“I didn’t like hearing that you don’t like me. I’ve never asked a woman to be mine, so I have never been denied before, and it was a downright shitty feeling. Just like the thought of being without you.”
I started to cry.
“Why the hell are you crying?”
“Because I don’t know what to do.”
“It’s simple, Hannah. All you have to do is tell me how you truly feel so I can know where to go from here.”
“I…well, I…”
“None of that stuttering shit. You looked far more confident about the hellfire arse whipping you laid on that bitch than you did when you turned me down. Now, if you’re going to feed me that kind of fire I’ll let you burn me up for all my days, but I’m not going to let you terrorize me with your wish-wash bullshit. This here life I live is all or nothing, so this is it, Hannah. Do you want all of me, or none of me?”
The thought of being without him cracked my broken heart, but throwing myself at him was simply not an option. Standing there like a helpless dolt, I stared at him in silence. Tears filled my eyes.
He pressed. “Don’t lie to me, and especially don’t lie to yourself.”
“I’ve been lying all along, Mason.” My tears flowed like rain. “To myself and everyone else. I have told myself that you are a big mean pirate who is going to hurt me. That way, you would never be able to hurt me. I have told everyone else that I don’t love you, so that it would be easier to believe my own lie. And now, I have told you that I hate you, but I don’t. I just hate the fact that you exposed my precious secret.”
“I’m not quite sure how exposed this secret is, because I still don’t what the hell it is.” With his arms crossed over his chest, he tapped the floor with his bare foot, waiting for an answer.
The thought of telling him made me want to vomit, but walking away from him forever terrified me to the point of trembling. After catching my breath and taming my churning gut, I said, “The truth is that my sad and lonely spirit is attracted to you like a moth to a flame. When I am with you, I feel safe and warm. Your confidence is contagious and your humor lightens the weight from my heavy, heavy heart. I never want you to leave when you are near me, because everything is finally all right when you are here.”
Looking moved, he reached for my hand. “Hannah, my sweet. You don’t have to hide from me.”
I yanked my hand away from his. “Yes. Yes I do. Because, like that map said, the best kept secrets are the ones left uncharted, and if no one ever knows how I truly feel about you, then no one can take my feelings away from me. I can’t afford to lose another beautiful thing, Mason, and this hard-to-find prize is the only warm place left in my dark and lonely heart.
The only two people I ever truly loved are gone, and to think of them only brings me pain. Especially Thomas. I loved him so much, Mason. I still do, and I always, always will, but I cannot remember the good times with him without the way he left this world tormenting my soul. But you, you’re here, standing and breathing. And my feelings for you had not yet been stolen or tarnished. Until tonight. This is exactly why I did not want to love you, because then you could hurt me. And you have.”
“I didn’t know any of this, sweetheart. If I did, I never would have done what I did. Be with me, Hannah, and I’ll never hurt you again.”
“It’s not that easy, Mason.” I wiped my tears. “To think that I may love you makes me think I have to stop loving Thomas, and I don’t want to do that. Ever. And that isn’t fair to you. How could I be your lady when I love another man?”
Lowering his face into his hand, he shook his head. “I know what it feels like to lose someone you love, and I’ll never tell you to stop loving him, but he isn’t here anymore, beauty. I am.” He looked straight into my eyes. “And I can’t bear the thought of leaving you alone in this world.”
“I don’t want to be alone.” I wept. “Though I am so, so sad that Thomas is gone, I am so thankful that you are here. Who knows what would have happened to me if you had not found me in that alley.”
“To tell you the truth, Hannah, I hadn’t even planned on going that direction. It was like something called me to you. I just feel like this was supposed to happen. Maybe it was only so I could help you get on your way, but I hope it’s so your way can be with me.”
Moved by the concept of him being called to me, I felt my heart warm with a spiritual glow. “Mason, it was God who sent you to me, I know it. Only moments before I met you, I had planned to kill myself. I hate admitting that to you, but it’s true.” I told him about my thoughts as I stood in the windowsill. The pain in his eyes hurt me more than the memory itself. “I promised I’d wait one more day, and then you saved me.
