by Ann King
“I love you,” she whispered in the darkness. She heard nothing back. Only heavy breathing.
“Oh, Holly,” Ethan moaned as he reached for his condom and tore open the packet with his teeth. Hungrily his dark sexy eyes took her in as he looked at her with desire. She stopped him from placing the condom on. “I haven’t had my turn yet,” she teased him, moving her face closer to his throbbing, hard cock.
She lowered her head to his thick erection and took him deep into her mouth again, sucking and licking until he was on the brink of coming. His hands cupped the top of her head, guiding her movement. Before long, he rolled the condom on and fucked her hard and fast until they both came with an earth-shattering shudder. Her pussy tightened around his huge penis. He filled her completely. Growling loud like animals having wild, toe-curling sex. She enjoyed the heat from his heavy body over hers.
After they’d climaxed together, they both held each other tight, breathing heavy as they listened to the beating of each other’s heartbeat.
She’d told him that she loved him. She loved the way he made her feel. But was it a mistake to mention the L word? So soon?
Holly closed her eyes and tried not to think of anything but laying her head on Ethan’s warm chest as his muscular body relaxed beside her. His arm around her.
He doesn’t love you, idiot. He’s only your fake boyfriend, remember? It’s only sex. Not love.
The voice in her head was making her blood curdle. She refused to listen to it. The sun came up shortly after and Ethan was up in the kitchen making breakfast.
The bacon and eggs cooking in the frying pan smelled delicious.
She grabbed the sheets around her body and made her way to the kitchen. She’d fallen asleep for about an hour or so.
“Mmm. Smells good,” she said, leaning on the wall to the entrance of the kitchen. Her hair was a total mess. The after-sex kind of mess. All over the place.
Ethan was already showered and dressed it appeared.
“I’m leaving breakfast for you. Lock the door on your way out. I’ve got a group project going on at the library.” With those words, he turned off the stove and gave her a peck on the cheek and left her…standing alone in his kitchen. With whatever was left of her pride.
That’s it? No goodbye? No ‘I had a great time.’
Holly didn’t feel like eating. She didn’t feel like doing anything except getting the hell out of his apartment. How could one man give her so much pleasure one moment and horrific pain the next?
She had a lot to learn.
“Life is pain, get used to it!” her mother once told her. “You breathe, you’re going to hurt. That’s how you learn. No pain. No gain. People get better in life when they suffer and go through all kinds of shit. Either that or they drop dead.”
That was her mother’s way of telling her “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.”
Right now she didn’t feel stronger, just stupid. So fucking, completely stupid.
2.
Regret sucks!
Everybody’s done at least one thing in their life they wished they hadn’t done. So why did Holly Jackson feel like such a big idiot?
Holly bit down on her lip as she sat with her friend Abigail having breakfast at the campus Starbucks on Saturday. Breakfast wasn’t the only thing she was ingesting. Try a double dose of regret! Morning-after regret. “Have you ever told someone you love them during sex?” Holly asked quietly as heat gushed to her chest. She held on tight to her Starbucks coffee cup.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know,” she murmured, flushing. She felt like a stupid young girl in love, so naïve. Okay, so hot-as-hell Ethan agreed to play her fake boyfriend. But did she have to make wild-passionate love with him? She’d wanted him like she’d wanted no other man before. He had become a sudden addiction. One sweet taste of his intoxicating manliness and she was hooked.
But then the words from two nights ago on Thursday night whirled over in her mind as she played the scene over and over in her head.
He was clearly aroused by her and said he wanted her but he was hesitant of going through with it. Why? His own words were “I didn’t want to screw things up for you.” Holy hell! What had he meant by that? That he was a love-em and leave-em kind of guy?
Men like him could have any girl he wanted. Anytime. Any day. Why stick to just one ordinary girl next door?
“Whoa, there!” Abigail stopped drinking her latte and leaned closer to Holly so that no one else could hear them. “You mean to tell me you told Evan—“
“Ethan,” she corrected.
