“Can’t I change your mind?” I was hitting a brick wall, but had to give it a shot.
She shook her head and closed her eyes. “No.”
“I thought I’d ask anyway.” I kissed her forehead.
When it came to Sophia, I relaxed and was able to feel like I could be myself. With other women, it was always so forced and clichéd. The fact that she was leaving left a bad taste in my mouth, but I had to suck it up and accept it.
“You’re not such a tough man, are you?” she remarked. “You’re a big softie with a huge heart. You just don’t like wearing it on your sleeve.”
I laughed. She had this way of pronouncing her words that sounded like music when she spoke.
“Big softie, huh?”
“Yes, because, you look like a serial killer.” She winked at me and laughed. “I’m only joking.”
“You’d better be, because you don’t want to test my patience tonight.” I gave her a coy smile.
“Oh, really? Is that a threat?”
“It depends on what way you look at it.”
Sophia set the glass down on the table. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Then, teach me a lesson I won’t forget.”
She was tempting me beyond comprehension.
“You don’t really mean that,” I muttered.
Sophia stood, pulled off her shirt, and slipped out of her jeans. Unhooking her bra, she threw it in my face.
I grinned and watched her playfully slide a hand down the front of her panties.
She stroked herself under the sheer fabric.
My cock twitched. Fuck! I burned with desire and listened to her soft moans.
“Do you want me to make myself come?” she purred.
I stared up at her. She was intoxicating, and I needed her release.
“Yes,” I replied. Nothing got me hotter than watching a sexy woman stroke herself to pleasure.
Her hand moved faster, her breathing labored. She bucked her hips forward, cupping a breast in her hand. Sophia hummed, a husky tone that had me holding my breath, anticipating the moment she climaxed.
“Ooooh . . . Ash,” she murmured. “I’m . . .” She held her breath, throwing her head back and gasping until she slowed her strokes.
“Fuck, you are sexy when you do that,” I muttered.
I reached forward, grabbed her ass, and kissed her stomach. I tugged on the waistband of her panties and pulled them down over her knees, helping her step out of them.
I stood and slowly walked around her, basking in the beauty of her naked splendor. She was everything I needed at that moment. Nothing else mattered. I paused behind her and trailed my fingers up and down her arms.
She responded by leaning back into my chest.
I smiled and bent down to her ear, gently biting her earlobe.
Sophia gasped.
“Tell me,” I whispered. “What is it you desire?”
“I want you to control me in every sense of the word.”
I spun her around to face me.
She focused on my groin and grinned when she saw the bulge straining against my jeans. Sophia reached for the belt, undoing it slowly.
“I want you to suck my cock, and when you make me come, don’t swallow it,” I ordered.
A huge smile appeared on her face. She nodded.
“Your command is final.” She winked at me.
Holy fuck!
I pulled my shirt off and threw it on the sofa.
Sophia teased me and unbuttoned my jeans. Sliding them down over my knees, she gazed up at me, her eyes full of want and need.
My lust mirrored hers. It was evident when my erection sprang out.
Sophia stuck her tongue out, gently licking the tip of my cock. The sensation of her wet tongue against my throbbing member had me weak at the knees. She jerked me with one hand as her mouth explored my balls.
A loud moan escaped my lips. The pleasure was unbearable, the kind that made me want to yank her head and fuck her mouth hard. I gritted my teeth, controlling my breathing, letting her work her magic.
Her lips moved away from my balls, and she licked my shaft. She worked her way up to the sensitive underside of my cock beneath the head, teasing me with long, slow licks. When she finally put her lips around the whole head, my knees jerked slightly. She continued fondling my balls with one hand and took the entire length of my hardness inside her mouth.
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered, taking a handful of her hair and pulling lightly.
Sophia swirled her tongue around under my cock, driving me crazy. She bobbed her head back and forth, slurping and moaning.
I was so close.
“Keep doing that.” I groaned, pushing my cock further down her throat.
She gagged and began to swallow me.
The intense pleasure of her mouth had me at tipping point. A few more minutes of the same action, and I was on the verge of shooting my load. The warmth in my balls tingled as if they couldn’t resist a moment longer. I held onto either side of her head, and the orgasm washed over me like a giant wave.
“Fuck yeah.” My hot semen shot into the back of her throat. She made little noises as she milked me, her daring eyes focused on me. “Don’t swallow, not until I say so.” I slipped out of her mouth.
Sophia closed her mouth shut, keeping my seed firmly in place.
Now, it was my turn to give her a little something.
I pulled her into my arms and carried her to the bedroom. Once inside, I set her on the bed, making sure she was comfortable.
“Open your legs,” I instructed.
She did as she was told and spread them as far as possible.
I bent down between her legs and gently kissed her inner thighs. I looked up and saw her gazing down at me, her pupils dilated, and her mouth still closed.
I smiled and clamped my lips around her pussy, licking her clit.
She groaned through her nose.
