by Pamela Morsi
Eli recalled the very first time he’d held her in his arms. That long-ago day that was memorable for their first kiss, the first time they’d made love. It had seemed so simple then. He loved her. She would love him back.
He had since learned that life was not at all simple, not if there were people in it. But the love he’d felt then coursed through him just as keenly now.
He bent his head forward and planted a little peck on the nape of her neck.
“Mmm.” She made a sound that was almost purring.
Eli couldn’t resist. He moved back just enough to capture her chin in his hand. And he brought his lips down upon hers. Their kisses had always been about passion, about heat. This one was about tenderness and reverence. His mouth conveyed the devotion that he dared not speak.
They moved apart only far enough for him to rest his forehead against hers. Within the pulsing rhythm of the music and the swaying of their bodies he could feel her breath as it touched his skin. Smoothly and in a unison unlikely for two so unpracticed, they moved across the floor, motions synchronized, hearts full.
Mazy raised her head and he looked into her eyes. She was as open, as honest and as vulnerable as any human he’d ever seen. When she spoke, her words were barely above a whisper.
“Oh, Eli, I...” She hesitated.
The song ended abruptly. There was only an instant of silence between them. Then a twangy guitar rift ushered in an upbeat Western swing.
Eli led Mazy back over to the booth where their friends were sitting. What had she been planning to say? The unfinished sentence could have been anything. Was she going to tell him that she loved him? Was she going to tell him that she was done? That she was sorry? That she and Driscoll were going to try again?
The kiss had been incredibly sweet. But it had been full of his emotion, his affection, his heart. Had she seen the truth in him and rejected it again?
He felt sick to his stomach and nervous enough to jump out of his own skin.
From the corner of his eye, he spotted a familiar face. He had gone out with Enna Brakeman a few times. She was a beautiful, leggy blonde with a bubbly personality and a wry sense of humor. After her divorce, Eli had been interested. But they both quickly discovered that since she liked social life and parties and he liked private sunsets and home cooking, they’d had no future together.
That didn’t mean that they couldn’t share a dance for old times’ sake.
“Mazy, do you need another beer?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Okay. I see somebody I know.”
With that he turned and walked across the room. Deliberately he forced himself not to glance back in her direction.
He caught up to the blonde at the far end of the room. “Enna. How have you been?”
She looked up, surprised, and then gave him that gorgeous grin that charmed every man between eighteen and eighty-five.
“Eli, what a surprise. I never see you here.”
“Yeah, I’m busy a lot,” he said.
“You know Skeeter, of course.”
The stocky, dark-haired man beside her was looking daggers at him.
“Sure, how you doing?”
“Do you want something, Termite?” he said. “We were just leaving.”
Eli knew the guy was trying to warn him off, but he was thinking this might work out even better than he thought.
“If you’re going to take home the best-looking woman in the building,” Eli said, “at least you’ve got to let me have one dance with her. Otherwise, I’ll have come all the way down here for nothing.”
Skeeter didn’t look happy, but Enna laughed out loud.
As it turned out, it was little more than half a dance. Eli swung and twirled her as they circled the dance floor. He made sure that he was in the line of vision for the booth that Mazy was in. But he made a point never to once look in her direction. He favored Enna with all his attention and all his smiles.
When the dance ended, he wrapped an arm possessively around her waist and walked her back toward Skeeter. The man looked even less happy than he had before. Fortunately, he was at the side door, which was not visible from where his friends were sitting.
“Okay, you’ve had your dance,” the man said.
“Yes, thank you very much,” he said to Enna. “Thank you both very much. I’ll walk out with you.”
Out in the parking lot, Eli didn’t hesitate parting with the two. He walked to the road and turned to look back. The neon beer signs blinked in the darkened windows.
Was this the right thing to do? Everything about it felt callous, cruel, just plain wrong. Did he even want a relationship that flourished on behavior that he was ashamed of? He thought about holding Mazy close on the dance floor. He’d looked down into her eyes and saw everything he’d ever wanted.
He could go back in there right now. They could dance together, laugh with their friends, have a great time. Later, they could go home together and make love to each other, slow and lazy, fast and furious, all night long.
Just as that choice tugged so fiercely, the image of Mazy with Driscoll, laughing and chatting, sprung into his mind again. She’d smiled up at Tad the same way she smiled at Eli.
His jaw tightened. The chill around him was all anger. The risk he was taking had to pay off. He had to win Mazy for himself. Even if he had to forfeit his own self-respect to make it happen. It was worth it to keep her from making a mistake again.
Eli turned his steps down the road to his truck.
37
Mazy was having fun hanging out with friends. Laughing. Dancing. It had been so long since she’d done anything like that. The last time had to have been before her affair with Gable Sherland. Married men don’t take their girlfriends out dancing. And with night school and parenthood, her evenings had not been her own for many years. It occurred to her that for a woman who had an iffy reputation, she certainly hadn’t been having her share of nightlife.
