Carmen

by Nako

  “Is it someone else?”

  Had she met another man?

  Would Teka betray their vows?

  She eyed him cautiously, “How DARE you ask me that?” she felt tried.

  He backed up with his hands in the air, “When was the last time we made love?”

  “Last time you been to the gym?”

  She’d hit him with the truth.

  The harsh reality.

  Teka loved him but she wasn’t in love with him anymore.

  Nor, was she attracted to the man she’d first met.

  Moses still was handsome; those boyish good looks weren’t going anywhere any time soon.

  He had swag for days.

  A style out of this world.

  And his laugh….it lit up a million rooms.

  He was a great father, provider and friend.

  However, physical attraction was still a thing.

  Whether you were newlyweds or fifteen years in this thang.

  He’d gained so much weight that when they were intimate she was worried that his heart would give out or worse, he would die on top of her.

  His breathing was erratic.

  He sweated profusely doing simple tasks.

  He was so damn lazy. The things that most men did like taking out the trash or helping to bring the groceries in…she did without asking him.

  “What you saying to me, ma?”

  This was such a difficult conversation.

  She hated to hurt his feelings. Her man was a Libra, he was sensitive and a tad bit defensive about critical feedback. Adding another problem to his ever-growing pile of shit wasn’t fair.

  “I can’t do this,” she shook her head.

  Teka was defeated.

  “You can’t do what?”

  “THIS?” his large, jiggly arms moved around to show how good they were living.

  “We built this together, T. Don’t tell me you want to give up on all of this.”

  He wanted to pout.

  He wanted to strangle her.

  She didn’t seem to care anymore, and he didn’t know how they’d gotten here so abruptly and if he was the only person to blame.

  Moses could’ve done a lot of things differently. Yet, never in a million years could anyone have ever told him his wife would want out of what was a damn good thing because of his weight.

  The doctors informed him that it was possible for him to turn his life around.

  All he had to do was eat better and walk every day.

  Yeah, they’d been telling him that for years, but he was finally listening now.

  He didn’t want to lose her.

  Moses would walk all day and got damn night, if that’s what it took.

  He was putting his pride to the side.

  “Teka, give me one more chance, baby please.”

  He pleaded with her for understanding.

  Moses needed her support.

  He yearned for her love.

  She exhaled, pursing her lips together.

  Observing their home.

  Remembering the good times, all they really had was good moments together.

  Their marriage had been great.

  A blessed one.

  Their union was held together by the grace of God and constant prayer.

  Besides his failing health, she was content.

  Teka nodded her head, “Okay.”

  He wiped the sweat that covered his forehead.

  “Whew, shit girl.”

  Moses was relieved.

  “Nothing but meal prep. Water. You can smoke but you’re switching to rolling papers and the trainer will be here in the morning.”

  She fired off her demands.

  “When is my cheat meal?” the nigga had the nerve to ask.

  Teka gave him an ultimatum, “You can choose between a cheat meal or sex.”

  Moses eyed her carefully before asking her, “Can I put a lil’ barbecue sauce on that pussy?”

  A laugh erupted and she was mad about it.

  Wanting to stay mad at him for a lil’ while longer.

  “Boy, if you don’t get yo’ ass on…” she chuckled.

  He walked closer to her, pulling her into one of his famous bear hugs.

  “Stop playing with me, I love you.”

  She kissed his lips, “I love you more, Mr. Parks.”

  η

  24 Hours Until The Trip

  Dr. Mighty-Moore hadn’t seen the Huffingtons in a session together in quite some time. Two years after the affair, they’d concluded the joint sessions being that they both believed their marriage was healed.

  Today, however, Nia requested for her to see them both.

  Not only did she invite their therapist but her spiritual leaders as well.

  She needed help to save her marriage.

  She didn’t think that the Pastors could do it on their own nor could Dr. Mighty-Moore.

  He watched her serve tea and coffee. He shook his head and exhaled loudly.

  He was high and annoyed, which meant the marijuana didn’t do its job.

  East didn’t go to church with Nia.

  He knew who her Pastors were but didn’t deem it necessary for them to be here today.

  In fact, this felt like an ambush.

  Well, hell, it was one.

  She called it an intervention, but he argued otherwise.

  In the foyer of their home, she tried her best to calm him down.

  Whispering, “They’re here to help us.”

  East wasn’t into shit like this.

  “Nia, we are not on television.”

  “I come home, and you got a room full of fuckin’ people. Man, I’m leaving.”

  She grabbed his arm and told him, “If you walk out of that door don’t come back.”

  Nia meant every single syllable that fell from her crimson-painted lips. He knew it too.

  That was thirty minutes ago.

  The only stipulation he had was that he needed a minute to go smoke and calm his nerves.

  With no cover up any Tom Ford cologne or Bond no.9, here he was. Smelling like a pound and looking as if he had the world on his shoulders.

  “Can I get you anything else?” she asked her First Lady.

  Dr. Mighty-Moore told Nia, “How about you sit down so we can get started?”

