by Joan Kilby
“Every cent.”
“Sweet on her, are you?”
“Nah, she was just really struggling. And her kid is great. He didn’t deserve the rough break he got.”
“Looks like you’re enjoying her company though,” Garret said.
“Don’t you start,” Cody warned. “She doesn’t know anyone else here. And why shouldn’t I enjoy hanging with her? She’s a great girl.”
“Hey, it’s fine. No need to get defensive.” Garret held up his hands. “Good to know you haven’t changed completely.”
“Change, me?” Cody rolled his eyes, reverting to flippancy to hide the small ache lingering in his heart. “Why would I?”
“You never know. People do.” Garret was now watching him so intently Cody started to feel uncomfortable.
“How long are you in town for? Do you want to get a drink?” Cody nodded to the tent housing the beer garden. “We could go there, or there’s Grey’s Saloon. I’ll get Kelly. I left her on the dance floor.”
“I can’t,” Garret said. “I’m on my way up the mountain to take a group rafting.”
“Well, it’s nice that you made the time to keep tabs on your little brother,” Cody said dryly. “Maybe if you stick around you can post my bail when I inevitably wind up in the slammer overnight.” He was joking. Sort of.
“Text me and I’ll come and bust you out.” Garret, too, was only partly joking. He had in fact bailed Cody out on more than one occasion. “Listen, there was something else. Tegan called the house looking for you. I didn’t realize you were still in contact with her.”
“I’m not. I got a text from her this afternoon just to say hi supposedly. I haven’t heard from her in ten years, not since she went to Los Angeles.” He couldn’t think about her without feeling bad and uneasy. What did she want from him? What could he do for her now that would make up for what he’d done? “Who spoke to her?”
“Mom. She said Tegan sounded chirpy.”
“Mom would say that.” His parents had adored Tegan who was their idea of the perfect girlfriend for him. A straight A student and a cheerleader, she’d had honey-blonde hair and a flawless complexion. By the time they’d parted she’d been a Goth with jet-black hair, black clothing and piercings. They’d gotten their first tattoos together, her a spider on a web across her upper arm, him a bucking bronco. He hoped she wasn’t back on the drugs.
“She called a couple of times,” Garret said. “Dad thinks she’s going to hit you up for some money. Apparently her parents haven’t seen Tegan for years, either. They cut ties with her after she ran away from that expensive rehab center they put her in for the third time.”
“I’ll give her a call.” Dipping his toes back into that cesspool of guilt was the last thing he wanted to do. Not because he didn’t care about Tegan but because just thinking about those days made him feel so ashamed. Hell, he owed her a phone call at the very least.
“So, what’s this woman like, the one you gave your prize money to?” Garret said. “She must be something for you to part with that much.”
“Kelly’s cool.” He glanced over at the dance floor again and glimpsed her laughing face as she swung around a partner. She was light and goodness. Opposites attract made sense in this case but why would she want anything to do with him? “Too good for the likes of me.”
“Stop that.” Garret punched him lightly on the arm. “How did you do in your events today?”
Cody brightened. “I’m in the short round for both.”
“Your shoulder not bothering you?”
“It’s fine,” Cody lied. “I had a near perfect ride. Could have gone long past the buzzer.”
“Excellent.” Garret looked past him toward Main Street. “Looks like the band is taking a break. Here comes your lady.”
Cody introduced his brother to Kelly. Garret congratulated her on her son’s recovery and wished them both well. Then he apologized for leaving, saying he had to get an early night.
“Keep in touch,” Garret said and disappeared into the throng.
“I could use a beer,” Cody said. “Let’s take a break.”
“Sure.” Kelly eyed him curiously but he wasn’t ready to talk, not until he had a cold one in his hand. Garret reminding him of Tegan had brought him down.
In the beer garden he ordered a couple of cans of Black Star Gold and passed one to Kelly. Perched on high stools at a counter, they sat side by side and watched the activities on Main Street. The steak dinner was winding down but the market booths were still selling wares and more people were arriving for the dancing.