Then again, her favorite flavor of nightlife involved a quiet basement apartment with a hunky, sweet guy who laughed at her jokes and wowed her in bed.
Eli was acting more than a little bit weird. Maybe he was tired. Or he hadn’t really wanted to come out tonight, but had felt pressured into it. It could be that he resented all the time he’d had to spend with Tru today. People who weren’t used to kids sometimes didn’t appreciate large doses of them.
No, Mazy decided, most likely he was simply stating what he saw as the truth. He had always said that he valued honesty in a relationship over social niceties.
That phrase caught her up short. Eli never said that. Coby Dax had said that. Coby Dax was an A+, number-one, certified asshole. Coby Dax had treated Mazy like she was useless, worthless. It was a disservice to Eli to even be in the same brain wave as Coby Dax, let alone have a Dax quote attributed to him. She’d made a lot of excuses for Coby, but he’d been bad news from the beginning.
Maybe that’s why she’d thought of him. Because she’d been making excuses.
When Eli took her out on the dance floor, no excuses were necessary. They had never danced together. In high school it would have been lowering for her to dance with a younger guy. And in two stints as her rebound guy, Mazy had kept their relationship close to the vest. At the time, she’d told herself, and Eli, as well, that she didn’t want more scandal. The truth was less flattering. She hadn’t wanted Tad to find out, in case he might be interested in her again.
It was embarrassing to be the woman she had been. But as Eli pulled her next to his chest, she edged her face against his smoothly shaved cheek and she was grateful. If all that awfulness in her past had brought her here, then it had been worth it.
She moved easily with him. He was both graceful and confident. Just like he was in bed. Just like he was in life. She’d in
haled the scent of him. This was what she wanted. This was the man she could build a future with. No, it wasn’t going to be perfect or easy. There were still problems. He was going to be disappointed in the truth about Tru. He was going to be shocked by the revelations of her recent criminal behavior. He might not even be willing to get past either of those things. But she knew she wanted to try.
As they parted slightly, he rested his forehead against hers. It was a strangely intimate touch. Mazy wished that everything she was thinking, everything she was feeling, everything that she’d experienced, could just be transferred directly from her brain to his. And she wanted his hopes, his dreams and even his hurts to be in her head next to her own.
If only life were that easy. If only sharing minds were as easy as sharing bodies. She had never once, in all the miscued relationships and nameless one-night stands, been able to share the person she was, the interior of her life. If there was such a thing as a soul mate, then she was a soul virgin. At last, Eli was the man she wanted to open to.
Mazy looked up into his eyes. She saw the love she felt reflected there. All that was necessary was to say the words.
“Eli, I...”
At that moment the music stopped. As if a hypnotist had snapped his fingers, the look in Eli’s eyes disappeared. Mazy was once again aware of their surroundings. A crowded dance floor in a rowdy roadhouse that smelled of beer and bodies and barbecued chicken wings was not the place to declare herself.
With a hand at the small of her back, Eli guided her back to the booth where their friends were waiting. Later tonight, when they were alone, she would tell him the truth, the whole truth. Including that she loved him. And they would see together what they could make of that.
She reached their table and scooted in to make room for him.
“Mazy, do you need another beer?” he asked.
She’d consumed less than half of the one she had.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Okay. I see somebody I know.”
“Oh, okay,” she answered, but he had already moved away. In a place so close to home, it was certainly not amazing to see somebody that you know. It was probably more amazing to see somebody that you didn’t.
Mazy turned her attention to Karly and Che, Alice and Charlie. Several of the others had either wandered off or were enjoying the dancing. The discussion evolved into more tales of parenting. With three different groups represented. The Farris kids were in elementary school. Tru was a teenager. And Charlie and Alice’s children were young adults with starter jobs and college loans. The perspectives were interesting. Everybody seemed to think their particular stage might be the best of times, might be the worse of times.
Mazy wasn’t sure what made her glance up, but she did. Eli danced past them. He had a huge grin on his face and a beautiful woman in his arms.
The sight jolted her so much that she blurted out, “Who is that?” before she could stop herself.
Everyone turned to look.
“Enna Brakeman,” Alice told her.
“We didn’t go to school with her,” Karly said. “Paul married her and brought her to town.”
Mazy nodded in what felt like relief. “Oh, she’s married.”
“Divorced,” Che answered.
“She’s very attractive,” Mazy said.
“Don’t be silly,” Karly said, knowing exactly what Mazy was thinking without her having to say it. “She’s not one whit better looking than you. And he’s just dancing with her.”
“Yeah,” Charlie confirmed. “Those two were keeping company for a while, but that was a couple of years ago.”
“I don’t think they were keeping company,” Karly clarified. “They only had a few dates, I think.”
“Well, yeah, that’s what I meant.”
“It’s not like they were a couple,” Karly declared firmly.
Mazy gave her a reassuring wave and chuckled with deliberate lightness. “Everybody’s got a past,” she said. “Mine’s even a little more bumpy than most folks’.”
