“I know, right? Makes it sound all legal, but believe me, it wasn’t. The guys I knew could jack a car and tear it down in less than three hours. One night, the garage was raided and I happened to be hanging around, so I got swept up in the catch. At my trial, the judge offered me two choices. I was old enough to be charged as an adult. He could slap me with ten years hard time, or a thousand hours of community service and probation until my twenty-first birthday. If I kept my nose clean, my record would be expunged. The judge said he thought I was inherently a good kid who had just made poor choices.”
“I don’t get how that led to you being a cop.”
“I learned that there were two sides to the law, and I wasn’t very good at being on the wrong side of it, so I figured I would give the other side a go.”
“Why Virginia Beach?”
“When I turned twenty-one, I came here in search of my mother. I’d heard she’d gotten in some trouble of her own with the law, had skipped bail, and was headed to the east coast. I thought I could find her and help her.”
“Did you find her?”
“Yes.”
“Was she happy to see you?”
“I don’t know.”
Diana finished sipping her tea and placed the cup and saucer in the dishwasher. Carter carried his over to the sink. Without thinking, she turned to take it from him, fully exposing the extent of her injuries. She heard his gasp, and her heart fell a little. She looked hideous, and now Carter thought so too.
“It’s nothing. Just not so great to look at.”
He reached up and gently traced along the ridge of her brow. “It’s not nothing. How much does it hurt?”
“Not so much. My pride aches more. I hate having you see me this way.”
“Don’t be silly, Diana. You’re still beautiful.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“I know. I am saying it because it is true.”
“I almost texted you and told you not to come over. Then I thought if I kept the room dark and avoided direct eye contact…”
Her words were cut off by Carter’s arms wrapping around her and pulling her close. She rested her cheek against the soft wool of his sweater, and inhaled deeply. It felt so good to be in a man’s arms again that she almost forgot she shouldn’t be letting it happen. When her conscience kicked in and she tried to pull away, he held on a little bit tighter.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered against her hair.
“I—we—should we be doing this?”
“Doing what, exactly?”
“I don’t know—whatever this is? I’m practically old enough to be your mother.” Instead of releasing her, he placed a soft kiss to the place over her eye that was bruised the most. She forgot she was ever in pain, as the light touch of his lips made her knees go weak.
“Actually, you probably are. My mother was fourteen when she had me.”
Pushing against his chest with her hands, she peered up at him. “Seriously?”
He nodded.
“How old are you, Carter?”
“Thirty-eight.”
She didn’t even try to hide her surprise. She had him pegged for no more than twenty nine or thirty. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“Grandmother tells me that my grandfather never looked a day over forty-five when he died. Ryan men age well, I guess.”
Well now, that wasn’t so bad. That only made her about eight years older than him. Not quite so cougar-ish as she had thought. The girls would still never let her live it down, but hmmm…The way he was making her feel right now, she could get over the girls’ teasing.
“Grandmother also taught me to never ask a woman how old she is, but since age seems to be a concern of yours when a man comforts you, maybe I should know. Will you be collecting social security any time soon?”
She pushed away with a groan, and this time he let her go. “Carter Ryan, I am sure your grandmother never taught you to be so fresh either!”
“Fresh? Now that’s a term I haven’t heard in years. Are you saying I’m fresh like in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?” He struck a pose, turning the ball cap he wore off to the side and making the brim stick up.
Simultaneously, they broke into the theme song of the old sitcom and ended up laughing until tears ran down their faces
“Wait! Wait, how about this one?” Carter broke into a rendition of the Carlton, dancing and singing the old Tom Jones song “It’s Not Unusual” until Diana thought she might pass out from laughing so hard. She couldn’t remember when she had felt so relaxed or happy.
While they were gasping for breath, Diana filled two glasses of water and nodded toward the door. “Why don’t we go sit in the family room? All the excitement has worn this old lady out.”
“Still fixated on the age thing, huh? What do I have to say to convince you that you are as stunning as any twenty-five-year-old?”
“I’d settle for thirty-five. You are way too kind.” They went to the family room. She stood in the door and eyeballed the sofa and the two chairs. Her brain told her to sit in one of the chairs—maintain a little distance between them—but her heart and the rest of her were pushing her to the sofa. Taking the decision away from her, Carter took her hand and led her to the sofa, where he arranged the throw pillows and settled her in. He then sat so close she could feel the heat emanating from his body. She craved that warmth, and did nothing to put space between them. Donnie had been warm like that.
Stop thinking about Donnie. Donnie is gone. Let Carter fill a little of that void.
She wanted Carter to fill a lot more than that, but she was not admitting that to anyone yet, especially not herself.
“Can we go back to your mother for a minute?”
“If you want to.” His expression darkened. “What do you want to know?”
“Why don’t you think she was happy to see you?”