“Your brother didn’t stay long,” Kelly observed. “Is everything all right?”
“The family is worried about me. But that’s nothing new.” Cody sipped his beer. How many drinks did this make today? Normally he didn’t count—a practice that had led to more hangovers than he cared to admit. But he didn’t want to get drunk this evening. Kelly wasn’t a big drinker and he didn’t want to look foolish in front of her.
“What’s the problem?” Her head propped in one palm, she swiveled to face him. “Is there any way I can help?”
“Thanks, no,” he began and then hesitated. He hadn’t wanted to talk about Tegan, especially not to Kelly, but when she laid her hand on his forearm, the gesture of support made the words spill out.
“I heard from an old girlfriend,” he said. “My first and only serious relationship. We were just sixteen—” He broke off, embarrassed by his actions ten years ago. “Forget it. You don’t want to know about this.”
“Tell me,” she said persuasively. “I do want to know. I know hardly anything about your background.”
“Okay, well, long story short, we’d been going together for a few months when she thought she was pregnant. It turned out she wasn’t; it was just a scare. For me, that was a reality check to slow down. For her, it opened up new possibilities. After that she wanted to get serious, I mean really serious—marriage, kids, white picket fence—the whole enchilada. And not someday when we grew up but right then. I couldn’t handle it.” He gripped the beer can with both hands. “Her fantasy became my nightmare.”
“What did you do?” Kelly asked, a wary note in her voice.
“I…ran. Just up and left without telling her where I was going.” He couldn’t meet Kelly’s gaze but out of the corner of his eye he saw her wince.
“Go on,” she said flatly.
“I quit school and got work on a bull-breeding ranch. I didn’t tell my folks where I was. Didn’t want them to try to persuade me to come home.”
“You never called Tegan later to apologize or explain?”
“I was too much of a coward,” he muttered. “Finally got up the nerve about six months later but it was too late. She’d run away to Los Angeles, got hooked on drugs. Her parents eventually tracked her down and got her into rehab but she kept going off the rails. She never did come back to Sweetheart. I haven’t had any contact with her until now when she texted me.”
“Have you returned her call?” Kelly asked.
“Not yet.”
“Because you feel guilty?”
“As sin.” His grip on the beer can tightened, denting it. Kelly must think he was a complete asshole. This would be where she suddenly remembered she had to wash her hair or get up early and left him sitting here moping into his beer.
“Good.” Her eyes glittered, hard and cold as distant stars. “At least you have a conscience.”
“Fat lot of good it did Tegan,” he said, bowing his head. It was hard to look back on those times and not hate himself. He’d made so many mistakes.
Kelly fell silent. Cody finished his beer, wanted another but didn’t order one. He waited for judgment.
Finally she spoke. “You were just a kid,” she said with a grudging acceptance. “You should have talked to her but it doesn’t make you evil.”
He felt a spurt of relief but immediately tamped that down. Kelly was a kind person but he wasn’t exonerated. A Starr did
n’t walk away from his responsibilities, not even something as minor as breaking up with a high school sweetheart face to face. Not that Tegan’s feelings were minor. Or his. He’d loved her, at least until he’d realized how unfit he was for what she wanted from him.
“I wouldn’t have made a good husband or father.”
“No guy does at the age of sixteen,” Kelly said. “You were a boy.”
He looked up, trying to gauge her mood. “I was so immature, you wouldn’t believe.”
“Oh, I believe.” The corner of her mouth twitched and then turned up.
He gave her a small smile, grateful she was still there.
Again, Kelly rested a hand on his. “It’s fruitless to dwell on what you should have done. You can’t change the past. But you can decide what you will do in the future.”
Cody ruminated on that, drinking his beer in silence. Another band had come on, a young woman with big hair and a fringed western skirt. When it came to the future he didn’t look farther ahead than the next rodeo. But Kelly meant Tegan. He still recoiled from talking to her after all these years. What good would it do either of them?