I was more than willing to control just how long she had to hold my cum in her mouth.
Her body trembled under my touch as I lapped at her sweet juices. My tongue darted in and out of her before I used two fingers to deepen the sensation.
She moaned the whole time, bucking her hips, pushing her pussy closer to my face.
I loved how she tasted. Sweet and musky, a perfect blend of her womanly beauty.
I stopped for a brief moment, raised my eyes, and said, “You can swallow now.”
She gulped down my salty contents and breathed in deep.
I returned my attention to her sopping mound. Licking, sucking, flicking my tongue inside her, over her lips, and clit.
She gripped the sheets beneath her and started shaking.
My cock grew hard listening to her sexy moans—deep and sultry.
“Yes,” she muttered.
I continued until she finally cried out, riding the orgasm as it crashed over her. I didn’t give her a moment to relish the sensation. I stood and pulled her to her feet, turning her around and parting her legs with my foot. I pushed her down so that she bent over the bed and thrust my cock inside her.
Sophia let out a surprised squeal.
I held her hips with one hand, slapping her ass with the other. I enjoyed hearing her sharp breaths, and groaned as I slapped her again. I fucked her, loving the hot, smooth moisture of her pussy as she tightened around me.
“Harder.” She moaned. “Fuck me harder.”
I gripped her hips, tugging her a little closer to me, and pounded deep inside.
She cried out, bouncing on my cock, driving me to the point I couldn’t hold back.
I gritted my teeth. My grip on her hips tightened.
“Oh, fuck,” I roared.
“Yes . . . Oh, yes . . . Come in me.” Sophia cried out.
The two of us climaxed together. The pulsing spasms of Sophia’s pussy milked my cock clean as ropes of semen shot deep inside
her.
I remained hard for a few moments, and then relaxed my grip, letting out a long breath of complete satisfaction. I pulled her to me and kissed her, caressing the arch of her back.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“For what?”
“For being here.”
She smiled. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
I dreaded her leaving me and clung to her for dear life. Letting go was going to destroy me, but I was a big boy. I had to man up and be the Ash Benton everyone thought I was. I wasn’t about to let the world know that I was a broken man on the verge of destroying everything he loved.
Somehow, the truth would always come out. One way or another.
In the early hours of the morning, I awoke to a loud bang on the front door. The sound pounded through my skull, as though I were waking up hungover. I opened my eyes and swallowed, expecting it to stop. Then, it came again. I sat up straight and looked down at Sophia, who was still fast asleep. Grabbing my boxers, I put them on and walked to the door.
Danny stared at me. His eyes were red, as if he’d been crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, letting him in.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Ash,” he shouted, holding his hands to his head.
It had been a while since I last saw him this way. Something was wrong.
“Danny, what’s happened?”
He stopped pacing the floor of my hall and turned to face me. “She’s dead.”
“Who’s dead?” I shook my head trying to comprehend what he was saying.
The blank expression on his face was a cause for concern. Tears lined his cheeks.
“Marcy!”
For a split second, I was convinced he was joking. I sniggered nervously before the words sank in.
“How do you know?”
Danny curled his hands behind his head and squeezed his eyes shut. “I got a call from Marco. They were at the crash site.”
“Crash?” I shook my head confused.
“A head-on collision out on Belmont and Kedzie,” he muttered. “She died on impact. There was nothing they could do.”
My mind swarmed with so many questions. Had I played a hand in this? I witnessed how broken Danny was, and the guilt nearly shot me down. I took a huge breath and hung my head in shame.
“I’m sorry, bro. I really am.”
Danny held a hand over his face and sobbed. The reality of it all washed over me. I walked up to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and listened to him cry.
“I’m so fucking stupid,” he said, angrily pulling away and wiping the tears from his eyes.
“Danny, there was a time when you loved the woman. Those feelings don’t just die,” I replied.
He let out a long breath before turning his head, looking intently at Sophia, who appeared at my bedroom door.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
Danny stared at her first, then at me. “You tell her,” he muttered, and walked down the hall to the kitchen.
“What’s going on, Ash?”
I looked at her and replied, “Marcy’s dead.”
Sophia went back into the room, closing the door behind her.
I went into the kitchen.
Danny stood, gazing out the window.
“Want some coffee?” I asked.
“You know what hurts more?”
“No.”
“That she died knowing I would have forgiven her for everything, but she never said a damned thing to me.”
I moved toward him and put a hand on his shoulder. “I know, but this is something you don’t have to go through on your own.”
“It’s not like we had a kid and shit. She made sure as hell that didn’t happen.”
I hated seeing him like this. Out of the two of us, Danny had always been the cheerful one, the man who brought a smile to everyone’s face. Right now, he was shadow of himself, and I was responsible.
“Listen, you’re tired, and you’re hurting. Don’t beat yourself up over something you had no control over. Marcy made her bed, Danny, you know that. She didn’t make it easy to build bridges.”
