She watched as his hunched form walked away from her, down the road. The word "no" tasted bitter to her, even in her mind. Still, there was nothing she could do now. She had made her decision and it was time to live with it and move on, assailed from now on in her dreams for what she had just done.
Frozen in place in the frame of the doorway, she watched as Trevor stumbled off into the distance, the outline of him dissolving into the still-falling rain and pursued closely behind by the vestiges of her father's voice.
Get ready to march.
-21-
This was not who she was.
Or rather, this was not who she wanted to be. Who the hell did she think she was, turning that kid out into the night, denying him the help he had practically begged her for? Isn't that what her father had pounded in to her through all these years? Help those who can't help themselves. Who was she to deny him the help he needed? Or to question his opinion that he needed the help in the first place? What danger was there? Talking to him for five minutes had been enough to see that he was harmless.
So what was the problem?
Why was she so afraid of one person? What did she think was going to happen to her if she brought him into her life? The world had become a vile creation, a place occupied mostly by the violent and the selfish. People like the ones now inhabiting that monstrosity of a football stadium. But every now and then, you came across legitimately good people.
Trevor was one of those people.
And still she stayed where she was, staring stupidly off into the night. Either she was too afraid or too despondent to do the right thing. Either reason was unacceptable.
"This is stupid," she muttered, tightening her pack as she began walking down the road, in the direction Trevor had vanished into. He couldn't have gotten far, especially considering his state of mind when she had pretty much shoved him away. She had to be able to catch up.
Heidi ran along the road, thankful for the fact that there were no turnoffs for several miles so chances were pretty good he'd still be walking along the same stretch of highway as she was. She had to find him, had to make right what she had just gotten horribly wrong.
As she ran, she started to notice an object in the road, several hundred yards ahead, barely visible in the moonlight. It wasn't moving. With ice in her heart, she soon realized what she was seeing.
A sight that she hated, but had become so familiar.
It was a dead body.
And in the lowest recesses of her heart, she knew exactly who it was. But still her brain refused to give in. She picked up her speed to a sprint, now spotting a pair of tiny red lights, blinking away into the distant horizon. A car driving off, perhaps? She reached the body and with one toe, rolled it over.
The bullet had taken Trevor in the forehead. The expression on his face was the same bland resignation she had seen when he departed, suggesting that some sniper out there had simply picked him off because they could. Trevor had never seen it coming. Had the shooter been in the car departing the scene? Or were they still in the area, now taking aim at Heidi? At least Trevor had died quickly.
The thought offered no comfort.
It was minutes later before she realized she was screaming. Not sobbing or crying hysterically. Screaming. So loud, she felt like the tendons in her neck were tearing. The one time she had allowed her defenses to be broken down, and this was what happened. She felt pain in her knees and realized that she had fallen, hands reaching out to hold herself up as her stomach heaved and she threw up.
Somebody out there was going to pay for this. Trevor deserved better and she would see to it that someone paid the bill.
The stadium.
Those monsters had left this kid out here on the road, offering no help even though their supplies likely were more than enough to let him in. They had left their doors closed to him and the end result was him being murdered, alone out here in the abandoned waste. He had looked at her with her father's eyes and she turned away. Her own self-punishment could come in due course. For now, she wanted to pay a visit on the people who deserved the mother-load of the blame. She had become rage and that rage called for release. If she ended up getting killed herself, maybe then she could cleanse her soul of the guilt she carried. She had punishment to dole out.
She knew just where to put it.
-22-
Heidi ditched her backpack at a nearby farm as she passed it, stashing it in a barn in case someone might walk past and grab it. She wasn't sure how much of a chance she had to get through to the other side of this, but she didn't really care. Her anger was steering the ship now and she only had capacity for a few peripheral thoughts. She took a long drink from the canteen and strapped it across her chest, along with the pistol.
What else would she need?
Her mind was blank as she walked, feeling only the rage building to a frenzy within her. She had seen plenty of death since the world had fallen to pieces but this was one too far. She was tired of living in a world where people traipsed around, taking and doing whatever they wanted. She couldn't carry on anymore, not with the way things had become. She would either come through this having done some good at least once or she would end up dead and wouldn't have to deal with confronting this reality anymore.
The irony was that Trevor had likely managed to stumble across the one person intent on doing him harm within miles. That car had been driving off in the direction of the exact place she would have expected, the place of origin she would have predicted in a heartbeat.
The stadium.
It was off in the distance ahead of her, although she couldn't say for sure how far. Vaguely, a voice in her mind questioned if she was being too quick to make her conclusions, if she would end up killing someone who was innocent. But they had turned Trevor away. Just like they had turned a cold shoulder to anyone else who staggered up to their door. If they had taken him in, he wouldn't have ended up killed on that lonely stretch of highway. Trevor was dead because he wasn't good enough to get a membership at the club so maybe what she needed to do was burn the club down.
