think I can.”
Prowled Darkness Page 3