by JoAnn Durgin
“I don’t think she was the one. That’s the thing. When I get married, I’m playing for keeps. With Darcy, our dates were more like good friends sharing time together. When she passed away, it forced me to look at the facts. I loved Darcy, but I wasn’t passionate about her. It’s not like I had this burning desire to be with her every minute of the day. I know passion doesn’t last forever, but it needs to be there in the beginning and then simmering beneath the surface later on.” He shifted his position. “At least, that’s how I see it.”
Darcy most likely died with the belief they’d eventually be married although he’d never proposed. Maybe it was better that way, but it left him feeling like a fraud.
“That’s too bad, man. Sorry.” Eric was quiet for a moment. “It’s good you realized it before you made a big mistake and got married to Darcy, right?”
“Right. That wouldn’t have been honest or fair to either one of us.” Confiding such deeply personal thoughts to his employee might not be advisable, but apparently he’d needed to talk. Not that he was a person to go around spouting his innermost feelings, but he was closer to Eric than any of the other guys. They might not share the same philosophies about a lot of things, but he could try and be a good example and bounce ideas for the business off him. Chase was his closest friend, and he’d already heard the entire Darcy saga, but Eric hadn’t.
Raising his face to the sky, Sawyer blew out a breath. “I hope I didn’t make a mistake by agreeing to do that Valentine’s Day bachelor charity auction.”
“What do you mean? You’re always helping out the children’s hospitals. Look at the bright side: you might meet a great lady willing to bid big bucks for the privilege of a date. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.” Eric chuckled. “I’ve seen the way they look at you, boss. You clean up all right. Just watch. The next babe who comes out of that lobby? Guarantee she’ll want you squiring her around the city. Not me.”
“That’s not true, and it’s not a competition. Thanks for the pep talk, though.”
“You’ll only be out a few hundred for the limo and dinner for the auction.”
Sawyer frowned. “Money’s not the issue.” Standing up in front of a bunch of women bidding for him? That made him cringe. “I don’t want to feel like a commodity.” That was the polite way of putting it. He should have just made a pledge and written a fat check.
Eric smirked. “Lighten up, will you? From what you told me, you’re not being asked to do anything illicit, immoral, or anything that goes against your”—Eric raised his fingers, moving them up and down to form quote marks—“religion. It’s not like you’re one of those exotic male dancers with women ogling you and begging you to take off your clothes. Unless you want to.” He laughed when Sawyer shot him a withering glare.
“Come on, buddy,” Eric said. “A lot of guys would love to have your problem. Trust me. Seriously, if you feel that bad about it, hand over a big donation and be done with it. I’ll take your place, if you want. Some babe can pay for the pleasure of spending an evening with me. We’ll have ourselves a real good time. Only problem is, I wouldn’t bring in as large a bounty for the kids as you would. That’s what it’s all about, right?”
“Exactly. All for the kids.”
Eric’s idea of a good time was totally different than Sawyer’s. In terms of the business, he was one of his best employees—reliable, loyal, respectful of clients, and he kept himself in great physical shape. No matter how many times Sawyer tried to model a Christian lifestyle to the guys, he was well aware a number of them indulged in hard partying on a regular basis. When he was within range, they curtailed their boasts about women, drinking, and after-hours escapades. As long as their behavior didn’t negatively impact their job performance, there wasn’t much he could say. A couple of the guys in his employ were married. They worked to supplement their income from full-time jobs while a few of the single guys, like Eric, worked only for him and scrimped in other areas of their lives to make ends meet.
“Thanks, but I’ll do the charity auction. I need to psyche myself up for it, that’s all. Thanks for letting me vent, Eric.” Sawyer paced in front of the pedicab and checked his watch. Victoria at the front desk had told him the opening session of a national conference should be ending soon. That didn’t leave him a cushion of time to run inside for a bottle of juice.
“Does this have anything to do with that smoking hot woman in the black ballet outfit at the Hyatt the other night?”
Sawyer snapped his gaze to Eric’s. “Why should it have anything to do with her?” If he was honest, he’d admit that his trepidation about participating in the charity auction had everything to do with Ava. All before he had a first date with her.
“I know you, Sawyer. Not that you were obvious, but I could feel some strong vibes between the two of you. Look, I know you’ve had a rough couple of years, but it’s time to get back in the saddle. You’ve built up the business and it’s doing great. Maybe you’ve found the right girl to finally help you get over losing Darcy. Whether or not you wanted to marry her.”
“I’m doing fine, thanks.” He didn’t need another woman for the purpose of getting over Darcy.
“You didn’t hit on her? A prime specimen of womanhood like that—”
“No.” Sawyer swallowed his frustration. “That would have been the most unethical thing I could have done. Her name is Ava, and I ran into her again at Sophia’s dancing school two days ago. Allie asked me to take Sophia and her friend to their lesson. Ava actually owns the school.”
“No kidding?” Eric whistled under his breath. “What luck.”
