by Eve Paludan
She kept drinking and listening, her eyes misting.
“You have a life, and I have an undead existence. One of us would have had to get a job elsewhere anyway, if we ever went public with our relationship because cop partners can’t be married to each other, certainly not FBI agents. Now, it’s not going to work anymore because I’m a vampire and truthfully, I am not that good at it. I used you as a crutch instead of learning to be self-sufficient. I’ve already messed up your life enough. Especially, I’ve messed up your health, and for that, I deeply apologize. That was no way for me to treat you, to almost kill you by using you as a feeder all this time. My shame is eating me alive.”
She sobbed against his wrist but kept drinking.
He leaned against the bed, getting weak from blood loss.
She stopped drinking and put her finger over the wound, which began to close up right away, due to his vampire healing powers.
“I’m full.” She licked her lips of the last traces of blood and said, “I don’t want you to go. We had dreams of all these things we were going to do and be to each other. And we’re almost there. Almost there! Just wait for me. Let me get things squared away so I can go with you.”
“No. It’s breaking my heart, too, but it’s over, Amber.”
“Please don’t go away.”
“I have to. One of the reasons, besides saving you from the likes of me, is that someone knows my secret, besides you.”
“Really? Who?”
“Another supernatural creature, not a vampire, though.”
“What is he?”
“A hairy meathead with enormous teeth. They’re long and white like piano keys.”
Her mouth fell open.
“And he’s claiming Southern California for his so-called turf and threatened me like it was right out of the mouths of a Sharks and Jets pre-rumble script.”
“What balls!”
“Balls is right, but he let me go last night, instead of killing me after I attacked him. I… I stabbed him in the chest with a knife.”
“Kevin!” she said, horrified. “Is that what you do when I don’t feed you?”
He hung his head for a moment, not able to meet her eyes. “Apparently so.”
She said, “That gives me pause, more than pause, actually.”
“It should. So, anyway, instead of me burning up in the sunrise, the guy made me promise to leave my life here and I agreed to it. I just got a mulligan, from a freaking werewolf.”
“Really?” Her eyes were wide.
“Yeah. It’s crazy, right?”
“I’d say so.” She let out another sob. “Are you just leaving me because he threatened you?”
“No, I’m leaving because he’s right. I’m a scourge on your life. He even asked me to take away the vampire compulsion that I put on you to serve me. Even to love me beyond all reason.”
“You did that to me?” She was aghast.
“Yes. That thing inside me convinced me to do it.”
“But I already loved you! Why would you even have to do that to me?”
“It was evil of me. I’m truly sorry. This inner beast is starting to overpower the good man I used to be.”
“You’re still good.”
“No, I’m not. I just tried to kill someone who befriended me at the gym. I offered him money not to kill me.” Kevin didn’t tell her he had also offered Kingsley sex to let him go.
“That’s so scary. And that’s not you.”
“Yes, it is. It was me doing it. I caved. At least I didn’t kill a human being.”
“So, you’re going to go to San Francisco? And find another feeder?”
“Yes to the first question. No to the second question. I swear on my mother’s grave, no more feeders.”
“You’ll find another lover, though?”
“Eventually, I suppose. Although right now, I want to say no to anyone else getting anywhere near my heart. I would always be trying, I think, to match what we had. You were my other half. The light to my darkness.”
“You’re still my other half,” she said.
“You’re too good to me.”
“Probably,” she admitted. “But you’re worth it.”
“I’m not so sure. In the last forty-eight hours, since I quit feeding from you since you got so weak, I’ve been an unspeakable creature of evil.”
“It’s beyond unacceptable that you tried to stab someone and drink his blood. You’re a cop! What were you thinking?”
“That I was hungry. That it would be easy. That it would be quick.”
“How did you even freaking pick a werewolf?”
“He picked me. I don’t know how he did it.”
“It can’t be a coincidence.”
“It’s not, Amber. He knew about you, and he knew I would be at that gym at that time.”
“When you figure it out, how you came to get beat up by a werewolf, let me know.”
“I intend to.” He paused. “How do you feel? Any difference yet?”
“Physically, I’m starting to feel a lot better already.” She paused. “Thanks for the blood. It was weird and icky, but it was also good.”
“It feels funny hearing you thank me for feeding you when I said that to you, I don’t know, a thousand times or so.”
“That many? No wonder my platelets are so low.”
“I’m a greedy, selfish bastard, Amber. You’ll be well rid of me soon.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’ve already set things in motion. My new job and a place to live are waiting for me.”
“Pardon me while I just freak out here. I’m mad as hell at what you’ve been doing since I last fed you, but I’m losing you!”
“I’m freaking out, too,” he admitted. “Inside, I am. I’m trying not to let it show how scared I am to walk away from you and do this by myself. Co-dependent that I am.”
“But you’re going to call me, let me know where you live? And tell me how you like the FBI job?”
“No, I’m going to take away your compulsion to love me and serve me and then, you’ll hate me and never want to lay eyes on me again.”