“Because I never got to ask her. She was already dead and buried two years before I made it out here.”
She reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Oh, Carter, I’m so sorry. How did she die? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Beat to death by a john. Some sick son of a bitch who couldn’t get off without hurting women. No matter how old I get, or how long I am on the job, I will never understand men who can’t get off without making women do things—things that aren’t normal. When did being kinky or cruel become the norm? Why can’t anyone just have sex the regular way anymore?”
He jumped up from the sofa and started pacing in front of her, fists clenched and face turning red. This conversation was headed down a road she didn’t want to travel. She'd spent ten years hiding her job from the man she was married to, and in the end it had destroyed them. No matter what the autopsy had to say, Donnie would not have died thinking she was a terrible person if she hadn’t had to hide that part of her life from him for so long. This obviously was not the time to break her big news, but they definitely had to revisit this conversation if their relationship went any further.
Relationship? Oh man, shake it off, Diana. Who said anything about a relationship?
“I’m so sorry about your mother. I wish I could do something to take the pain away.”
Carter stopped pacing suddenly and returned to his seat. “I’m sorry about that outburst. I tend to get a little emotional over a woman I barely even knew.”
“I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No. It’s okay. I just don’t talk about her much. Talking to you is so easy. I don’t know why it upsets me. My grandmother loved me and took great care of me.”
“Is she buried here in Virginia Beach?”
He nodded. “Not far from Massey, actually. I bet you are a great mom. Massey was very proud of his son.”
She couldn’t help but smile at the mention of Jackson. She was very proud of him. “Jackson is an amazing young man. Smart and athletic, as well as kind and caring. There’s no one else like him.”
“He has pretty amazing
parents.”
“Had,” she whispered. “He had great parents. Now he is stuck with only me.”
“He has a great mother.” He picked up a lock of her hair and played with it. “And he had an amazing father. Not having one of my own, I don’t have much experience with dads, but the way Massey made you and Jackson the center of his world seems like the way it should be done.”
“I miss Donnie.” The words slipped out before she could stop them.
“That’s why I want to find out what really happened to him.”
She nodded, unable to speak.
“How about a little field trip tomorrow?” Carter dropped the lock of hair he had been fiddling with, letting his hand rest on her shoulder. The tempo of her heart picked up immediately.
“Where to?”
“I checked it out, and the house is still there. It’s been condemned, but there is a door that isn’t locked. I want to poke around and see if I can find anything. I thought you might want to be there too.”
“Won’t that be trespassing?”
Carter didn’t answer. He really didn’t need to.
“Is it safe?”
“The place was decontaminated after Donnie…”
“Right.” She turned away and studied a shadow on the wall.
“I’ll make sure you’re okay.”
“I know you will. I actually feel very safe with you. I am trying to decide if I can handle it emotionally.”
Diana fell silent for a moment, and Carter didn’t say anything to break the silence. Could she actually visit the place that had essentially killed Donnie? Would she be able to keep it together, knowing that someone may have intentionally harmed the man she’d loved more than half her life? She took a deep breath and turned back to look at Carter. Donnie deserved justice. If someone was responsible for his death, then she owed it to him to find out who and why. Carter could help her with that.
“Okay. Let’s do it.”
He rose from the sofa, grabbing her hand on his way up and pulling her to her feet with him. “Excellent. Pick you up at eight?”
“In the morning?” Diana hadn’t been out of bed before ten since Donnie’s death. There never seemed a reason good enough to get up. Carter chuckled and gave her a quick hug.
“Yes. In the morning.”
She laughed too, realizing how ridiculous she sounded. “All right, I’ll be ready and waiting.”
“I’m going to head out now. I need to hit the hay. It’s been a long couple of days.” He started walking toward the front door. Diana hurried past him to shut off the alarm and open the door. As he stepped onto the porch, Carter paused, turned, and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.
“I am so glad that you are okay, Diana. I couldn’t imagine losing you, when I’ve only just found you.”
He disappeared into the night before she could respond. His words echoed in her mind as Diana closed the door and set the alarm. Jackson wouldn’t be home for at least another hour. As she headed back to the living room to log into her laptop, she could still feel Carter’s lips against her skin.
She had really liked the feeling.
Chapter Eight
Diana: Hey girls, how is everyone tonight?
Cyndi: Di! I didn’t think you were going to make it tonight.
Angela: Hey, Diana. How are you feeling? I heard what happened.
Diana: I’m okay. Face is all banged up. I won’t be winning any beauty contests for a while.
Jessy: Oh, Diana! I am sure you are still absolutely stunning.
Diana: Aww, thanks for the vote of confidence, Jessy, but trust me, it’s pretty bad. Carter doesn’t seem to mind though.
Cyndi: Carter? You better spill right now, girl!
