by Dalia Wright
Shaking her head, she left the bedroom. Her grandmother stood as Emily made her way back to where they had all been sitting.
“Emily, won’t you walk me home?”
“Of course.” She knew it wasn’t actually a question so she knew she just needed to say yes; after all that was what she was supposed to do.
Emily followed her grandmother to the door and they slipped out. They fell into step with each other, neither of them speaking as they made their way along the small path that led to the front gate.
Emily reached for the gate, opening it for her grandmother.
“Your meamm says you’ve been seeing a boy.”
“Nee!” Emily protested. “I’ve been going out with Sarah, she’s the one seeing a boy. Sometimes his friend tags along. That’s all.” Emily shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal.
“And Sarah went out today?”
“Well, nee…” Emily could see where this was going.
“But you saw him anyways?” Her grandmother raised an eyebrow.
Emily didn’t look at her, and didn’t answer.
The old lady let out a soft sigh as they stepped off Emily’s parent’s property. “Emily, you know you can be honest with me, right?”
“Jah, of course.” But she wasn’t so sure she meant it. She wasn’t sure if she trusted her grandmother or not, honestly.
“Gut, tell me about this boy.”
“W-what?”
“I want to know about him. You like him, jah? I want to hear all about him.”
Emily tripped over her own two feet, caught herself ,and managed not to fall. She stared at her grandmother. “I… there isn’t much to say,” she shrugged. It was time for a change of topic. “Do you believe in Gott’s plan?”
“What? Jah, of course. Don’t you, Emily?”
“I’m not sure what to believe,” Emily admitted. How could Gott have a plan for her that made no sense? Why would Sam be part of her plan? It just seemed too strange. It wasn’t right, she knew that.
It must have been pure chance.
“And… what if Gott tries to show you his plan?”
“You listen. You listen well and you do what needs to be done.”
They turned down the street leading to her grandma’s house. Emily had always loved that her grandma didn’t live far away. As a little girl, she would always go see her grandma as soon as she could. She had always loved spending time with her.
“You know, when Katie told me she had fallen in love with an English man, I think she thought I would disown her. She was so scared that I wouldn’t take it well.”
“What did you do?” Emily asked. She had never thought much about her aunt, Katie, and her English husband. It had all happened before her mother had even fallen in love with her father. Emily was a long ways off.
“I told her I wanted to meet him.”
“You… That’s it?”
“What else was I supposed to do?” Her grandmother’s eyes sparkled. “My daughter was in love with him. She had found the person who made her happy, and she had followed Gott’s plan for her. And now look at them, still married and still happy.”
The elderly woman sounded so happy. So proud of her daughter.
“You weren’t mad?”
“Nee.” Her grandmother stopped at the door to her own house. “A mother is never mad when her daughter finds Gott’s path.”
Emily felt butterflies in her stomach. She could tell what her grandmother was trying to say, that she thought Emily should have her parents meet Sam, but Emily wasn’t so sure that was a good idea.
“Danka.” Emily wrapped her arms around her grandmother and held her tightly.
“Take care. We all love you.”
“I love you too.”
They broke the hug and her grandmother headed for her house. Emily watched for a couple of seconds before tuning and making her way home. She had a lot to think about, but her mind couldn’t stop spinning fast enough to actually think about things.
She made her way home without having any real idea about what she was going to do. She knew Sam wanted to see her again in a couple of days. She would see him then, there was no doubt about it. But would she bring him back to meet her parents? She could, but what would they say? Would they be supportive, or would they be harsh right off the bat?
Emily’s mother was not a fan of the English community. Emily had tried to figure out why several times, but she had never been able to learn the answer. Whenever asked, her mother just shut down and told Emily it wasn’t worth talking about.
She tried not to pry too much, but she did want to know. She just didn’t want to upset her mother.
Emily slipped in through the front door. Her mother looked up, eyeing her carefully.
“She made it home alright?”
“Jah. I made sure of it.”
Her mother gave a curt nod. “Gut, now come help clean up before dinner.”
Emily nodded and briskly made her way to where her mother stood.
“You didn’t tell me you were seeing a boy today.” She sounded less than impressed.
Emily shrugged. “I just had to return a book to him, it was his sibling’s.”
“Mhm.” Her mother’s eyes narrowed; she didn’t say anything, but Emily was sure she wanted to say more. Either way, she tried not to pay attention to it. Instead she padded into the kitchen and ran the water for the dishes before dinner. The scent of roast was overwhelming, making Emily’s stomach growl.
I can’t believe I actually thought I should bring him here to meet them, she thought. Of course it was a bad idea. How could she have considered it?
As she began to do the dishes her mother paced around the room restlessly.
“Emily,” she finally said. “We need to talk.”
“Talk about what?”
