Megan turned to face her. Jackie was the only person who knew about her double life. She was her accomplice even. Without Jackie covering her shifts when she needed to be with one or the other, Megan would never have got away with it.
“Nah. Brooke wouldn’t do that. She doesn’t even have her number – I’m not that stupid. Plus I told her ages ago my mum wasn’t exactly over the moon with my sexual orientation. There’s no way she would ever call her house.”
This was in part true. After Megan’s mother discovered she was gay, it was as if her daughter had almost ceased to exist. Gone was the woman who sang Megan’s praises to the neighbours, boasting of her “jet set” career. She was now indifferent to Megan’s accomplishments and took little if any interest in her everyday life. Not that Megan cared anymore, self-preservation had kicked in and she had long since given up trying to win her mother’s approval. She simply accepted that was how it was.
“God Megan. You’re walking on such thin ice. I don’t know where you get the energy to maintain a double life.”
“Neither do I. But what’s a girl to do?” She smirked, proud of her morally dubious abilities.
“Choose one,” Jackie said, patting the top of her hair into place.
“If it was that easy, don’t you think I would have already? They both have qualities I want in a partner – just not in the same body.”
Jackie gave a short shake of her head. “Like what for instance?”
“I dunno. They’re like chalk and cheese.” She leaned into her, lowering her voice. “The sex with Alison is mind-blowing.”
“And she has the child you said you wanted,” Jackie reminded her.
Megan forced a grin and said through gritted teeth, “Yeah and there’s that.”
“So why isn’t she enough?”
“Oh because she wants too much from me. She keeps going on about me leaving this job, and that isn’t going to happen for anyone.”
Megan was cabin-crew through and through. She lived and breathed it, and she was damn good too. She loved the freedom it gave her. Seeing places she had only dreamt of. Besides the romance of the job, in a practical sense, it was also the perfect cover when it came to splitting her time between Brooke and Alison. Up until now neither of them had suspected a thing.
“She wants you to give up your job? That’s ridiculous?” Jackie said defiantly.
“Brooke doesn’t put that kind of pressure on me. In fact, lately she’s even come around to the idea of thinking it’s best I work the hours I want.”
“Well there you go. Dump Alison and commit yourself to Brooke. Save yourself the worry and me, too. Your life makes me anxious; God knows what it does to you.”
Megan let out a long sigh and turned to look out the small window, watching as London became a spec on the horizon. “Pick one? You make it sound so easy.”
“Megan, babe you can’t keep juggling both women. Sooner or later it’s going to all come crashing down around you and you might be left with nothing.”
Megan twirled the loose strand of hair on her neck with her finger. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. Anyway, I might have my decision made for me anyway.”
“How so?”
Megan paused for a moment. Brooke hadn’t actually said anything but her whole demeanour was different. It was as if she had been replaced by a walk-in. Like that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers. She was physically the same, but the look in her eyes was different.
Megan stared ahead at the passengers in the front row, aware of them but not actually seeing them. “I think she has the hots for a new writer that’s just joined her firm.”
Jackie let out a short laugh. “No way! Brooke loves you, why I don’t know, but she does. I can’t see her looking out for someone else.”
“You know, a few months ago I would have believed that but recently …”
“What?”
The intercom beside her sounded in Megan’s ear. Picking it up she listened for a few seconds, hung up then unclipped her seatbelt and stood.
“Ah forget it. It’s not important. Let’s get to work.” The less she thought about the Brooke situation the easier the next two weeks would be.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Rain and hailstones splattered against the living room window with great urgency. The early morning sky was bleak and dark.
“I can’t do it, I can’t do it,” Danni repeated to herself as she struggled to complete her morning workout which consisted of forty press-ups. Although she was just twenty-four, the last thing she wanted was bingo wings – never a good look.
“You can’t do what?” Josh asked entering the room wearing a blue tracksuit, a bowl of steaming porridge in his right hand.
Danni rolled onto her side and looked up to face him, wiping away an imaginary speck of sweat. “I’m sorry, Josh. I want to break our engagement.”
“But why?” he asked taking a spoonful of food into his mouth.
Danni bit her lip and rolled up into a sitting position. “Why, hmmm let’s think – how about,” she jumped up onto her feet, “’cause I’m not really your fiancée and it’s messing up my chances of getting a date.”
He raised his eyebrows. “A date in general or a date with Brooke?”
Danni reached over to the sofa, picked up a cushion and threw it at him. Josh crouched protectively over his bowl. “Come on, babe, it’s not that bad is it?” he said laughing.
“Don’t babe me, and yes it bloody well is.” She flopped down on the sofa, lifting her legs in the air. “I really like her and this lie is like kryptonite to my chances of getting any further with her.”
Josh spoke between mouthfuls of food. “Err, ok, Superwoman. Do I have to remind you that Brooke’s in a relationship already? So that in itself is a substantial stumbling block, is it not?”
Danni sighed. “How can I forget? But it doesn’t look like things are going that great between them at the moment. She’s coming over for a drink tonight.”
