by Liz Fielding
‘Would you like them to?’
She didn’t answer for a while. ‘No. It would hurt Dad too much to drag it all up. He suffered enough when she was alive.’
‘Then maybe the conspiracy of silence is to protect him, rather than your mother,’ Gabriel suggested. ‘After all, there hasn’t been anything to stop you telling it “the way it really was”. Has there?’
She shook her head. Except that she wouldn’t, couldn’t put that nightmare down on paper for everyone to read. ‘It never occurred to me that people were simply being kind.’
‘What was it, Claudia? Drink? Drugs?’
‘No, she didn’t drink, she was too careful of her looks and her figure for that and she despised people who took drugs. It was just plain old sex with her. She was having an affair with a married man. A politician. He drove off the road one night with her. She was terribly injured. Couldn’t walk without a stick. Her face scarred.’ She touched her own cheek in an unconsciously protective gesture.
‘You won’t be marked,’ Gabriel said, quickly, taking her hand away, gently kissing her blotched cheek.
‘I know, Gabriel. But tonight, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I asked myself how I would react if I had to live with these marks for the rest of my life. Supposing I was really like her? Deep down?’
‘And did you come up with an answer?’ he prompted.
‘When you’ve had perfection, I suppose second best is never enough.’ She half turned to lay her head against his chest, her arm across his waist. ‘At least I was never perfect.’
‘That’s true.’ Then he yelped in protest as she pinched him. ‘I was agreeing with you.’
‘It isn’t compulsory.’
‘I’ll bear that in mind. What happened to the man? Do you know who it was?’
She shook her head. ‘Only that he walked away without a scratch, and that he was powerful enough to ensure that the incident was hushed up.’
‘But surely your father didn’t let him get away with that?’
‘Dad kept the truth to himself to protect her, not her lover. The story was that she had fallen asleep at the wheel, she’d had a minor accident and decided to retire to spend more time with her family after realising how close she had come to losing everything.’ Gabriel made a small disgusted sound. ‘No one ever doubted it. Why would they? It was all part of the image.’
‘Some image.’
‘There was a time, in my early teens, when I used to watch my father’s face when the news was on, hoping I might catch some reaction, discover the man’s identity.’
‘You knew all this when you were still a child?’ He was horrified.
‘My mother told me. I was to be the new Elaine French, you see. Take her place, keep her name alive. And she didn’t want me to make the same mistakes.’ Gabriel said something short and damning. ‘But she never told me who he was. She always protected him.’
‘What a pity she didn’t have the same concern for her daughter.’
‘I don’t think she ever saw me in quite that way.’
‘What the devil was your father doing while all this was happening?’
‘Suffering, mostly, although I didn’t know that until quite recently. He’d fallen in love with Melanie’s mother you see. He’d been planning to leave my mother and take us with him to start a new life with her. After the accident Juliet simply disappeared, went away, because she knew it couldn’t happen. Dad didn’t even know about Melanie until earlier this year.’
‘And still no one challenges the myth of the perfect marriage?’
‘People believe what they want to believe. And they want to believe in fairy tales. I thought him so weak for protecting my mother when she made his life a living hell. I suppose I needed to punish him for that.’
‘He didn’t protect you.’
‘And I didn’t protect Fizz. But we never told him we knew.’ She grinned suddenly. ‘Fizz and I used to act out luridly melodramatic scenes in which the tortured soul of our mother’s lover drove him to publicly confess all before throwing himself at her feet to implore her forgiveness.’
‘Men like him don’t have souls, Claudia.’
‘No. But each and every day he has to look over his shoulder and wonder if this day will be the one his luck runs out and my father decides to spill the beans.’
‘It’s a rather subtle form of revenge.’
‘I don’t think Dad ever thought of revenge. He had his own problems.’ Living with the ruins of Elaine French had not been easy. ‘Money was difficult. He sold the London house and all my mother’s precious baubles to pay for the expensive private nursing. The ones we have now are copies.’
‘The fake diamond drops?’
‘The fake everything.’
