by Shan
Rozalyn 5
By Shan
Previously in Rozalyn 4
Taron
The agents allowed me to wait with Journey until the crime scene investigators and coroner arrived to take her away. They didn’t give a fuck though. For them, they were ready to toss me in a cell and throw away the key. I had never felt so alone in my life.
It wasn’t like before when I was locked up, because then I’d asked everyone to go away and allow me to do my time in peace. Then I knew what to expect; I knew how a prison sentence could end in disappointment, so I did what I could to prevent it from ever happening to me. With family being the farthest thing from my mind, I did my time.
“Man, get that shit outta my face! For the last fuckin’ time, I don’t know what you’re talking about! I thought I was supposed to be getting processed and given a fuckin’ number. You niggas on some crazy shit right now!” I huffed.
Ever since they dragged me out of my house three or four hours ago, they put me into this dark ass room and have been questioning me non-stop. The crazy thing about it is it had nothing to do with my charges; the charges that Donald was facing or any of that.
They had all these pictures of Tamar lined up in front of me, along with pictures of people he associated with when he was here in Miami. I was confused as hell, but I wasn’t really paying this shit any mind. I kept going in and out of focus, mainly thinking about what I had lost today and how it all could’ve been prevented.
“Mr. Andrews, we’re offering you a chance to walk away Scott-free from your charges. All you have to do is tell us what we need to know about Tamar’s operation. We want to know who his connects is, who all is involved, on which days or day does he pick up his shipments, and where he stores his drugs and his money. If you can help us with all of that, then we can easily delete your name from this petty money laundering case,” one of the agents, whose name was Diggs, said.
“I have no idea about none of that,” I answered and puffed on the cancer stick that they’d given to me.
“Do you ever wanna see your daughter again? Because no matter what kind of lawyer you go and get, you’ll still end up doing the minimum of ten years behind bars. By then, your daughter will be too old to fuckin’ care who you are, because her mama would’ve moved some other faggot in and tell her that’s daddy,” the other agent Runnings, said.
I shook my head and tried to ignore what they were saying. Larry was capable of getting anybody off. It was why he was paid the big bucks—but damn-- would I be able to afford him seeing as how everything I had saved up was fuckin’ gone? And now that Tamar wasn’t talking to me, I couldn’t ask him to help me out. Shit, he’d already said I was on my own. What the hell am I gonna do?
“Come on; just tell us what you know. Do this for your daughter, do this for her,” Agent Runnings pleaded.
“Okay, okay. What is it you wanna know again?” I asked and fired up another cigarette.
Agent Runnings took out his pen and pad and closely pulled up a seat next to me. “Where does Tamar get the dope from? Let’s start there.”
Prologue
Taron
I Ain't No Snitch
See I ain’t no bitch nigga, no rich nigga
No snitch nigga, I’mma real nigga, that’s real nigga
~August Alsina~
“You said what?” Agent Runnings asked as he scooted his chair closer to me. Taking a huge puff from my cigarette, I allowed the nicotine to caress my lungs before I blew smoke rings in Runnings’ face. Smirking, I chuckled and ran my hand over my head.
“I said that no matter how hard you fuckin' try you’ll never catch my bruh slipping. Faggot ass agents get the fuck out my face. I told you I ain’t know shit. I don’t care how much fuckin’ time I get, I don’t know shit!” I yelled, and then shook my head. “Y’all act like y’all can’t hear. Lock me the fuck up, for real, for real.”
I politely took a pull from my cigarette and leaned back in my chair. I really can’t believe that they actually thought I was going to give my bruh up. I looked at Agent Runnings’ face and saw that he was turning red, and the shit was funny as hell to me.
I’m sure they had too many squares running through here who would gladly give them a laundry list of names just to shorten their time, but that ain’t me. I didn’t want to go back to prison, but fuck it. I fucked up and if Larry couldn’t get me off then so be it. Nigga wasn’t ‘bout to do no snitching though, especially not on my bruh.
WHAM!
Agent Runnings stunned me when he punched me in the side of my face causing me to fall back in the chair and hit my head against the floor. He pounced on me, popped me once again in the face and then grabbed the collar of my shirt. Staring down at me, his lips curled up in anger and spittle dripped from the sides of his mouth.
“I don’t give a fuck what you do to me, I don’t know shit,” I hissed and spit blood into that muthafucka's face.
WHAM!
He punched me again and then placed his meaty hands around my throat. I sneered at him, unafraid of anything he was about to do to me. With the way I was feeling right now, I was hoping that his ass killed me. It hurt too bad thinking about my fiancé Journey killing herself over me and the agony I caused her and I didn’t know if I could live knowing I was responsible.
None of that shit had to happen. If only I had stayed out of Latoya’s bed and showed her how much I really cared for her, then maybe she wouldn’t have done that shit. Can’t believe she did though. I was still in shock and still hoping that it was a dream.
