by Nako
He said sarcastically, “Oh so now you telling me how I should feel? You’re not me!” he pounded on his chest.
“I never said I was!” This wasn’t easy for her either.
Neezy went into his bedroom and slammed the door.
He peered out of his clothes and sauntered into the bathroom.
He was high but clearly not enough.
He plopped his ass down on the toilet and lit the remainder of a blunt he had left behind the toilet stool this morning.
Before they went to breakfast.
Neezy didn’t have to use the bathroom, he just didn’t have anywhere else to go. His place was only so big. It was a loft.
Then his thoughts changed to her being in his space too much.
He shook his mind free of anything negative.
Before she revealed her big secret to him, they were perfect.
They still were.
Neezy couldn’t let the past define their future.
He muttered, “Fuck man fuck.”
Her telling him that she’d previously fucked Porter was the last thing he expected to come out of her mouth. Neezy couldn’t stop thinking about all the times, he would come home, and they would be ending the call. She often had lunch with him.
Ugh, everything had him puzzled right now.
What really bothered him was how heavy they both used the “brother/sister” shit. To him, it was fake.
The loft was quiet, so he assumed she’d left, which was fine with him.
A day or two to cool off would do them some good.
He stood and turned the water on in the shower.
A blunt and a bath always made him feel better.
Minutes into his wash, a draft of cold air hit him and caused him to shiver.
“Babe, you okay?”
She knew she was invading his quiet time and she really didn’t care.
Carmen wasn’t letting him leave her.
Not if she could stop it.
“I thought you left,” he mumbled under his breath.
Carmen smirked although he couldn’t see her.
Yeah, nigga I ain’t going nowhere.
She would hate to show how his ass how crazy she could get but had no problem in doing so.
“I was putting the dishes up,” she informed him.
Neezy didn’t say anything.
Carmen came out of the t-shirt that she’d stole out of his top drawer and stepped into the shower with him.
She kissed his shoulder and back before telling him, “I love you.”
He didn’t respond and that was okay.
She’d felt his love, she knew it was there.
Carmen was devoted to him. The physical interactions that occurred with Porter was a long time ago.
She had to somehow remind him of that important detail.
She tried dropping to her knees to suck his dick, but he stopped her.
“I’m really not in the mood.”
Carmen tried again, knowing he was trying to hold on to his pride. The kind of pride that only men had. Neezy was being stubborn and she hated when he got like this because he was normally sweet to her.
“Get up man.”
Sex wasn’t going to resolve this.
She seemed embarrassed.
“Whoa, okay.”
She was through.
“I’m going to go home.” She tried stepping out of the shower. Well, actually she’d gotten all the way out when he grabbed her arm.
“Come ‘ere,” he pulled her back in with him.
Perhaps, her walking away easily pissed him off.
He wanted her to protest.
Fight for a nigga.
And she probably would’ve, had he not denied her from tasting him.
That was a whole ‘nother form of rejection.
“Where the hell you think you going?” he asked her.
Carmen was confused. She was about to remind him that he’d been chumping her off since he gotten home. However, before she could give him a piece of her mind, he was stroking her middle with his fingers.
“Baby, I’m fucked up right now…” he admitted that he was hurt by her confession.
Unsure of how to process it yet knowing he had to.
He couldn’t be without her.
She kept his head straight and he wouldn’t drop his album without her in his corner.
She rooted for him.
She kept him grounded.
“I’m sorry,” that was all she could muster up to say.
His fingers snaked through her tunnel.
Neezy fucked her by use of hand. Her release circled the drain of the tub.
He backed her into a corner of the shower stall and lifted her leg into the crook of his neck.
“Tell me you love me.” Right now he needed to hear that shit more than ever.
She screamed it as he entered her with his stiff dick.
Tears ran down her face.
The shower water only added to the moment.
Heightening the experience.
It was such an emotional one.
“I love you!” she declared.
Neezy’s body shuddered.
He went in and out of her slowly.
Trying to figure out the riddle.
He felt so conflicted but knew he would respect her wishes of keeping the secret concealed.
“I love you,” she told him again as he rocked her body.
He never said anything after that.
They sexed for almost forty minutes.
He didn’t bother asking her had she came because he knew her pussy well enough to know that she’d gotten more than she deserved today.
He blessed her with some good dick in the midst of despair.
This wasn’t their glue though.
Sex didn’t change anything.
He pulled out of her slit and spilled his seeds into the shower.
Neezy was lazy when it came to nutting in her.
If he did, he did and vice versa.
She never said anything about birth control. They were two grown willing and responsible participants.
He knew that not cumming inside of her infuriated Carmen to no avail, which is why he did it out of spite.
It was a sign to show her that everything between them was not fuckin’ good.