“Really?” He remained silent for a moment as he rubbed his chin. “So, how do you see this ending? You tell her you’re gay, and what do you think she’s going to do? Fall into your open arms and within a week you move in together and buy a cat. Please don’t tell me you’re that naive?”
She frowned. “Oh shit, was my cunning plan that obvious? Of course I don’t bloody expect that, besides I’m more of a dog person. Look, I just don’t like lying to her, that’s all. What’s worse is she thinks our relationship is a match made in heaven.”
Josh gave a slight shake of his head as he let out a squeal of laughter. “Well, you are lucky being engaged to me, D. I am quite a catch.”
Danni bent forward and held her face in the palms of her hands. “Come on, Josh, I’m serious. How are we going to untangle ourselves from this mess? Christmas is coming up as well and I’m sure your Dad will expect us round again at some point. I just can’t keep up this charade any longer.”
“I know, Danni. You really do like her, don’t you?” he asked sliding to sit beside her and placing his bowl on the coffee table. “Jesus, I didn’t realise it you had it this bad.”
She lifted her head and turned to face him. “I wish I didn’t. I’ve never felt like this about anybody before. It’s great that I’ve met her but then again it sucks big time, not being able to have her I mean. Plus, it doesn’t help that she seems to have Lucifer’s sister as a girlfriend.”
“Danni, I hope all these feelings aren’t coming about because you think you should rescue her from the She-Devil. Brooke’s a grown woman. She doesn’t need a knightess in shining hotpants.”
Danni rolled her eyes. “And I don’t want to be one. I can’t explain it. Something about her. It just feels right, like she’s worth all the heartache.”
“Oh my God.” Josh slid to the floor onto his knees and grabbed Danni’s hands. “Where’s Danni? Please bring back the old Danni. I think Barbra Cartland has come back from the dead and taken up residence in your body.”
> Danni looked down at him with a smirk. “Okay, mock me all you like but one day when you fall in love …”
Josh fell backwards onto the floor and held his hand to his chest in true am-dram style. “Love,” he croaked. “Did Danni mention the word love?”
Oh my God she had. How on earth had those words slipped out? “I don’t mean love as in I love her. I meant love as in when you really like someone … fall in love, you know.”
He rolled up into a sitting position. “Quit digging, D, I know exactly what you meant. So do you want to tell her tonight?”
Danni nodded. “Well I do think it’s be best all round if she knows the truth. I’m sorry, Josh. I’ll tell her not to say anything to your dad. It won’t affect things with him.”
“Hey, don’t worry. It doesn’t matter. He’s going to find out soon anyway.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. I mean he looks like–” She stopped herself in time. Now was not the time to tell Josh she thought his father may be hiding a secret of his own. “–he’s an understanding kind of man. It’ll be fine. Hey, I know, why don’t you invite him over for dinner and we’ll break the news together? Yeah. That’s it! He won’t be so hard on you if I’m there.”
“I’ll think about it. Anyway I’d better be off to the gym. I’ll be out late tonight – I’m going to see about getting that tattoo.”
“Okay. And Josh, I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t be silly. You have nothing to be sorry about. You played your part perfectly and I’ve got some great memories of you in that outfit. I might even post your pictures on Facebook,” he said as he pushed himself up and ran towards the door to avoid a slap.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Danni screamed, giving chase. But Josh was too quick; he’d managed to escape out the front door. Danni heard his laughter echoing down the stairwell. So it seemed had Mick from next door. She heard the chain rattling, then the door slowly opening. It would look rude if she rushed back inside, so she waited.
“You alright Dan?” Mick said, when he finally made an appearance. Today he was sporting pyjamas and slippers that reminded her of the ones her granddad used to wear.
“Yeah, I’m good Mick. How about you?”
“Yeah, yeah. All cool.”
An awkward silence ensued as they stood in the hall eyeballing each other.
“Do you want a smoke?”
“Bit early for me Mick, got a lot on my plate today.”
“Yeah, I hear you’re gonna be one of them novels.”
Danni’s face creased in confusion. “Aye?”
“You know a novel – one of them people that writes books.”
Danni smiled. “Ahh, a novelist. Yes, kind of, and if it wasn’t for you, I would never have come up with the idea, so thank you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, remember when we were in McDonald’s that time …” She stopped. Mick had a pained expression on his face as if his brain was booting up after years of inactivity. To be honest, the guy probably couldn’t even remember yesterday, let alone weeks ago.
“Never mind, Mick, but thanks anyway. You were a great help.”
He looked at her blankly, as if he had forgotten what they were even talking about.
“It’s all good. All good.”
“Right anyway, better get on,” Danni said cheerfully.
He nodded, slowly closing his door.
She wandered back into her flat, her thoughts firmly fixed on the impending evening. She had forgotten to ask Brooke what kind of food she liked, but was quietly confident that her fridge stuffed with the full Marks and Sparks’s range would save the day.
Everything was set; all she had to do now was calm her nerves which were getting worse by the minute. She’d always expected that getting older meant those pesky nerves would become a thing of the past, but no such luck. It was as if the entire cast of Cirque Du Soleil were rehearsing in her stomach. The very same feeling she had when she was waiting to go on her first date – with Nicola. What a date that was. She had babbled her way through the first hour, been catatonic for the second and nearly thrown up during the third, just at the point when Nicola’s squid hands darted up her top. How very dare she!