“Listen up motherfucker! You either give up Tamar or spend the rest of your life behind bars. I will be sure to recommend that you are giving the maximum considering you already have a lengthy track record. You’re a fucking criminal, and it won’t be a problem getting you at least thirty years in prison,” Runnings said. He released the grip he around my throat and loosened the cufflinks around his wrist.
“I don’t give a fuck. I’m sure Tamar will make sure I live a good life in that muthafucka too. Probably better than your ass is living. You know they say federal prisoners be living a luxury life compared to that state shit. I’m ready,” I laughed.
After that one punch, came after another and another. I ain’t doing no tripping though; I’ll take it, anything that will keep my mind off of Journey.
Chapter 1
Rozalyn
I'm Going Down
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until
you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it.
Mary J. Blige
3 months later…..
My head thumped hard as a muthafucka, and I tried to relieve some of the tension by using the tips of my fingers. The bright light that shined from the overhead light seemed to be making matters worse. Grabbing my vanilla latte from the night stand, I took a sip and savored the warmth of the drink as it ran down my throat. My mind was on ten. I stared at the clock that displayed that it was well off into the crack of dawn. It was 4:41 a.m. and I had yet to fall asleep.
"Mommy, somebody's at the door," Tamarion said as he ran to my side of the bed.
"I know baby. I'm coming," I told him as I pulled at his long braid that went down the center of his head. "Go get back in bed. Mommy is gonna go and see who's at the door."
"I hope it's daddy!"
I laughed, "That would be nice."
I slowly climbed out of bed and exited out of the huge and lonely bedroom. It would be nice if it was Tamar at the door, but somehow I knew I wouldn't be that lucky. I took down the long staircase and immediately could see a tall shadow standing on the othe
r side of the door.
I huffed as I made my way towards it and got on the tips of my toes to peer through the peephole. It was Black. I undid all three of the locks, pulled the door open, and stepped back a couple of feet. Crossing my hands on my chest, I eyed him with disgust.
"What do you want?" I asked him with attitude dripping in my tone.
"I just came through to see if you were okay," he said as he looked over my shoulders and then down each of the long hallways.
"Ain't nobody here but me and the kids, as usual. What did Tamar tell you check in to make sure I ain't have a nigga up in here?"
"Nah, you know I gotta come through and make sure everything is looking good. My mans wouldn't be too happy if I let something happen to you while he was down; you know?"
"How about you tell your mans to come home?"
"We already talked about that. He will come home when he's ready."
"So that means that he is okay then right?" I asked with a little hope in my voice.
"Don't you think I would tell you if he wasn't?"
"I don't know. You seem to very vague every time I inquire about my damn husband. I'm really getting sick of this damn game you all are playing."
"I'm not playing a game Roz. He doesn't want anyone to know where he's at until he's back up on his feet. I told you that," Black said.
He walked away from me and started to walk through the house. I tried. I really did try my hardest, but I couldn't stop the tears that slid heavily down my face. It's been three whole months since Tamar was shot and stabbed by J.B., and I haven't seen him since a couple of days after he was in the hospital.
I had gone to visit him right after they took him out of surgery to find that he was no longer there. I checked with damn near everybody from the Chief of Staff all the way down to management in administration, and nobody seemed to know who the fuck I was talking about.
It was like he'd been kidnapped with no witnesses to the crime. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. The only thing I could do was get my kids, go home, and wait. I waited for a day, but after hearing nothing from anyone, I got on the hunt for him. I called everybody that I knew had any type of connections to him, but each of them claimed to have not heard from Tamar.
About a week after, I practically lost my mind. Black showed up shortly after to let me know that Tamar had been taken to a private facility and requested that no one knew where he was.
For hours, I argued with Black, cussed his ass out left and right, and promised to have him fired the moment I talked to Tamar. The fuck he means no one was to know where he was? I was Tamar's wife and the mother of his children. I had a right to know, but that didn't mean shit to Black's loyal ass. He wouldn't tell me anything and only promised that he would keep an eye on me and the kids and to let him know if I needed anything.
I didn't think that it would take this long though. I was going crazy without Tamar being here with me and our children. Part of me felt like he was dead because I couldn't see Tamar not wanting me to know where he was. Why out of all people he would shut me out?
We were in a good place before all of this happened. We had just bought this house; I was telling Tamar about my plans for the future, and he even suggested that we have another wedding here in the U.S.. I don't know, but I just didn't feel right about any of what Black was telling me and wanted to speak to Tamar for myself.
"We're good! You can leave now!" I called out.
I was ready to get back in bed and fight this damn never ending headache. I guess the fact that I haven't had a good night's rest since Tamar disappeared on me was taking a huge toll on my body.
Man I just wanted him to hold me. I wanted to know that he was okay. I wanted to see his smile, hear his voice—tell him that I loved him. I missed him so much. Why doesn't he want to see me? I don't understand; I wondered as my thoughts toyed with my emotions.
"The boys good? Everything a'ight other than the fact that you're missing your husband?" Black asked as he made his way back to the foyer.