He looked at her with a muddle face. Worry etched across his orbs and he shook his head.
“You can stay here; I’m going back to the studio.”
He got out, dried off, threw today’s clothes back on and was out the door.
Carmen slid to the floor of the shower and cried her heart out.
She never assumed that their love making was going to resolve the issue but damn, if he didn’t fuck her as if it could’ve been an option.
Little did she know, he wasn’t even mentally present.
His mind was somewhere else.
Sex used to be a distraction.
He’d never used Carmen in that way.
Until tonight. Knowing that he wasn’t going to go and fuck anyone else. He would never do that. Those days were over for him. If he couldn’t find peace at home then he wasn’t with the right person. Period.
Her skin felt like prunes when she finally found the strength to get up.
He was gone for real.
The plate she made him was still in the microwave.
She hadn’t eaten all day.
Too nervous.
Too stressed.
When he slid out of that booth at the diner, she left right after him.
Chasing him down the street, crying and screaming his name.
Carmen had a horrible day today.
But she wouldn’t lie or deny the feeling of a burden being lifted from her shoulders.
After she found her mother’s journal while searching the storage that Missy gathered her things in. She knew she had to tell Neezy.
Originally, she went to the storage in search of a box of her mother’s broaches. For the
relaunch of her business, she was presenting her concepts in categories. The Showroom was back better than ever. She remembered how beautiful her mama’s broaches were. Carmen wanted to reinvent the trend.
She envisioned the models wearing them on oversize tees and dresses, jean jackets, button downs and on the top of caps.
Carmen tore the storage up looking for the box.
Missy needed to fire the company she used.
They did a horrible job, and nothing was categorized.
She didn’t find the broaches, but she did stumble across her journal.
Her heart beat went into overdrive, “Oh My Gawd,” she shrieked.
When her mother first “disappeared” she searched high and low for a sign on how her mama was feeling leading up to the days of her dipping off.
This had to have the answers that she needed. Carmen was desperate for something.
Any kind of confirmation or anything to help her get closure with her mom’s death.
The one thing that she knew for sure that was now certain was that life was short. No one knew the hour.
Something in her didn’t rush to open it.
After all this time…
Would she really find what she was looking for?
She sighed as she began to scan through the pages. She wasn’t trying to read her mother’s words. Merely, thankful that they were there whenever she was ready.
The light bulb that went off in her head reminded her of her upbringing. She realized how important it was to her that she didn’t carry those same traits over into her newfound relationship with Nehemiah or her child.
Sheila swept soooo much shit under the rug.
She often omitted the truth for the sake of everyone’s happiness.
Carmen couldn’t imagine the heaviness of the burdens that her mother died with.
She didn’t want to live her life that way.
She refused.
And that was why she told Neezy the harsh truth.
Her cruel veracity
Twenty
What I’m supposed to do when these racks blue. Oooh. Oooh - Future
Friends, family, business associates and most importantly, influencers gathered on a Sunday afternoon to witness the rebirth of a business. A brand. A dream turned into reality. The Showroom was on its way to the top. It was slowly but surely becoming a household name. It seemed as if once she gained the attention and attraction of the fashion gawds, she fell off the face of the earth. No warning.
Clients and designers showed up to the secluded storefront expecting the A-list, five-star service that they’d grown accustomed to when visiting The Showroom.
Carmen eyed the editors from various fashion magazines behind a curtain that separated backstage from the audience.
“Oh my, Jackie Aina came for real!” Carmen was elated.
Nowadays, the new thing was YouTube stars and influencers via social media. Influencers were getting bigger checks than your favorite celebrity.
People on social media wanted to see “normal” people using makeup or a sports bra that was affordable. It worked in the company’s favor to have a new mom post a bottle that her baby used versus a Nia Hudson.
Celebrities still landed the major endorsement deals, but the influencers were in the running as well.
Carmen loved how the internet was constantly changing. It kept her on her toes.
Especially for today.
The re-launch was an intimate setting. Yet, power packed with who she knew she needed to be there to get the word spread.
She patted her face because she was sweating due to being nervous.
Sundays weren’t good days for fashion shows, but she was trying to change that as well.
Sundays were resting days.
People were more relaxed on Sundays.
Not only did she have heavy refreshments, mainly brunch bites and mimosas but the music was lovely, and the stage was decorated to perfection.
Carmen also had henna stations and photo booths located in the front of the room.
She wanted everyone to feel comfortable on this sunny Sunday afternoon.
“I may need her to add some more concealer under my eyes,” she told her best friend.
It meant the world to her that Narie closed shop for two weeks to fly to New York and help her finalize the details surrounding the re-launch.
Carmen wouldn’t have been able to make this event a success if it wasn’t for her help.
She was now beginning to appreciate the quality of their friendship.