Not knowing that God would send a pirate to save a lost little girl, I didn’t see it as salvation at the time, and I never even drew the connection until right now, but you are my hero. My Angel. You are my one more day and I don’t want to die anymore. Not only have you saved my life by keeping me alive, but you have saved my spirit by reminding me what it is like to live.”
At that moment, he wrapped his big strong arms around me. I collapsed into his embrace. Holding me close, he stroked my braids as I cried. As the salty liquid pouring from my eyes dribbled down his warm, hard chest, I felt my spirit healing. These were the kind of tears that cleanse the soul like the rain cleans the sky, and in his arms, I cried until my heart hurt no longer.
Finally gathering the composure to speak, I sniffled against his chest, “I never thought I would ever be able to love again, but I love you, too, Mason, and I’d like nothing more than to be your lady.”
Lifting my face with his calloused hand, he stared deep into my tear-stained eyes. At that moment, I knew my life would finally be all right.
Without another word, he kissed me. His mouth was as warm as the morning sun and the taste of rum reminded me of candied sugar. The heat of his chest surrounded me like the fluffy bed I’d been sleeping on, and the scent of his skin set my soul at ease. I felt so small and safe in his loving embrace, and with his protective shield surrounding me, I knew I had found my place in the world. I finally had a home.
Chapter 11
Queen of My Nightmare
Waking up in Mason’s bed, alone—feeling lost without Feather’s fluffy fur beside me—I looked around the room in wonder. It didn’t matter how I wanted to deny Esmerelda of my favor, there was no getting around the beauty encased in her bulkheads. This room was like a palace. Far bigger than the captain’s cabin on Sunrise, better decorated than any place I’d ever seen, and where there normally would have been stern windows, there were doors. Large glass doors leading out to a balcony!
Jumping to my feet, fully intending to run out there to enjoy the view, the aches and pains on my body quickly reminded me that I had run enough last night. The horrendous pain ripping across my side reminded me that Mason had thrown me up on that horse like a knight capturing an enemy, and rubbing my aching face, I regretted ever teaching that nasty bitch Brandy how to fight. Not wanting to dwell on my memories of her beyond the sight of Adaline slapping her across the face, I shook my head loose of those terrible thoughts and looked in the gold-framed mirror over the bookshelf.
Wincing at my reflection, I was glad Mason had left before sunlight filled the room. Between the welt on my cheek, the split on my lip, and the liner smudged under my eyes, I looked like someone who would have enjoyed themselves at one of Brandy’s parties.
Unsure of when Mason would return, and not wanting him or anyone else to see me in this condition, I hurried to get myself together.
After washing my face and re-braiding my hair, I finally stepped out onto the balcony. The low lying hills of Tortuga were moist from the night’s dew, and a few clouds billowed around the rolling crests. The harbor town was bright and colorful, and the turquoise bay glistened in the morning sunlight. With my hands on the rail—which was lined in pure gold—I looked over all of the ships in the harbor and wanted to paint every o
ne of them.
I had seen the harbor of Tortuga plenty of times, but this was the first time I saw the beauty in the scene. With a hopeful heart, I took a deep breath and thanked God for the lovely day. With the soothing breath of air filling my lungs, I realized I had not said a prayer in months. It was time to have some words with the Lord.
Going back into the beautiful room, I quickly made the bed. After straightening the red silk sheets, laying out the gold and red blanket, and fluffing the colorful pillows, I knelt beside the wooden canopy frame and put my hands together to pray.
“I know it’s been a while…So long that I have forgotten how to do this…but, uh, I just want to say thank you for giving me a second chance.” Painful memories began leaking into my mind, but not wanting to lose sight of my hard-earned peace, I took a breath of courage and held off the flood. “Please help to ease my heart of the terrible guilt I carry over Thomas’ death, and maybe you could say hello to him and my father for me. Tell them I love them both dearly, and though it may be a while until I see them again, let them know that you sent a good man to take care of me. Thank you for that, God. And thank you for this beautiful day. Amen.”
