by Zoey Marcel
Ah, shit.
She couldn’t remember hiding anything on there, but it made her nervous to know she’d be completely open to him. “It’s our anniversary.”
His brown eyes softened before his complexion turned austere again. “Take your clothes off.”
Was it time for makeup sex? God, she hoped so. She undressed and stood there.
“Give me your clothes. You won’t be wearing them anymore,” Ben informed her.
“No clothes ever again?”
His lips pursed with amusement. “You can wear clothes, Jill, just not those clothes. I don’t want to be reminded of your disobedience by seeing them again.”
She gave them to him and watched in horror as he threw the designer outfit in the trash. “But, Ben—”
“But nothing.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Ben grabbed her jaw, looking angry. “Don’t ‘Sir’ me. Clearly you don’t view me as your Dom, so why the hell should we keep kidding ourselves? You want your own money? You’ve got it.” He crammed the new debit card she’d gotten in the mail into her hands. “I’m not your Dominant anymore. It’s not worth having an ounce of respect from you if I have to lose you to get it. Walk on me, emasculate me, wear the goddamned pants if you have to, just don’t ever leave me again.”
Jill was speechless. They were equals again, and she could run things if she wanted. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that anymore.
“Shower and go to bed.” Ben nodded toward the hall and peeled the pasties off her nipples.
She turned and climbed the stairs, shocked and ashamed. Did she want to be in control again? Would they be happy living as equals or both feel incomplete in light of what they’d lost?
* * * *
Jill made up her mind. Lying alone in the dark while the men talked and watched TV downstairs crushed her. She needed to be with them, needed their forgiveness, needed to be hurt for what she’d done.
She went downstairs and walked into the living room, noticing that Neil was there. They looked at her as she knelt and lowered her eyes in submission.
“Baby, you’re up!” Neil dropped to his knees and squeezed the air out of her lungs.
His hug was sweet, but guilt refused to permit her consolation.
“I deserve to be punished for what I did,” she said, feeling Logan’s eyes burn into her skull.
“Punished or hurt, Jill?” Logan challenged.
“Punished, Master.” They both knew she was lying.
Ben sighed. “I think I’ve punished you enough already.”
“Physical pain would teach me a lesson,” she insisted. “I was thinking you guys could use a bullwhip on me.”
Judah’s eyes popped open in surprise. “Don’t tempt me, darlin’. You know I like giving you pain, but I think losing your freedom fits the crime.”
This wasn’t working. Time for another approach. “Personally I thought the punishment was a joke. No offense, guys, but I was expecting way worse.”
Ben and Judah looked irritated.
Neil sat next to her, grinning.
Logan gave her a sharp look that said he knew exactly what she was doing.
“Do you want your ass beat, Jill?” Ben asked.
“That’s exactly what she wants.” Logan stood and approached her. “You’re going to be punished, pet, for sitting here lying to us when you know better.”
“I just want to be punished, Master,” she mumbled, letting her eyes wander to escape his omnipotent stare.
He hooked a finger under her chin with a hard expression on his face. “I know exactly what you want, and after you get it you’re going to be completely honest with us and expose every secret in your past.”
Her eyes widened and she swallowed down a lump of dread. He’d turned the tables on her. They couldn’t know. What would they think of her?
* * * *
Jill trembled despite the dark sense of justice that hovered over her like a nimbostratus cloud. The men were clothed as they gathered the materials for impact play. She stood naked in the bedroom before kneeling in silence.
“We’re going to warm you up first,” Logan told her.
“I don’t need a warm-up, Master.”
“You’re getting one.”
Judah stepped forward with a riding crop. He pulled Jill to her feet and positioned her so she leaned over the bed with her rump exposed to him and her feet on the floor. “Hold still, baby.”
She took the warm-up quietly, merely flinching when the hot little stings became fiercer. He slapped her upper back, her bottom, and the backs of her thighs, occasionally caressing her with the leather tip.
“How you doing, darlin’?” Judah inquired.