Her father had been kinder than her mother had ever deserved, Claudia thought to herself in the quiet of the little bedroom. And perhaps her father had understood, more than she had ever given him credit for, just what living with a mother teetering on the edge of madness had done to her.
Because considering the way she had treated him, Claudia realised in the quiet little bedroom, her father had been a lot kinder to her than she deserved, too.
Gabriel shifted, slightly, lifting his head to look down at her. ‘It’s getting light. It’s going to be a pretty sunrise. And since sleep seems to be eluding us, we might as well enjoy it.’
‘That suits me.’ Claudia slid her fingers over the warm skin of his stomach, investigating the dark whorls of hair that stippled Gabriel’s chest. ‘What did you have in mind?’
He caught her hand and stopped her. ‘How do you feel about a sunrise swim?’
‘Is that what you meant when you said that baths could be arranged?’
‘Not quite. I’ll leave that treat until tonight. Bathing by candlelight is one of life’s great pleasures.’
‘Mmmm,’ she murmured, not convinced. ‘The lake will be cold.’
‘Freezing. But don’t worry, love. I’ll be there to keep you warm.’ And by way of demonstration he began to kiss her.
*****
Later, a long time after a sunrise that had taken place without them even noticing it, they ran back to the cottage wrapped in nothing but towels, laughing and shivering. ‘Here let me rub you dry,’ Gabriel offered.
‘No, I’ll do it. For goodness put on the kettle and make us something warm to drink before I shiver to death.’
‘I’ll warm you,’ he offered, wrapping his arms about her and kissing her. For a moment she succumbed, but then pushed him away, laughing.
‘Oh, no. Tea first, mister, then we’ll discuss heating techniques.’ And before he could recapture her she had run away up the stairs, drying herself as she went.
A few minutes later, when she reappeared wrapped up in a fleecy sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, she had something else on her mind.
‘Gabriel, we have to talk about my hair.’ She lifted the thick hank that hung on one side of her head. ‘I’ve simply got to get up to town and have it cut. I feel ludicrously lopsided.’
‘Whatever you say.’
Gabriel was standing in front of the fireplace, leaning on the mantle. He was dressed rather as she was, but in his hand was a portable telephone.
Claudia stopped examining the ruins of her hair and looked at him. And as she looked a cold clammy hand grabbed her insides and gave them a vicious twist.
‘What is it?’ she demanded. ‘What’s happened?’
‘I called your father. He asked me to let him know how you were.’ He raised his eyes to hers.
‘What’s happened,’ she repeated, her hand at her throat. ‘Is he sick again? Is it his heart? Oh, my God. It’s Fizz. The baby.’
‘No!’ He reached for her, took hold of her. ‘No, Claudia. They’re fine. Fine,’ he repeated insistently, pulling her against him as the shock hit her. ‘It’s Joanna. Joanna Gray. She’s in hospital, Claudia. She’s had an accident.’
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘JOANNA h
as had an accident?’ Claudia repeated, dully, unable to take it in. She looked up at Gabriel. ‘Joanna?’ Then, ‘Oh, my God, you mean she’s the victim of something meant for me. That’s it, isn’t it? How is she? Will she make it? Tell me, Gabriel?’ She pulled free from his arms. ‘Tell me!’
‘She’s under sedation.’ Claudia gasped. ‘It’s more shock than anything,’ he added, hurriedly.
‘I’ve got to go to her.’ She cast around for her bag. ‘Now, Gabriel. This is all my fault and I have to be with her.’
He caught her arm. ‘That’s not a good idea.’
She shook him off. ‘Don’t be silly. Of course I must be with her.’
‘She won’t want to see you. Not for a while.’ Something about the way he said that brought her to a halt. ‘Sit down. Please, Claudia. I have to tell you something.’
‘There’s something else.’ She subsided into one of the armchairs, not out of instant obedience, but because her legs were suddenly rubber. ‘Something worse.’ And when Gabriel knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his, she knew that the attack of nerves was justified. ‘What happened last night? Was it a disaster? What went wrong?’