"Black, is he dead? Just tell me. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to see me. I know that if he was alive that he would want to see me. I'm his wife, Black!"
"Ma' calm down. If he were dead then I would've let you know that a long time ago. I told you he's good. Give him a little more time, and I promise you he will be home."
"Can you tell him to at least call me? I don't understand why he doesn't want to speak with me—or speak with the kids. What’s going on Black? This has been going on too long, and it's stressing me the fuck out!"
Black sighed and placed his hands into his pockets. He leaned against the wall and shot his stare towards the floor. I could see that he was juggling with his thoughts and deciding if he wanted to tell me more than what he was supposed to. I had to know something.
I didn't know if I could keep going without at least speaking with Tamar. It wasn't like him to not want to at least talk to me unless he was mad at me or something like that, but even then he would want to speak with his kids. He loved them, and he never let anything get in that way of his relationship with kids. That's how I knew it had to be more to what Black was telling me.
"A'ight look," Black blew out air and brought his gaze up to me. He stared into my eyes and for the first time I noticed the pain that he held inside. He and Tamar had a close relationship that they'd built over time, and the two of them were slowly becoming like brothers.
Being that Tamar didn't have his boys by his side anymore, Black had fit in place perfectly. Ever since that one slip up he had where I was shot at his girl's house, he'd been a great asset to Tamar and hadn't messed up since then.
"The day Tamar was in surgery and I told you to go home and get some rest. The doctors came out and told me that he'd lost a lot of blood and that it was taking them longer than they'd thought. A couple of the knife wounds had pierced his lungs, and they had a hard time fixing it. They said they lost him a couple of times while on the table and that it wasn't looking good for him."
"Oh, my God!" I screamed out.
I knew what he was about to tell me. Tamar was dead. I'd been holding out hope for the past three months, and he'd been dead all this time. How the fuck could Black do this me knowing I'd been worried out of my damn mind?
I rushed him. Taking my hand, I slapped the shit out of him and then continued to hit on him, letting all my anger and frustration out.
"Roz, chill! I made them stop the surgery and had him pulled out of that hospital. I don't fucking like Baylor. I swear every time somebody goes there with a gunshot wound or after being stabbed they always die. I lost quite a few patnas there over the years, and I wasn't getting a good vibe."
"Well, where is he? Is he alive, Black? Please tell me what the fuck is going on! He has a family at home, and it's not right what you're doing!"
"I had him taken to another hospital and now he's in a private facility. He never woke up after the surgery—but; he isn't dead."
"He never woke up, but he isn't dead? What the fuck does that mean?"
"I don't know what the fuck it means. They didn't call it a coma—they just said that he was in a medical state that wasn't allowing him to wake up."
I shook my head as tears continued to pour from my eyes. I knew something wasn't right. I knew that Tamar wouldn't just push me away like this. Only now that I knew what was going on, I wish that he had said that he didn't want to see me.
I wish that he had really preferred that I stayed away. Knowing that he wasn't waking up was more hurtful than anything that had ever happened to me.
I knew that we had gone through so much that if we kept living like this that one of us wasn't going to come back this time. I had only hoped that we had gotten our lives together before it ever came to that.
"Take me to see him, Black. The nanny is ready to come whenever I am ready for her. Take me to see him. I need to see him."
"Nah, I can't do that."
I frowned at Black like he had shit sm
eared all over his fucking face. He'd just told me that Tamar was semi-dead, and the nigga didn't want to take me to see him. Man my patience was wearing thin with this dude. I stepped all the way back from him and stared at him like he was the enemy since he wanted to treat me like I was one.
"Get the fuck out of my house!" I yelled and pointed towards the door. "I'll find out where he is on my own! And I don't need you to come through here to check on shit since it's obvious you don't have our best interest at heart!"
"Yo' I'm just trying to protect him!" Black shouted. He hiked his pants up a couple of inches and headed towards the front door.
"Protect him from his family?! Yea, what the fuck ever! Get out!"
Soon as Black left out of my home, I slammed the door behind him and locked it back.
When I turned around, all of the kids were sitting at the end of the stairwell staring at me with sad eyes. They knew that Tamar had been gone a little too long and as much as I wanted to tell them that everything was okay with their father; I couldn't because he was not okay.
"Okay, let's go back upstairs and get in bed," I told them and took Trina from Tamarion's hands. As soon as I got halfway up the stairs, there was a knock at the door followed by the ringing of the doorbell.
What the fuck Black? Did this nigga think I was playing with his ass? "Okay, to your rooms. I'll be up in a minute."
I turned around and went back to the door. I already knew that it was Black returning. He just better hoped that he was about to tell me that he was taking me to see Tamar otherwise I was definitely about to let him have it. I pulled the door open and immediately a ton of fear shot through my body.
"Mrs. Andrews?" a tall Hispanic guy questioned as he forced his way past me and inside of my home. He was accompanied by two other Hispanic looking men. I held on tightly to Trina and looked over my shoulder to see my boys racing back down the stairs and into my direction.