“Whatever. You told him that you love him?”
“Well, not quite.”
“What do you mean not quite? You just met the guy,” Abigail whispered, excitedly. “Girl, you’re crazy.”
“That’s just it. I’m not. I mean, you know in the heat of the moment…” Holly persisted. Okay. She felt really stupid after Thursday night with Ethan who a few days prior had so kindly agreed to be her pretend boyfriend for her cousin’s wedding. And well, one thing led to another.
Holly hadn’t really gone all the way before him and he rocked her world and brought her to dizzying heights of pleasure she’d never experienced before. He made her feel…breathless…in a good way. She loved that. What was so wrong about saying ‘I love you’ in the heat of the moment? And worse, he told her the same—the first time he’d come after their initial love-making, but deep down she knew it must have been the sex hormone speaking, or the awkwardness of the situation.
She only hoped it wouldn’t be too awkward when he met her family next Saturday.
“If it would make you feel better… I’ve said a lot worse during sex than I love you,” Abigail grinned. “So do guys. They say all kinds of crazy shit. Don’t sweat it.”
“How can I not?”
“Just remember one thing. If he says ‘I love you’ when he’s fully dressed and upright, take it serious. Otherwise, it’s just sex talk. Nothing more.”
“Abby?”
“What? I’m telling the truth. Saying ‘I love you’ during or just after sex doesn’t count. Not when you’re still buzzed in the afterglow of good mind-blowing orgasm.”
Holly flushed. Heat rushed to her inner thigh. Yes, the orgasm she’d experienced with Ethan was crazy as hell. She thought she’d die of orgasmic overdose or something.
“Listen, I’ve had a lot more experience than you have,” Abigail continued, munching on a pretzel. “Trust me on this one.”
Holly rolled her eyes and drew in a deep breath. Her heart thundered hard in her chest. God, what a fool she was to spew those words out after he’d made her come violently until she couldn’t remember her own name.
“Anyhow, girlfriend, don’t ever live in the past. What’s done was done. What’s said was said. The past is dead and gone. Live in the present. Enjoy the here and now.”
“Okay Ms Oprah,” Holly grinned and rolled her eyes. Abigail always knew which words to select that struck a positive chord with her.
But she was right. What’s done was done so why stew over it? It wasn’t as if she could turn back the hands of time and edit what happened that night with sexy Ethan. In fact, she could still feel the warmth of his hard flesh and the sweet scent of his cologne that drove her crazy. The heat of his strong body over hers. His hot wet tongue sliding over her pussy and thrusting inside pleasuring her.
Holly’s inner thigh pulsed and tingled at the delicious memory of that night. God, he was hot. She had no regrets about the explosive lovemaking with him.
She only wished she knew how he really felt about her.
The most embarrassing part of this story was that Holly was terrified to tell Abigail the whole truth. Ethan hadn’t called or seen her after that night. Well, the morning after. When he left breakfast for her and took off, asking her to close the door behind her when she left. She’d tried his cell phone later that day.
Nothing.
> No answer.
Then she waited to see if he had returned from his class on Friday.
Nothing.
Was he avoiding her?
Was saying ‘I love you’ during the heat of the moment scaring him off or making him change his mind about being her fake boyfriend for her cousin’s wedding? The thoughts shooting through her brain caused a serious migraine to surface. Holly placed her hand on her forehead as if to stop the throbbing.
God, too much worry could really hurt the brain.
She drew in a deep breath not wanting Abigail to think anything was wrong with her. But where the heck was Ethan? Why hadn’t he called her since Thursday night? It was now Saturday mid afternoon. Shit! That was it—she was so through with guys now. For good. Maybe she could give dating women a chance. Then the thought dawned on her. Nah, she loved men too much. She just hated them right now, if that made any sense.
“So do you two love birds have everything all set for the wedding?” Abigail distracted Holly’s thoughts.