‘Nothing went wrong, love. Joanna was great last night. Your father was there with Diana and Heather. He said she was really good.’
‘Gabriel, please...’
‘Afterwards Edward took them backstage to meet her to congratulate her. They found her sobbing her heart out in her dressing room.’
‘It gets you like that sometimes,’ Claudia said, shakily. ‘And it’s an awful strain standing in for someone else at short notice. I remember-’ She was beginning to babble.
‘Listen to me,’ he said, sharply and she stopped. Waited. Knowing that it was going to be awful. ‘Darling, it’s Joanna. She’s the one who’s been sending you those horrible letters. She slashed your dress, too.’
‘Joanna?’ She stared at him. ‘I don’t believe it.’
‘How else would she have known? Did you tell her?’ She didn’t answer. ‘She told your father that she did it because she was so angry with you for taking her place in some television programme.’
And then she knew it was true. ‘Not some television programme, Gabriel. The television programme. Stalker.’ She stared at him. ‘But that’s silly. She broke her arm. Someone would have had to do it.’
‘But you had so much already. She said you didn’t appreciate how lucky you were. Edward tried to calm her down, but she broke away from him and ran out of the theatre. She was hit by a car.’ She groaned and let her head sink to her arms. ‘Darling, she’s going to be all right. Bumps and bruises, nothing broken. Shock mostly.’
She straightened, slowly. ‘Take me to her, Gabriel. I’ve got to see her. She’s got to know that I’m still her friend.’
He hesitated. ‘You mean that? After what she did?’
‘Of course I mean it. Can’t you see how she must have been suffering? It’ll be so much worse now. She’ll think everyone will find out. I’ve got to reassure her, tell her that I understand.’
‘Do you?’
‘Of course I understand. This is a tough business; luck is an important as talent, who you know, family connections. She’s right. I’ve never appreciated how lucky I am. Take me to her, please, Gabriel. I must see her as soon as possible.’
‘Yes, of course you must. I just wasn’t sure you would be able to. I’m sorry, I should have known.’
‘Why?’ Her eyes flashed angrily. ‘You don’t know me, Gabriel. No one knows me.’
Gabriel knew there was no point in trying to convince her that she was wrong. She was upset and with good reason. To discover that someone you trusted could do such a terrible thing was the worst of betrayals.
‘We’ll go as soon as you’re ready.’
‘Now. I’m ready now.’
He didn’t argue, bit back the suggestion that she should at least have something to eat. He simply picked up his keys and headed for the door.
*****
They travelled most of the way in silence, Claudia lost in her own deep thoughts. He glanced at her from time to time. She must have known, but she made no effort to respond. He didn’t push her to talk.
She needed time to come to terms with what had happened. It was even possible that she was regretting the impulse to rush to Joanna Gray’s side. Then, as they approached London, Gabriel was forced to concentrate on steering the Landcruiser through the early morning traffic piling into the capital.
As they neared Knightsbridge, Claudia stirred. ‘Will you take me to my flat first, please.’
Her flat. With the thick gouts of red paint plastered up the walls and over the carpet. Edward was going to have it cleaned up, decorated, before she returned, but he wouldn’t have had time.
‘I don’t think-’
‘No, I don’t suppose you do. But I can’t let Joanna see me like this. I need to put on some makeup, cover my hair.’
He bit down on the angry feelings that boiled up in him. She was probably right, but she was a damn sight kinder than Joanna Gray deserved.
He had warned her what to expect, but when she reached the top of the stairs and saw the mess for herself, she came to an abrupt halt, clapping her hand over her mouth, swaying just a little as the reality hit her.
She didn’t object when he put his arm around her and she didn’t argue when he took the key from her and opened the flat door, bundling her inside. For a moment she let him hold her. Just for a moment. Then she pulled away.
‘I won’t be long, Gabriel,’ she said, absently. ‘Make some tea if you want some. There’s a carton of long life milk somewhere.’
‘Can I get something for you?’
