by C. M. Owens
I try not to notice how her hair is bunched on top of her head, exposing the neck I used to have free access to. Or the spandex pants that stop at her calves, looking more like another layer of skin than clothing. Or the damn pale-pink tank top that is suctioned to her body.
I also try not to notice the way she nibbles on that lip that I miss having in my mouth. A yoga mat is tucked under her arm, and she holds it much tighter than necessary.
Putting on my game face, I give her a slow, pleased smile. “You came.”
She’s wearing a lot of makeup to cover the bruises most likely, but the swelling has gone down. The split on her lip has healed a lot in two days.
All I wanted to do was hold her when she was curled up, battered, and hurting, looking lost on her massive bed. She couldn’t even stand my touch.
She walks toward the counter. I grab the clipboard and check her name off, before pointing toward studio two. She glances toward it then back to me.
“I need to pay first.”
Sometimes I think I’d feel better if she just slapped me instead of cutting me.
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
She sighs while taking a step closer, almost bumping the counter, placing a mere two feet of space between us. The smell of cherries and honey washes over me, and I become very thankful that I own a gym and can wear loose track pants to work.
“If we’re going to be friends, you have to let me pay. Friends don’t expect friends to work for free.”
Rolling my eyes, I lean over, putting my elbows on the countertop as I hold her gaze. I fucking love the way she shivers but tries to pretend she doesn’t.
“I only got the classes for you. So no, I can’t let you pay. And it’d suck if you didn’t come, considering I put a lot of time and effort into doing this.”
The surprise in her eyes doesn’t go unnoticed, and I clear my throat while leaning back just as they call for her class to go in. As she walks away, she looks over her shoulder at me, a bit of hesitance in her eyes, but then she turns around and heads in.
So glad I decided to up my stalker game and torture myself even more. It’s awesome.
When class starts and Bo’s ass goes up in the air, I make a mental note to always behind the counter when she’s here so no one realizes what a fucking pervert I am.
This is the more advanced class, so everyone is more interested when the girls start turning into pretzels about halfway through the class. My eyes are only on one pretzel.
I’m fairly sure she’s been in that position for me before.
“Bo knows bendy,” Maverick says, suddenly right beside me.
My hand flies up and connects with the back of his head, and he chuckles while jogging back over to Corbin.
Yeah. Fucking torture.
When class ends, I’m in pain, and my dick is threatening my life. Not really, but still.
Bo walks toward me with her mat tucked under her arm and just a hint of sweat glistening over her body. She looks around at the gym, taking it in, then her eyes meet mine.
“Do you have showers here?”
Not groaning aloud becomes a task.
“Through the back. Women’s is on the left. Don’t worry, I have a woman standing outside the showers all day to prevent any men from accidentally walking in.”
She smiles, and everything tilts. She’s worth the torture.
Chapter 50
BO
JAX: Do friends eat lunch together?
He’s not letting this go. I’ve already gone to two yoga classes, and now he’s determined to push things farther. Why am I doing this?
Because I suck at being strong.
Now I get why Ruby was such a yo-yo. Love is a damning, vile thing that sinks its claws into you and infects you with one bad decision after another.
ME: In very public and platonic settings.
I can’t be his friend. Friends don’t want to rip each other’s clothes off, or be held in their arms, or kiss until their lips are raw.
JAX: What about dinner at each other’s homes? I just learned to cook something I know you’ll like. Don’t worry. It’s a friendly meal. :D
I’m only smiling because I’m a masochist.
My heart hurts less when I see him, yet it also feels like it’s being dipped in acid at the same time. Explain that to me, please.
ME: Dinner alone doesn’t sound friendly.
JAX: I don’t know about you, but I had sleepovers with friends when I was growing up. ;)
I burst out laughing, hating myself for not shutting off all communication. I don’t even know how he got my new number, and I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that he did.
“What’s so funny?” Ruby asks as she walks into my room looking like she just stepped off the runway.
Deciding not to let her know I’ve started backsliding, I motion up and down her body. “You look amazing.”
“You look like you’re healing nicely.”
I nod, touching my face that no longer feels as sore, even though there’s still some bruising.
My phone buzzes again, and I look at Jax’s follow up message.
JAX: Pajamas are mandatory. Friends don’t sleep naked. Unless you have something against clothes, that is.
ME: Lunch sounds good. Dinner is a firm no.
JAX: Pick you up from Pretty Posh tomorrow. Call off the guard dog receptionist.
ME: No work for once. I’m finally getting my weekends back.
JAX: Then I’ll pick you up from your apartment at eleven.
My fingers pause, and I start questioning my sanity. Am I really going to lunch with him? I start to tell him I’ll meet him somewhere, because my apartment does not need him in it, stealing the air, confusing me all the more.
“Get dressed,” Ruby says, reminding me that I’m ignoring her so that I can text the guy I’m trying—failing—to get over. She turns and starts rifling through my closet, and I drop my phone to the bed.
“Why?”
