by Shan
"What's up?" I asked with a roll of my eyes.
"So, I'm a be moving to Atlanta for a little while to help my bruh out with the shit he got going on out there," Taron said.
"What? You're going back to Atlanta?" I asked dumbfounded. This nigga was out on bond and was supposed to stick around until the trial. This I didn't see coming at all. I started getting heated and could feel my baby boy tightening up at the bottom of my stomach. I'm sure he could feel the anxiety that I was experiencing at the moment. "I thought that you had to stay in Miami until after the trial was over with."
"Yea I was supposed to be, but Larry was able to get me approved to live out there under supervision of an office in Atlanta. They know it's home and they know that my family is out there."
"Oh yea, which family are you speaking of?"
"You know what family I'm speaking of. Look, I just wanted to let you know because I was supposed to be on a plane out of here today, but I had Tamar postpone it until I got a chance to speak with you and spend some time with my daughter."
"Wow, so what about the baby? I'm supposed to have him next month."
"Just call me and let me know when you do, and I will come through and take the DNA test."
"Damn, you're still on that shit?"
"Yea, why wouldn't I be? Haven't nothing changed that I know about."
"Okay. Okay, whatever," was all I could manage to say. I crossed my arms over my chest and let out a deep breath. I couldn't believe that he was leaving me like this. He didn't even care that I was about to have another one of his kids. Was he really gonna leave me to have this baby all by myself? What kind of man was he? I looked at him once more and frowned, thinking of what I could say to keep him around at least until the baby was born and that I proved that it was his.
"I want to take Keymani out today if it's okay with you," Taron said speaking over the silence that formed between us.
"Is it another bitch Taron?" I asked feeling some type of way about this shit right now. It had to be another woman. There was no way he was about to tell me that shit again about not having a connection to me. I was a damned good woman. I knew how to take care of my man, and I know for a fact that I took good care of Taron. This shit was driving me crazy. Too muthafuckin' crazy. Why would he allow me to fall in love with him if he never wanted anything to do with me? This just didn't seem fair, and it wasn't fair to our kids.
"Another woman? You sound so stupid right now. When would I have time to talk to another woman if I've been in and out of jail?" Taron asked as he hiked his jeans up a couple of inches.
"Then what is it about me that you don't want?"
"You're too controlling man. You keep trying to force shit, and it's driving me crazy. If that is my seed, what the fuck happened to the birth control pills that you were taking? It's shit like that makes me not want to be with you."
"I was taking my birth control pills, but remember when I told you that we should use a condom, you always said that it didn't feel the same. Don't try to put all this on me."
"I'm not putting anything on you. I'm just saying, it's this little petty shit that you do that make me a little suspect and feel like I always gotta be on my toes when I'm around you. You fuckin' sneaky, and I honestly don't trust you."
I huffed and folded my arms tightly across my chest again. I had Mr. Portman, and he was a good man and was ready to treat me the way that a woman should be treated, but I was in love with Taron. I wanted to be with the man that fathered my children. What was so wrong with that?
Yea, I know had my sneaky ass ways and did shit that maybe I shouldn’t have done, but it was only when I felt like somebody was fucking over me. I never fucked with anyone that didn't fuck with me and as of right now—I felt like Taron was fucking with me, and it wasn't right.
"I'm about to take her to Chuck E Cheese. You wanna go, or you gonna sit here and be in your feelings all day?" Taron asked. I thought about it for a second and started to say no, but knew that if the nigga was leaving then I might as well spend what little time he had left with him. I nodded my head and went up to my room to get dressed. Shortly after, we were headed out the door and on our way to Chuck E Cheese.
***
Chuck E Cheese was fun as hell. Keymani ran all over the damn place, and Taron was right there keeping up with her. This whole day was bittersweet because I knew moments like these were gonna be very few and far in between now that Taron was leaving. I just wished that he could see what I saw.