He nodded. “But I never expected her to die, not like this. Not yet.”
“No one ever expects anyone to die, but it happens, and you learn to live with the pain.”
“Is that what you do?” he asked. “Live with pain?”
“Every damn day.”
“So you fucking Sophia must be lessening that pain?”
I didn’t respond. Danny wasn’t in control of himself, and I had to let him use me as a punch bag.
He stopped talking and sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I get it,” I replied.
“You know something, this is the first time in my life that I feel so goddamned scared,” he admitted.
“Nothing sobers you up more than death.”
“I never imagined it would feel like this.”
“The pain never gets old, but you learn to live with it,” I said.
He turned around and rested his back against the counter. “What do I tell her parents?”
“That job isn’t yours.” I hated that he always felt responsible and had to do the right thing. “Do you really want to get close to them? After everything?”
Danny’s shoulders slumped and he slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t know.”
“Then, let me be your voice of reasoning,” I said. “Don’t open old wounds. Tensions will be high, and you will be made a scapegoat.”
If there was one thing about Danny, it was his natural ability to absorb everyone’s feelings, putting himself in the center of situations and taking it upon himself to make everything okay again. He’d yet to realize that life didn’t work that way. No matter how hard he tried.
The day of Connie’s funeral was such a time. Danny had stepped up to the plate, and tried to take on more than he bargained for.
It was odd looking at her face. She looked so peaceful, like a sleeping angel. No matter how many times I reminded myself that she was dead, I was overcome with the urge to lift her from the casket and carry her home. I wanted to hold her one last time. I ached in a way that I found breathing so hard.
My mother touched my back. “Honey, why don’t you take a seat?”
Her words barely registered. I wasn’t ready, not yet. I wanted to stand there, gazing at my beautiful Connie, knowing I would never see her face again.
“Just five minutes more,” I mumbled.
She gazed at Michelle. “Okay, honey.”
The low monotone voices of those who came for the service became distant echoes. I gazed at Connie’s hands. Her long, elegant fingers wrapped together. She’d run those hands through my hair, or held our son, cradling him in her arms. Her loving hands had saved me so many times.
I never knew what it was like to feel this alone. I couldn’t stand it. I felt vulnerable and at the mercy of my own grief. When they finally closed the casket, the darkness of my sadness wrapped itself around me, a heartless torrent of pain that ripped my soul to shreds.
The service passed by in a haze. I held Jake close to my chest, never wanting to let him go. He was the piece that connected me to Connie. He was living, breathing proof that she had existed, and that her time on earth wasn’t in vain.
It hurt to follow the casket out to the cemetery. I wanted to run in front of the priest, telling him to stop, but Danny’s firm hand on my shoulder stopped me from making a fool of myself.
My insides turned to ash as they put her in the ground. I clung to Jake as though he were my lifeline. The tears stung as they burst from their dam. The clouds moved closer together as if they wanted a better view. Wind blew around me, an unbearable chill that crept deep inside me.
As the well-wishers came and went, I was on autopilot. I shook hands and nodded, forcing myself to accept their sincere condolenc
es. All the while, I wanted to crawl through the dirt of the grave and join my wife.
By the time we left the cemetery and got back to the apartment, I wanted nothing but quiet. There was so much noise, the hubbub of voices, strangers going through our photo albums, smiling as they inspected memories captured by Connie. I wanted them gone, but biting the bullet, I kept my mouth shut.
“How are you holding up?” Danny asked, pulling me out of my pity party.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “Overwhelmed.”
“Maybe you should lie down,” he suggested, taking my arm.
I shoved him aside. “I don’t want to lie down.”
I was pissed beyond comprehension. I wanted to lash out at someone. Danny just so happened to be the one.
“Ash, come on, you need to relax, man.” Danny reached for me.
I saw the worry in his eyes, but that didn’t stop me. My fist collided with his cheek before I realized I hit him. Regret swept through me. I looked around and saw the shocked faces of those who came back to the apartment. It was easy to see I was falling apart, but that didn’t stop me from grabbing a bottle of whiskey and leaving.
My mother raced after me. “Ash, don’t do this.”
“Do what, Mom?”
“This,” she said, trying to take the bottle from me. “What about Jake?”
“What about him?”
She stepped up to me, trying to take my hand in hers. “He needs you to be strong.”
“Well, pardon me for being upset.” Tears streamed down my cheeks.
Danny appeared, blood seeping from his mouth.
“Why don’t you go back in there, talk all nice and shit?” I shouted. “Just leave me the fuck alone.”
I could see the hurt in my mother’s eyes, but it wasn’t enough to stop me.
“Go look after Jake,” Danny said. “I’ll look after him.” He kissed her cheek. “So, where to?”
“Fuck you!” I ran down the stairs.
Regardless of the abuse I gave him, Danny wasn’t backing down. He said he’d look after me, and he meant it. He wasn’t the kind of man to go back on his word, which left him in the firing line.
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