Someone else walks into my room, and I jump.
“Bella, will you grab those black boots in the back of the closet?”
Bella looks like sex in heels, but I vaguely remember meeting her. Certainly don’t know her well enough to let her rummage through my closet. She grins and waves at me before ducking into my huge closet and heading toward the back, while Ruby tosses a pair of leather leggings at me.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“We’re taking you to Silk,” Bella states simply, as though she and I are long lost friends and it’s not weird for her to be grabbing a pair of my boots.
“You said you wanted to get out more,” Ruby reminds me. “Even said you needed to get over your issues with groups. And I don’t trust you to be alone anymore, so I’m taking you with us.”
Silk is a nightclub. A very big, hard-to-get-into nightclub. But Dane Sterling owns it, so Ruby doesn’t have a problem walking right in, since she’s with Corbin and that’s Dane’s cousin.
“And the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one,” Bella adds.
How does she know about Jax?
And no way in hell am I getting under a new guy. Jax was the last one. It’s too painful. Mom has managed just fine for many years without a man.
Ruby chuckles while rolling her eyes, and I frown while watching them try to find the perfect shirt for me to wear with the leather leggings.
“You’ve showered today, right?” Ruby asks.
“I worked today, so yes; I’ve showered.”
My cheeks heat, because she asked a question like that in front of Bella, which makes me sound like I’m a nasty slob who doesn’t shower.
I didn’t even skip a shower when I was wallowing, damn it.
My phone buzzes, and I look down, expecting it to be Jax. But it’s Bora instead.
Nope. That is not disappointment I feel. Not at all.
Great. Now I’m even trying to lie to myself these days.
BORA: Scarre
d for life. Never going to watch Dad’s concerts again.
ME: Do I want to know?
“So I’ve been thinking,” Ruby drawls, glancing at me from the side. That look means she’s worried about what she’s going to say.
“Do I want to know?” I ask her, echoing the text I just sent Bora.
“About you and Jax and this situation.”
My eyes dart over to Bella, but apparently Ruby doesn’t notice I don’t want to talk about it in front of someone I don’t know because she continues.
“You’ve let everyone back in except for him, which makes me wonder if that’s… Um… Maybe a little unfair?”
I look down, trying to slow the rhythm of my heart.
“I know it’s not fair. It’s not even about the argument anymore,” I admit quietly.
“It’s about the fact you’re embarrassed over the snap?” she guesses.
“No. I’m not embarrassed. Well, not really. Maybe I was a bit dramatic with the entire thing, but… I didn’t even realize all the resentment that had been festering for years until Jax moved wrong and the house of cards collapsed. It was just a chain reaction after that, and honestly, it needed to happen.”
She nods like she agrees.
“Sometimes things need to be broken before they can be fixed,” she says quietly. “Doesn’t mean this thing with Jax should end. He was just the catalyst. He wasn’t the main issue.”
She’s hitting the nail right on the head, but she can’t possibly understand. Ruby endured Corbin Sterling and came out on the other side happier. I’m not her.
“It’s not fair that I can’t move forward with him, which is why he needs to move forward without me. I’m not strong enough to be with him because it took so little for him to break me, Ruby. What happens when everyone goes back to treating me like the Bo they love to walk over and talk down to? I’ll go back to allowing it, and Jax… Jax is the wildcard that could send me over the edge again.”
She’s staring at me like she’s processing my words.
“Then don’t let them walk over you. You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you think, Bo. And a hell of a lot stronger than anyone in your family gives you credit for. Tell them to fuck off when they’re pissing you off. Tell them to shut up when they can’t stop listening to themselves talking long enough to hear what you have to say. You and Jax deserve a lot more than this simply because you’re worried you’re not strong enough, when you are.”
She sighs as she leans against my closet doorway, crossing her arms over her chest as she studies me.
“Jax is good for you, but you need to learn how to have an argument. Trust me, arguments can be really damn fun when it comes to makeup sex.” She waggles her eyebrows, and I roll my eyes while snickering. “The problem is, you’ve never truly argued. So it’s not a surprise that you don’t know how to bounce back. Don’t be like your mother and give up on love after one thing doesn’t go the way you want it to, Bo. That’s giving up more than you’ll ever lose.”
Uneasiness creeps into my stomach as I think that over. I’ve argued… Well, maybe I’ve argued a little… I mean, I know I’ve disagreed with people before…
“There’s no such thing as a conflict-free relationship,” Ruby goes on. “But the conflict is what makes us stronger. Together. When you walk through hell, you appreciate all the good times a lot more. Trust me. If anyone knows, I do. You can think of a thousand reasons not to be with someone. Or you can cling to one reason to be with them. It’s worth it, Bo.”
“I don’t have to have a man,” I point out.
“No one does,” she agrees. “Life is just usually more fun when you have someone to spend it with.”
I blow out a breath, wishing I didn’t feel like the walls were starting to close in again. I don’t want to argue with her…
Shit. I’m doing it again. The not arguing thing.
