by Maz Jobrani
Gotcha.
I always read the acknowledgments section of books, looking for famous people’s names so I can see if the author has any big-shot friends. I actually don’t know any of those people, but now I’ve got some famous names in my acknowledgments, and anyone thinking of just skimming this section might as well read the entire thing at this point.
Now, for the people whom I actually know and want to thank, let me begin with my manager and business partner, Ray Moheet, who encouraged me to write this book. He has always championed me and been the best partner to have in this world of acting and stand-up. Thank you, Ray, for pushing me to succeed. By the way, if you have any problems with what I’ve written, please e-mail Ray because it’s all his fault. I also want to thank my agent, David Patterson, who is the most light-skinned Latino I know. David, thank you for being smart, competent, and professional. And thank you even more for getting this book sold. Thanks to Jon Methven, who helped in writing this book. Jon was my sounding board and partner throughout. He acted as my editor before we actually got the book to my editor. Speaking of editors, thanks to Sarah Knight, who took a chance on me. I’d say she’s smart just for doing that, but she also went to Harvard, so she’s been smart since long before she met me. Because of her I can now call myself an author. (Not sure how good an author, but an author nonetheless.) Thanks to photographer Paul Mobley for taking my cover pictures and making me look goofily unthreatening. Thanks to Mitzi Shore for making me a regular at the Comedy Store and giving me a place to grow as a comedian. Thanks to Jamie Masada for giving me a second home at the Laugh Factory and filling me with wine and love every time I’m there. I love you, buddy! Thanks to Candice Ortiz, Robin Tate, Heidi Feigin, Ali Benmohamed, Josh Katz, Judi Brown, Norman Aladjem, Robert Hartman, Tim Scally, Mitchell K. Stubbs, and Judi Page. Thanks to all my friends and family who have been in my life and given me so much love. If I forget to mention you by name here, I’m sorry. Thanks to my aunts Roxanna, Mandana, and Mahin. Thanks to my cousins Amir, Ali, Shahriar, Mahmoud, Majid, Shiva, Shaheen, Mahtab, Alex, and Salar.
Thanks to my mom, who really isn’t as mean as I make her out to be in this book. She’s actually a very elegant and sweet woman, and if I could have withstood all those hours of reading fine print and contracts, I would have become a lawyer just to make her happy. Mom, I love you! Thanks to my grandmother for teaching me how to appreciate what I have. Thanks to my sister, Mariam, for being my other half in life. Thanks to my other sister, Kiana, for coming into my life when I was a young adult and bringing even more love to me. Thanks to my brother Kashi for reminding me to slow down and spend time with the ones I love. I miss you, man! Thanks to my other brother, Joey, for always being there when I need you. Thanks to my nephew, Kamran, for being a wise soul who we all love. Thanks to my kids, Dhara and Mila, for making me love deeper than I’ve ever loved before. And last, but not least, thanks to my wife, Pretha, for being my partner on this ride and for putting up with my silly jokes and long absences from home. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known and you get more beautiful every day. I love you, baby!
In loving memory of my younger brother, Kashi Jobrani.
About the Author
MAZ JOBRANI was born in Iran but grew up in America, which means he has a blue passport so he’s okay. He was a founding member of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, which was a stand-up tour that premiered on Comedy Central and performed in front of the king of Jordan. So basically, he’s better than you. Maz has had two solo Showtime comedy specials and continues to tour internationally. In film, Maz appeared in Friday after Next, The Interpreter, and 13 Going On 30. On TV, he’s appeared in ABC’s Better Off Ted, HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm and Showtime’s Shameless. He is a regular panelist on NPR’s “Wait Wait . . . Don’t Tell Me!” and has given two TED Talks. It’s a good thing he has no hair or it would’ve all fallen out from all the traveling he does. He’s got Executive Platinum status on American Airlines, which means he gets free sandwiches when he flies.
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Copyright © 2015 by Maz Jobrani
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First Simon & Schuster hardcover edition February 2015
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Interior design by Ruth Lee-Mui
Jacket design by Jonathan Bush
Jacket photograph by Paul Mobley Photography
Digital art by Mike Campau
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Jobrani, Maziyar, date.
I’m not a terrorist, but I’ve played one on tv : memoirs of a Middle Eastern funny man / Maz Jobrani.
pages cm
1. Jobrani, Maziyar. Comedians—United States—Biography. 3. Actors—United States—Biography. 4. Iranian Americans—Biography. 5. Stereotypes (Social psychology)—United States. I. Title.
PN2287.J573A3 2014
792.702'8092—dc23
[B]
2014015012
ISBN 978-1-4767-4998-3
ISBN 978-1-4767-5000-2 (ebook)