  She’d learned her…down to a T. She knew that this was what she did when she was stalling. Avoiding the truth. Scared of dealing with her harsh reality.

  She was delighted yet shocked that the Huffingtons had made it this long yet, believed they were a true testament of ‘doing the work’

  Marriage wasn’t supposed to be a battle neither was love.

  However, they were in it to win and always showed up to every war with their armor on.

  And that’s what she loved the most about the Huffingtons.

  East mumbled under his breath, “Finally.”

  Nia shot him a look that carefully read, “Do not play with me in here today, NIGGA.”

  Dr. Mighty-Moore was amused. It was obvious who wore the pants around here.

  East stretched his legs out and crossed his arms.

  Simultaneously, their therapist and her spiritual leaders spoke at the same time.

  Dr. Mighty-Moore gave them the floor.

  East looked at her and couldn’t see her emotions for shit. Her facial expressions were usually readable.

  Perhaps, Doc came with her game face on today.

  “Eastland…or do you prefer that we call you East?” Apostle questioned.

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  Nia only called him by his full name when he was on her last nerve.

  “How about we start with prayer?” First Lady suggested, cutting her husband off. Not on purpose. She was going by what the Spirit had dropped in her spirit.

  Things were in discord in this house and she felt it as soon as she crossed over into the threshold.

  She would wait to tell Nia in private.

  There wer
e some things they needed to do. She would suggest throwing out their bed and getting a new one. In fact, switching rooms would be even better. First Lady wanted them to sleep facing the windows. Seeing the sun every morning when they awoke would do a lot for them. Presenting every day as another opportunity to love and be loved.

  They bowed their heads and closed their eyes.

  Nia grabbed her husband’s hands. Knowing they needed to pray together more.

  The man was the head of the household and he lead this one well.

  However, she was the one that went to God on their behalf.

  East squeezed her hand, giving her reassurance that he was with her.

  It warmed her soul.

  “Holy Father, we welcome you in here today. We thank you for this union. God, be with us. Lead our hearts, guide our words. Holy One, we bring this marriage to your feet. God lift it up. We release our burdens, our worries, our fears and cares to you. God, your words tell us that you will handle everything pertaining to your people, so we trust you with this thing. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for what you’ve done thus far. May you keep us forever more. And lastly, God I rebuke every demonic force…”

  First Lady felt the Holy Spirit.

  She tried to keep it cool.

  “Whew…hey now, shondo! God, I cast down everything that is not like you. Hallelujah, hey, glory be to your name. God, it has got to GO!” she clapped her hands.

  “Satan, you do not live here. I rebuke every suicidal thought. I rebuke every depressing moment. God send love in this place. Rain down your glory on the Huffingtons. Lord, bring peace to their minds. God, send em’ your glory. We need you in here today. Have your way Heavenly Father. Move about how you see fit. In Jesus name, I pray amen.”

  Even the therapist felt something shift in her spirit and she was far from religious.

  Nia was used to First Lady praying in such a powerful way. She was an avid attendee of their church.

  East was moved.

  He’d heard Nia praying over the years. Sometimes in the shower, in her closet or even in the laundry room where she thought no one could hear her.

  He used to wonder did she pray for him…for them...but now he knew.

  Without a doubt.

  “Amen,” everyone concluded.

  First lady looked to her husband and smiled, “Okay, you can start now.”

  He shook his head, “This woman right here will tear your house up.” He could feel her wanting to get up and walk through the rooms and pray.

  He knew her well

  She didn’t deny his claim.

  “East...you said I could call you East, right?” he wanted to be sure.

  He nodded his head.

  “Cool, and Dr. Moore, Nia speaks highly of you. I’m glad that you could join us today. East, was this your first attempt…at?”

  Dr. Mighty-Moore filled in, “Suicide?”

  She didn’t beat around the bush; she tackled their issues head on.

  First Lady looked at her but didn’t say anything.

  “Yeah it is. I’ve had the thoughts before. Just didn’t act on them.”

  Nia wondered how did this beast get in their house.

  She’d suffered from suicidal thoughts over the years and had two attempts.

  One that actually lead her to hospitalization and was the main reason why she wasn’t granted a baby when she and East tried to adopt.

  The second, Jordyn saved her. It was the one thing they never mentioned, and Nia was thankful.

  “Where do you think the thoughts come from? What triggers them?”

  He looked at Dr. Mighty-Moore. She didn’t respond to his glance.

  Nia waited on him to answer.

  “Babe…” she nudged him after three minutes had passed and he hadn’t said anything.

  The room was still and silent.

  He looked at his therapist again.

  Dr. Mighty-Moore had been telling East for a year now that he needed to talk to his wife. He had yet to do so…and now this.

  “Hello?”

  First Lady suggested to Nia, “Give him some time, sweetie.”

  She was pushy and had no patience.

  “Is it me? Am I the reason you did this?” she probed.

  East couldn’t fuckin’ think with her in his ear talking.

  He moved down on the couch.

  Nia turned to Dr. Mighty-Moore, “Did he cheat?” she hated to go there but hell, he wasn’t speaking.

  “ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL?” he tripped out.