“Well, pretty much. Ethan and I still need to go over a few things though.”
“Okay, what’s his favorite color?”
“I don’t know…um…blue.”
“Good. And what’s his middle name?”
“Abby!”
“Hey, you know your aunt’s going to grill you on this, right?”
Abigail was so right but what was clouding Holly’s mind right now was wondering where the heck Ethan was and if he was avoiding her. Her stomach dropped at the thought.
Just then, Holly’s breath stopped. “Oh, God!”
“What?” Abigail looked around and grinned. Ethan walked through the glass doors looking hot as it did when she last saw him. “Looks like I’ve got some place else I need to be.”
“Abby?”
“See you in the library, girl.” With those words, Abigail winked and grabbed her latte and her books and headed out of the café.
Oh, God! Thank you.
Ethan’s here. So he’s not avoiding me. Cool.
Ethan’s sexy brown eyes scanned the café and he’d walked over to another girl and sat down.
Holly’s heart took a plunge. She wanted to cry. She wanted to die right there and then.
Holy shit! Didn’t he see me? Why is he talking with her?
Holly fumbled as she grabbed her bag and got up from the table ready to leave. Her mouth was numb, her legs felt weak. She thought she would collapse any moment now. Then…
Ethan looked up and his sexy delicious dark eyes met with her. There was a spark. He looked serious at first and said something to the girl he was with. Then he got up and grinned as he made his way over towards Holly.
Holly could not control the sporadic beating of her heart in her chest. Why did this guy have that kind of effect on her?
This is crazy, we’ve been so intimate the other night. How could I still feel nervous around him? He saw me naked and did things to me no one else had ever done before. Okay, take a clean deep breath, Holly. Remember what they taught you in Yoga?
“Hey,” Ethan’s deep, rich voice called to her as he made his way over to her table.
“Hey,” she replied softly. She felt heat rush to her face. Memories of their erotic love-making flood her mind. She could never be the same again. Ever.
But then she got back to reality. He had a girlfriend. That was probably why he hadn’t bothered to call her back.
“Um, you’re girlfriend’s going to wonder why you’re talking to me?” she murmured, trying to hide the stinging in her eyes and the lump in her throat. Had he used her like some sort of plaything? Did he just want her for a score, or notch to his bedpost?
Holly felt her stomach tightened to the point she thought she was going to throw up.
“Girlfriend?” he said, looking puzzled. He glanced back at the brunette sitting at the table. She had an open textbook in front of her and a cup of coffee in one hand. Her nails looked hot like she’d just been to the manicurist not chipped and plain like Holly’s.
Ethan chuckled.
“That’s Essie, the foreign student I’m tutoring.”
“Student? Tutoring?” Holly breathed a sigh of relief to her chagrin. Ethan must have thought she was an idiot.
A grin touched the corner of his sexy lips. “You were jealous weren’t you?”
“Jealous? Me? Of what?”
“That’s right. We’re just friends. Nothing more. At least until this coming Saturday, right?”
Holly felt a cool stab at her heart. A sense of inadequacy swept over her and left her in a state of loneliness.
Okay, so she’d went ahead of herself and fantasized a little bit about having her fake boyfriend turn into a real boyfriend one day. But that was okay. She’d been through far worse humiliating situations, though she couldn’t think of any right now, but she’d get over it. She hoped. She must stop fantasizing about Ethan. It won’t lead to anything real.
“Yeah,” she said quietly. “Saturday the thirteenth. Thanks for remembering.”
“Anything for a friend,” he said as he stroked her cheek sending shivers down her spine. That was it. He was just a friendly, touchy guy who liked girls. Any girl. God what a schmuck she was to have thought otherwise.
She held onto her bag and made her way out the doors of Starbucks while Ethan went back to his table with his pretty foreign student.
God, I hate him!
3.
That night, Holly’s thoughts raced dangerously. She tossed and turned in her bed, unable to sleep a wink.
Ethan.