She turned the discussion back to their offspring and tried, without complete success, not to watch Eli with the blonde. Mazy almost sighed with relief when the dance was over. She was not typically a suspicious person. She had never been one to make unfounded accusations or fly off the handle in a rage. But what she did know about herself was that jealousy tended to exaggerate her self-esteem issues. Believing in herself was not always easy.
Mazy tried using her mentally repurposing tool.
Eli being comfortable dancing with another woman right in front of her certainly meant nothing was going on behind her back.
She could live with that.
As the minutes passed and the conversation moved on to concerns about county road grading, Mazy listened politely as she waited for Eli to return to the table. She watched the dancers come by, trying to see if he was still out on the floor. Finally she excused herself for a trip to the ladies’ room. She was smiling as she traversed the building, but she had her eye out for Eli. He wasn’t anywhere.
She took her time, combed her hair, fixed her makeup, assuring herself that he would be back at the table by the time she returned. He was not.
Mazy sat with the group for a few more minutes before deciding to get herself another beer. That allowed her the opportunity to stand up next to the bar and peruse the area.
Just as her bottle arrived, Kite Bagby stepped up beside her.
“Let me get that for you,” he said, handing money to the bartender.
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure. Thank you for the dance. I don’t get to tear up the rug much with young women these days.”
A flash of green shirt caught her eye and she quickly glanced in that direction, but it wasn’t him.
“You looking for somebody?”
“I seem to have misplaced my date,” she said, making a joke out of it. “Have you seen Eli?”
“Can’t say as I have,” Kite answered. “Lloyd,” he called out to a man nearby. “Lloyd’s the bouncer. He sees everything.”
Introductions were made.
“You know Eli Latham?”
“Sure. He was here earlier, but he left.”
“He left?” Mazy repeated.
“Yeah, maybe a half hour, forty-five minutes ago. I saw him head out the side door.”
“Maybe he’s outside,” Mazy suggested.
The bouncer shrugged. “Possible, I guess. He was with some other people. Can’t remember exactly who. Skeeter Moran, I think. And for sure Enna Brakeman. She’s hard to miss.”
Kite’s expression became pained. With a meaningless mumble he allowed himself to be swallowed up by the crowd around him.
“Thanks,” Mazy told Lloyd brightly.
She carried her beer back to the table just as Alice and Charlie were getting up.
“We’re getting so old, we really need our beauty sleep,” Charlie said. “Well, at least I do. Alice still looks like she did as a girl.”
“Oh, Lord, we have got to go,” his wife teased. “When Charlie starts giving me compliments, you know he’s had one drink too many.”
Charlie didn’t appear to have had any drinks at all. Still, everyone laughed and congratulated him again. He went around one last time, shaking hands and thanking them all for their help.
The exit of the guest of honor signaled the breakup of the party. Mazy said goodbyes, shook hands and sipped her beer. She checked her phone for texts or messages. Nothing.
“Where in the heck did Eli get off to?” Che finally asked.
“I’m not sure,” Mazy said. “I think he must have gone outside for some air. Look, don’t let me hold you up. If you need to leave...”
“The kids are spending the night with Che’s mom,” Karly assure
d her. “We’re in no hurry.”
Both were eager to offer assurance. Mazy was pretty sure that neither was telling the truth.
When Jimmy Ray came by to announce he was leaving, Mazy managed to slip out of the seat. Nonchalantly she walked across the room. She was still looking for Eli, still hoping to see him. A million unanswered questions swirled in her head.
Outside, the parking lot now had more empty spaces than full. The breeze was only cool, but Mazy wrapped her arms about herself.
Chin high, determinedly hopeful, she walked down the hill to where he had parked the truck. It was gone. She remembered exactly where it had been, but in case she was wrong, she walked on farther until there were no cars at all. He had definitely left her here without a word of explanation. It didn’t make sense. Finally, she pulled the phone out of her purse. There was no signal. With a sigh of exasperation she turned and walked back up the hill.
By the time she reached the roadhouse parking lot, there was a tiny tower distinguishable on the phone face. She called his number. Without even a ring it went to voice mail.
She stood there trying to reason it out. Something must have come up. Maybe he’d gotten a call that his father was sick or his brother was in a wreck or the shop was on fire. Only an emergency would have necessitated such an abrupt departure.
If he left her here, that meant he’d be coming back. Eli didn’t let people down. That was not the kind of man that he was.
She began to worry that she might not be convincing herself.
Instead, she decided to consider her options. She could walk home. As the crow flies, it was probably not more than three miles. Of course, she wouldn’t be able to tear off across country. She’d have to follow the road, which was probably twice that long with twists and turns, as it wound itself up to a higher elevation.
She could call her mother to come get her. Beth Ann would probably be in bed already. And she made a point not to drive at night, but her daughter stuck at a roadhouse might be considered reason enough to break her own rules.