“I won’t hate you. I could never!”
“I could take away certain memories of me—then, you won’t suffer so much. You’ll have lost a close co-worker, but I can make you forget the lovers’ part.”
“Don’t you dare! I never want to forget the way you kissed me, made love to me, and were my best friend and confidante. My soul mate.”
“Okay, soul mate, I will take off the compulsion and also, erase the memory that I was a vampire. Instead, I will just be your work partner that you had an affair with and I guess you will remember it fondly if you want to. Only time will tell if you will one day spit in my eye if you see me on the street.”
“Shut up. I wouldn’t do that. And you’re just going to do some sort of mind wipe? Don’t I have a choice in all of this? Maybe I don’t want a clean slate,” she complained.
“You need one. It could be dangerous if you remember that I was a vampire.”
“It could be dangerous if I don’t remember that vampires exist. What if more vampires come? I need to be ready for that.”
“Don’t even go there.”
“Well, I’m a cop. I have to go there! It could happen again. Or they could come back for me, the same ones who came for you. They’ve seen my face. They could find me. They could turn me.” She sat up in bed. “Hey! You could turn me, and I could go with you. And we could live happily ever after.”
“No, I won’t do it. Your family. You would never, ever forgive yourself if you gave them up for me. You would resent me for eternity.”
She sighed hard. “You’re wrong about at least one thing, Kevin.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re not a greedy bastard. You’re a pretty damn fine man.”
“I like to think I used to be.”
“You still are.”
“No, not since I started drinking your
blood.”
“This is not your fault.”
“It doesn’t make the situation any less heinous. Hell, I am heinous, Amber.”
They hugged in the dark hospital room, and she got out of bed and held out her arms to touch his face.
“You’re standing up!”
“Yeah, I’m starting to feel like I could run laps around the hospital, if not for all of these needles stuck in my veins. Hopefully, they will come in, take my blood, and pull all this IV tubing out of me.” She put her arms around him and squeezed tightly, then tilted up her lips for a kiss.
It was a long, long kiss, as goodbye kisses sometimes are.
When their lips parted, he said, “Okay, I just took off the compulsion to serve me as a blood slave and to crave unending sex with me.”
“Wow, that’s pretty creepy. But I don’t hate you. How about that, vampire lover?”
“You’re amazing.”
She laughed sadly. “You are going to be the most insanely effective FBI agent the Bureau has ever had.”
“I have an advantage, at night anyway.” He blew air through his lips. “What else did I want to ask you… Oh, what are you going to do about Tyrone?”
She thought for a moment. “The truth is going to hurt, but he’s already been onto me for a long time. He’s even been going to marriage counseling without me when I refused to go.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I don’t tell you everything, especially if it’s about him. I’ll go to him and finally admit that I had an affair with you, but that it’s over and done with and that you’re gone forever.” Her voice broke a bit on the last word of that sentence. “I’ll beg for forgiveness or ask for a divorce if he can’t stand to be with me anymore. Whether I stay married or get divorced, I’ll live like a normal human being instead of being attached at the hip to a creature of the night who sucks my blood. He’ll be thrilled to keep me. I’m pretty sure he will, once he gets past the ‘squick’ factor that another man has been in me.”
“That sounds more optimistic than anything in my purview.”
“You know me. Susie Sunshine. I admit, it is optimistic, but that’s how I roll. I’ll enjoy my daughter, her nice but somewhat immature husband, and a beautiful, perfect grandchild. I’ll try to get my sons to come over for dinner more often with their matching set of brides-to-be. And I’ll keep my job at the Fullerton PD. Maybe I’ll retire in ten years, or sooner, if they offer me early retirement. I guess I’ll do some fishing and hiking or take those Art and Wine painting classes that are so popular.”
Kevin smiled. “I didn’t know you liked stuff like that.”
“Well, you do now. I want to just breathe again, which I have not been able to do for a long time because I hate liars—and to be with you as your lover, I became one.”
He blew out a breath. “That’s my girl. Think he’ll forgive you?”
“I don’t know, but you know me. I find solutions to life’s most messy, sucky problems. I think he and I would stay friends, even if we broke up. We have a family and that is like cement in life’s most troubled times, even when everything is so broken that it seems completely hopeless.”
“I’m going to miss your plucky spirit and your beautiful heart.”
“Truthfully, I’m only going to miss your ginormous dick, Detective 69.”
He laughed through his rolling tears. “Now, that’s the Amber I know and love.” He paused. “What does your psychic power tell you about the future?”
“That everything will be fine. That I will ache for you for quite some time, but I’ll return to my usual health and sarcastic sense of humor as a cop and as a wife. And that I will, in my most secret heart, revel in the joy of remembering that I had someone as amazing as you who loved me with a passion. I loved you back with all that I had, too, even my blood, damn you. But I’ll move on and you will, too.”
“You somehow know all that will come to pass?”
“Hey, you gave me these psychic powers by drinking my blood, and they aren’t trivial. Believe that.”
“Hopefully, you’ll retain the psychic powers.”
