“Like drugs and alcohol?”
“No, like… diet rehabilitation.”
“I see. Was she treating an eating disorder?”
“No, she… went away to lose weight at some health resort. She didn’t come back for the funeral.” I explained quietly.
My therapist nodded in deep introspection.
“I see, and does that make you angry? Is the unresolved anger that resurfaced today something you’d like to address in today’s session?”
It didn’t make me angry that she didn’t come to the funeral. She barely knew the man after all. I had a feeling it had to do with funerals in general and what they meant to her.
How could I explain to my therapist our complicated past?
The only way to do so was to tell her.
Everything.
Four years ago….
CAT
“Between you and me, I’d die if I’d be forever known as the ‘funny fat girl.’ Sure it worked well for Jenny—that actress from Gilmore Girls – but she’s an actress. Cat being an actress would never happen in a million years.”
The sound of makeup shuffling in a cosmetic bag filled the silence. I held my breath in the bathroom stall. My entire being froze. It felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice over my head. How dare this bitch!
I had waltzed in feeling on top of the world: I had been voted class funniest, which meant people saw more than just my big body. They heard me. And I liked making people laugh.
“Yeah, I mean. It’s not that hard to be funny, right? You can eat anything you want and make people laugh, ha, ha. But looking hot? Now, that takes a lot of work. I mean hours. But this is perfect, you know? It’s just what I need.”
That fucking bitch!
My blood boiled. I wanted to swing open the bathroom stall and stand up for myself.
“Well, I’m just happy to know that my hands and I have Ramon all to ourselves. I’ve been enjoying rubbing them all over Ramon’s body. I’ve been eyeing him all junior year but he was taken by that slutty freshman that moved away. God, he’s hot! They’re taking our yearbook photo by that oak tree near the school sign.”
The voice sighed wistfully before continuing. “I’m just happy that my future kids will see these photos and remember how hot their mother was. I want him to get the idea in his head that we should be together, ‘cuz that’s what good-looking people do. We totally belong together. Hell, we look fucking hot together. We should go to prom together. Maybe I should show him a bit of my leg? Or perhaps my cleavage? Get him thinking about my body.” The princess sighed. “It’s hard work looking like this every day.”
Um, hello? Shallow?
I’d had – and heard – enough. I dramatically kicked the door and it swung open like a wild animal.
Her heavy eye shadow made her blue eyes pop open wide. To my surprise the bitch was by herself, talking to herself like a crazed lunatic.
“Who talks to herself?” I crossed my arms. Oh yeah, we were in a square off.
“Um, she who is Snapchatting? Like duh. So on top of funny, you’re also weird?” She tossed her lipgloss into her makeup bag and eyed me up and down with a bitchy look. Her expression read, “Whatever. I’m still hot.”
After calming down, willing myself not to cry, and trying to stay happy about finding out I was class funniest, I got it together. I approached the bathroom door determined to ignore the jab, but then I walked out of the bathroom to see everyone talking about McKenzie’s Snapchat story – and how they saw me bursting open the stall door to confront her.
Forget the shallow talk she just had. People weren’t laughing with me. They were laughing at me.
TWO WEEKS LATER
January 16th
Dear Diary,
Two words. Ashley Peterson.
Plus size model – and beautiful. My icon. #icandoit
Our senior trip is in five months. I’m determined to do whatever it takes to not wear Spanx under my swimsuit.
And when I take my senior photos in April? Well, let’s just say: look out world! I’m not just the funny girl anymore.
Today begins my new life.
Today begins my new bod.
Today I have my first session at the elite gym everyone raves about.
McKenzie, eat my fucking curves for breakfast. ‘Cuz there’s about to be a new girl in town and Momma’s got a brand new attitude: Fabulousness.
RAMON
“Dude, what’s with the attitude?” Brent asked.
I finished my last chin up. I had been a prick all day, moody and shit, but for good reason.
