It had been several weeks and plenty of time for her to get acquainted with the handful of guards who had been assigned to her. She often found herself out on the field, either walking around the outer perimeter or looking out over everything from what would have been the press box. A monument had been erected towards the end of the field, where one of the end zones would have been. It had been built along with what looked like a notebook or a journal put out for everyone to read. At some point, she would have to ask someone about it. Children played in the field, running in and out of crops, a sight she would have never expected to see again.
She heard the clicking sound of the cane coming up on her before the voice.
"My sister likes you."
Heidi looked up to see Sophie sitting, several chairs down.
"I didn't think this was going to happen," Heidi remarked.
"I'm sorry about that. You can understand, though that we need to be cautious. People want to take care of me. Also, everyone's mood is still a little raw. We lost someone not long before you showed up. Clive, he..." She trailed off without finishing her thought.
"Killed?" Heidi asked.
"No. Or, at least not in the way you mean. He was out on a run by himself and fell through a broken well cover. Cut his leg up pretty good and being thick-headed and stubborn, he didn't say anything about it. By the time we figured out what had happened, the infection had spread too much. We even tried amputating his leg. Nothing worked."
"It's a shit world anymore," Heidi said, as if that explained everything.
Sophie nodded her agreement, one tear sliding down her cheek. "Funny thing is, I couldn't stand the guy for the longest time. I guess the end of the world brings people together more than we really understand." Her eyes began to drift out over the field before snapping back. "Sorry. My mind wanders more than usual anymore. So what do you want to do?"
"I don't understand."
"You've seen the place. You know what it is, now. If you want to stay, you're more than welcome."
Heidi sat back, trying to fully take the notion into her mind. "I don't get it. I don't understand why anyone here would accept me after what I did to you."
"Ah. Yes. Corrine mentioned that you were expecting to wake up to a firing squad."
"You can laugh it off but the fact is, I tried to kill you. I can't believe anyone would ever trust me around here."
"It's a sensitive situation, I'll admit that. We've been burned before, lost loved ones to the darkness out there. But you'd be impressed at how positive most people's outlooks have remained. And every person here knows what it means to be driven into shitty decisions by fear and panic."
Heidi looked down at her feet and Sophie seemed to pick up on her discomfort.
"What?" she asked.
"I'm having a hard time looking at you."
"Why?"
"Because this whole time I've been feeling like I was the rational one, the one who tried to maintain some kind of morality in the middle of all this death. But all I've learned in the past few days is how little I'm actually doing that. And then I finally find you and somehow I made it worse."
"You can't help the mistaken impressions you got."
"But then I have to be honest and admit that when I look at you, I still have feelings of..." She trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.
"You still feel angry?" Sophie prompted.
"Yes. Anger. And I know I'm probably really angry with myself, not you. But that rage is there and I doubt it's going anywhere, anytime soon. I don't know what I'm going to do with it."
"Can I make a suggestion?"
"Go ahead."
"I understand how you feel. I get why you would be apprehensive about staying. And you don't have to start showing up for social events the day you move in. But I think that you being here could be very healing. I was angry, too. But being a part of this place with these people and their extraordinary kindness helped fix a lot of what was broken in me." She nodded over her shoulder, towards the outside. "It's out there that you run the most risk, being alone in and allowing that anger to fester into rage or worse."
Heidi nodded but did not respond.
"And I was only sort of kidding when I said that about Corrine. She really does like you and the community loves her. So that association can only serve to help you when the rest of the people here are taking you in."
"And you honestly think I deserve that?"
"I suspect that if I said yes, you wouldn't believe me. So let's just say that I know you don't deserve anything that has happened to you out there. None of us do. And if there's anything we've learned, it's that we have to let the past go and try to move forward. Let us help you. And in the end, I have a feeling that you can end up helping us as well."
It still seemed unreal, impossible and for some reason, Heidi felt the urge to ruin all of it.
"I nearly killed you," she said.
"I know. But fortunately, the guy who shot you knocked you off center from my—"
"No. Before that."
Sophie frowned, sitting back as she waited for an explanation.
"The day I saw you kill that guy. I was watching you through the scope of a sniper's rifle."
The color drained out of Sophie's face as her mouth began to fall open.
"I had a clean head shot and I nearly took it. I knew I probably wouldn't have gotten away if I did but I still wanted to."
There was an audible click from Sophie swallowing, an extended pause before she spoke. "Why didn't you?"
Heidi considered for several moments before shrugging. "I honestly don't know."
The silence felt heavy between them as the wind began to pick up. Heidi actually savored the awkwardness of the moment, feeling like she was finally getting at least partially what she deserved.
"I don't know what to say," Sophie finally said. "I've thought back on that moment more times than I'd care to admit to and I don't think I was even conscious of what I was doing. To think how differently that could have ended up and the really sad part is that when it happened, if you had taken the shot, I probably would have welcomed it."
"And now?"
"I don't know. It isn't like this is living at Club Med. There is plenty that I miss from the world but I know how much worse it is for people out there. It helps having Corrine here. I was so close to losing her."