“I don’t know about that. But I lived through a bullet, and I lived through a vampire romance where I was bled into anemia. But now, I’m gonna go back to the mild-mannered donut man and just be as kind and regretful as I can be. And maybe if he really wants me back, I will give him lots of apology head.”
“Ouch. I deserved that, I guess.”
“Yeah, you did. How could you put some sort of creepy compulsion on me when you knew I already loved you and would have done anything for you?”
“There’s no excuse for that. I had a purely selfish motive. Maybe even a desire to completely dominate you.”
“You’re right. And I’m too old to start over again with someone else. On the other hand, you’ll live forever, unless you get caught in the sun or someone kills you with silver if you’re too much of an asshole to the wrong people, or paranormal creatures.”
His eyes widened. “I won’t ever grow any older than I am now. I guess what you just said just resonated with me.”
“And I’ll grow older and I’ll be glad to do that, so I can be with my family till we end up in the graveyard, one by one, like the pathetic loving mortals we are.”
“When you say it like that, I really, really envy you,” he said. “I’m all alone in the world with me, myself and I, and those guys are real dumbasses.”
“Hardly ever. Don’t be so hard on yourself. And you didn’t choose this life, but now, I’m choosing mine because I’m free to do so. You’re a product of your forced physiology and you have to learn as you go and probably take your comfort where you can find it. Ugh, I hate long goodbyes. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“I hate all goodbyes, but this one hurts so much. What the hell am I going to do without you, Amber?”
“You just got a second chance from that werewolf. Don’t blow it. You start with a clean slate. I don’t get that chance. I have to fix this mess I made of my life. My husband’s life. If I’m very lucky, he won’t ever tell our children what I did.”
“I think it’s true that it’s easier for the one who leaves and starts fresh. Thanks for that.”
“Just don’t be an asshole to other women like you were to me or you’ll end up alone because they’ll end up dead. Either that or they’ll hate you for turning them into vampires, if you sink that low.”
“I’ll take that advice to heart, I promise.”
“Godspeed, Kev. It was fun while it was fun.”
He kissed her once on her neck and swept away from the room without another word.
After Kevin left, kind of staggering down the hallway from loss of blood, and Amber’s crying devolved into regular breathing that assured that she was sound asleep in her bed, Samantha Moon came out of the hospital room’s private bathroom. Sam looked at Amber for a full minute. She didn’t usually get involved with her cases to this degree, but because she was a vampire, too, this case had gotten pretty close to her heart.
When she realized that Amber’s cheeks were flushed with the bloom of good health again, Sam left the hospital room with her own tears gathering and flowing like tiny sparkling diamonds that dripped from the corners of her eyes and plinked on the floor as she got the hell out of that hospital room.
When she got back in her van and locked it, she left a long voicemail for Tyrone Tarkington: “This is Sam Moon reporting in. Listen, Tyrone, the case is solved. But all of your answers are going to come directly from Amber. When you go to the hospital in the morning to pick her up—because she’s going to be feeling a lot better—she’s going to tell you some things. I want you to listen to what she says and please accept her words in the spirit that she intends. I wish you both much luck and love. And thanks for your business.”
When Sam hung up, she reached to start her minivan and was shocked when someone tapped on her driver’s side window. When she saw it was Kevin Holden
staring at her through the glass, she screamed a bit and reached for the silver dagger she kept in a scabbard between her seat and the console.
“Only a vampire can sneak up on a vampire,” he said through the glass.
“What the hell do you want?” she asked, knowing he could smash his fist right through the glass, grab her and pull her right through the broken window.
“As I was leaving her hospital room, I suddenly felt your presence when I walked by the bathroom. I waited for you down here to see who you were. I know it won’t do any good to take your photo, but I just ran your license plate, private detective Samantha Moon.”
“So, now what? We brawl?” Sam asked.
“No. I just don’t have anyone else to ask for advice. Vampire advice. I want to know if I did the right thing in there, with Amber. When I took off the compulsion, I let her dictate the terms of what she wanted to remember.”
“You did the right thing, in that respect,” Sam said flatly.
“So, you heard the whole thing?” Kevin asked.
“Every word. I even know that you put a new compulsion on her, to believe that the affair started after you became a vampire, instead of when it really started, five years ago.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “Not exactly kosher of me to compel her to believe a lie, was it?”
“No, but it was a surprising twist in who I thought you were. You’re still a selfish asshole, but it made me realize you did love her and you weren’t in the relationship to just totally use her. But if she’s lucky, your fresh lie and new compulsion probably just saved what’s left of the shreds of her marriage.”
“I guess that’s as good as forgiveness gets from the vampire private eye who busted my sordid blood-and-sex affair with the most wonderful woman I’ve ever known.”
“Oh, make no mistake. I have no forgiveness for you. It’s not like I don’t understand the blood hunger myself, but you need to practice some self-control, or you’ll end up alone and miserable for eternity—that is, if someone doesn’t get sick of your bullshit and kill you with a silver knife to the heart.”