“I just failed my fucking test again. If I don’t pass this test and keep my grades up, USC won’t take me and I won’t get my scholarship.”
“Just get some tutoring. It will be alright.” He reassured me with certainty. He knew I was meant for this.
“Why does school have to be so fucking hard?”
“It’s really not. You just don’t pay attention.”
“Dude, I do!” I barked.
I bit my lip to quell frustration. I blamed my ADD and my learning disability on my hippie, pot-smoking parents. They lived in a time where Google didn’t alert mothers-to-be against smoking weed. But come on, everyone knows you don’t smoke weed when you’re pregnant!
Everyone but my mother.
Why does anyone need to know stupid math skills when they can just hire someone to do their taxes and bookkeeping anyway? I groaned at the stupidity, but I knew I needed to kick ass. I had to get out of this town.
“Dude, look who it is.” He nodded his chin in her direction. “It’s Cat Johnson over there. She’s signing in.”
“Huh…?”
I studied her from afar. Her long locks were pulled into a high ponytail, giving her high cheekbones the shine they deserved. I always thought she had such a beautiful face.
“Even fat girls want a piece of you.”
He slapped my chest. I cringed hearing him make that comment. I was hard on the outside, but sensitive about making fun of others from my own learning disabilities on the inside.
“Oh, this is going to be a good day,” he snickered.
Uh oh. I didn’t like the tone of Brent’s voice not at all. I smelled trouble.
Bad. Very bad.
The Next Morning
“Hi.”
“Oh. You. Just leave me alone, okay? I don’t need y’alls help.” She slammed her locker shut and brushed her shoulder against mine, her expression saying, “Watch it” with just a glance. Every ounce of her attitude let me know she wasn’t in the mood.
“Look, it wasn’t me.” I reached for her wrist, which felt smooth to the touch. “Brent is stupid, okay? He’s not all there. His elevator doesn’t go all the way up to the tenth floor. I didn’t laugh at you, I promise. Look, can I just make it up to you? I feel bad about it all.”
Her exotic, cat-like green eyes filled with tears. Her sadness made me feel even crappier. “I just… I don’t think I can go back there. I feel like everyone’s laughing at me.”
She was warming up on the treadmill when she’d fallen off. Brent said something stupid, and in seconds he had everyone in the gym staring and laughing at her so hard she turned red with embarrassment. She sprinted out of the gym. I felt so bad for her.
“Hey, hey, look at me.” I gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She gasped and her eyes widened in shock as they met mine. She couldn’t believe I touched her in public.
“You’ve gotta focus on what you want and ignore the haters. That’s the only way to get where you want to get in life.”
That’s what I did.
“Is that what you do?”
“That’s exactly what I do.”
People passed us in the hallway with curious eyes. Aside from this, she and I had never been seen talking in public. Hell, I’d only actually met her a few weeks ago in person when we took yearbook photos for class favorites.
“Look, don’t give up after the first day.”<
br />
“I just can’t train there, Ramon.”
I loved the way her sweet voice said my name. I had to turn my head away from her plump lips. They were covered in that shimmery pink lipgloss she always wore. God. Besides tasting like strawberries, I bet those lips gave great head.
I felt bad for her. I could tell she really wanted this but felt embarrassed.
I knew that feeling.
“Look, I normally don’t do this. I’ve never done this actually. But I can train you at our property,” I offered.
“Your property?” She cocked an eyebrow at my statement.
“Listen, you’re funny, Cat. But are you a trustworthy person?”
“Yeah?” Her eyes narrowed in on me waiting for me to reveal a secret to her. Dozens of people continued to stare at us like aliens conspiring against humans. It was weird. I didn’t like the stares.
“Do you have a car?”
“Of course.”
I shuffled my weight. I couldn’t believe I was actually considering doing this. I’d never brought anyone back to our property but there was something different about her.
“I’m going to text you my address, but you have to promise me you won’t give it out to anyone.” I looked her in those gorgeous eyes to let her know I was serious. This couldn’t get out.