I wished that he noticed how happy we all were today and know that if we were together then this was how it would always be. If we were able to go out and have a good time like we did today and seemingly be one happy family then we could do it all the time. Why was I the only one seeing that?
"Taron stop," I whined as Taron kissed between my thighs.
"Why you want me to stop?" he asked as if he didn't already know.
"Because you're leaving. Why play with my feelings if you know you still gonna be hopping on that plane to Atlanta tomorrow?"
"It's just sex. Why we can't just enjoy the sex and not get all attached to it?"
Taron pushed my legs open and kissed on my thighs. He pulled my panties to the side, and dipped his tongue into the hot juices that were already forming by his touch. I tucked my hands behind my head and closed my eyes as he circled around my clit, and then slowly sucked it into his mouth.
"Woo shit," I softly moaned.
I opened my eyes once Taron went to remove my panties and tossed them onto the floor. He centered himself in front of me and lowered his head again as he lapped up my juices. I cried out in pleasure as I rounded my hips around that fire ass tongue of his. I dropped my head back and gasped as I felt my first orgasm coming. Taron could sense that I was about to cum and flickered his tongue faster over my love button. The moisture between my legs heated intensely as it squirted out of me. Taron covered my clit with his mouth and sucked on it hard, causing me to gyrate as if I was having convulsions.
"Okay! Okay!" I managed to get out. I pushed his head away and fell back onto the bed. Taron climbed out of his clothes and in between my legs. With one quick motion, he slid himself inside of me, and fucked me good and hard.
"Shit, you super wet," Taron groaned. "Hmm, I'm a miss this good pussy."
"You should stay around so you can keep getting this good pussy. Morning, noon, and night," I told him as I threw my pussy back at him, matching each stroke he made.
Just like I expected, Taron became super quiet. He was having a hard time getting deep inside of me the way he wanted due to my stomach being in the way. He turned me over on my side, and while in the spoon position, he slid in so deep that it felt as if he was hitting the bottom of my stomach.
Each time he came in out and of me, my legs jiggled, and I cried out his name. I took my nipples between my fingers and pinched them tightly. I felt another orgasm coming and shut my eyes tightly. My eyes rolled behind my head, and I tossed my ass back at Taron.
"Oh, my god! Taron, I'm cumming! Shit I'm about to cum so fuckin' hard!" I screamed.
"Cum on this dick then baby! Make that pussy squirt all over this dick!" he said pushing every inch of his thick meat inside of me. I squeezed my muscles tightly around his shaft and gasped over and over again. This shit was feeling so fuckin' good. I came so hard that I swear that I had hit some type of drug. The good feeling didn't last long though, soon as that high went away; my stomach tightened, and the baby balled up into a knot causing things to become more than uncomfortable.
"Baby, hurry and nut. Uhhh," I grunted.
"A'ight," Taron sat up with me still laying on my side. He raised my leg up in the air and pounded away at my pussy. I gripped the sheets and held my breath. "Shit, here I cum!"
Thank God!
Taron pumped in and out of me quickly until he finally exploded inside of me. He then gave light and slow strokes until he was completely empty and then rolled over onto the bed. I brought my legs up and balle
d up into a fetal position until the discomfort went away. Damn, I can't wait until this lil nigga come; I thought and could feel Taron as he climbed out of bed.
My head popped up, and I watched him as he went into the bathroom. I shook my head because I knew that he was about to bounce on my ass. Anytime we had sex and he had no plans of staying; he would hop up immediately afterwards before he got too tired to move.
Unexpectedly, tears rolled down my face. I was tired of wanting this nigga so damn bad. I never thought it was possible for me to want anyone as much as I wanted Taron. I found myself regretting all the times that I fucked up and cheated on Keylan. If I had only been patient and waited until he was ready to settle down and have a family, then maybe things wouldn't be like they were now.