“Is that why you gave me the money for Ricky?” Kelly asked, startling him out of his musings. “Some weird way of atoning for not having kids with Tegan?”
“I don’t know.” Cody wanted a family someday, one as loving and close as the one he’d grown up in. But maybe he wasn’t good enough to be a father. He didn’t know if the tangle of pain, regret and guilt inside him had anything to do with his gift to Ricky. All he’d known was that he’d felt compelled to help the little boy. “Does it matter?”
Kelly shook her head. “Not to me. Not to Ricky.”
“Good. You won’t tell him about what I said, will you? I’d hate to disillusion the kid. He’ll find out soon enough that cowboys are just as messed up as everyone else.”
“I won’t tell him.” Kelly hesitated then added, “Maybe you’ve made a few poor choices along the way but you were young and should cut yourself some slack. Your heart is in the right place and that’s the most important thing.”
Her simple, matter-of-fact assessment was like a cool drink of water on a blistering-hot day. It calmed Cody inside, in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. “Thank you. I needed someone to say that.”
“I’m surprised no one has before this.”
“I don’t talk about it.” He didn’t know why he had now. The pressure had been building lately, he supposed, and needed to be released. “What about you?” he asked. “Do you ever wish Ricky’s father was around?”
“No.” She shook her head firmly. “He doesn’t deserve to be in our lives. My main concern has always been Ricky. With his health so poor for years I’ve tried hard to ensure he has stability in the rest of his life. A place to live, enough food, the same surroundings.”
“He strikes me as a very resilient kid,” Cody said. “As long as he has you, he’ll be fine. You’re his stability.”
Kelly tilted her head, as if she hadn’t looked at it quite that way before. “Thanks. You could be right.”
He took her hand and squeezed. Some of the burden of guilt had slid away, leaving him feeling lighter in spirit.
The music wafted their way on the breeze, setting Cody’s toe tapping. “Dance?”
Chapter Eight
Kelly placed a hand on Cody’s shoulder and clasped his hand as he drew her in for a two-step. He seemed positively buoyant as he guided her lightly around the dance floor.
She was still struggling to get back that easy feeling. His story about Tegan had brought up bad memories and she’d had to fight the urge to cut her losses and walk away. Then she’d reminded herself to take Cody at face value. They had tonight, maybe tomorrow, and that was it. The past was the past. The future wasn’t here yet. All she had was the present, that’s why they call it a gift. Yada yada.
Don’t be so cynical, she chided herself. Strong, smart, sexy and generous, Cody was a gift. He was hers for the whole night if she wanted. His gaze held hers in an intimate connection and he held her loosely, whisking her in half turns as he moved instinctively around the dance floor. The warmth from his hands seeped into her hip and her palm. They moved as one. She loved how in sync they were. It boded well for later. His athleticism and agility plus a sense of rhythm made dancing seem effortless. And sensual. Warmth built between them with casual touches of thighs and accidental brushes to her breast.
She had the feeling he wasn’t going to make the first move, that he was going to be a gentleman and show her that not all guys were like Dean. It was endearing and frustrating at the same time. If anything was going to happen tonight it would be up to her to initiate it.
All the stars were aligned. Ricky was safely at the campout. Cody seemed to have gotten over the funk he’d been in a while ago. She knew all too well how the past could burp into the present occasionally but the only way forward was to let it go.
The two-step was over and the band played a ballad, the mellow tones of the singer settling like a warm blanket over the dance floor. All around them, couples cozied up. Kelly slid her hand higher on Cody’s shoulder till her fingers stroked his nape and he responded by sliding his hand farther around her waist. Now their bodies pressed together intimately as they moved in languid steps over a small area. She leaned up a little to brush her lips over his neck.