"You really think people here could forgive me?"
Sophie stared at her for a long time before answering. "Is it going to happen again?"
"No."
"Then I think I'd like that to be the end of it. We all make mistakes. And I think we would be making a worse one by taking out some kind of revenge on you when really, you were just trying to do the right thing. I hope you'll understand that we'll be keeping guards with you for the foreseeable future but I also want you to know that you can call this your home."
"I don't—" Heidi was interrupted as Sophie suddenly looked up at the sky, as if evaluating the position of the sun.
"Sorry. I just remembered we have a scouting group on their way back. Lot was bringing—"
"Wait, who?" Heidi asked, jumping to her feet.
Sophie frowned again. "Lot. He's another one of our committee members."
"What's his last name?"
Sophie paused as if she had to think to remember. "Darwish."
Heidi felt the weight of the moment but also couldn't help but smile. "Would it be okay to meet him?"
-29-
Heidi followed Sophie to the food court, her lungs frozen from shock, unable to believe that she had finally found him. In this of all places. She felt the weight of her father's note in her pocket as they emerged from the hallway. She looked over the small group that had gathered, trying to guess which one was him.
"Lot!" Sophie called out.
A thin man, middle aged, turned to look as they approached. Heidi thought he looked like he was of Middle Eastern heritage. He looked confused as they came over.
"Is this..." he asked, glancing over at her.
"This is Heidi," Sophie answered. "Do the two of you know each other? She was really interested in coming down to meet you."
"I don't think so. I—"
"My father was Edward Silverton. Colonol Silverton."
Lot was clearly shocked at the revelation. "Colonol...Edward was your father. Was? Does that mean..."
"He's gone. Killed right before this all happened."
"But how do you know me? I doubt he ever talked about me over the dinner table."
"When things were starting to turn, he told me to try and find you. Can you tell me how the two of you knew each other?"
Lot smiled as the memories began to creep back in. "We served together. Several tours. I ended up getting a discharge but he was the lifer. Clearly meant for better things than me."
"I'm surprised I've never met you," Heidi remarked.
Some hints of sadness crept into his expression. "I didn't do a good enough job keeping in touch with him. Truth was, I always felt a little guilty."
"Why?"
"He saved my life. Put himself at a lot of risk in order to get me back to safety. I was shot up and would have died if it hadn't been for him. I owe him. More than I could ever repay and looking back over things...I guess I've just never felt like what I ended up amounting to was worth what he did."
She sensed there was more to it than just that but for the time being let it pass.
"I don't understand why he had you looking for me, though."
"He gave me a message for you." She saw the look of surprise and apprehension as she produced the note. Bizarrely, she felt a certain amount of possessiveness for the thing, having protected it for so long. In a way, that piece of paper had become a part of her. Of course after so much aging and damage, it felt like she was handing over a piece of delicate cloth.
Still, she couldn't rightly deny him the note now. She unfolded it, like an ancient relic and handed it over. He accepted it with a look of gratitude and began to read.
She watched as his eyes slowly crawled over the text. Then, with a few hitched breaths he made the transition to full crying. He reached out behind him blindly for one of the chairs, pulling it over so he could sit down. His people shifted around him, clearly wanting to help but also not wanting to force the issue. After a few moments, she realized that he had again folded the note and deposited it in his pocket.
"What?" she asked. "What did it say?"
He shook his head, as if the words hadn't been meant for anyone other than himself. Then, after several drawn out moments, he answered simply. "He told me that I didn't owe him anything. He gave me permission."
She waited to see if he would say anything else, voicing her question when he did not. "I don't understand. Permission for what?"
Staring into his eyes, she saw both bitter sadness and joy that only seemed possible in their new reality. She also saw a hint of contentment of someone who had found the outer reaches of peace.
"He gave me permission to live."
-30-
Heidi sat in what likely had been a conference room when this building had been designed. Now it functioned as the office for the stadium's organizational committee.
"There was originally five of us," Meredith explained. "But Daniel was killed and then..." She trailed off as she glanced over at Sophie.
"Rowen was killed after that," Sophie said. "We got Clive to take his place for a while and we were back to four but when he died, we figured we'd just leave it at three."
"So Sophie showed you your suite?" Lot asked.
She nodded. "I still can't believe this place is real. After what it seemed like at first and after all this time being so wrong about it."
"I hope you know that you're welcome here," Meredith added. "And we try to be careful about who we bring in. After the whole situation with Fiona, we don't want to put anyone else at risk if we can help it."
"And I can come and go as much as I want?"
The three of them looked back and forth as if surprised. "This isn't a prison," Lot said. "You can come and go as you please. All we ask is that you do it at night so there's less chance of anyone spotting you."
"I understand," Heidi said. "I have a place, not too far from here. It's pretty well hidden away, a safe room, I guess. I might need to get out from time to time and just get away from everything. You understand, I got pretty used to being on my own and this is a bit overwhelming."