I didn't know if he would still have been killed that day by Brandon or not, but it didn't stop me from thinking about the what ifs. What if I had never stepped out on him? What if I he was still alive and Keymani was his daughter and I was pregnant with his son? I know that Keylan would have never left me feeling like this. He never made me feel anything other than wanted and loved.
Even when I knew that he'd cheated on me, he never made me feel insecure, or like I wasn't doing enough to satisfy him. He always made sure that I knew that I was his woman and that he loved me. Why did I have to fuck that up, only to end up with half a damn man?
I sat up in bed and slowly turned my body around to step down so that I could go in the bathroom to wash up. I could hear Taron's muffled voice coming from the behind the closed door, and it immediately pissed me off. Who the fuck was this nigga talking to?
"It's a'ight ma'. You know everything gonna be cool. I'm a be out there tomorrow so I'll see what's up," I heard him say as I stuck my ear to the closed door. I knew it. He was fucking around with some bitch. Why else would he jump up and leave his kids here in Miami? I swear bitches always tried to come between a nigga and their kids. First it was Journey and her delusional ass, and now it was whoever the fuck this was.
I walked away from the door and began to pace back and forth across the floor. Having his ass put back in jail didn't work. I hoped that after he had sat there the first time that there would have been no questions about what kind of woman I was, but seeing as how it didn't work, I had to force him to recognize. Shit! And it still didn't work.
I walked into the closet and went for the small Gucci handbag that I kept my pistol in that Keylan had gave me so many years ago. It was old, but it was still in good condition seeing as how I never used it before. I wasn't going to use it tonight, but I did want Taron to see what it felt like to have somebody fucking with your feelings. He thought that this shit was a joke, and I was going to show him that it was not.
I turned around to exit the closet with my gun in hand at the same time he exited the bathroom. He looked down at the gun and then up at me with a confused look plastered across his face.
"I asked you was it a bitch, and you told me no," I said to him as I raised the gun and pointed it at him.
"Mannnn, what the fuck is wrong with you? Put that shit down and stop playing," Taron laughed nervously.
"I'm not playing with you nigga! I asked you was it another bitch, and you told me no! You were just in there talking to another hoe on the phone in my fuckin' house!"
"I wasn't talking to no other bitch you crazy ass girl! That was Rozalyn calling me! She and Tae going through some shit and she hurting right now! I was trying to tell her that—"
"Stop lying—"
POW!
Oh shit!
My eyes bucked wide open as I stared at the center of Taron's chest. It was a small tiny hole that had thick blood oozing out of it. I didn't plan on shooting him. Oh, my God. I was just trying to play with his head like he'd been playing with mine. I didn't even know the damn thing had been loaded. I was told to never leave a loaded gun around the house while Keymani was around, and I could've sworn that I removed the bullets a long time ago.
The gun fell from my hand and dropped to the floor at the same time Taron fell forward and landed on the floor. I backed away when my mama came storming into the room. She brought her hands up to her mouth and looked from me to Taron, and to the gun that lied between us.
"Mama!" I cried. "Oh, my God! What have I done?"
Chapter 24
Rozalyn
Will be missing you
Now I'm sitting here
Thinking bout you
And the days we used to share
It's driving me crazy
~Aaliyah~
A week later…..
I walked towards Tamar as he stood by the open plot as the cemetery workers lowered Taron's casket into the ground. He had a pair of shades covering his face, blocking everyone's view of his eyes that I knew held a lot of misery. I didn't know what happened to Taron. I had talked to him that same night that he was supposedly killed, and he'd told me that he was going to be in Atlanta the following day and would try to talk some sense into his brother.
Hours later he was dead. I didn't even ask him where he was or what he was doing, but it all just seemed so strange. Taron wasn't anything like Tamar and shied away from confrontation. He never inserted himself into any drama because he was always afraid of going back to jail. I knew since he was already in the little trouble that he was with the feds that he would've made sure he flied under the radar. This baffled me.
"Hey," I said to Tamar. He released Keysha's hand and looked down at me.
