“It should have been, Rick. I’m sorry. I guess I was trying to make everything the same as it was before my husband died, but nothing is the same, and I have to find a new way in life now.”
“Websites are pretty hot these days. You given any thought to modeling?”
“Rick!” She couldn’t help but laugh at his comment. “I’m in my forties! Not exactly what’s selling these days!”
“Oh, Misty, you would be surprised what guys are into.” Rick laughed with her. “I guess that’s a no go on the website then?”
“It’s a definite no go. But thank you. Thank you for everything. Despite it all, I really enjoyed this job.”
“The guys loved you. You put Personal Encounters on the 900 number map, you know.”
“It was a good run. Believe it or not, I will miss you.”
“Aw, you never know, I just might check in on you every now and then.”
“Oh, Rick. It’s absolutely fine if you do. You take care of yourself in the meantime, okay?”
“You too. Best of luck to you. I know life has great things in store for you, so make sure you take the time to enjoy the ride.”
“I will. Thanks again Rick.”
“No, thank you.”
She hung up her work line for the last time, and then dialed the phone company to arrange to have it disconnected. That part of her life was over forever.
Diana rose from her chair, and took one long look around her office. The room needed a makeover. As soon as it warmed up outside, she would tear the place apart and redesign it. The hole Donnie had left was still there. She ran her fingers over the crumbling drywall. That would be the first thing she fixed. No sense in having a constant reminder of Donnie’s last day hanging around forever. This was officially the first day of the rest of her life.
Full of resolve, she headed back to the living room to get online and start shopping for new furniture for the office. As she waited for the computer to turn on, a knock sounded at the front door. Fear engulfed her, despite the fact that she knew the three men who wanted her dead were incapable of doing anything about it anymore. The knocking grew louder. She grabbed her phone, ready to punch in 9-1-1, and tiptoed her way to the front door. Peering through the peephole, she came eye to eye with Carter Ryan.
“Come on, Diana, open the door. And don’t shoot me, I’m unarmed. Well, not exactly, but, anyway.”
She turned off the alarm, unlocked the door, and pulled it open. “Carter.”
“Yes.” He smiled and rubbed his hands together. “Are you going to let me in? It’s awfully cold out here for someone recovering from multiple gunshot wounds.”
“It’s only been a week. Should you even be driving?”
“I didn’t. My buddy dropped me off after he picked me up at the hospital.” Carter turned and waved at a red Jeep Wrangler pulling away from the curb.
“Wait. Where is he going? How are you going to get home?”
“I take that to mean you aren’t happy to see me.” His expression darkened some. “I guess that’s why you never visited me in the hospital.”
“I’m sorry, Carter. I—I just couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say to you.”
“How about asking me how I was feeling? Simple, yet very effective.”
Diana let out a long sigh. “I really am sorry. It was just—just so much to process. I nearly died. You nearly died—twice. Those men killed Donnie…”
Her voice broke as she fought back the tears that had been trying to fall for a week. Carter stepped forward and reached for her, but she stepped beyond his grasp. He grimaced and wrapped one arm across his abdomen. “Sorry, still hurts a bit when I move the wrong way.”
Her heart ached. She wanted to feel his arms around her so badly. She might as well tell him everything, and then call him a cab. If she didn’t do it now, her heart might win out over her brain, and she would fall right into that handsome man’s embrace. “Do you want to come in and sit down?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Carter’s face had gone a doughy shade of pale, and he limped a little bit as he walked to the living room. He settled on one end of the sofa and patted the cushion next to him. “Sit with me. Let’s talk this out.”
Diana sat on the opposite end of the sofa, keeping a buffer zone between them. “I thought you died. You texted me goodbye. The house was on fire. My heart broke into a million tiny pieces. It was like losing Donnie all over again.” The words tumbled from her mouth in a rush, followed by a flood of tears.
“Is that what this is about?” he asked, his voice tender. “I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I thought I was a goner. I wanted you to know how I felt, while I could still tell you. I was terrified.”
“I’m so sorry,” she apologized for what felt like the hundredth time as she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I shouldn’t be crying.”
“It’s okay. It tells me you care. I was starting to think I had imagined everything between us.”
She shook her head. “No, you didn’t imagine it.”
“So, what aren’t you telling me?”
Ignoring his question, she asked one of her own. “How did you get out of the house?”
“Thank the good Lord ol’ Lookie Louie doesn’t listen so well. He broke into the house and helped me get free.”
“Thank God for Louie,” she agreed. “He saved me too. How did you find me?”
“Louie again. He heard them talking about the storage unit before they set the house on fire.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?” Carter looked at her, confused.
“For coming after me.” A fresh batch of tears fell from her eyes.
“Aw, baby, why wouldn’t I?” Carter flinched as he tried to move closer to her. Diana jumped from the sofa and moved to a chair across the room. The pain in his eyes gave way to hurt. “Why do you keep running away from me? I don’t understand.”
