by Dalia Wright
“I don’t know—” Mary started.
“It’s okay, Ma,” Emma said. “I will be back in a few moments.”
Her maemm didn’t say anything more. Emma gathered her coat, despite the heat, before following John’s long and steady gait to the edge of the Farmers’ Market.
He turned to look at her intently for a moment. The past few weeks simmered between the two of them. They had both pointedly avoided each other since Harley’s death. Now, that John stood in front of her, the first stirring of anger caught her off guard.
Emma’s fingers curled up into fists in her coat pockets. She opened her mouth to speak, but it was John who spoke first.
“I have to tell you something that Harley asked me to tell you before he died. It’s something I haven’t told your father, the Bishop.”
Ch.2
Emma’s heart pounded furiously in her ribcage, a cold sweat covering her brow. She was torn between wanting to hear what secret John had kept from her daed when they had asked him about what happened that evening, and the small voice inside of her that told her to walk away from the conversation. If John had kept Harley’s words a secret from her daed, the Bishop of their community, then it was surely inappropriate for them to be speaking about it.
Curiosity won the battle, though. She had to know what her mann had told John before his departure into Gott’s kingdom.
“What is it?” she asked, breathlessly. “What did Harley say to you that evening?”
John used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away the sweat on his brow. His eyes were fixated on the ground between them. “I-I-I know that you are still angry with me. I don’t ask for your forgiveness, or Gott’s either. What happened that evening—”
His eyes slipped closed. A painful grimace spread across his pale face that was hollow and sunken in.
“Harley loved you as a bruder,” Emma said, slowly. “He considered you his closest friend here. He would’ve given his life up for anyone.”
“I know,” John said, his voice hitching slightly. “He was always there for me. When we realized that we were surrounded by wolves that evening, he turned to smile at me.” He looked up at Emma then, tears sparkling in his eyes. “He said, ‘Take care of my Emma. I don’t have to tell you this, but I want her to know that I don’t want her to be alone in the future. That farm is too much for her, so help her, John. Make sure she will be okay.’”
Tears filled Emma’s eyes at those words. The sincerity in John’s voice told her that those were Harley’s dying words, not an exaggeration. She sucked in a watery breath before turning to face away from John to take in the tree line of the park. Small children were running joyfully around tree roots, their delighted laughter filling the air. A part of her heart clenched painfully at the sound.
“I never told your daed because it didn’t feel right to tell him first,” John continued on quietly. “Those were Harley’s words to give to you before I gave them to someone else. I just thought you should know.”
“Danka,” she said, eventually. She couldn’t think of anything else to say, and nor could she turn around to face him.
“You’re welcome.”
They fell into a tense silence with the sound of happy chatter surrounding them. Emma mulled over Harley’s last words while chewing on her bottom lip. Her mann was always thinking of her well-being. That was apparent even when he had known that he was most likely never leaving the forest glade on the outskirts of their community. He had apparently given her a blessing to move on, but Emma sincerely doubted that she could ever love someone again. Not when she had felt Gott threading her and Harley together years ago like a tightly knitted blanket. Except, one simple little tug on a free string had undone all of it.
“Emma.”
She turned to look up at John who was still standing behind her, playing nervously with his straw hat.
“I know that I can’t ever possibly replace Harley, and that you still have a year’s worth of mourning left…”
Emma’s stomach knotted into dread. She stared at John with wide eyes, mouth parting in shock. John could not possibly think that was Harley meant.
“Wait, John,” she said, holding up a hand to cut him off. “I understand that Harley asked for you to take care of me, but I do not think he meant it in the way of you assuming the role of a mann.”
John blinked. “You don’t?”
“Nee, I don’t.” Uncomfortable with the situation, Emma quickly took a step backwards in the direction of the Farmers’ Market. “I have to get back to my family’s stand. Danka for telling me.”
She turned sharply on her heel before John could respond. Not wishing to face her maemm’s questions, Emma avoided the stand by walking along the sidewalk and turning down the first side street. It was devoid of people, thankfully, and she sank back against a bulletin board that the local community of Monte Vista, Colorado used to post special events and flyers.
“I do not understand any of this,” Emma whispered, raising her eyes to look up at the cerulean sky. “Gott, help me understand why things are happening the way they are now.”
What sort of test did Gott want her to go through? Surely, He did not mean for her and John to be together.
She stayed there for a few minutes to pray and compose herself before stepping away, and found the collar of her dress hooked on something that felt like a pin in the board. Emma tugged her collar free and caught sight of a flyer fluttering down to the ground. She crouched down to pick it up, and was about to pin it back into place when the words on the flyer caught her attention:
Help Wanted
A part-time nanny willing to work from 3:15 to 8:00 o’clock Monday through Friday. Pay is negotiable.
