“Stop being selfish, honey,” my father said.
My mother glared at him. “I’m not being selfish.”
“Mom, don’t you think I’ve thought long and hard about this? It wasn’t a decision made in haste.”
“But what about Jake? I won’t get to see him.”
“You can visit anytime, and we will make trips back up here.” I reached for her hand. “Please don’t make this hard for me, Mom. You know I love you. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me, but it’s time for me to do something that will make me happy. Please don’t let me leave without your blessing.”
My mother snapped her hand back. She got up and left.
“Why is she being so unreasonable?” I turned toward my father.
“Son, there’s something about women you’ve got to understand,” he replied. “She doesn’t want to lose you. You’ve been her world since the moment you were born. And now that Jake’s in the picture, well . . . let’s just say you boys give her life purpose.”
“Do you think I’m making a bad decision?”
He shook his head and gripped my shoulder. “I think you need to do what’s best for you and your son. I’ll look after your mother.”
“I don’t want to leave with bad blood.” My hands shook.
My father laughed. “Bad blood? I doubt it, son. Give it a week. She’ll be on the first flight down, making herself at home.”
Relief washed over me. I had upset my mother, but my father was right. I had to do this for myself. Staying would only cause resentment, and that wasn’t fair to anyone.
“Do you mind if I crash here tonight? I’ll sleep in beside Jake.”
“Ashley, remember, this is your home,” my father replied, and smiled. “Now go get some rest.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
It had been a long time since I last slept at my parents. As I slipped into bed beside Jake, I stared at the ceiling and realized it would be another while before I repeated this. A mixture of sadness and excitement raced through me. I wanted to make the best possible life for Jake, just like my folks had done for me. I regretted everything I had put them through.
Thank God for second chances.
“Ash!” Sophia’s voice stammered down the line.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, and pushed the lid of the box closed.
“She’s gone.”
I had been expecting the call for days, but nothing ever prepares you for it. I sat down on the edge of my bed.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” I replied.
Her voice broke, and the sobs followed.
“I can get the next flight down,” I said.
“No, it’s okay. Concentrate on the move. I’ll be fine.”
“Sophia, your mother’s passed away. I don’t want you going through this alone.”
“Ash, I won’t be alone,” she muttered. “I want you to focus on getting down here. I can handle the funeral. I just needed to hear your voice.”
I hated how she preferred to brush her feelings under the carpet, like she didn’t matter.
“Sophia, don’t be a hero, okay?”
“I’m not. I just need to go through this on my own, my way,” she whispered.
“Why?” I couldn’t understand her reasoning.
“Because I’m so used to working through all the crap alone, it’s become a bad habit.”
“You don’t need to go through shit on your own. You have me and Jake.”
“I know I do, but just this once, let me deal with my mother’s death my way. If you love me, respect my wishes,” she said.
“Okay,” I answered. “If this is what you want, then I will stay put and continue packing my life up here.”
She sighed. “You’re angry with me.”
Sophia had a point. I was pissed.
“Ash, I love you. Under normal circumstances, I’d give my right arm to have you with me, but just this once, I feel the need to go through the process on my own.”
“I’m not gonna lie. I don’t understand, but just this once, you get your own way,” I replied.
“Thank you.”
“And for the record, I love you, too. I’d give my soul just to be with you right now.”
She let out a soft laugh. “Well, that would be kinda stupid, considering you’re literally weeks away from moving down here.”
“Stop being a wiseass,” I joked.
“Hmm, not this day,” she replied, and changed the subject. “How’s packing up your life going?”
I looked down at my wedding album and ran my hand across Connie’s face. “It’s been hard. There’s things I’ve not touched since Connie died.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I need to do this. This is all a part of the whole journey. It was never going to be easy saying goodbye to the past.”
“Ash!”
She said my name in her beautiful accent. Goosebumps prickled my skin.
“What?”
“You aren’t saying goodbye to the past. I want you to bring it with you. I don’t want you to think you have to hide that you had a wife who you loved. I’m not that kind of woman, and you know that.”
Her words eased some of the pain. It wasn’t a physical ache, but more of a reminder that I was now moving on, and it was bittersweet.
“You are incredible,” I gushed.
“Possibly, but together, we will give Jake an amazing life, and you can share your stories about his mother with him. I never want you to feel that you can’t mention her, Ash, okay? I know you loved her, and it destroyed you when she died. But I also know there is room in your heart for me, and if I can have that kind of impact on you, then I’ll be happy.”
Sophia never ceased to amaze me. How had I gotten so lucky? She confirmed that my choice had been the right one all along.
“So you promise me that you’ll be okay?”
“Baby, I’m always okay,” she replied. “And now, I gotta go. Papa needs me.”
I hated saying goodbye and worried about how she was really feeling, but I had to trust her and that she would be strong.