She smirked and her light laugh crackled into pure laughter, like a firecracker had exploded. “What are you hiding, mister? Some sort of government stuff?”
“Don’t push it, C? Okay? I want to help you.”
It was a habit of mine I had. Being team captain made it natural for me to make people around me comfortable. I gave everyone a nickname. I just gave Cat hers.
“C, huh? I guess I’ll see ya later then. Thanks.” Her smirk wouldn’t leave her face and I turned around quickly so I wouldn’t change my mind.
Fuck.
Being a soft teddy bear on the inside would get me in trouble.
CAT
“Turn left. In two miles, the destination will be on your right,” Suri informed me, but it was too late. I was beginning to doubt her genius.
After school, I usually spent time at my mother’s salon. I’d spend an hour sweeping, mopping, and organizing, all small chores to earn extra cash. Once those tasks were completed, I’d spend additional time catching up on the latest hair and makeup trends. If I were lucky, I’d get a manicure from Sally, who I happened to adore, or a deep oil treatment from Rhonda, who was also nice.
My mom’s salon was an elite upscale one. It was located in Plano, one of the ritziest areas in Dallas, and another reason for my desire to lose a few pounds. Okay, scratch that; major pounds. That place was my entry to the world of fashion and glamour.
Thanks to my mom being a stylist, I was fashionable. I knew how to rock my hair and makeup, but it was hard to find fashionable, trendy clothing in sizes I needed. Finding a bucket of ice water in hell would have been easier.
“Where are you headed? Your face is glowing,” Sally teased. I wanted to tell her – oh, did I want to tell her – I was going to Ramon Nicolas’ house.
Oh I wanted to tell everyone so bad!
Everyone knew who Ramon was – and I mean every and anyone who lived within a hundred mile radius from our county. He took our football team to the state championships and won. He was a star. And now this star had invited me to his… property?
I surveyed the country roads. The sun would be setting soon. I began to feel an eerie chill down my spine at the lack of human civilization.
I followed Suri’s instructions to the letter. The last ten miles were so desolate, I wondered if he was luring me out into the wilderness just so he could kill me like they did in horror movies.
Private Property: Warning.
“The destination is on your right.”
I parked my Audi and, sans the pounding of my heart, sat in silence. My heart beat like an African drum, and the butterflies in my stomach flapped to its rhythm. Yeah, it was sort of silent.
“Where’s your house, Ramon?”
My eyes scanned the miles of gate that separated me from the property. I reached for my iPhone and texted him: I’m here?
I watched the three small grey dots pop up on the screen, signaling that he was texting his response.
Ramon: Coming.
I scanned the wooded lot until I finally spotted a figure in a white t-shirt making his way through the woods. As he approached, there was no mistaking Ramon’s shaggy brown hair and chocolate puppy dog eyes. Come to think of it, the way he looked emerging from the woods just then would have made him a fine actor to cast in the next paranormal werewolf and vampire hit.
I rolled down my window to greet his surprised face.
“Surprised I’m here? Or surprised I found it?”
“Surprised at your ride. It’s… damn. Are you rich? Sorry, that was stupid of me to say. But, I mean, are you?” Curiosity spilled over his expression as he checked out the Audi.
“I’m rich in many things,” I teased, completely ignoring the question, something I was good at. “Now, where are you training me? You said your property?” I looked around, still confused by my location. We were in the middle of nowhere after all.
He rested his hand on the top of my car, giving me direct face time with his package. Seriously, it was staring me in the face. I heard the girls around school talk about that handsomely packed package – and it looked every bit as delectable as they’d described it.
Oh my god. I forced my gaze forward. Thank God for sunglasses.
“Yeah, I need you to follow me,” he explained. “You can’t drive there. You’ll have to walk.”
“And leave my car?!” My voice couldn’t conceal the shock.
“It’ll be okay,” he reassured. “I promise you no one really knows about this property. You have my word.”
