“I bought you some food,” I said, pushing the tray in front of her.
She studied me again, her dark eyes looking vulnerable. This girl was so wary of love that it made my heart ache.
“You don’t have to throw yourself at me. A simple thank-you will do,” I quipped.
“Why are you doing this? Why do you take care of me so much?”
My Red. So alone. So lonely. I’m here now.
“I don’t think you’ll believe me, even if I tell you.”
Her shoulders lifted in a sigh. She lowered her head, staring at her tea. She was avoiding my eyes, which was fine. That just meant I could admire her to my heart’s content.
“We need to do something about Kara and Cameron,” she said after a moment.
I smiled. “I agree. How about this summer? This semester is almost done. After it’s over, we could go to my mom’s beach house and take them with us.”
“I don’t know. Don’t you think that’s going a little overboard?” She lifted her eyes, studying my face for a few moments. “Your hair is getting long.”
Okay, change of subject. My hand automatically ran through my hair. “I still look gorgeous. What, you want me to cut it?”
“No,” she said a little too quickly. “I mean, do whatever you want. Why are you asking me?”
I frowned, leaning forward. “Why do you fight it so much?”
I waited for her answer, but it didn’t come.
“You’re fighting what you feel for me. I can feel it. Why?” I persisted.
She pulled her hands into her lap, hiding them from me. I let out a sigh.
“Let’s play a game,” I suggested. “How about I’ll tell you something I know about you, and then you tell me something you know about me.”
That did it. I got half a smile from her.
“Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
I shook my head. “Nope. You see, I like discovering things by myself. I don’t like things handed to me. I like it when I have to work hard.”
She tilted her head as if trying to decipher the meaning behind my words.
Yes, I thought, I am talking about you.
“I’ll go first then, since you look very enthusiastic about this.”
She looked nervous but interested. I had her attention now.
“You don’t like black olives,” I said.
Her eyes narrowed. She was ever the suspicious one. I laughed.
“How do you know that?” she demanded.
Tongue in cheek, I replied, “Well…I had you investigated.”
“What the—” she stammered.
I laughed. “Kidding. When we ordered pizza the other night, you picked them off. Now it’s your turn.”
She bit her lip. “You hate dishes in the sink, except for an empty glass. You always leave an empty glass.”
My smile reached my ears. She was paying attention to me. Since she wasn’t drinking her tea, I grabbed it and took a sip.
“You don’t like the dark,” I said. “You sleep with your lights on.”
I meant to tease her, but something like fear flashed in her eyes. She was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what she was thinking. But then the cobwebs in her eyes cleared and she smirked.
“I can sleep with it off sometimes.” She paused, then her nose twitched. “Your feet smell.”
I choked on green tea. “Hey, only after basketball practice.” I coughed. “My feet are sexy.”
She wrinkled her nose, fighting a smile. “You call your mom every day just to say hi,” she said.
I grinned. She probably didn’t realize it, but it was my turn. I didn’t say anything, though. I found that I liked it a lot when she talked about me.
“Not denying it. I’m a proud mama’s boy, but just a couple times a week.”
Since she wasn’t eating her bun, I pinched a piece off and fed it to her. She glared at me but accepted it. She pinched off almost half of the bun and shoved it in my mouth in retaliation.
“You like girls.”
I chewed fast and swallowed. “Ha! That’s too easy. But wrong. I only like one girl now. And it feels like it’s going to stay that way for a long, long time.”
She gulped. I reached for her hand, rubbing her skin with my thumb.
“I don’t know what to do with you,” she said softly.
“Give me a chance,” I whispered.
Be with me.
I stared into her eyes. I felt like I could drown in their depths. They held so much in them. So much pain, so much love.
“I want to tell you something,” I said, still holding her hand. When she nodded, I began. “When I’ve told you that I haven’t felt this way before, I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
She looked at me as if she was about to say something, but then changed her mind and just kept silent. I dropped it. If she wasn’t ready, then she wasn’t ready. I had a lot of time to convince her. She’d learn to trust me eventually.
“Pancakes?” I asked hopefully.
She shook her head. “I have work in a few hours, Caleb. I can’t.”
“I’ll drive you to work.”
“No.”
“Don’t you get tired of saying no to me?”
“No.”
Oh, this girl… I scooted my chair beside hers, and she looked askance at me. Wrapping my hand around her wrist, I pulled her up from her chair. She gasped as she landed on my lap.
“Caleb,” she murmured. “What are you doing?”
I could feel my body responding to her, and I instantly turned hard. She smelled so good, felt so good. I closed my eyes. What. The. Hell. Was. I. Doing?
“Damn.” I raked my hair with my fingers, frustrated. I was turned on, and she hadn’t lifted a finger. “I’m sorry, Red. I’m just…”
Horny.
Yeah, dude, tell her. I bet that would go really smoothly.
“I want you.”
Her eyes widened in realization.
Now you get it. Please, don’t run away.
I felt nervous, my heart pounding, sweat on my forehead. She froze, staring at me like a deer caught in headlights.