Fuck, Ethan!
The image of what happened at Starbucks that day burned in her mind. Ethan. Ethan with another girl. Okay, so she was a student he was tutoring. But she saw the way Ethan flirted with her. God, she felt stupid thinking that he liked only her. Holly could just bet that if any girl on campus asked him to be her fake boyfriend, he’d jump at the chance. Not only that but he’d welcome the opportunity to jump her bones when he could. Ugh. Was the student he tutored the one that called his cell phone at four o’clock in the morning?
Holly was ashamed to admit the hotness she felt of his body close to hers that night. She was tormented. She craved his silky, warm touch and the feel of his lips on her skin. The thought made her tingle inside. She wrestled with her love hate feelings towards Ethan right now. She had to focus. She needed him for her cousin’s wedding to prove to the family…what? That she’s a together girl with a steady boyfriend? Yeah right.
Holly pulled the sheets off her and eased out of bed. She went into the kitchen to fix herself a cup of coffee. Nervous, she tapped on the counter waiting for the kettle to boil. She wished she could have afforded a real coffee maker.
She opened the kitchen cupboard biting down on her lower lip. Dazed, she could only see a blur. No. She must fight this feeling. Why was she so hung up on this stupid guy she’d only known closely for what? A week? God, she must be so desperate for love.
No. She was desperate for Ethan.
Fuck, Ethan!
How could she have read him so wrong?
She reached into the cupboard and grabbed a package of Mr. Noodles to make. She tore open the package and placed the bundle of noodles into a bowl. Waiting for the kettle to boil while waiting for her blood to unboil. She was so heated up right now she needed to simmer down or she’d implode.
She hated to eat late at night but she just couldn’t sleep and opening a textbook was out of the question right now. She doubted she’d be able to focus.
She glanced over at the clock on the stove. It read 11:00 pm. Not too late to call her girl, Abby. Abby would know what to say. She’d know how to help her calm her nerves.
“What are you doing up?” Abigail answered her phone. Soothing soul music played in the background. “Isn’t it way past your bedtime, girl?”
“Yeah, very funny, Abby. What are you doing having a party?”
“Nah, just got a couple of friends over from class.”
<
br /> “Oh.” When Abigail had a couple of friends over from “class” it usually meant a night of weed and booze and whatever else Holly was so not into. Abigail had another set of friends that made Holly a little uneasy. Though Abby herself was cool, Holly just didn’t go there with certain things. Her life was complicated enough. Besides, Abigail sounded a little high at the moment.
“So what’s up?” Abigail probed.
“Um…nothing. I was going to ask you a question about our bio assignment, but…I’ll figure it out. You go ahead and get to your friends.”
Holly hung up the phone feeling tormented. Hopeless.
Jeez. Was there no one she could talk to confide her feelings too? Abigail would have been perfect but she had company and Holly felt stupid talking to her about Ethan now. Her biggest enemy right now was her pride.
It’s funny how sometimes we censor ourselves with those close to us because we’re afraid of how foolish we may look, Holly thought to herself.
Mixed feelings surged through her blood right now. Her appetite vanished and she ended up falling asleep on the couch watching Twilight Breaking Dawn on DVD.
4.
“Don’t want her to get the wrong idea,” Ethan said as he took his shot at the pool table at the bar on campus.
“About what?” his good friend, Miles queried.
“It’s complicated.”
“Don’t you like her?”
“A little,” he grinned, aiming his long cue stick at the far right corner of the pool table. Actually, the truth was he liked Holly a lot. He thought he might even be falling in love with her. God forbid. But he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right. He took a shot and slammed the green and yellow balls into the hole in one clean shot.
“Nice,” Miles observed. He then took his turn. “Yo, man, she’s kinda cute. I’d see her if I were you.”
“I am,” Ethan uttered.
“You know what I mean.” Miles smirked.
“Listen, I don’t want to talk about it, okay. I’m all wrong for her. That’s it.”