They no longer hung every day or even spoke every day but when they needed each other, without a question asked. They showed up.
Friendships went through seasons.
Things happened
Life occurred.
They were still as solid as ever and that was all that mattered to her.
“Okay, let me get the artist,” Narie said before walking off.
Carmen checked her phone again.
Twenty minutes ago, Kniko asked for her the address for the hundredth time.
Carmen offered to send him a service car to pick him up, but he told her that he would Uber.
Her son was so chill and humble. Even when she asked him did he want to go shopping, he told her no. He rather have the money in his growing savings account.
Little did her baby know, he was set for life.
Kniko was Casey’s beneficiary on top of the trust fund he received when her father passed.
Kniko was blessed.
“He’s coming baby,” Neezy whispered in her ear.
She thought she heard her man but when she turned around no one was there.
A wave of disappointment washed over her and she swore, if that nigga didn’t pop up before the doors locked then she was through with him.
Carmen hadn’t spoken to him since he left her in the shower.
That was three weeks ago.
It wasn’t like he was a nigga that often posted his whereabouts. He didn’t even have a social media account that he ran himself. His pages were managed by the label these days. The last picture he posted was years ago on his brother’s birthday. It was a photo of he, his mom and Money.
Neezy was so freakin’ weird and normally, it was cute. Today, she was annoyed.
She missed him so much but was just as stubborn as he was.
“Ten minutes till show time,” she informed the twelve models that she was rotating for tonight’s show.
The original plan was for her to go BIG.
Runway down Times Square and all kinds of fye shit but this time around, she was keeping things basic.
Allowing the fashion and her vision to speak for itself.
Carmen went to change into her dress for tonight’s occasion.
“Go take your seat, I want you to watch it from the floor,” Narie suggested.
She shook her head, “I have to help the girls change.”
“No, you don’t. All the old interns are here. We got it, go sit down. You had a long week,” she gave her a hopeful smile.
She was right.
This had been an extremely long week and she’d barely slept or ate.
If Carmen wasn’t planning the show, she was praying.
She’d been fasting all week to keep her mind clear from anything that couldn’t serve or benefit her.
The reward was plentiful.
Her days were so much better when she wasn’t doing the most.
“Oaky.”
Carmen hugged Narie and took a deep breath, “Sorry, I’m a little emotional right now.”
Although, gang-gang was here…she couldn’t help but to feel alone.
No mom, dad, brother or son. Her man wasn’t either.
She quickly told herself, “God is within me,” as she checked her appearance in a floor-length mirror near the door.
Carmen was styling on em’ tonight.
A few pounds down and inches too, thanks to her trainer.
She was glo
wing…or maybe, sweating. However, her skin was glistening.
Tonight, she was wearing a vintage Donna Karen olive green jumpsuit.
The girls were propped up and on display.
Rose gold Cartier bracelets and hoop earrings were the only jewels she wore.
Her hair was in a boppy side ponytail.
Face was beat. Body smelled divine.
She wore crystallized pumps and a diamond anklet.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
The models and team gathered in a circle and joined hands.
“God, we thank you for this group. I pray that you replenish and return it one hundred-fold that’s been poured out these past few weeks. Bless this moment. Allow the hearts and minds of everyone to be accord. God, this gift that you’ve given me. I present it back to you, humbly. In Jesus name I pray, amen.”
“IT’S SHOW TIME!” Narie publicized.
She missed these days.
Her home goods line was doing good and she was grateful.
When Carmen suggested that she buy candles to give as a thank you to the attendees today, Narie shook her head, “No, sis. I’m going to be a sponsor.”
Her friend surprised her with that one.
“For real?”
Narie had tears in her eyes. She’d dreamed of this day.
“Yes, it’ll be an honor.”
Carmen had so much to be thankful for and as she walked down the ramp from the backstage to the main floor, everyone stood and clapped.
It was rightfully so, a comeback.
Carmen Kincaid was back.
Her eyes lit up with joy, she smiled and waved to so many familiar faces.
Only two hundred invites were sent out, but it was way more in attendance.
The first two rows were filled with her people, the nannies and children were on the second two.
She smooched and hugged as many people as she could before the host asked everyone to take their seats, silence their phones so that the show could begin.
Carmen took a seat at the end of one of the rows, looking over her shoulder to see if she could spot Kniko or Nehemiah before the lights dimmed.
She sighed, pepping herself back up once she heard the countdown.
A screen appeared from the ceiling with the words scribbled, The Showroom.
Young Carm was dressed in overalls, pink chucks and a striped t-shirt and her mother a dashiki and denim shorts.
“Ever since a young girl I loved fashion. Loved clothes. I didn’t like the sewing part of it, yet, it was important that I learned it anyway….”