"Of course. Like I said, come and go as you want," Lot nodded as he answered. "Davis is in charge of the exit. He'll go over procedures with you." He laughed as he spoke. "I still can't believe who you are and why he would have given you that note. Why would my name creep into his head of all things in those last few moments?"
"Honestly, I don't think he really thought I would find you," Heidi said. "I think he wanted to give me something to focus on to keep me surviving." She smiled as tears began to well up. "He gave me a mission."
"But why me?"
She shrugged. "I've thought about that. Sometimes I thought he had just made you up. But he knew he was going to be killed. So I think maybe writing that note to you and giving it to me to deliver, even just the gesture, I think it gave him a feeling of closure for at least something. Like he settled the check before leaving."
Sophie's attention seemed to be drifting as she fiddled with her cane. Seeing it in her hands still ran a thrill of guilt through Heidi, realizing that she had likely hobbled the woman. It was better than being dead but still, she despised being the one responsible and made a silent vow that she would do whatever it took to try and make up for it.
"Look," she said, trying to make eye contact with Sophie. "I know I've said this already to all of you. More than once. But I need to say thank you. Most other people would have just wiped me off the face of the planet for what I did. To be accepted like this and the fact that you're all willing to take me in, it means a lot. I can't thank you enough."
They all smiled, but Meredith was the one to speak.
"Of course. You're welcome. And again, please don't hesitate to—"
The door blew open and a young man barged in. He looked familiar to Heidi but she still hadn't remembered most of their names.
"You all need to get down to the entrance," he said.
Heidi followed the group out of the room, even though it occurred to her that she hadn't really been invited. No one seemed to object though, merely moved at a crisp pace, down to the food court and then a long set of stairs to the basement below the building. They walked out into what looked like an over-sized garage, the door open to reveal a concrete ramp up into the parking lot.
A small group of the community were huddled around the frail figure on the ground. As Heidi approached with the others, she saw that it was a girl, looking no more than sixteen or seventeen years old.
"Someone beat her up pretty damn good." One of the others spoke to them. Another was trying to get her to drink, lifting a small pan of water to her lips. Most of it was simply rolling down her chin but her eyes were moving slightly.
Sophie took a rag from her pocket and doused it in the water. She knelt down and pressed it to the girl's forehead. This caused the eyes to slide open and the girl shifted to look at Sophie.
"Who are you?" Sophie asked.
The lips moved but no sound came out. Sophie tilted her head up and helped her take a drink of water. After she worked the moisture around her mouth for several moments, she coughed and managed an answer.
"Roxie."
"Roxie? I want you to listen. We're going to take care of you, all right?"
She moved to stand, but Roxie's hand flashed out and tightened on Sophie's wrist, pulling her back down. As Sophie leaned over her, Heidi was just able to make out the rest of what was said.
"They're coming."
To Be Concluded
-AUTHOR'S NOTES-
When I started mulling over the possibility of penning a sequel to Behind O
ur Walls, my original thinking was that the second book would be completely separate from the first. When sequels are done well, they are great. But I find it's hard to avoid falling into the trap of writing a watered-down version of the story that came before it. I felt like the heart of Sophie's story had been told and that there wasn't a need to revisit.
So I began the story with a completely new angle on the universe, with a new character at the center. Before I even had a concept for the book, I had a clear image of Heidi in my head as a character. I wanted someone who had a background in the military, albeit more by association than from actual combat experience. I wanted her to be tough and capable of surviving on the landscape of this universe on her own. I think that Sophie is a strong character but I also think she has an unconscious drive to try and please people and keep bridges from burning. She's much more of a peace-keeper than Heidi is and I felt like it was important that the two characters be distinct, while at the same time bearing some similarities in their outlook.
My concept was that while this book would stand completely on its own, there would be a few moments when the two narratives would bump up against each other, allowing for some cameo appearances. Early in the book, Heidi ends up in the town of Madrigal, where she encounters both Nairi and Fiona, central characters from the first book. This scene in the diner in which Heidi sees footage of the first nuke going off was actually originally in Behind Our Walls. It was a scene I wrote from Fiona's perspective in an earlier version of the story and didn't survive long enough to end up in the final book. I decided to bring the scene back from the dead, so to speak, albeit from another character's perspective.
Later on in the book, Heidi has a series of exchanges over her radio with a man who identifies himself as Reggie. This character is in Behind Our Walls. Early on in the book, Sophie and Corrine come across a cabin in the woods where they are attacked by Reggie, who plays himself off as the owner but had actually killed the couple who lived there. He hints at all of this in his interactions with Heidi and it is implied that his encounter with Sophie and Corrine is about to happen in the way he ends his last conversation. There is also a scene towards the end of the book when Heidi arrives at the stadium and notices a monument that had been constructed with a journal on display. For any of you who have read my short story, Tomorrow's Memory, which takes place in this universe, the journal that Heidi sees is the very journal from that story.
From Across Their Walls (Behind Our Walls Trilogy Book 2) Page 10