‘No.’ So he didn’t bother. He heard the shower running briefly, then her bedroom door closing. Twenty minutes later she reappeared looking as poised and as stunningly beautiful as ever.
Makeup, rather heavier than usual perhaps, covered the worst of the blotches on her face and neck. Her eyes and lips had been made up brightly to draw attention away from what could still be seen. And her hair had been covered by an elegant arrangement with a scarf that didn’t look out of place with the wide cotton trousers and silk tunic.
She looked, every inch of her, a star, but he didn’t think she would appreciate compliments.
‘Ready?’ he asked.
‘Yes. Let’s go.’
*****
Joanna was in a side ward and Claudia insisted on seeing her alone. Gabriel watched from a distance through the glass walls as she bent over her friend, kissed her cheek and held her hand. Then she sat on the edge of the bed and began to talk. She was there a long time.
Edward arrived after a while and sat with him. ‘This is a very sad business, Mac.’ He nodded towards his daughter. ‘How did she take it.’
Mac considered the question. ‘I think she feels guilty. That somehow it’s all her fault for having so much.’
‘She doesn’t need to feel guilty,’ Edward Beaumont said angrily. ‘Everything she has came at a terrible price.’ Mac nodded, aware of Edward’s scrutiny. ‘She’s told you.’ It wasn’t a question but a statement, and it didn’t need an answer. ‘She’s an extraordinary girl, Mac. Infuriating at times, I’ll admit. And there have been times I’ve been terribly afraid for her. If she trusts you sufficiently to tell you about her mother, I don’t need to explain.’
‘No.’ He turned away from Edward’s shrewd eyes, standing up as Claudia reappeared. ‘How is she?’
‘Just bruised and sore. She’ll be allowed out tomorrow if she’s got someone to look after her. I’ve told her she can come and stay with me.’
‘Claudia, darling,’ her father, began. ‘Is that wise?’
‘She hasn’t got anyone else.’
‘Will you be able to cope?’ Mac asked, taking her hand. ‘It doesn’t sound like such a good idea to me.’
‘Of course it’s a good idea. There’s nothing wrong with me and my life is back to normal. No more non
sense,’ she said, not quite managing to meet his eye.
‘I was thinking of her. After what she did it’s going to be difficult for her to accept anything from you. The letters, the dress...’ - he dismissed them as minor problems - ‘...but when she sees the paint...’
‘I’ll get decorators organised this morning. She won’t have to see it.’ She regained possession of her hand and turned to her father. ‘And there’s no need to worry about tonight’s performance, I can handle it.’ She cut off her father’s protest. ‘Once I’ve had my hair sorted out. Will you drop me off at the hairdressers, Gabriel? It’s not far out of your way home.’
There. She’d said it. Set him free with her casual dismissal. Let him know that she quite understood that last night was just one of those things that happened when two people were thrown together in emotional circumstances.
She’d needed someone, he’d been kind. Far more than kind. But there was no need to make a big thing out of it, pretend it meant more than it did, hang on until it all got horribly messy. That way it could only end in tears and what they had shared had been too important, too special for it to end like that.
‘Drop you off.’ The words were slow, careful, as if he wanted to be certain that he understood her. ‘You don’t want me to wait for you?’
‘Good heavens, no.’ Her laughter was diamond bright. ‘I don’t need a bodyguard any more, darling, and I’ve put you to far too much trouble already. I can easily get a taxi back to the flat.’
There was a moment of silence. Then, ‘Yes, well, perhaps you’re right. I’ve got a million things to catch up on. Tony’s been doing two jobs.’
Edward cleared his throat. ‘I’m going your way, Claudia. Maybe, if Mac is so pressed you should let him get back to work.’
‘Oh, yes-’ Claudia began, quickly.
‘There’s no need-’ Gabriel said, at the same time.
Edward glanced from one to the other. ‘I’ll leave you to sort it out, while I make a call from the car.’
‘Well, there,’ Claudia said, as soon as her father had gone. ‘What could be better? Now I won’t have to feel guilty about dragging you out of your way.’ She put out her hand in a formal and unmistakable gesture of farewell.