“I’m fine, just beat me.” She mewled in pain when he smacked her ass hard with the crop. That worked out nicely. Forgetting his title and sassing him like a brat ensured more pain.
“Watch your mouth, my sexy little brat,” Judah warned. “It’s not a good idea mouthing off to a sadist.”
Actually, she found it a fabulous idea. What lippy remark should she use next?
“Go ahead and assume that new position I taught you the other day,” Judah commanded.
“Make me, dude.”
Neil laughed.
Judah snickered and grabbed her by the hair. “That’s Master to you, baby. Now assume the position.”
She rested on her arms and knees with her face against the floor and her butt in the air. The submissive position riled her passions, but she tried to suppress it and focus on the pain she knew would come.
“This is a single-tail, baby,” Judah explained. “It’s small. It’ll hurt, but not as much as the bullwhip.”
“Give it to me, punk.” Jill would have laughed at the comical look of surprise on his face when she peeked back at him, but remorse was too keen in her to feel lighthearted.
“You’re gonna get it on the asshole if you don’t shape up and start showing some respect,” Judah warned.
“I thought you were going to punish me, not talk me to death.”
“That’s enough out of you.” Judah cracked the whip against her bottom, dragging a yelp from her. “Oh yeah, love the sound of that.”
The whip warmed her flesh, stinging and burning her skin wherever it touched her. Her pain tolerance had always been moderate, though she strongly suspected she’d acquired a higher pain tolerance since becoming a leopard shifter.
She really needed to get Logan or Judah to show her how to shift. She might have saved herself in that alley if she’d known how and hadn’t been outnumbered.
The fall of the whip landed between her butt cheeks, making her scream. Damn, that hurt, but pain was good.
“Time for the bullwhip, darlin’.” Judah pulled her to her feet and fastened her wrists and ankles to hooks they’d had installed into the wall.
“I’ll take over from here,” Logan announced.
“Like shit you will. That’s my favorite one,” Judah grumbled.
“You can go next time,” Logan replied, uncoiling the longer whip as he walked toward Jill. He ran his hand over her inflamed flesh, soothing and comforting it.
“Is this a punishment or a massage?” she quipped, worrying the threatening tears would fall.
Logan reached around and fondled her tummy and then her breasts, murmuring into her ear. “Keep it up and I’ll massage you instead of whipping you. We’ll all take turns cuddling with you and giving you words of affirmation until you break down and cry and tell us everything.”
Jill panicked. That couldn’t happen. They mustn’t know.
“Is that what you want, pet?”
She gulped. “No, Master.”
“Then keep your mouth shut.”
She obeyed, fighting back tears and trying to teleport her mind to another place so she didn’t lose it to the waterworks. His palm cupped her pussy, warming and massaging it.
“I’m not going to let you hold back with me, Jill. We’re going to know all your dir
ty little secrets and heal you like you deserve,” Logan whispered, moving her hair aside to kiss her neck.
“It won’t work,” she whispered back, growing breathless when he pushed a finger up into her cunt.
“It already is.” He kissed her cheek before retracting his finger and stepping back.
Jill braced herself, knowing the pain would be brutal. She needed it, deserved it. The first strikes, while probably light, were a force to be reckoned with. The stinging bites of fire became an inferno of pain with each strike that fell over her warmed up flesh. It was intense, making her writhe and cry out against the wall.
“You still have a safe word, Jill,” Ben told her from the background.
“Logan and I don’t generally use safe words with our slaves during a punishment, but since this is her first time with a bullwhip she definitely should have one,” Judah agreed.
Damn her safe word. She wasn’t stopping this.
The fiendish popper pelted her all over, garnishing her with merciless bites that stung her with scalding fire. Curse Logan for pausing to caress her body and whisper encouraging words to her. How could she absorb the pain properly and punish herself mentally with him cooing and touching her like a lover?
“Stop touching me, Logan. Just hurt me. Punish me.” She had to quit slipping and saying “hurt” like that.