Her thirst needed to be quenched. The blood of those who had done the world wrong was the only thing that would satisfy her. Whoever had killed him likely had nothing to do with the stadium. She knew that. But even if those people happened to be blameless for Trevor's death, chances were they were guilty of something equally reprehensible. All Heidi cared about was punishing someone.
Anyone.
She was barely aware of the progress of the sun as it passed by overhead. She could detect the raw stink coming off of her after so much walking, but she didn't care. This was as close to a reckoning as she would likely ever find, so why would she care about anything else?
It was another hour before she noticed the lone figure ahead. They were in a wide expanse of field, a line of trees marking the edge. And walking along those trees, even from that distance, Heidi knew it was exactly who she had been hoping to find. The hair could be seen from a mile off, so red it was like strands of fire sprouting up out of her head. Heidi saw the pale skin and the high cheekbones. She had dreamed of this bitch, off and on from the moment she had watched her put a gun to that guy's head and pull the trigger. She should have killed her that day when she had the chance. Now, she had to do what was right.
As they neared each other, they made eye contact. Heidi saw the apprehension on her face but also while trying to be open and hospitable.
"Hi."
It was all she said and Heidi couldn't believe she hadn't produced a weapon. They drew up to each other and as she looked like she was going to speak again, Heidi brought her gun around to bear. The look of understanding dawned on the other's face far too late as Heidi cracked the side of the gun across her cheek, smiling at the sound of bones crunching down into powder. Her knees buckled and she toppled back. Heidi grabbed her by the shirt and pulled her forward, hearing fabric tearing as she did so. She pulled her up to her feet and readied for another blow.
&nb
sp; "Hey!"
The voice called out from ahead, the direction where this one had been walking from. Heidi looked up to see three men stepping out from the other side of the trees, weapons coming up to take aim.
"Sophie!" One of the other men yelled as they charged. At least the bitch had a name.
Heidi hoisted Sophie fully to her feet and spun her around, crouching behind and holding her gun up so they could see it before shoving it into Sophie's back.
"Wha..." Sophie started to sputter something, but wasn't quite conscious enough to make sense.
"Step out from behind her and drop the gun!" the man in front screamed. They glared at her with manic looks of panicked fear, all ready and poised to shoot.
What happened was so fast, it was hard for her to follow. She caught movement from the corner of her eye and had just enough of a pause to think that they had managed to outflank her. A gunshot rang out and Heidi felt the burning impact in her shoulder. She pulled the trigger herself, firing into Sophie's back, and as they both staggered to the side, the ground dropped out from underneath. In an instant, they were falling down through mud and concrete, spilling out into a small room where darkness soon followed.
PART THREE
-23-
Heidi woke slowly, coughing debris and blood out into the swell of darkness around her. It was only after a minute or two that she realized someone else was coughing, sharing this confined and darkened space with her.
"You're awake," the voice stated flatly. It sounded like someone who was on the verge of falling asleep.
A beam of sunlight spiked down from somewhere above, where the two of them had evidently fallen from. Some kind of shaft that they had stumbled over, maybe a farmer's storm shelter, long since put out of use.
"Are you going to talk to me?" The voice was hard to understand behind a fresh volley of coughing. "You did shoot me."
Heidi felt the burning in her shoulder as the pain flared, fresh in her consciousness. "Your friends up there shot me. How long have I—"
"Sophie!" A voice called down to them. It couldn't have been very long.
"Stay the hell out!" Heidi screamed at them.
"Look, I don't know who you are or what you want but you need—"
"Shut the fuck up! Anyone tries to come down here gets their ass shot off, got it?"
Silence was the response at the other end of the shaft until Sophie spoke up again.
"Just do what she says."
Silence again dragged out as her people were clearly hesitating. "Okay, Sophie. Are you sure you—"
"Shut up!" Heidi snapped up at them again. "Shut your fucking trap and stay put!"
"They're just trying to help." Heidi heard her from the other side of whatever room they were in, shifting around and crying out quietly from whatever pain she was in.
"Hurts, doesn't it?" Heidi asked. "Good. No more than you deserve. You think I have it any better?"
She didn't respond at first and Heidi began to wonder if she had passed out. Then she spoke again. "So you obviously know who I am, somehow. I don't suppose you feel like telling me your name?"
For a moment, she considered telling her off. But what would the point be?
"Heidi," she said. "Heidi Silverton."
"Okay. Heidi? Look, I don't know what—" More coughing and for a moment, she heard something splashing across the rock floor. "I don't know what your story is. But if you can just let me go, I promise we can help you."
"Right. I've seen how you like to help people."
"I don't understand what that means."
"Let's just say I have a unique insight."
"What? I don't know what you're—"
"I'm not interested in answering your questions. I want you to answer for what you've done, got it?"
"Yes. But I need to know what it is you think I've done."
"You know, it takes an especially shitty person who, when you call them out, they need you to be more specific."