Cody’s breath ruffled her hair and he kissed the sensitive skin at her temple. She sighed out a soft moan. He kissed his way down her cheek and languidly kissed the corners of her mouth, the tip of her nose. Her lips tilted up in silent invitation and his mouth captured hers in a slow, thorough kiss. He took his time, keeping it chaste at first, then, when she thought she would go mental with impatience, he slid his tongue along the seam of her lips and she opened to his heat and soft strokes.
She held him closer, with both arms around his neck. How long had it been since she’d been in a man’s arms and it felt so good? Oh, she’d had blind dates arranged by friends. She’d gone because she worried there must be something wrong with her if she remained celibate for so many years in a row. They’d been nice men but there’d been no spark, no chemistry, and she’d ended up going home alone. With Cody she could hardly breathe for the electricity flowing between them. Did he feel it, too? Judging by the heat and hardness between his legs, she’d say so.
Their connection was happening fast this weekend but really, her feelings had been building since June when he’d come into her diner in Reno and changed her and Ricky’s lives forever. She hadn’t been able to get him out of her mind, not only as their benefactor but as a man.
Ricky, too, had been infatuated. He’d googled Cody for all his stats while she’d pored over Internet photos of him riding bulls and bareback broncs. She’d grown familiar with the angle of his jaw and the slant of his cheekbones, the small white scar high on his right cheek. Every tattoo on his arms from the bucking bronco to the sunburst over a mountain peak.
She wanted him to make love to her. No matter what people said, no matter what he thought about himself, he was a good man. It was easy to care about family and friends but to sacrifice so that a complete stranger could benefit went above and beyond in her book. Maybe she was being presumptuous but she had the feeling that she could help him somehow. Not by giving him sex as payback, of course not, but by being his friend and supporting him, no matter what.
Others might know him better but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew him deeper. That was the only word she could think of to explain what didn’t make a lot of rational sense. She felt drawn to him. Thoughts of him had pulled her across the miles of desert and mountains to this small town and this rodeo. He’d given her back a normal life where she and Ricky could do things that didn’t revolve around hospitals and sickness. Where she could plan a future. He was bringing her sense of womanhood back to life. For years she’d numbed herself with Netflix and ice cream. Now she wanted more, she wanted a man in her arms, in her bed. In
her heart.
No, maybe not her heart. This was only temporary. A fling. That made her a little sad but she would deal with it.
“You’re so quiet,” he said in her ear. “What are you thinking?”
“Thinking about what comes next,” she whispered, kissing his jaw. “After the dance is over. We could go back to the motel. Ricky’s away the whole night.”
His arms tightened around her. “My trailer is closer.”
“I know. Remember yesterday?” She smiled against his neck. “Between Ricky and me, the media and your groupies, you were pretty pissed off.”
“That seems like a long time ago.” His hands made slow circular strokes at the base of her spine, inching lower and lower down her butt in a delicious tease.
“A lot has happened since then,” she agreed. She glanced at the illuminated face of the town clock on its pillar in front of the courthouse. “Just about midnight.” Then she looked at the overflowing beer garden and the crowds still milling down Main Street. “The party is just getting started.”
One side of his mouth curled up in a lazy grin. “There’s a party in my trailer, too. You’d be the guest of honor.”
“Then it would be my pleasure to attend.”
“Your pleasure is the whole idea.”
“Surely not the whole idea,” she said pressing her hips against his erection.
His swift intake of breath sent heat coursing through her veins. “I’ve got lots of ideas I think you’d like. Shall we go?”
“I’m ready. Can we swing past the kids’ camp?” she said. “I don’t want to go in, just take a peek.”
“Sure.” Cody took her hand.
They walked down Court Street and across the railway tracks behind the hospital. Away from the bustle and lights of Main Street, the night turned chilly and dark, lit only by the stars overhead and lampposts. She tugged her thin shawl closer and Cody stopped and removed his jacket for her to wear. Since he had long sleeves and a vest while her shoulders were bare she only made a token protest. The warm sheepskin took care of her goose bumps in short order.