“I want you so much it hurts. You’re the only thing I think about. I’m fucking obsessed with you.”
My. Mouth.
My problem sometimes was that I was too honest for my own good. I held her face between my hands. We were in the cafeteria at lunchtime, with people gaping around us. I didn’t care.
“Caleb, we are in the cafe—”
“I don’t care about them. They’re not important. No one has ever been important to me. Until you.”
She was breathing hard, like she’d just run a marathon.
“Do you trust me?” I asked.
She looked hesitant, but nodded eventually.
“All right, then. Let’s get the hell away from here. We have time before your shift starts.”
I grasped her waist as I rose, sliding her to standing. I grabbed her backpack and slung it over my shoulder, then reached for her hand.
“Pancakes,” I said, but she didn’t reply.
“Pancakes,” I repeated, waiting for her to acknowledge me.
She looked up with those expressive, lovely eyes. “Pancakes,” she replied.
* * *
Veronica
Caleb drove us to the beach again. This seemed to be his go-to place if he was feeling intense emotions. That was fine. I liked the beach, especially when he was with me.
He held my hand again as we drove there. It felt good. It also made me uncomfortable because I knew it was becoming a habit, and I didn’t know how to stop it—or if I wanted to.
The sun was sprawled in the clear blue sky, but there were only a few people at the beach sunbathing. I could taste the
water in the air, the humidity enveloping me. With Caleb holding my hand and his green eyes looking into mine, I felt like I was in a different universe. Somewhere no problems existed. Somewhere hope and happiness lived.
He spread a blanket on the sand and pulled me down with him. He was lying on his side facing me while I was on my back. He draped his arm over my waist, pulling me closer to him. The beach seemed to have a mellowing effect on me because I let him hold me without any protest. Or maybe Caleb was growing on me.
“What’s wrong, Red?”
I realized I had been staring at the sky, lost in my thoughts.
“Will you tell me what you’re thinking?” His fingers reached for mine again, intertwining. Caleb had a fascination with lacing our fingers together. I liked it a lot too. Sometimes when I hadn’t seen him in a while, my hand tingled, as if missing his.
Missing something was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want to yearn for anything. Yearning meant heartbreak. Every time I felt myself responding to Caleb, I stopped myself. But his strong presence and his constant caring were breaking down my defenses.
I constantly pushed him away, but he kept coming back. I knew he wanted to know why I was so afraid, why I kept myself at a distance.
I could feel his eyes on me and his silent plea that I open up to him. When I turned to look at him, something in his eyes had my heart skipping a beat. “Caleb…”
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. I saw the understanding in his eyes, the patience. And I knew even if I didn’t say anything in this moment, he would be okay with that. And that somehow made it impossible for me to keep holding back.
“It’s hard for me to talk about it,” I started. “I need to…” I sat up, feeling the need to put some space between us. I was going to give this part of myself to him, expose my weakness to him willingly, and I needed some distance. Some sort of protection. I wrapped my arms around my middle. He sat up beside me, silent, waiting.
“My dad was the only man I loved, and the only person to break my heart. I remember times when he was so attentive, so loving, but then he would change drastically. In the blink of an eye, he’d be a different person.
“He made me feel…unworthy. Always reminded me that I didn’t deserve to be loved, that it was my fault his relationship with my mom fell apart. It made me feel…guilty.
“He blamed me for every bad thing that happened to him. Over and over again. I-I can still hear his voice sometimes. I usually block it, but sometimes…sometimes I feel like he’s right.” I shook my head, erasing the memories forcing their way into my head.
“No, Red. He couldn’t have been more wrong.”
I shook my head again. “It’s okay. I don’t really want to discuss him anymore.”
“Did he…hurt you?”
I lowered my eyes, afraid to answer.
“Red?”
I looked up but didn’t say anything. Caleb nodded, acknowledging that he understood I wasn’t ready to talk about it, and why I was this way—guarded, stubborn, suspicious.
I wanted him to know me. But I was scared to tell him the ugly parts of my life, afraid they would scare him away. But something about Caleb made me feel that he was going to stay. So I started telling him about my mom and dad.
“I was making sandwiches after school one day, and I remember feeling very excited because my mom promised we would go to the movies. We both loved movies. That was how we bonded, you know? Movies. I wanted to watch a comedy, but she wanted a romance.”
I tried to turn away from him, but Caleb stopped me, pleading with his eyes to stay with him this way. I relented.
“So I was ready, even wrapped up some sandwiches and drinks to bring. I kept them in my backpack to sneak them in. We couldn’t afford the popcorn they sell at the movies, but I didn’t care about that. I wanted to spend time with my mom. We were walking to the theater, and then I saw my dad. He was in a car. And I was thinking, Why is he in a car? We don’t have a car…and then a woman got inside the car with him. And they kissed.
“My mom…” I choked. “My mom saw it, but she didn’t…didn’t do anything. But I saw how it hurt her. She…placed her fist on her chest, just like this,” I said, imitating the way I remembered her doing it. “And closed her eyes, just taking deep breaths. I waited for her to confront my dad… But then she just smiled and told me we should get going or we’d miss the beginning of the show.”