“I’ll be seeing you soon,” I said.
“You can count on it.” The call ended.
I stared at the wedding album before mustering up the courage to flick through the pages. Connie and I stood by the altar, lost in our embrace, completely in love, all the pain and suffering unbeknownst to us. We were so oblivious of the rocky road ahead. Yet, as I gazed at us, I knew I would never have changed any of it. Regardless of my heartache and Connie’s illness, we had the best time together. For the short while she’d been mine, I knew I would cherish all of it forever.
The door to my room opened. Jake stood in the middle of the doorway, rubbing his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, setting the album down.
“I had a bad dream.”
I walked over to him and lifted him into my arms. “Hey, it’s okay. Remember what I told you?”
He nodded. “Monsters aren’t real.”
“Exactly,” I replied, and carried him back to his room. “You’ve got to sleep in your own room, buddy.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m packing, and there’s tons of boxes on the bed.”
“Daddy?”
“Yup.” I laid him down and tucked the covers around his shoulders.
“Can we bring the puppy Maw-Maw is getting me?”
I sat down beside him and shrugged. “I don’t know, Jake. We’re moving to a new house. Our lives will be really busy, too busy for a puppy.”
“But you promised.” He sulked.
“I know, but things have changed a little,” I explained. “Maybe in a year or two, we can get a puppy, but for now, we need to make our new family our priority. Do you understand?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Listen, Jake, we can see the puppy anytime we come up. But right now it’s all
about us making a new life, and that’s going to be an adventure.”
“Adventure?” His eyes opened wide.
“Yup, and I promise that you will have the best time.”
“Daddy,” he said, and yawned.
“What?”
He rolled over onto his side and glanced at me. “Will Sophia be my new mommy?”
When it came to curious minds, a child never beat about the bush. They wanted facts, not sugar-coated lies, and I wasn’t about to let my son down.
“I think she will, because she loves you, and I know you love her,” I replied.
He nodded, smiled, and closed his eyes.
“Now get some sleep. We’ve a busy week ahead.”
I got up, walked to the door, and switched off the light. I stared back at the tiny lump on the bed, and my heart filled with so much love and pride. I never thought it possible to love another human being the way I loved my son, but every single moment of each day, that love grew.
The weeks rolled by so fast, it was a little daunting trying to catch my breath. My transfer came through just in time. Although I was excited about the move, there was still a little part of me clinging to old wounds.
Maybe it was nerves. Who knew? I had to man up and face what the future had in store for me.
With less than a day until saying goodbye to a city I loved, I found myself at the one place I always came to when things burdened me.
“I’m sure you’re well aware of things,” I whispered as I stood at the grave.
I glanced at the cloudless sky above me and let out a long breath. It hurt the most when I looked at her name on the headstone. Connie never should have died. She was too young, and had so much to live for.
“It feels so permanent,” I muttered. “I never thought I’d leave, you know. It’s like a magnet continuously pulls me toward your memory, and that’s what scares me the most.” I paused and stared the fresh flowers. “You’d like Sophia. She’s a lot like you, in some ways, and the complete opposite in others. Jake loves her. He wants to feel the love of a mother figure, and he deserves it, but he misses you every single day. There are times when I feel I can’t answer some of those questions he loves to ask, but I give it my best shot, and he seems pretty content.”
I could feel the hard lump at the back of my throat and felt sick to my stomach.
“Connie, we did good. Jake’s your legacy and that will never be replaced. I promise you. I just need you to be happy for me, happy that I found someone who could help me move on.” I hated myself for even hearing the words leave my mouth. “But I have so many demons, I worry that I will slip up and ruin everything. You knew the kind of man I was when we married. You’d been there though all the battles, the internal struggles, and you were the strongest of us both. It’s because of you that I’ve become a better man, but I am flawed, and nothing will ever change that.”
I stood in silence as the tears fell. I was saying goodbye to her, ready to start a new life, and not a single part of me wasn’t affected.
Resting my hand on the cold black stone, I closed my eyes and whispered, “I love you. I always will. Watch over us.”
As I turned my back and walked away, I crumbled inside, but it was different this time. It wasn’t grief. There was no crippling pain. The walls finally crashed down and my life was beginning again.
In a way, it was my rebirth.
My mother cried as she kissed Jake for the hundredth time. “Promise me you’ll be good for your daddy.”
“I promise,” Jake replied, rubbing his cheek.
Michelle wrapped her arms around me, trying not to cry, but her quivering lip gave her away.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for us,” I muttered. “You know you are welcome anytime.”
“I know,” she replied, wiping her eyes. “You just make sure you’re happy, okay?”
“I’ll try,” I replied, and kissed her cheek.
My father cleared his throat. “Well, son,” he said. “You make sure you drive carefully and check in with us every now and then.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And make sure Sophia knows she’s welcome to the family,” he continued.