“You’re going to have so many thoughts that contradict each other,” Ruby proceeds to tell me. “One second you’ll want to scream. The next, you’ll want to do a happy dance. One second you’ll think you’re done, and the next you’ll never want to let him go. That’s love, Bo. It’s a fucking merry-go-round that leaves you dizzy and disoriented. You’re going to want to scream and get pissed, because it’s worth it in the end. You’ll want to forget you’re even pissed when he does something stupid that makes you smile. And you’ll want to pull your hair out during all the times in between. It’ll rock your world and leave you questioning your sanity. But it’s the best feeling ever when you embrace the crazy.”
She just explained so much of what I’ve been feeling, but Ruby is a different person than me altogether. I’m not used to yelling, or screaming, or feeling like I can’t walk a straight line on command.
“Take control of your life, Bo. Don’t just keep letting life control you.”
Silence draws out between us when I have nothing to say. I don’t want to argue, because I know she’s right. I just don’t know how to take control.
“Aha! Found the perfect shirt,” Bella says, and Ruby whistles appreciatively as our conversation continues to play over in my mind.
“For the record,” Bella goes on, walking toward me with a hot pink shirt I forgot I had, “I really envy your fucking closet.”
“She’s a designer. She has all the best things,” Ruby tells her.
Which reminds me…
I reach over and pull open my nightstand drawer, before pulling out my sketch pad and handing it to Ruby.
“What’s this?” she asks, then her breath catches as I stand up and start stripping so I can change.
Bella is busy looking at the sketch with Ruby as tears fill up in my best friend’s eyes.
“It’s your wedding present,” I tell her, tugging on my leather leggings that are actually more like skin-tight pants than leggings. “I can tweak it if you need me to, but it’s obviously a one-of-a-kind. Like you.”
She looks up at me, and then she curses when she has to wipe a tear away.
“You designed me a wedding dress?”
“Yeah. It’s not my area of expertise, so let me know if you don’t like it. I can make some more drafts and give you different options—”
“It’s perfect,” both girls say in unison.
Bella looks on in awe, as Ruby clears her throat and wipes away another tear. The dress isn’t your typical wedding dress, but Ruby isn’t typical. She always wears a splash of red with everything. Just like tonight. Her high heels are red, and so is her choker, even though her outfit is solid black.
Ruby has red roses tattooed down one arm to represent the happiest moments in her life. Her other arm has blue flowers tattooed down it to represent the most painful moments in her life.
The dress only has one sleeve, and it’s to cover up the sad arm. “No sad memories on your wedding day,” I explain, motioning to the sleeve of the dress that is designed to have red roses sewn on in a way that is elegant instead of tacky. The pearl color and red work together, showcasing my best friend in her best light.
“I can’t believe you made this for me,” she whispers in awe.
As soon as I finish dressing, I move to start putting on my makeup before she makes me cry too. I’ve cried enough.
My phone has buzzed more, so I finally read what Bora has said.
BORA: I went to dad’s room… And I ALMOST saw him and mom together. They’re back together and sneaking around. How gross is that?!
BORA: DID YOU HEAR ME?Shouty caps aren’t meant to be yelled. Just me being freaked.
BORA: They’re kissing in front of me right now. I’m in hell.
I can’t even… I don’t even know how to respond to that. Mom and Dad are back together? For years, my dad has never gotten serious with anyone. Not since Mom. And Mom swore off men altogether because losing Dad was just too hard.
Now she’s at a concert? They’re together?
ME: Together together or just together?
BORA: That makes no s
ense, but yeah, they’re getting married. Legit married. No joke. They’re going to elope sometime soon. I’m not supposed to be telling you. They want to tell you themselves. They were going to tell both of us at the same time.
ME: Why? I don’t get it. Neither of them even believe in marriage.
BORA: They said they were tired of wasting time and wanted to be together. I don’t know. Don’t ask me to explain either of them. Have you met them? It’s just crazy they wasted that many years only to end up together now. What was the point in waiting, you know?
It definitely seems like a major waste of time.
BORA: What are you doing tonight?
Typical Bora. Shifting the conversation from something too heavy to something lighter.
ME: Going to Silk.
My head is a little cloudy when I walk back out. I even check to make sure I put eyeliner on both eyes.
Ruby and Bella are flipping through some of my other designs when I walk out, but her wedding dress has been torn out and marked as perfect. I smile, then roll my eyes. They’re going to think I’m full of myself when I send it to Design Room Two for material matching.
“You’re amazing at this,” Bella states, salivating as she looks through the designs.
“I’ll send you some of the Pretty Posh sample clothes. We always have too many samples made when we’re testing the line before launching it. Ruby has been getting the stuff for years.”
Ruby grins, and Bella almost bounces on the bed.
“Only if you’re just going to throw them away,” Bella quickly adds. “I don’t like for people to pay for things for me.”
“Most of the unused samples just get tossed in the never-ending piles of storage,” I assure her.