X
Three days had passed with no more kisses, and not much more than a word from Mason. Nor had he retrieved my cat. He promised me he’d get him soon enough, and though I believed him, I could hardly wait until the day I could hold my furry little friend again. My solitude would be much easier to bear with Feather purring against my cheek.
The few times I did see Mason, he was nice enough, but he seemed distant. Not wanting to trouble him, I tried to stay out of his way and spent my time exploring the vast array of treasures that made up the room I had all to myself. I had never seen such a great degree of wealth, and it was not only for my eyes to admire, but my hands were allowed to touch. The heavy furniture, the eccentric fabrics, and the gold and bejeweled trinkets and décor kept my mind inspired as the days passed, but the greatest prize was found behind the artistically beveled doors of the oaken armoire.
Dresses. Eight of them. All different colors and each lined with the finest silks, taffetas, and laces that had ever crossed the sea. But that wasn’t all. The drawers below were stuffed to the brim with corsets, gloves, scarves, and stockings, and all the hair pieces that would complete the look of a Spanish princess.
Since Mason had once again granted me the pleasure of making myself at home, I spent the afternoons indulging myself in the well-to-do attire. Not only did I try every dress on, but I mixed and matched the layers with the different corsets, and found today’s favor in the plum-colored dress with the black and silver corset over it. To the benefit of my comfort, the lady who once owned these pieces was bigger than me, and the corsets didn’t squeeze me to death like I’d heard they would.
Regardless of the royal fabrics, I styled my hair with my Viking braids and topped off the look with a pearl-beaded silver comb. After lining my eyes with black liner—that made my eyes look all the more witchy—I looked myself over in the full length mirror on the wall next to the armoire. Royalty indeed, I smiled, but before I had a chance to spin around in the breeze that was now gusting through the open stern doors, I heard someone knocking.
“Dinner!” I clapped my hands like a happy child and went to open the door for Shark.
Since Mister Henderson had died during the terrible broadside on the Sunrise, it was Shark who had been delivering me my meals, and he was always right on time.
“Hello, Miss. I’ve got your supper, here.” He smiled as he set the tray on the table. But when he glanced at me, his cheeks turned red. Twisting his black braid like a dumbstruck monkey, he complimented me, “You look pretty today. I mean, you always do, but…”
Sitting at the table, I spared him the stuttering and smiled. “Thank you, Shark. Oh! You brought me an orange this time. And I love cheese.”
“I remembered you liking oranges, so I grabbed you one at the market.”
“You’re sweet. So, do you have any idea where the sheet-wearing horseman has gone today?”
Knowing the story as well as everyone else at the harbor, Shark laughed. “I can’t tell you that, Miss. He told me he’d cut my fingers off if I did, and I like my fingers a bit more than I like you. No offense.”
I couldn’t help but giggle. “It’s all right. I understand. I like my fingers better than I like you, too.”
Backing towards the door, he said, “I’m not supposed to stay long to talk, either, but I’m glad to see you’re happier than you were when I first met you.”
“I am. And you seem to have picked up an English accent since we first met.”
“Too much time with these senseless Englishmen,” he said with an exaggerated Spanish accent.
“Do you speak Spanish?” I asked while topping my bread with meat and cheese.
“I do. Half the reason Captain keeps me around is so I can translate for him during the raids. You get better ranking among the men with a valid skill to offer.”
After swallowing my bite, I informed him, “I finally found my valid skill.”
I went on to tell him about the way I had been selling my art. Though I was entirely enjoying the conversation with the pirate boy, Mason came through the door and kicked him out. “Shoo, fly. Get on out of here.” He fanned his hand at Shark and proceeded to chase him out like an unwanted bug.
With Shark out of the way, Mason dragged a wooden chest into the room, and as he did so, I complained, “Shark and I were in the middle of something.”