"I didn't see you. Didn't know you were here," Tamar said to me. He pulled his sunglasses away from his face and sat them on top of his head.
"Yea, I've been here. Just in the back."
"You were at the church too?"
"Yea, I was there."
"Why didn’t you come and sit with the family then?"
"You were with Keysha and I didn't want to impose."
"Yea, a'ight. Where my kids at?" Tamar asked as he let out a frustrated sigh.
"Left them with the nanny back in Dallas. I fly back home tomorrow."
"That's what's up. I'm a take a break and be home next week so I can spend some time with them. I know they missing me right now. I know I miss the hell out of them."
"Well you know where we live. Anyway, I just wanted to come and give my condolences to you. I tried calling you a few times, but you didn't answer. I'm sorry about Taron. You know he was like my brother of course. This hurts," I said choking back tears.
"Police said that you were the last person he talked to before he was killed."
"Yea, they came to talk to me. I told them that he didn't tell me where he was at. I was talking to him about us, and he told me that he was going to talk to you the next day, and I never heard anything until I got the call from mama telling me that he was dead."
"Yea, you know he was spending time with Latoya and Keymani before he came to Atlanta. She claims that he left her house that night and that she tried to call him when she realized he left his phone at her house. They found his body like ten miles away from her house."
"Oh, my God. Do you think that she had something to do with this?" I asked not believing my ears.
"I don't know. I've been too busy trying to get his funeral together that I haven't had time to figure out what's going on. I'm gonna find out though, you know me."
"Yea, I know. Well I don't wanna keep you too long. Your girlfriend keeps looking over here," I said peeping Keysha. She was leaned against the limo with her arms tucked tightly over her chest piercing a damn hole through Tamar's back.
"She'll be a'ight. What hotel you staying at?"
"Why? You are not about to come there."
"You know I can find you."
"Whatever," I chuckled. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, and he did the same. I rested my head onto his chest and allowed the pain I was feeling slide down my face. This was it. Tamar had no more family. Everyone was six feet under buried next to one another. I had a feeling that it wouldn't be long be
fore Tamar joined them. I just hoped that I wasn't right about that.
"I'm a see you later, okay? I got some stuff that I need to talk to you about."
"Alright," I said and walked away. Tamar grabbed me and pulled me back to him. I turned around and looked at him and used his thumbs to wipe away my tears.
"It's a'ight. We all gotta go someday, right?"
"Yea, but you no longer have anyone. He was the only family you had left."
"I still got my mom and my sister."
"Yea, but I know it's not the same. You haven't cried have you?" I asked knowing that he was most likely holding it all in.
"Nope, cry for what? I've been doing this for too long, and this is how it goes. We all die in the end. My bruh ain't gotta ever worry about nothing ever again, and he knows that I'm a handle whoever did this to him. I'm good. I'm gonna miss him, but I'm a'ight."
I shook my head and let out an exasperated sigh. I hated when he held back on his emotions 'cause it only made him angrier than he already was. Whenever he was sad or hurting and didn't talk about it, he always took it out on the people around him. It wasn't healthy for him or anyone that had to be around him, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I rubbed my hand down the side of his face and flashed him a soft smile.
"Talk to you later," I told him and turned to leave again.
I headed back to my hotel room and on the way there Tamar text me to find out where I was staying. I sent him the information only because he said he needed to talk to me. The time away from him had been good for me. I missed the hell out of him and was still hurt behind the fact that he left me for another chick, but each day I was coming to terms with it. I knew that it would take a long time before I was truly over it and over him though.
Regardless of it all, I must say that I felt at peace no longer being in the relationship because once I truly sat back and thought about it. The relationship was a toxic one. I think that being friends and co-parenting was the best thing for us to do at this point. I knew that Tamar would always take care of his kids and me if I needed him to. That was one thing that I didn't have to worry about. I wanted him to be happy, and I wanted to be happy and if we had to date other people to get that feeling, then so be it.