Caleb wrapped his arms around me, and I melted into him. I wasn’t going to cry. He smelled so good. So familiar.
“She passed away…my mom. I was adopted. I really don’t know who my biological parents are, but that doesn’t matter to me anymore. All I needed was my mom. She wasn’t perfect, but she tried her best. She never left him, and I didn’t understand that. I still don’t.”
Caleb started rubbing my back, and I let out a sigh of pleasure. It felt good. It felt really good.
“I understand,” he said quietly. “I don’t understand why my mom didn’t leave my dad either.” He held my shoulders and turned me so he could look into my eyes.
“I swear when we get married, we are never going to divorce. You’re it for me. Until I die. And that goes for you as well, okay?”
I stared at him in horror. My mouth opened, but nothing came out. If he was trying to distract me from my sad memories, he was succeeding.
He grinned at me and placed a finger on my chin to close my mouth.
“Breathe,” he said. “Everything is going to be okay.”
I sputtered, glaring at him. I started to get up, but he just wrapped me in his arms, holding me in place.
“What, you mad that I don’t have a ring with me?” His green eyes danced playfully, but there was a depth there, something vulnerable begging me not to walk away.
I blinked.
“What the hell, Caleb.” There were butterflies in my stomach, and I felt a little queasy.
He placed his chin on top of my head as he chuckled. “When I propose, I want to sweep you off your feet, so no, you are not getting a proposal from me today. Be patient.”
Was he joking? I didn’t even try to figure him out anymore. He was definitely joking. There was no way he could be serious about this.
I would not take him seriously.
“Haven’t you figured me out yet? I’m pretty simple, Red. You’re the one who thinks I’m complicated.”
Silence.
“How about I tell you a story,” he said.
I shook my head again, fighting a smile. “Okay.”
I pulled away and looked at him, ready to listen.
“It’s one of my favorite parts in Alice in Wonderland. Alice asks the White Rabbit, ‘How long is forever?’ The White Rabbit answers, ‘Sometimes just one second.’ This”—he kissed my lips—“this feels like forever right here.” He stared into my eyes. “How can I not wish for that?”
Chapter Twenty
Veronica
“Wait, back the fuck up. What?” Kara’s eyes were as round as saucers while she gaped at me like a fish.
It had been a few hours since Caleb dropped that bomb about getting married. I’d tried to forget about it because…surely he’d been joking? But it kept creeping into my mind, gnawing at me. Deciding to tell Kara, I waited until the end of our shift. I sat at my desk, watching her count the cash from the till.
“You heard me,” I said.
Kara blinked once, twice, thrice. “He…proposed? You shitting me right now, Strafford?” She waved the wad of cash in her hand at me.
I laughed. “He didn’t downright propose, but he implied it.”
“Well, fuck.”
I nodded. I didn’t know how to feel about it either, even now. Part of me was horrified. Horrified that this was happening all too fast. He couldn’t possibly have meant what he said. But the other part of me, the one that wanted
to hope, the one that was falling—falling for Caleb, yes, that part—was trying to come out. And I was barely holding on to her leash.
“What did you tell him? Fuck. I have to count all over again now.” She shook her head and placed the cash back in the till so she could give me her full attention.
“Nothing.” I shrugged. “Should I have said something? How can I believe what he’s saying when we’ve only known each other a few months, Kar? It’s not possible.” I glanced up at her. “Right?”
She pursed her lips. “I don’t know, Ver. Did Lockhart say the big L word to you?”
I shook my head. “He didn’t.”
“Well, psh. And he proposed?”
“He didn’t really propose, but—”
“Dude’s horny. He’s either in love with you, or he’s horny,” she pronounced, clucking her tongue. “Or both.”
I stared at her. “What?”
“He’s horny like a unicorn during mating season.” Kara shrugged as if it was the most obvious problem and she had just solved it. She walked over to her desk, opened a drawer, and grabbed her compact. She started powdering her nose.
“Well…”
“Guys are sweet on you when they’re horny. Cameron is…was like that. Lockhart needs to get laid.”
I laughed. “Well, I don’t think he’s going to get it from me.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Why do you bullshit yourself so much?”
“I… What?”
Kara rolled her eyes. “You give good advice to other people, but you can’t figure out what to do with yourself. Seriously, Ver, think about it. The guy came to my house to pick you up for an exam that you forgot about and brought you clothes. He’s pretty much become your manservant, and he lets you live in his apartment for free. What the hell more do you want him to do? Donate his balls for you?”
I closed my eyes. When she put it that way… I knew he liked me, but I wasn’t sure how long that was going to last. Caleb might be sincere now, but nothing lasts forever.
“You think someone like Caleb couldn’t possibly commit,” Kara deduced, applying a layer of shocking-pink lipstick. It looked really good on her.
“You’re a mind reader now too? That shade is totally your color, by the way.”
Chasing Red Series, Book 1 Page 15