  East didn’t give a damn that her Pastor was here.

  “All we done went through and you really think I’ll fuck off again?” he was disappointed.

  Nia was ashamed.

  In her own defense she said, “SAY SOMETHING THEN!”

  He stood up and yelled with tears in his eyes, “I’M FUCKING DEPRESSED!”

  Dr. Mighty-Moore sent Eastland to a psychiatrist and confirmed what she’d been thinking for quite some time at that point.

  East was depressed.

  The psychiatrist diagnosed him with depression.

  It was a mild case, but depression was still a mental illness.

  Nia looked at their therapist for confirmation and she nodded her head.

  Tears formed in her eyes.

  She’d been with this couple for many years now.

  She’d seen their highs and lows.

  Dr. Mighty-Moore was invested in them.

  Nia covered her mouth, a howl escaped anyway.

  East couldn’t take this shit today.

  She should’ve warned him anyway. East came home, thinking he was about to roll him a bleezy, take a shit and kick back. He was missing the damn game talking about his feelings.

  What was his life coming to?

  He was from Brooklyn.

  All this damn crying made him feel like a bitch. He was over it.

  He used to be a thug. Nigga was a member of the infamous Underworld.

  East felt like a sucker these days.

  He wanted to blaze something.

  Serve a pack. Cook up a kilo. Anything.

  His life needed some edge.

  He spent his days volunteering, talking to the youth, and shooting the breeze.

  They were rich as hell, so nothing motivated him anymore.

  He needed new goals or something to look forward to.

  He was down in the dumps, period.

  He walked off and Apostle stood to follow him.

  Dr. Mighty-Moore said, “He knows me…let me...please.”

  She got up and went to see about her patient.

  First lady moved and sat beside Nia.

  “God is in control.”

  Mental health was real.

  It also wasn’t discussed as much as it should be in the church.

  Apostle knew this was a sign for next week’s sermon.

  He had to tackle this demon.

  “Nia, let’s get him back in here,” Apostle told her.

  She got up to get him and Dr. Moore.

  He looked at his wife, “It’s a disconnect. Do you see it?”

  She nodded her head, “I feel it.”

  They were on the same page and needed to get the Huffingtons on one.

  Everyone returned. Nia couldn’t stop dabbing at the corners of her eyes.

  East now had his guard up.

  He didn’t want to talk anymore.

  He’d shut down.

  “Okay, let’s wind it back for a second. Nia, how did you feel when your husband told you he was depressed?” Dr. Mighty-Moore decided to take over.

  “I feel betrayed. He could’ve told me.”

  East shook his head, “What would you have done? What you doing now? A fuckin’ intervention?” he was being sarcastic.

  “This is a form of therapy. Nia did this because she was worried about you. She cares.”

  First Lady told him.

  “Why are you depressed?” Nia wanted to know.

  He sh
rugged his shoulders, “All kinds of shit, baby.”

  Dr. Mighty-Moore would agree with him there.

  “What do we do now?” Nia posed the question for the three people that she’d invited into her home to help them through this.

  Apostle looked at Dr. Mighty-Moore, who gave him the floor to speak.

  “I think that therapy is good. The fact that y’all are consistent shows that you want to improve the well-being and quality of your lives. Mental health is included.”

  First Lady chimed in, “It also has to be intentional. The question is what do you want to do? Every day, make an intention to be joyful, to be at peace. Don’t wake up with the thought of I’m sad. I’m depressed. I’m defeated. East, I don’t know much about you but from a spiritual perspective, God is telling me to tell you to stand up. Put on your armor. Your helmet, your shoulder pads, your knee pads so when you feel yourself about to give up you’ll be protected. I want you to switch up your routine. Travel. Get out more. By yourself. And, Nia, shared with me before that your best friend is in prison serving a life sentence.”

  He eyed Nia and she didn’t react.

  First Lady talked with her hands a lot, “I want to suggest that you take a break on the phone calls and visits. Only for a few days. Let’s just see how your energy changes. People in prison sometimes have a way of holding us back…because they’re…contained. I’m not saying that he’s the reason that you’re depressed—"

  East questioned, “Then what are you saying?”

  Dr. Mighty-Moore expected him to get offended, simply because she’d been saying this for a very long time.

  She was relieved that First Lady spoke on it.

  “It’s only a suggestion, you can do what you want to do.”

  She knew how to deal with people that always had a rebuttal for everything.

  “I think that’s a good idea,” Nia chimed in.

  Dr. Mighty-Moore wished that she wouldn’t have done that.

  East hated that.

  “He’s the only friend I got; you want me to cut him off?” he asked her.

  Nia said, “I’m your friend!”

  Dr. Mighty-Moore told them both, “How about the both of y’all take a break from your friends. Not right now. Start in a month or so. The goal is to stop depending on everyone else for moral support and depend on each other. And in the meantime, East take your meds.”

  She was done with the Huffingtons for tonight.

  “I’ll see you Monday, East. Nia…text me.”

  She often cancelled and rescheduled her appointments whereas East’s appointment were standing.