“Please. You have to—losing Donnie nearly killed me. Losing you—well, it was more than I could handle. When I got that text message, your goodbye…”
“And my ‘I love you.’”
She sniffed, her heart aching at the pain in Carter’s expression. “Yes. I couldn’t bear it. Any of it. And then watching you get shot—that was more than my heart could handle. Oh, Carter!” She buried her face in her hands.
He worked his way off of the sofa, crossed the room to where she sat, and slowly lowered to his knees in front of her. Taking Diana’s hands in his, Carter pressed a kiss to the top of each one. “I wish I could take it all back, trust me I do. But what’s done is done, and as far as I can tell, all that really matters is we are both here now.”
“That water was so cold. I fought to get out of the truck, and then when I found you, left for dead, I knew I couldn’t live through another line-of-duty death. It’s best for both of us if we go our separate ways. I will always be grateful to you for bringing justice to Donnie’s death. Really. There’s no way I can do this again.”
She separated herself from Carter’s touch and climbed over the arm of the chair. Distance, she needed a little distance. Her resolve was wavering more and more every time she looked into Carter’s saddened eyes. He worked his way from the floor to the chair. Little beads of sweat pooled on the greyed skin of his forehead. It took every bit of willpower not to run to him and kiss him and tell him everything would be all right.
“Let me call you a cab. You need to get home and get some rest.”
“Diana, please. Give us a chance.”
She grabbed her cell phone and started to dial information.
“Damn it, Diana! Put the phone away, and hear me out!”
The phone fell from her hand with a crash against the wood floor. “No, you hear me out! I am not the right woman for you. You’re young, handsome, and you have a great career. I’m a sad, lonely widow who used to work as a phone sex operator. I can’t even have kids anymore, I’m too old! You deserve a woman who is whole. Not the h
ot mess that I am.”
“I don’t even want kids! I have no idea how to be a father.”
“Stop! Will you just stop?” She slid down the wall until she hit the floor. “None of this is going to do either one of us any good.” Resting her head against her knees, Diana fought back another round of tears and willed Carter to leave. “Why don’t you just go?” she whispered.
“Is that really what you want?” Carter asked, sounding so sad her heart crumbled in her chest.
“It’s for the best.”
“Is it?” He worked his way to his feet, holding his abdomen. “Because I don’t agree. Tell me you don’t love me. I need to hear it from you. If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me, I’ll walk right out that door and never look back.”
“I don’t love you,” she whispered without looking up.
“Look me in the eye when you say that,” Carter demanded.
It was going to kill her, but she had to say it. It was what was best for both of them. He didn’t need some old, broke-down widow to worry about all the time, and she couldn’t love a man who could up and die on her again. Diana forced herself to look up at Carter. His eyes were red rimmed, in stark contrast to the paleness of his skin.
“I don’t love you.”
If a person could witness the breaking of another’s heart, Diana had just witnessed the breaking of Carter’s. She almost ran to him, begging forgiveness, but she remained fast.
“So, that’s it, then?” The words came out so softly, she almost didn’t hear them. She nodded. “Well then, I guess there’s nothing left to say.” Carter turned and headed toward the door. Diana jumped to her feet, but stayed put. When he reached the door, he turned around to look at her. “Meeting you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn’t know I had the capacity to love another human being until I found myself head over heels for you. I would give my life for you. Hell, I nearly did. I wish you all the best life has to offer. I love you, Diana Massey, and I always will. I don’t believe for a second that you don’t love me too, but I will respect your wishes and take myself out of your life forever.” He disappeared out the front door.
Diana curled up in a little ball right there on the floor and bawled until her tear ducts ran dry.
Half an hour later, the front door opened, and Jackson entered the house. Spotting her on the floor, he ran over to where she lay. “Mom? What’s wrong? Mom?” She couldn’t answer him. How could she tell her son that she desperately loved a man who wasn’t his father, and had sent him away?
“Mom? Does this have anything to do with Officer Ryan sitting on the front porch?”
She bolted upright. Carter was on the front porch? “What? Is he okay?” Diana jumped to her feet.
“Relax, he’s fine. Except for the fact that he is totally and completely in love with my mother.”
“He told you that?”
“Not is so many words, but, Mom, I wasn’t born yesterday. I can tell when a man loves a woman. Even if that woman is my mother.”
“I’m sorry, Jackson. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“Why? What’s wrong with being in love?” He smiled broadly.
“Jackson, have you fallen in love?”
“I don’t know, but I really like her. A lot. It’s different than with other girls I’ve dated. She gives me butterflies in my gut, and makes me want to do things like walk in gardens and get dressed up.”
“That’s wonderful, honey. I am so very happy for you.”
“I’m going to be gone a lot, Mom. Having a girlfriend takes up time, and then I’ll be heading off to college.”
“Are you really trying to crush your old mother here?”
Jackson laughed. “No! I’m trying to tell you that I want you to be happy too.”