“Well, now you’re in the middle of something with me,” he grumbled with that possessive tone that made me feel so desired.
Finally looking in my direction, his eyes lit up like the morning sun. “Damn, you look like a princess. But better.”
Beginning to peel my orange, I giggled, “I am eating like one, too.”
He flashed me with that sideways smile I adored, causing my heart to flutter like the wings of a butterfly. His lips would forever strike me as a point of interest now that I had kissed them.
“If oranges are all it takes to keep you happy, then this is going to be easier than I thought.” He plopped down in the chair across from me.
“Oh! Are you going to sit with me today?”
“I am. We have much to discuss.”
“Like what? Are you going to tell me where you have been?”
“Aye. Where I have been and where I am going.”
Though I was caught off guard by the way he said, I am instead of we are, my worries blew away in the evening breeze when he said, “I went back to Adaline’s to get your damned cat…”
“Oh! You did? Where is he?”
“That little gut guzzler’s out on the deck, probably spitting out rat fur. You can have him back after we figure this shit out. Shit, Hannah, you would have laughed your arse off watching me chase him around that place.”
“I can only imagine.” I chuckled.
“Now, listen. Adaline was serious about you not returning. She said she adores you, and she’s sorry, but the no fighting rule is a strict one that she must enforce without a lick of leniency.”
Though devastated by the news I had already expected to hear, I understood. “I figured that would be the case. What about Brandy? Did she get to stay?”
He rolled his head back and reluctantly answered. “Aye. She was there today and Adal—”
“You saw her there?!” Flaming jealousy rose in my gut. “Did you talk to her? If you touched her I’ll punch you again.”
Holding his jaw where I had punched him the last time, he laughed. “No. I didn’t touch her, but when she tried to talk to me, I told her to shut her flapping whore lips.”
Enraged by the thought of her even being in his presence, I snapped, “I’d like to cut her thin little lips off and keep them in a jar to remind other whores to keep their mouths off of you.”
Leaning back in his chair, he snickered into his hand. “Mean, mean, mean.”
“I u
nderstand Adaline’s reasoning for kicking me out, but it bothers the hell out of me that the backstabbing, stick-figure slut gets to stay.”
“Adaline said it’s because you started the fight and Brandy has nowhere else to go.”
“Brandy deserved every blow and I have nowhere else to go, either. That’s bullshit.” I defiantly crossed my arms over my chest.
“Hannah, you’re my woman, now. You will always have a place to go.”
Knowing he was right, yet being too annoyed to agree with him, I teased, “Unless you are the one chasing me.”
His gorgeous lips curved into a playful smile. “If you’re running from me, you’re running towards trouble, sweetheart. Don’t forget that.”
Thinking of him chasing me down on horseback, I laughed. “How did you learn to ride a horse that well, anyhow?”
“Same way I learn everything. The hard way. Now, if you’re done lashing at me with that threatening tongue of yours, I’d like to carry on with my plans.”
“All right. What are you going to do with me this time?”
“As far as I can see, you have two choices. Neither of which are favorable in my eyes.”
His eyes…Momentarily lost in them, I stared like a love-struck fool until he said, “I can get you your own place, here in town, and leave you a guard and enough money to get by until I get back.”
“I hate that idea,” I snipped, completely unwilling to endure life ashore on my own. “There is no guard in the world that will protect me like you will, and I do not want to be alone anymore. What is the next choice?”
“To come with me,” he sullenly stated, as if he preferred the other option.
My jaw dropped in shock. I never thought that would be an option. Thinking over his dreadful tales from his last adventure at sea, I rubbed my eyes and pondered my choices. He was right to favor neither, for both choices were unpleasant in completely different ways, but it didn’t take me long to decide. If I would be facing life threatening danger either way, I would rather face it under his protective wing. “I will go with you.”
Uncharted Secrets (Uncharted Secrets, Book 1): Endless Horizon Pirate Stories Page 11