“Call me Master, pet, and I’m going to keep touching you and letting you know how loved you are until you cry,” Logan murmured.
The mellow bastard wanted her to cry? No! She couldn’t let them see her like that. She’d crack for sure and tell them everything if they made her feel loved and safe. Fuck them all.
Mmm, I’d love to. Damn it, Jill, focus!
“You’re so beautiful and submissive, my sweet,” Logan crooned, trailing the back of his finger down her raw back. It hurt, but his kind words took the sting out of the pain. Damn him.
“No, I’m not submissive. I’m a domineering bitch,” she countered, hoping he’d whip her.
“No. You’re my sweet little slave. My wonderful mate.” His kiss on her cheek reached her soul.
“No! I’m a bitch and a slut. What’s wrong with you?”
Judah groaned. “Yeah, you are, my hot little slut, cuckolding your husband.”
Ben sounded irritated. “Shaughnessy, I’m going to hurt you.”
Judah chuckled. “Sorry. Old habits die hard.”
“You’re not a slut, Jill,” Logan argued, bestowing gentle kisses on her neck and nape. “You’re a good woman, a loving wife, a caring mother. You’re kind, smart, and strong.”
Her voice cracked. “I’m none of those things. Would a smart woman test the people she loves, or a strong woman allow herself to get raped a bunch of times?”
“Is that what’s bothering you, pet? Your past has made you realize how vulnerable you are and how much you need our protection?” Logan asked knowingly.
Jill snapped her mouth shut. Damn, she’d said too much, and it was all his fault. She shook her head frantically, feeling her eyes mist.
“You cry if you need to, baby,” Judah said.
“I won’t cry,” she refused. “You can’t make me.”
“I won’t have to,” Logan said nonchalantly as he stepped back. “You’re forgiven, Jill, for everything.”
“No! I’m not forgiven. Now punish me,” she half pleaded, half ordered.
“I remember the first time I saw you. You were so small, so cute, and innocent, looking up at me with those lovely gray eyes. You’re a gift, my sweet, and we cherish you,” Logan said.
“No, I’m shit. Now punish me.”
Neil sounded concerned. “Baby, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re awesome. I remember the first time I saw you, too. You moved next door to me, and I went to the store and bought you a plastic ring and told you I was going to marry you someday.”
She smiled at the memory. “I still have that ring.”
“Aw! That makes me happy,” Neil replied.
Judah broke in. “The first time I saw her was the day she moved here with Ben. She had on those little white shorts and bent over to pick up boxes. Long, tan legs.”
“And I told you she was married,” Logan cut in.
“I pretended I didn’t hear you.” Judah grinned. “I ran my cart into yours at the supermarket on purpose, Jill.”
Jill grinned. “You did what? You made up that story about trying to avoid your crazy ex?”
“Yeah, I wanted a chance to get to talk to you.” Judah smiled at her.
“This is all really sweet, but you’re neglecting my punishment. Now—”
“I remember the first time I saw her,” Ben interrupted.
“Arrgh! Punish me.”
“Quiet, slave,” Logan commanded.
She choked on a strangled sound when he flicked the whip against her sore bottom.
Ben continued. “She moved in next door to me, too.”
Judah snickered. “What, were your guys’ houses sandwiching hers?”
“Yup. Now we’re sandwiching her,” Neil said proudly.
Judah chuckled. “Nice.”
“I pretended I’d lost one of my toy dinosaurs,” Ben said fondly. “She asked me what kind of wuss would lose his toys. I decided right then and there that she was a brat, so I spanked her.”
The men laughed.
“Damn, you win,” Judah admitted.
Ben chuckled. “She punched me in the face and said she’d never talk to me again. The next day I bought her a doll and she said we could be best friends forever.”
Jill smiled, cursing the teardrop that rolled down her cheek. “I remember. I still have that doll.”
“We remember everything about you, sunshine,” Ben said softly. “We’re going to free you now and snuggle with you.”