There was something about Ramon that comforted me. He made me feel like I could trust him, that I was safe with him. He had something easygoing and honest about him that I couldn’t put my finger on, but allowed me to feel secure with him.
“Well, alright then.”
I got out of my car and locked the doors with my keychain. As I did, I caught a side stare of his eyes dancing over my curves. I couldn’t help but to smile a little. I made sure to wear my best Lululemon workout set. This outfit was one of the designs with special curve and tummy control. It gave my cleavage extra lift, making me feel ultra confident despite wanting to lose buckets of weight.
I didn’t know what I was expecting when he suggested that we train at his “property.” Being that our school resided in a suburb of Plano, I pictured some acreage, sure. But I also thought perhaps he had a big outside porch, you know, with an overhead fan, a treadmill plus some free weights, or maybe a bench press machine.
After a walk, there it stood: a large gray building that one could easily pass by, thinking that it was nothing more than an industrial shop of some sort, perhaps of the car repair or woodworking variety.
But an entire 2,000 square foot building devoted to a personal gym? The type of gym that an entire football team could train in? Well, I was truly taken aback.
He flipped on the lights, instantly triggering the buzz of the overhead light as it lit up the place like magic. Floor-to-ceiling mirrored walls covered the entire length of one wall, covering the connected wall and making a reflective L. I spun around, taking everything in. Famous jerseys were hung on the metal wall. I recognized a few of the names.
Everyone who lived in Dallas, Texas knew football; it was part of Texas culture. Therefore it was no surprise to see Troy Aikman’s blue and white jersey, outfitted with the trademark Cowboys stars, hanging on the wall. He was one of Dallas’ most famous quarterbacks. The prized possession was framed in black wood with protective glass shining beneath the lights.
There, in a picture frame, was also a photo of a small boy with blondish-brown hair, next to the famed quarterback himself.
“That was his last year, in 2000.”
Troy’s arm was draped over a young Ramon’s shoulder. Ramon’s face beamed like the noon sun. “You look so happy, Ramon.”
“Are you kidding me? That was the happiest day of my life. Dad saved up like a year for those tickets.”
Next to Aikman’s jersey were Manning, Brady, Favre, Warner, and a few other names I didn’t recognize such as Warner. Sorry, Warner!
I leisurely walked down the memorabilia and stopped at the moment that changed our school’s history. The Panthers had won the 3A State Championship, all under the leadership and arm of sophomore Ramon Nicholas. It was quite the feat. And he was quite the star. I remember that game well. The whole town was packed in Cowboys stadium, the entire crowd shouting Ramon’s last name.
Nicholas… Nicholas… Nicholas…
Chills covered my arms as I thought about his accomplishment. He took our team to the State championships again this past year. We lost by a field goal, but it was still an incredible feat.
The hand that threw those yards and broke those records were merely feet away from me as their owner studied my curiosity. Voted “Most Beautiful,” he had the looks and the body.
I didn’t want to express too much awe - you know, the whole, “Oh, Ramon, you’re such a star!” spiel – so I lightly dusted my eyes over everything. I silently took in the many newspaper articles that were framed, countless pages documenting his broken records and the college scouts and teams interested in him.
It was clear that he was a god. A demigod. Superman. Something.
My eyes glanced his way. His hands were shoved in his pockets.
“This place is amazing, Ramon. Why… Why don’t you train here? Why are you at that gym?”
“Oh, I do. Every morning. Every evening. I need the extra cash over at Pro’s.”
“You’re so committed.”
“Football’s my life. I’m determined to make it to the big leagues one day. I want to be the best of the best. I have no other option.”
“What do you mean?” I asked curiously and tilted my chin. He looked at his sneakers, avoiding my gaze.
“Ah, it’s nothin’. Let’s just get you warmed up.”
“Wasn’t that walk up here a warm-up? That was like what, ten minutes?”
RAMON
HIM—A Stepbrother Romance: With BONUS NOVELLA: PERSONAL Page 17