“This boy you’ve been seeing.”
“What about him? Sam is nice. He’s my friend, meamm.”
“Friend? Is that all he is?”
“Jah. Of course. Wh-”
“He’s an English boy, Emily. An English boy.” She said it as though that somehow made things worse; that it made him a bad person, or something.
Emily opened her mouth to respond, but words escaped her. What could she say to her mother? What could she do to prove Sam wasn’t a bad person?
“I know you have a book you have to return, but after that I think…”
Emily knew she wouldn’t like where this was going. Her mother looked around, looking anywhere but at her daughter.
“I think it is best you don’t see him again.”
Emily’s jaw dropped. She felt her heart fall into the pit of her stomach.
Before she could say a word the front door opened and her father stepped inside.
“Gut evening, ladies.”
Emily’s mother turned to see her husband. “John, you look sunburnt.”
“Nothing that won’t go away in a couple of days,” he smiled at his wife.
Emily’s father had always been the type to never let himself get put down. He had always faced life cheerfully, and even when Emily had seen him stressed and torn down, he had never seemed to admit defeat. He had always been ready to keep fighting, and Emily loved that about him.
Her head tilted as she looked at her father. If only she could get him to see her side. Maybe then, just maybe, she would ask Sam to come to her house - just once so her parents could meet him. So her mother could see that he was not a bad person.
Emily’s father looked between her and her mother. His brow furrowed.
“Did I walk in on something?” He sounded worried.
“Nee.” Her mother spoke quickly, before Emily could say a word. Emily opened her mouth to say something – anything - but her mother caught her with a hard stare and cleared her throat. “We were just talking about a boy Emily has been seeing.”
“A boy?”
Emily felt her cheeks turn a deep shade of red. She hated the way her father was staring at her.
“Jah. He’s friends with someone Sarah has been courting.”
“So he’s an English boy?”
“Jah but-”
“We were just discussing how she wouldn’t be seeing him again.”
“After I return the book he let me borrow.” She wasn’t sure why it was the first thing to come out of her mouth, but it came out without her even thinking about it.
Her father’s head tipped inquisitively. “He let you borrow a book?”
“Jah.” She resisted the urge to defend herself. She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to justify the fact that Sam had let her borrow a book, but her father looked thoughtful, and that made it even harder not to try and explain herself.
“He is a reader, then?”
“Jah.” Emily nodded. It was because of her father that she had such a love for books. He had always been encouraging her to read, even if some of the books weren’t considered something that anyone in the community should be reading. He had managed to attain quite a collection when he was younger, from spending quite a few years living with the English.
She could remember him telling her when she was young that books were the best part of the English life. Not that Amish people didn’t have books, obviously. It was just that some books were a little frowned upon. Others were much more encouraged.
Emily had long since read all the books that were encouraged.
“Seems like an interesting fellow,” her father said as he made his way into the kitchen.
“But, like I was saying,” her mother chimed in, “we were just discussing that after Emily gives the book back, she won’t be seeing him anymore.”
Emily opened her mouth to protest. Then she saw the way her father looked at her. Emily closed her mouth and didn’t say a word.
She didn’t want to stop seeing Sam.
Chapter Three
Reading was bittersweet. She wanted to finish the book, but knowing that she wouldn’t be able to finish the series was a sad thought. Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to see Sam after she returned the book was an even sadder thought. She hated her mother for it. She knew it was wrong, but she did.
When she looked at her mother, she could feel the hate build up.
Finally, the day came that she had to return the book. She knew she should have been excited to see Sam; instead, she felt like she wanted to cry as she walked towards the hill that they had met at before.
“You’re off?”
Her father’s voice scared her for a split second as she spun to face him.
“Jah. I’m meeting Sam.” She felt a tear prick against the corner of her eye.
“The English boy?”
“Jah.”
Her father nodded softly. He looked deep in thought as he stood there, propping himself up with the shovel he had been using. “You like him, don’t you?”
Emily felt her face redden. She knew there was no point in lying to her father. She gave a quick nod.
“I do. I like him a lot. As a friend.”
That’s all it was, right?
She bit her lip, not quite so sure that it was just that. Still, she didn’t admit it to her father.
Her father studied her carefully. “Well, get going. Your meamm won’t be thrilled if you spend the whole day out, but I’ll try to weather her storm for you.”
Emily stared at her father; her mouth fell open. Was he telling her to go spend as long as she wanted with him?
Wouldn’t her mother be angry with him? Wasn’t he supposed to be against her seeing this boy? She didn’t understand it, and she hated that she didn’t comprehend what he was doing.
Emily opened her mouth to ask, but her father cut her off.
“Get going.”
“Hi!” Sam could feel the grin spread over his face the second he saw her.