The cozy state of emotional fluff went poof as harsh reality supplanted it. She needed more pain. “Please whip me some more. I need it.”
“You want it,” Logan corrected her.
A forceful blow of the whip knocked the air out of her lungs as a giant, angry hornet stung her shoulder blade. The fire burned hot on her skin even after the whip retreated.
“Am I bleeding?”
“No,” Logan said shortly.
“Please hurt me,” she pleaded.
“You mean punish, don’t you?” he said in a saucy tone that betrayed his knowledge.
She squirmed. “Yeah.”
“I’m not going to make you bleed, Jill. Blood and silence won’t solve your problems. Talking and tears will.” Logan caressed her arms and then trailed his hands down her sides. “Just let go and tell us everything.”
She jerked against the binds, trying to escape the affection. “There’s nothing to tell. Just whip me, damn it!”
Logan walked away, leaving her apprehensive and relieved. “What are you punishing yourself for, Jill? Is it for hurting us with your leaving and scaring us half to death? Or maybe you’re using the pain to eclipse the shitty feelings being hurt in the past brought you?”
“Stop.”
“Safe word, darlin’?” Judah asked.
“No! I won’t use it.”
“Using it doesn’t make you weak, pet. Neither does getting raped. It’s a huge character failing on the part of the attacker, but it doesn’t make you weak or worthless,” Logan said.
Her eyes squeezed shut as the tears fell. “Please stop. I don’t want to cry.”
“You need to cry, Jill. Just let it out,” Logan coaxed.
“Talk to us, baby,” Judah encouraged. “Tell us what’s bothering you.”
She shook her head, refusing to look at them.
“Jill, I’m not whipping you again until you tell your husband what you told me in the club,” Logan said in a firm tone.
“Oh god, I can’t.” Tears streamed down her face.
“Tell me what?” Ben asked.
“Tell him, Jill,” Logan ordered. “Something about knives in your past.”
“Dam
n you,” she wept.
“Talk to me, Jill,” Ben raised his voice, sounding concerned.
Logan teased her clit. “I’ll make you come, pet, and the pain of the whipping will send you into subspace instead of making you suffer.”
She choked on a sob. “I used to cut, but it was only three times, and it was better than suicide.”
“What?” Ben shrieked. “Sweetheart, why?”
“Because of my dad. I know that sounds extreme, but I was so miserable as a teenager all the time except when I was with you.” The tears came faster. “You don’t know what it was like growing up like that. What he said and did. God, I’m so messed up.”
“What did he do to you?” Ben asked in a deadly tone.
“This hurts. Just whip me,” she sobbed. “I hate that I’ve disappointed everyone who means anything to me. I hate that I’ll always wear a scarlet letter. But most of all I hate feeling weak and scared while people do whatever they want to me.”
“Let her down,” Judah said quietly.
“Oh no! Hurt me, please,” Jill pleaded.
Judah and Logan freed her while Logan spoke. “No one is going to hurt you anymore, pet.”
She fell to her knees, bawling. “Please don’t leave me, any of you. I’m sorry I disobeyed. I won’t do it again, just don’t ever leave me or want another woman.”
“It’s not possible, Jill,” Neil said. “We only want you.”
They knelt around her and held her while she cried.
“Love, I’ve given you my heart one hundred percent. Nobody else will ever have it,” Ben promised her. “I was mad earlier, but none of us hold any of your mistakes against you.”
“Thank you.” She clung to him, weeping onto his shirt. “I do need a protector so bad. I’m no good on my own. I can’t be happy or safe without all of you.” She squeaked and cried harder. “I hate that feeling. My ex, what he did…”
“Shh. He’s in jail, sweetheart. He’ll never hurt you again,” Ben promised.
“Did you ever tell Ben that you were the one who left the club after I snapped and lost it to mating heat?” Logan asked.
Jill wiped her nose on her hand and brushed away her tears. “No.”
“You chose to leave?” Ben sounded touched. “She made it sound like you told her to leave.”