Sawyer shook his head. “The way I look at it, it’s God’s providence. I doubt I’d have seen her again otherwise. I mean, sure, it’s a possibility, but I don’t think so. God can be very creative.”
“Yeah, that’s what I hear. Does the lovely Ava share your faith? I know how important that is to you, especially after that little speech.”
Sawyer shot him a grin. “I believe she does or I wouldn’t have asked her out.” He waited a second for that statement to compute. Eric’s grin grew wider and he gave him a hearty slap him on the back. Whoa. Either he was getting soft or Eric was stronger than he’d thought.
“Great. When are you going out with her?”
“I’m calling her tonight if it’s not too late when I get home. Hopefully, we can go to dinner Saturday night.” Sawyer stood up straighter as a small group exited the hotel and handed tickets to the waiting valets. Another group of corporate business types, laughing and talking, emerged from the hotel entrance. “Looks like we might have customers. Thanks for listening, Eric.”
“I’m here for you, boss. We all need to get it out sometimes.”
As usual, they got curious stares and then spent a few minutes answering questions. Within minutes, both he and Eric had customers.
Sawyer assisted a woman into the passenger compartment of the pedicab. “Good evening, folks. Welcome to the Hoosier State. Where am I taking you tonight?”
Chapter 7
~~♥~~
What was that noise? Ava opened one eye. She’d fallen asleep with her bedside lamp on and her Kindle open on her stomach. There it was again. Her cell phone on the nightstand played “I Could Have Danced All Night.” Yawning, she glanced at the clock. Ten o’clock. No one called her at this hour even though she was usually awake.
She grabbed the phone and tried to focus through eyes glazed with sleep. Sawyer Mancini. She’d programmed his contact information into her phone. A small smile tipped the corners of her lips as she clicked on the phone.
“Hi. This is Ava. I’m currently not accepting phone calls, but if you’d leave your name and number…” Hearing his deep sigh, she giggled.
After a moment’s hesitation, he chuckled. “Hi. This is Sawyer and that was mean.”
“It’s what you get for calling me this late.”
“Were you asleep? The night’s still young, Ballerina. And to think I was under th
e impression you’re a night owl.”
“I fell asleep reading an hour or so ago. Not the fault of the book, I assure you. It’s been a long day.” She tried to cover her yawn but couldn’t stop it in time.
“Should I worry that you yawn in my presence on a consistent basis?”
“Not true. I didn’t yawn when you were at the dance studio.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that one. I hope you’ll forgive me for interrupting your beauty sleep. I mean, not that you need it. You’re lovely as you—”
“You’re forgiven.” Could the man be any cuter?
“Well, we can talk another time. Good—”
“Speak, Sawyer. I know from experience it’s not difficult for you.”
“Oh, that cuts me deep. You think you know me pretty well, don’t you?” That sounded like a challenge. “You can’t see me right now, but I’m clutching my hand over my bleeding heart.”
“Were you in drama in school?”
“I tried, but I was so bad they kicked me out of the auditions for Our Town. I was that bad.”
“More likely you were trying to make it a comedy. That’s one of the saddest plays I’ve ever seen.” Ava sat up in the bed and propped her pillow behind her.
“Agreed. Listen, I’m calling about the date we discussed. If it’s not too soon, are you free this Saturday night?”
“I could play coy and say I need to check my social calendar, but yes, I’m free.”
You’ve been free for two years. Tell him.
“Sawyer, before we make plans, I should tell you something. Warn you might be more like it.”
“Sure,” he said. “Sounds serious.”
Ava inhaled a quick breath and let it out slowly. “This will be the first date I’ve had in two years.” Sawyer was silent for so long, Ava wondered if she’d somehow managed to already scare him away. Why wasn’t he talking? “I suppose it’s my turn to say that I’m not weird. I promise you that I don’t have any phobias, irrational fears, homicidal tendencies, or stalker proclivities.”
“Same here.” Even though he’d finally spoken, he sounded oddly quiet.
“I know. You’ve assured me before that you’re not strange or—”
“It’s my first date in a long time, too, Ava.” That stunned her for a moment. He hadn’t dated after breaking up with his former girlfriend? Must have been a devastating blow for him.
When they both started talking at the same time, Sawyer encouraged her to continue.
“I was engaged, but my fiancé was killed six months before the wedding. He died a couple of years ago, two days before Christmas.”
“I’m sorry, Ava.” The compassion in Sawyer’s voice was immediate and sounded heartfelt. “You know the relationship I told you about the other night? Where everyone expected us to marry?”
“Yes.”
“She died, too.”
Ava’s breath caught. Sitting up straighter in her bed, she moved one hand over her heart. “It’s difficult to know what to say except that I’m so sorry for your loss, Sawyer.” Had they somehow been drawn to one another, as if they’d subconsciously known the other had suffered in a similar way? “How long has it been for you?”
“About two years ago, same as for you. Listen, I don’t want to rush you if you’re not ready.”