It was stupid, it really was. He knew he shouldn’t be into her, especially the way he was, but he couldn’t help it. There was just something about her that made his heart skip a beat. Several times, normally.
“Hi.” She didn’t sound happy.
His brows knit together. He felt his heart sink. Had it been something he did? Did she not like the book maybe? Maybe it’s that I held her hand when I saw her last. No, she hadn’t seemed to mind that when he had done it. So why would she now?
“What’s wrong, Emily?”
She stared at him with blank eyes.
“It’s nothing,” she said too quickly.
Sam’s frown grew deeper but he didn’t say a word; he bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself. He didn’t like that she was lying to him, but what was he supposed to say? He didn’t want to push her. But he didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t talk to him.
“So, how did you like the book?” He felt like a total idiot saying it, but he wanted a change of subject without her feeling like he was trying too hard.
“I did very much. Danka for lending it to me.”
The word took him off guard for a fraction of a second, then he smiled. He liked that she didn’t try to change the way she was when she was around him. He really liked it, actually.
“I, um, brought some McDonalds.” He turned on his heel and headed for the truck. After the past couple times they’d met there, he had realized how much she seemed to like the fries. It was all she ate.
Emily watched as he walked towards the truck. Pain twisted at the pit of her stomach. He had brought her food. For Emily, there were very few things that were as sweet as someone bringing her food. And now she knew this would be the last time she would ever see him.
She hated that.
Emily bit her lip. She knew there was nothing she could do, no matter how badly she wanted to. She wanted to see him again, and she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could.
“Emily?”
Her name snapped her back to reality.
“Ach, sorry.” She mentally shook herself. She hadn’t meant to get lost in her thoughts.
“Are you okay?”
“Jah, sorry I just got lost in my own little world, there.” It wasn’t a lie. She had been lost in her own world; it just hadn’t been a nice world.
He held out a brown bag of fries to her.
“Come sit? Unless you have to get home?”
“No,” she said quickly.
“So you’re all mine for the rest of the day?” His eyes crinkled with a smile.
Emily’s heart rose in her throat. His. She liked the thought of that too much.
She couldn’t help thinking of the heart-shaped cloud. It was such a silly thing to go back to; it probably meant nothing. It was all in her head, right?
They made their way to the grass where they had sat last time. Sam had his own bag of food and the second he dropped down, he dug into it. He made a small noise of delight as he took a bite of his burger.
“So, other than reading what have you been up to these days?”
“Um, nothing really.” It’s not like he actually wanted to hear about all the chores she did; or maybe he did so he could make fun of her. Nee, he’s not like that. Some English people were. Some liked to make fun of the way Amish people lived.
He didn’t seem like the type to do that, though.
No, Sam was better than that.
Sam was the kind of man she… her breath caught in her throat as the thought hit her. She wanted to see him for the rest of her life.
“What have you been up to?” She cleared her throat.
“Mostly just working. I need to save enough money to go to school.”
Emily was surprised.
“What are you going to school for?”
“Computer tech. Have you thought about going?”
“Nee, I… honestly have never considered it,” she admitted. It wasn’t common for someone like her to go to school; after all, there wasn’t much reason unless you were going to be a doctor or something like that.
“Why not?”
“Probably not smart enough, honestly.
”
Sam barked out a laugh. “I doubt that. I’ve met some people who get good grades but are anything other than smart. I have little doubt you could do whatever you want to do….” He paused. “Which just for the record, is what?”
“What?”
“I mean, what do you want to do?”
“I…” The question felt like so much more than just a simple ‘what do you want to do?’ After thinking about the heart in the sky, after knowing that she would never be able to Sam again, after a quick second of thinking that she should just spend some time in the English world, the question seemed like so much than just a simple question. “I have no clue, honestly.”
“You’ve never thought about it?
“I guess I kinda have before. I just… never really thought about it. And some stuff recently has left me wondering about what I really want.”
“What stuff?”
He sounded honestly interested in what was going on for her, and Emily appreciated that. She just wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. She had always thought that she would stay here in the community without a second thought. Then she met Sam.
Emily bit her lip nervously. What am I supposed to tell him?
“I just can’t help thinking about everything going on. I mean, it’s nothing big, but I’m just not sure what to do.”
“What are your options?”
Emily felt herself flush. She didn’t want to admit it, but he was an option.
A sigh passed through her lips.
“My meamm doesn’t want me to see you again.” She said it before thinking, hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
She looked away from him, but could feel his eyes on her. “Really? Why?”
“Because you’re English.” She said as if it was obvious - what other reason would there be?
“But, she’s never met me.” Emily could tell how confused, even offended, he was. She shouldn’t have expected him to understand.
It didn’t matter if she’d met him or not. “You’re English, that’s all there is to it sometimes.”