Angela: Do you mean Carter Ryan?
Diana: Umm, yeah. Do you know him?
Angela: Oh yes. Jake has brought him by the house a couple of times. He is hot!
Cyndi: Oh, I know who he is! Ang is absolutely right!
Jessy: How come I don’t know him?
Angela: I don’t know. Jake and Sam work with all the same guys.
Jessy: Hmmm…I need to look into this.
Cyndi: What I want to know is how Diana knows him…
Diana: Donnie was his field training officer.
Angela: Yeah, like a dozen years ago. How do you know him now?
Diana: Oh, that.
Cyndi: Yes! That.
Diana: We met at—when I went to visit Donnie the other day. We had coffee. He is pretty hot. *blushes*
Jessy: And?
Diana: You already know the rest. I got in a car wreck and spent the night in the hospital.
Angela: That’s it? That’s the big story? Disappointed.
Diana: LOL! That’s not the whole story.
Angela: Oh! Do tell!
Diana: He came by tonight to check on me.
Cyndi: How sweet of him. Jackson let him in the house?
Diana: Jackson was at school watching a basketball game.
Jessy: Is Jackson still having issues with Donnie’s death?
Diana: No. Maybe. I don’t think he wants to see me with another man though, no matter how innocent it is.
Cyndi: Is it innocent?
Diana: Cyndi! Of course it is! I am like eight years older than he is.
Cyndi: So…that means you can’t have any interest in him?
Diana: Well, isn’t it sort of weird?
Angela: Weird how?
Diana: Because I am older.
Jessy: Ridiculous! This is the twenty-first century. It’s a sexual revolution and all that.
Cyndi: Eight years isn’t that big of a deal, Di.
Diana: Really?
Cyndi: Really.
Angela: I think you should go for it. It’s been a year, Donnie wouldn’t want you to be alone forever.
Diana: I’ve actually tried to convince myself of that, but it sort of feels like I am being unfaithful if I am with any man other than the one I vowed to love forever.
Jessy: The vows say until death do you part. You are young and sexy, do you really want to waste the best years of your life sleeping alone?
Diana: Jessy! You are the last one I expected that out of. LOL
Jessy: What? It’s not like I’m not human simply because I’m modest.
Cyndi: Jessy is right, Di. Even if nothing happens with the handsome Carter Ryan, don’t be alone the rest of your life out of guilt.
Diana: Guilt? Who said anything about guilt?
Cyndi: I’m sorry. I just meant—
Diana: I know. Don’t worry about it. I am struggling—I haven’t been attracted to anyone but Donnie since I was a teenager. It’s unnerving.
Angela: I think it’s wonderful. You deserve happiness, Di. We all want it for you.
Diana: Thanks, Ang. I have a lot to work through, but I appreciate the support.
Jessy: We are all here for you. I am so glad you are okay. I heard your car was a mess.
Diana: Yeah. I’m going to have to go shopping for a new one.
Cyndi: Let me know if you need someone to go with you.
Diana: I will, Cyn. Thank you. How’s Jason doing these days?
Cyndi: Still trying to get over the fact that I know how to work a pole and that he, in his words, ‘almost lost you forever.’
Diana: I’m sorry.
Cyndi: Don’t be. The only thing I regret is that I miss the job a lot. Johnny and Roxy were very colorful characters. They made things interesting.
Angela: To say the least. LOL
Diana: Well, those colorful characters almost sold you into slavery.
Cyndi: I know. And I am so thankful that didn’t happen, but before that I really enjoyed my job.
Diana: I am sure I can get you in at my job. Rick is always looking for new talent.
Cyndi: LOL! Thank you, but I am definitely better at dancing than talking dirty!
Diana: It’s a lot easier than you would think. Let me know if you ever change your mind.
Jessy: Well, ladies, I am going to go ahead and call it a night. You all sleep well.
Angela: Yeah, I’m out of here too. Sleep tight, and don’t let the bedbugs bite!
Cyndi: Night, ladies! I’m hanging it up too, Di. I am so glad you are getting your life back a little. This last year has had me very worried. When you stopped joining our little chats, I thought you were gone for good.
Diana: I hate the fact that I was so lost for so long. I really missed you.
Cyndi: Just promise me that the next time something happens, you won’t cut me out of your life like that. I’m here for you. We all are.
Diana: I know. I’m sorry. This has been the most incredibly difficult year.
Cyndi: *Hugs* I love you.
Diana: Thanks, Cyn. Love you too. I’m going to head to bed now.
Cyndi: Me too. Talk soon.
Diana: Definitely.
She shut down her computer and put herself to bed. In a few hours Carter would be back, and they would check out the house. Maybe she would finally get some answers about her husband’s death—and a little peace.
In the Shadow of the Shield (Secret Lives Series Book 2) Page 7