“I will.” I choked back the urge to ball like a baby.
My father extended his arm, and we exchanged a handshake before hugging.
“Never think that you aren’t loved,” he muttered, and I understood his meaning.
“I know, Dad. I’ve never doubted your love. Thanks for not putting up with my bullshit,” I said as tears filled my eyes.
“I’m proud of you, son.” He let go of me and stepped back, wiping his face with his handkerchief.
Danny grinned, but I could tell he was avoiding having to make eye contact with me. He wasn’t the best person when it came to goodbyes, and if truth be told, neither was I.
“So, we finally part ways.” I jabbed his arm with a closed fist.
“About damned time,” he responded, and met my gaze. “You better not mess up down there.”
“That’s not my style.”
“Yeah, well.” He held his hand out to me. “Get used to having a frequent visitor.”
“You know it.”
We hugged tight. It was odd even considering a day when I wouldn’t see him, or have his company. It was going to be tough, but I had a feeling he’d stay true to his words and visit often.
Jake wrapped his arms around Danny’s leg and stared up at him. “I love you, Uncle Danny.”
“Damn you, kid,” he replied, and lifted Jake into his arms, visibly moved as he gave in to his own emotions. He squeezed his eyes shut, and his forehead creased. He set Jake into his booster seat and kissed the top of his head. “You be good for your old man, okay?”
Jake nodded and grinned as Danny closed the door.
This was one of the hardest moments of my life. I thought nothing would come close to how I felt when I laid my beautiful Connie to rest, but this was a close second.
My mother took my hands in hers. She didn’t hold back and sobbed, running her thumb across the back of my hand.
“My beautiful, boy,” she said. “I’m so proud of you.”
“I know, Mom, but remember, I’m not that far away.” I tried to ease the burden.
She wiped her eyes and forced a smile. “But far enough.”
“Mom, please don’t make this any harder.” I choked back the sob.
“I’m sorry, honey. You drive carefully and call me as soon as you get there. Okay?”
I nodded.
“And for the love of God, make sure you eat properly, and none of that frozen food garbage,” she said, and smiled.
“I think I’ve got the bases covered.”
I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head. “Thanks for always being my biggest champion. I love you,” I whispered.
As I let her go, I stared at her and my family. A tight knot gripped me from inside.
“Jesus Christ.” I groaned. “I’m not good at this stuff, so I’ll be seeing you. I’ll call once we stop over in Memphis.”
I refused to say anything else. I got in the truck, the U-Haul trailer attached to the rear, and drove off, leaving everyone I loved behind.
“Is this the start of our adventure?” Jake asked.
“It sure is, buddy,” I replied, glancing in the mirror, watching my parents become nothing more than silhouettes in the distance.
It may have been one of the hardest decisions of my life, but knowing Sophia was waiting for me in New Orleans was enough to ease the ache. All my indiscretions would become distant memories. Granted, they’d always be there, but with the love of a good woman, I was sure to find some kind of inner peace. I was owed a little bit of something good. The rest would have to fall into place.
One Year Later
Sophia had taken the day off. She wore a pair of cut-off shorts and a pale blue tank top. Her long tanned legs were always a
sight for sore eyes.
I had just finished a long shift, and Jake was fast asleep in bed by the time I got in.
“You look tired,” she remarked, popping the top of a beer and handing it to me.
“Yup, it was one of those days.”
She smiled and kissed my cheek.
“What’s that for?”
Shaking her head, she laughed. “No reason. I just felt like it.”
“Then, how about you come here and do it right?” I teased, and drew her into my arms.
I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her face to mine. It was gentle, at first.
She held onto my back, her nails trailing over the material of my shirt.
I broke the kiss and ran my fingers through her hair, whispering in her ear. “Nothing is ever going to take you from my side.”
She tilted her head back and gazed up at me with those gorgeous dark eyes of hers. “Good,” she replied. “Because you’re stuck with me.”
Throughout the twelve months since we moved in together, our life seemed to fall into place. Sophia brought a sense of security to Jake’s life, and for that, I would always be grateful. When it came to my own feelings, I could never imagine life without her. Who would have thought that someone who was the complete opposite of me could impact my world in a way I was never prepared for?
I gazed into her eyes and saw her pupils dilate. She had the devil inside her, and I couldn’t get enough of her.
“And I think we should take this discussion further,” I said, before kissing her nose.
“Really?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Get up to the bedroom, now.” I slapped her ass, and she giggled as I ran after her.
I checked on Jake, and he gently snored, before I closed the door to his room.
“Is he okay?”
I locked our bedroom door and nodded. “He’s off dreaming about superheroes.”
“Good, because I’ve been daydreaming all day,” she purred.
“Enlighten me.”
She lifted her top over her head and threw it at my face. Unhooking her bra, she dropped it to the floor and stood inches from me.
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