Diana looked at her son for a long moment. When did he leave boyhood and become a man? Somehow it had happened right before her very eyes.
“You know I loved your dad very much, right?”
“Yes, of course I know that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love someone else too.”
“When did you get so wise?” She reached up and touched her son on the cheek.
“I had a good teacher. Now, go outside, and talk to that man before he freezes to death.”
“Why is he sitting on the porch? I thought he left.”
“Said something about not having a ride, and then he said you were stubborn as a mule.”
Diana laughed. “He really said that about me?”
“No, I added that part.”
“Jackson Massey!”
“Go on, Mom. I have to go grab a shower. I have a date.” With that, Jackson disappeared up the stairs. When she heard his bedroom door close, Diana jumped to her feet. There was a mirror on the wall. She saw that she looked like hell, but what did it matter. If Carter loved her, he would have to love her with smeared eye make-up and messy hair too.
Shrugging into a coat, she practically ran to the door, but froze when her hand reached the knob. How would she ever apologize to Carter? Would he even forgive her?
Taking a deep breath, she yanked the door open and stepped out onto the porch. Carter was slouched against the cold stone face of the house. He was so still it was unnerving. Panic, a familiar feeling, set in as she dropped to her knees in front of him. “Carter? Carter, it’s me.”
He didn’t move and didn’t respond. His hands and face were ice cold when she touched them. “Oh, Carter, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she murmured as she tried to move him toward the door. His body was heavy, and she didn’t want to disturb his still healing wounds. Her phone. She needed to get her phone and call for an ambulance. “I’ll be right back. I’m going for help.” Diana leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Don’t give up on me. Please.”
As she started to rise, a hand grabbed her behind the neck and pulled her back. “Carter?”
“I will never give up on you. That’s a promise.” His lips found hers again, and Diana melted into the feel of his touch. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her in close.
“Be careful, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Carter pulled back the slightest bit, and looked deep into her very soul. “Nothing would ever hurt as much as hearing you say you don’t love me.”
“I will never, ever say it again.”
“You’d better not.” His lips pressed against hers again briefly. “As much as I would like to continue this, I am really cold. It took an awful long time for your son to come home and talk some sense into you.”
“Oh! Let’s get you inside and get you warm.”
“I have a few ideas about how we can do that.”
“But your wounds…”
“Will heal that much faster with my own private nurse.” He grunted as he got to his feet.
“I guess I do owe you that much.” Diana wrapped an arm around his waist and walked with him into the house. When they were inside and the door was closed, Carter backed her up against the door, one hand one either side of her head. His lips were so close to hers, she could feel the chill coming off of them.
“The way I figure it, I saved your life. You owe me in kind.”
“Okay,” she whispered against his lips. “Send me a bill.”
“Nope, I think I would rather take it out in trade. Say, you and me, together forever? It’s going to take that long to pay off your debt.”
“Whatever you say, Officer. You’re the one with the badge.”
“Is that what I need to make you stay with me?” His breath was hot on her neck as he nibbled an earlobe.
“I’m willing to stay, badge or no badge.”
“That’s good.” He kissed a little trail from her ear back to her lips. “Because I would hate for you to love me just because I carry a gun.”
“Will you only love me because I can talk dirty to you?”
“I thought I heard you say you quit that job?”
“I did.”
“I
decided I could deal with it, but I am really glad I don’t have to. I love you, and I will always love you.”
He held her close to his chest. Diana wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close. “I love you too.”
“I know. Why do you think I nearly froze to death on the porch?”
“Because you’re as stubborn as I am?”
“Good thing too. Now, can we get to the part where you warm me up?”
“Absolutely.”
She was vaguely aware of Jackson calling a goodbye. The sun set, and the room fell into dusk before they separated. Diana found the remote to the gas fireplace and turned it on, while she and Carter cuddled in front of it.
“Thank you for saving me, Carter.”
“No, Diana. Thank you for saving me. I once believed life was only something to be tolerated. Finding you has taught me it is something to be protected, cherished, and shared with the one you love.”
“I will never let you forget it, either.”
Diana leaned into Carter’s arm across her shoulders, feeling safe and protected. Not everyone got a second chance at love, but she had gotten one, and she wasn’t going to waste a moment of it.
Acknowledgments
There are so many people that have had a hand in bringing this book to success from my family who always support me to my original editor that saw my direction and ran with it to Limitless Publishing and all the amazing people there that have finally pulled it all together into one amazing package. It would be hard to thank just one or two people so I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. To Allie, thank you for never letting me give up and reminding me sometimes daily, how far I have already come. To Eric, you are my hero and my love, forever and always, no matter what life tosses our way.
About the Author
Carolyn LaRoche grew up in snow country but fled the cold and ice several years ago. She now lives near the beach with her husband, their two boys, two finicky cats and one old dog. When she is not at the baseball field cheering on big hits and home runs, she is busy teaching science to unwilling teenagers.
In the Shadow of the Shield (Secret Lives Series Book 2) Page 18