"Or maybe someone who's innocent needs to know how to fix your false impressions."
Heidi laughed but quickly stopped as pain seared down from her shoulder. "Nice try. There's no mistake about this. I saw what you did. My eyes on you. This isn't some second or third-hand rumor I'm talking about. So you can try and talk yourself out of this. Go ahead. But I wouldn't suggest trying the whole, you've got the wrong person tactic."
"There has to be something we can do to work this all out. This doesn't have to end..." She started to trail off and her voice began to slur, either from passing out or worse. Heidi turned in the dark, in the direction from where Sophie's voice was coming from.
"Hey! Doesn't have to end how? With you dead? Because I think that might not be far off from happening anyway."
"But I didn't do what you—"
"Yes, you did! That's the point. Maybe you don't remember, I guess. Or put better, you have no idea what specific shitty thing I'm referring to. Don't worry though, I'll make sure it comes back to you."
She let her head drop as the strength required to hold it up became too much. As her eyes began to close from the fatigue, she snapped back up, slapping herself across the face.
"What was that?" Sophie asked.
"Don't worry about it. Just stay seated over there and cool your jets."
A moist sounding chuckle transitioned into more coughing. "I don't think I could do anything else, even if I wanted to."
Heidi ignored the comment and retreated to her own thoughts, trying to decide how best to play this out, to maximize the satisfaction she wanted to feel, right before she snuffed this worthless life out of existence.
-24-
Sophie's voice came out from the darkness, distorted by her slurred speech and constant coughing. "Look. We're both hurt pretty badly. Can't we try and work this out? I have a place near here. A community where we can get help and—"
"Don't bother. I know all about your place."
There was such a long pause that Heidi thought Sophie had slipped away. But then she spoke. "I don't understand. Where do you think—"
"Save it. I know all about your grand and beautiful stadium and the little society of sociopaths you've got in there. Restart the world in your own image, right?"
"I'm not sure where you got your ideas about us, but I can assure you that no one at the stadium is—"
"Assure me all you want. Try and sell whatever you want. I'm not buying. I've seen first hand what you do."
"I still don't know what that means. What the hell did I—"
"Later. We'll get to it."
There was a chuckle off in the dark that sounded again like she had fluid in her mouth. "How long were you planning on taking?"
"Why? You have dinner reservations? Theater tickets?"
"No. It's just that we might not last as long as you need."
"If that's the case, I'll take the risk. You aren't talking me down from this."
"This is all so unnecessary."
"Maybe. But we're doing it this way. This isn't about you. It's about what I want, so keep shooting off that mouth if you want, but it isn't going to make any difference. It'll just make this take a hell of a lot longer."
Another pause, punctuated by coughing.
"Fine. What do you want to know?"
"What have you got inside that stadium? What are you stockpiling?"
"We aren't stockpiling anything. We're trying to keep people safe. There's over a hundred people. Families. We actually had our first live birth within the last month. We do have food stored up but what we have we use."
"And I noticed you have all the entrances sealed off. Convenient barrier keeping the outside from wandering in."
"Something like that."
"And what do you think gives you the right?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, am I right in guessing you have room for more people in there?"
"Yes."
"So what, then? Don't want to dirty your precious little pond with a bunch of und
eserving commoners? Keeping the country club all to yourselves?"
More coughing somehow transformed into gravelly laughter. "Of course I would end up with Fiona down here," was what it sounded like Sophie said.
"Who?" Heidi asked, not getting what was so funny.
The laughing slowly faded out. "I'm sorry. The way you talk about it...you reminded me of someone else, just then." Her voice was getting more quiet than ever, the sound of someone on the brink of falling asleep.
"Hey!" Heidi shouted out. "Don't pass out on me. I said I didn't mind if you kicked off on me, but not this fast, you understand?"
Coughing. Followed by her voice, this time slightly more lucid-sounding. "I'm here."
"So you have this perfect little fantasy society in there, is that pretty much it?"
"No. I'm just telling you what we are. And frankly, those people at the stadium you speak so badly of are your only chance to survive at this point, unless you—"
"Just stop! Stop talking and don't threaten me." She took in a deep breath, clenched her teeth and continued, trying to ignore the inferno that had overtaken her shoulder. "You shouldn't assume that I care if I make it through this."
"What do you want, then?"
Heidi thought for a moment, unsure how to respond. "I might not walk away from this. I might not be hurt as bad as you but I'm guessing your goons up there will likely make short work of me, am I right?"
"My people deserve more credit than that."
"Sure. Credit. Considering the company you keep, that isn't much."
"You don't care about yourself?"
"Of course I do. But there are principles I care about, also. Maybe I've made some mistakes I need to make right but I think you've also done things that need to be addressed. And if I'm going to end up getting killed here today, I'd like to know that there was one good thing I accomplished."
From Across Their Walls (Behind Our Walls Trilogy Book 2) Page 8