“I’m ready.” A week ago, she might not have been able to say that with any sense of conviction. “Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Yes. Let’s settle that issue once and for all. I wouldn’t be calling if I wasn’t ready.”
“I wouldn’t be answering and saying yes if I wasn’t ready.”
“Okay, then. Good.” The warmth in Sawyer’s voice made her feel more at ease. Ava relaxed against the pillows and arranged the lightweight blanket around her.
Forty minutes later—after discussing what seemed like a hundred different subjects—Ava said good night and ended the conversation. They’d made plans to go to P.F. Chang’s downtown for dinner on Saturday night. After jumping out of the bed, she headed into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Dancing to one of her favorite songs as she brushed, she rinsed, spit and smiled at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks pink. Staring her in the face were the effects of the rousing discussion with Sawyer, and that was only over the phone. How would she look after a face-to-face meeting, an actual date, with the man?
You’ll know soon enough. Her smile sobered. Was she ready for a date with another man? “Oh, Lord, what have I done?”
Climbing back into her bed, Ava spied her Bible on the desk. She’d neglected it in recent months except for taking it with her to church. After Cole died, she’d stayed away from the church and crawled into her little hole of self-pity and wallowed in it. She’d hoped Momma would stay with her, but she’d left two days after his funeral, taking with her the love she’d desperately needed from her for a long time. Ever since Poppy died.
Heather was the one who’d finally come to the apartment, hauled her out of bed, and forced her to rejoin the human race. After hearing about the dancing school, she’d been enthusiastic and set to work on plans to help Ava open Miss Carlisle’s Dance Studio. Ava owed so much to her dear friend. Heather had also invited her to church where she’d rediscovered her shaky faith.
Her gaze moved back to the Bible. Quickly crossing the room, Ava retrieved it and then dropped back onto the bed, balancing the Bible on her legs. Flipping the pages until she reached I John, she began reading aloud from a section in the fourth chapter.
“Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us.’”
Her father had taught her to read the Bible out loud in the quiet of her bedroom. “You’ll feel closer to Him if you do that, Keiki. Think about the verses, meditate on them, and imprint them in your heart,” he’d told her when he presented her with the Bible she held now. Tattered on the edges, made from maroon leather, this same Bible helped her get through the bleak period after Poppy’s death and again when Cole died. One passing expected, the other sudden, but losses she’d felt deeply and still mourned.
Closing the Bible, Ava placed it on the nightstand. After switching off the lamp, she slipped beneath the covers. Lord, I loved Cole with everything in me. He was the man I thought would be my husband and the father of my children. But you had other plans. You know I had trouble accepting his death. For the longest time, I didn’t want to believe Cole was gone. I didn’t want to accept that a loving Father would yank him from my life in such a cruel way. Forgive me for blaming you for his death. You allowed it to happen, but I know you didn’t make it happen any more than I did. Because you love him more than I do. Cole belonged to you first and now eternally. He’d also be the first person to tell me to surrender him to you, to remember him with love, and to move forward with my life. Until now, I haven’t been ready to do that. Now that I’ve met Sawyer, he seems wonderful, Father. If this is a relationship you want me to pursue, I trust you to lead the way.
Pausing to reflect on some of the words from the passage she’d just read, Ava closed her eyes. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
She continued to pray—for her students, Heather, and a few close friends from church. Time to pray for her mother. Ava inhaled a quick breath. Heavenly Father, I lift up Momma to you in prayer. If it’s in your will, I ask that our relationship be restored. I don’t understand why she’s so distant, but you do. Touch her heart—Ava brushed away a tear—and give me the patience I need t
o wait. I know you can work in this situation. You are the great healer of all that ails us, both emotionally and physically. Please take me, use me, and love me as I always love you. In the name of your precious Son, Jesus, I ask these things.
“Amen,” she whispered.
~~♥~~
The Rocky theme song blasted from Sawyer’s phone, startling him. He really should change his ringtone. Make it something a little less in-your-face. He liked the motivation of that song, but it could be obnoxious. Since hanging up with Ava, he’d been replaying their conversation in his mind. Once they’d gotten past the early awkwardness, their words had flowed freely. Talking on the phone was his least favorite activity, a waste of time, but not so with Ava.
The song started again, and he grabbed the phone, adjusting the volume. Allie. “Sawyer’s Bar & Grill. Cooked goose is our specialty. What can I get for you tonight?”
“Sawyer, why didn’t you tell me that you asked Sophia’s ballet teacher out on a date?”
“Good evening to you, too. Since when do I report everything I do to you? Are you your brother’s keeper?”
“Last time I checked.”
“I’m shocked Sophia didn’t blab the news to you the first thing in the door this afternoon. I appreciate the take-home dinner, by the way. Your chicken cordon bleu is vastly improved. Excellent.”
“Thanks, but let’s not get off topic.”
“That little excursion to Miss Carlisle’s Dance Studio turned out to be expensive, by the way. I checked out that sporting goods store and bought a new touring bike.”