No, thinking about first dates was not one of the best ideas, besides, this was not a date. It was simply drinks and dinner with her editor. Oohh she liked the way that rolled off her tongue, my editor.
She turned to the sink, opened the cupboard underneath, and withdrew four bottles of cleaning detergent – when Danni was nervous there was only one thing to do – clean.
By six o’clock the flat looked like a showroom, and Danni, like a bedraggled mess. The kitchen appliances sparkled, the floorboards shone, the skirting boards were pristine. Even her nan would dub her efforts “eat off the floor clean”.
It was time to rinse away all of that hard-work grime with a nice, hot shower. Danni had little time to transform herself into the hottest dish on tonight’s menu.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The aroma of freshly baked bread emanating from the kitchen made Megan’s mouth water as she reclined on the sofa in the lounge. Alison and Kelly were baking her a treat after what had turned out to be a gruelling flight back to the U.K with a number of unruly passengers. She pulled the fleece blanket covering her legs up to her chest and turned to her side, flicking on the TV. She snorted as Jeremy Kyle’s condescending voice filled the air. She quickly changed the channel – that’s the last thing she needed to hear about; other people’s drama.
The door flung open and Kelly bounded in like an excited puppy, holding a slab of bread in her hand, a yellow river of melted butter sliding down her little wrist.
“Look what I made!” she said excitedly, climbing onto Megan’s stomach and pushing the bread up to her nose.
Megan sniffed the air, then smiled. “Mm … smells good enough to eat,” she said, quickly leaning forward and taking a bite.
Kelly giggled and attempted to move back. Grabbing her, Megan wrapped her in her arms and tickled her stomach. The little girl yelped and squealed as she writhed about in Megan’s arms, begging her to stop, and when she did, pleading with her to carry on.
Stifling a yawn, Megan released Kelly, who slid to the floor, still gripping her piece of bread. She ran from the room screeching as if she was being chased by an imaginary wolf. Megan shook her head – that kid’s going to be a handful when she grows up.
Megan tolerated Kelly more than loved her. She could honestly say that she would be much happier if she didn’t exist. Although the ready-made family seemed like a good idea at the time, it was fast becoming a drag.
Megan still wanted to stay with Alison and make things work, even with her child, but she just couldn’t let go of Brooke. The very thought of someone else possessing her, actually made her feel sick. To think of another woman touching the most intimate parts of her body, the beautiful body that belonged to Megan, enraged her. It was never going to happen – at least not if she had anything to say about it.
Megan sunk deeper in thought. She knew she didn’t want to lose Brooke, but what was she going to do about the recent disharmony? She could feel her grip on Brooke loosening. She was no longer as clingy as she had been, and that was concerning.
She had tolerated Brooke questioning her every move for the first couple of months of their relationship because she had wanted her so badly. Even though her sex life with Alison was all consuming, the need to own Brooke had overwhelmed her. Brooke was such a straight-laced woman who kept her emotions bound up so tightly that she had been shocked by the passion and ferocity she exuded when they made love or fought. She became addicted to flicking the switch on her, turning her from calm into a ball of fire in mere minutes. But, sadly, the enjoyment had soon worn off, though the buzz from the power she held over her, hadn’t. It was like a drug. She loved that a successful, intelligent woman like Brooke wanted, no needed, her so desperately that she would turn a blind eye to all of her wrong doings – and th
ere were plenty of those. She had always been able to play Brooke’s emotions so easily, and she felt a perverse sense of pleasure in that knowledge.
Swinging her legs onto the floor, Megan dug into her back pocket to check her phone. Switching it on, she was surprised to see there were only messages from Jackie and a few other friends – nothing from Brooke. A deep frown creased her forehead. What the fuck was going on? Was Brooke playing games with her? She shook her head.
She really doesn’t want to go down that road with me. Anger seethed within her. She’d never considered Brooke the cheating type but the recent change in her and the emergence of Danni was really starting to worry her.
She began to type a message on her phone, but then deleted it – if Brooke wanted to play games, so be it – she was still quietly confident Brooke would make the first move. She switched her phone off and pushed it down the back of the seat, deciding that was where it was going to stay until she went back. Trying to fuck with me Brooke? Not a chance in hell.
With a determined look, she headed to the kitchen. Alison was bending over the oven, putting a tray back in. Damn, Alison was so sexy when all flushed and sweaty. Megan moved swiftly to her side, brushed up against her, then whispered in her ear. “So, do you want to put Frozen on for Kelly?” She leaned back and arched her eyebrows. “And then you and me can go make our own private movie?”
Alison laughed. “No. How about you do some painting with Kelly for half an hour, then she can have a nap.”
“And then I can get what I want?”
“Don’t you always?”
Megan pretended to think about it. Her expression turned serious. “Only because you know what’s best for you.”
“Oh please,” Alison said wriggling out of her arms and taking a step back. “If you know what’s best for you, don’t even think about talking to me like that. I’m not one of these women who are at your beck and call. No man or woman’s got ties on me. You remember that.”
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