Call Trey at 303-585-3849
“Excuse me.”
Emma whirled around with a startled gasp. A tall man with sweeping honey colored hair, and cutting eyes the shade of an evergreen tree, stood directly behind her. He held up both of his hands when he realized that he had snuck up on her.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t meant to sneak up on you. I noticed that you were looking at my flyer.”
“Oh, I-I—” She quickly held it out for him to take. “I pulled it down by accident. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. Are you interested? I saw you reading it.”
She wrung her hands nervously in front of her. She did need a job, or at least something in the evenings to keep the farm running smoothly.
“I am a little interested in the job. If that’s what you mean.”
“That is what I meant,” he replied, smiling at her. “My name is Trey, by the way. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Emma.”
He took in her kapp and clothes in interest. “You’re one of the local Amish here. I live on a farm neighboring a few Amish farms.”
An awkward silence hung between them. Emma kept an eye on the corner of the street, waiting for someone in her family to come looking for her. It would undoubtedly raise eyebrows if one of her siblings, or even her daed, found her alone on a side street with an English man.
“So, I’m new to the San Luis valley,” Trey continued on a bit awkwardly, “and my job at a construction site goes from 11:00am to 8:30pm. I’d pay you $50 dollars a day if you can help with my kids. The last three nannies I interviewed didn’t work out, and I start my new job on Monday. I’m in a bit of a pickle at the moment.”
It struck her as odd how trusting this man was of her after only a few minutes, but his offering price was more than enough to keep the farm going. Still, she felt the need to pray and think over his offer. Especially since they had just met a few minutes ago.
“I’ll think on it,” Emma said, eventually. “I have to go. It was a pleasure to have met you.”
Trey’s face fell slightly, but he gave nod of understanding. “I understand. It was a pleasure as well.”
Emma rounded the corner of the street with a pounding heart. The Farmers’ Market was still in full swing as sh
e moved gracefully through the crowds of people.
What a strange morning it had turned out to be. Emma glanced over her shoulder one last time to see if Trey had followed, but found the sidewalk behind her full of unfamiliar faces. She had no idea why, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow it wouldn’t be the last time she saw Trey.
Ch.3
Church the following Sunday morning was in the Zooks’ chilly barn. The smell of a crisp Autumn and cinnamon filled the air along with the hymnals led by their Bishop, Abram Zook.
Emma sat a few rows back flanked by her maemm and sisters, Ruth and Hannah, with the other women of their community. She watched her daed effortlessly guide them with compassion and faith through the hymnals, every once and a while his glittering blue eyes looking up at her with a small smile. Church was one of the rare times Emma felt connected to anyone, and to Gott, anymore. More than ever, she found herself confiding in her daed as the Bishop to find strength and navigate through her grief over Harley.
Except, there were days like today that getting up in the morning before dawn to prepare a meal of fruits and cheese that were hard. The coldness of the haus, and the creak of wooden floorboards because of the wind was unsettling. That’s when she very much missed Harley’s voice and company to fight away those lonely sounds.
It was hard to imagine that Harley’s death was a part of Gott’s plan for the both of them. While her heart rejoiced that Harley was now in Gott’s Kingdom, her heart grieved to have him back. She had no idea what His plan was for her now.
They sang one last hymnal before Abram excused them all to enjoy the rest of the day within Fellowship. He immediately approached Emma through the sea of kapps and black hats.
“May we speak?” he asked, lightly, but Emma wasn’t fooled by the pleasant tone.
Her maemm had undoubtedly passed on the news of John King seeking her out yesterday at the market.
Nonetheless, she still nodded to her daed. They walked out through the barn doors to the brisk morning, but the sunlight was starting to warm the land. The grass from the field was wet and cold as Abram led her out and away slightly from the crowd of their community. Not that anyone would be rude to purposely eavesdrop on their conversation, but she had a feeling it had to deal with more than John. Throughout church services, Emma could feel his eyes, burning with an unknown emotion straying to her every now and then.
“Your Ma tells me that John sought you out yesterday at the market,” Abram said.
“Ja, he did.”
They stopped near the fence line. Abram rested his large and calloused hands on the board as he gazed over the glistening field.
“He came to me yesterday as well, after speaking with you,” he said. “He told me about Harley’s last words to him.”
Emma reached up to play anxiously with the string of her kapp. “I know that John means well, and I appreciate that he built up enough strength to speak with me about that day, but—”
“Then you are considering what he is thinking?”
“I’m sorry, daed, but I am confused,” she replied, frowning up at him. “What did he speak with you about?”
Abram directed his gaze to her.
“He spoke of marriage after your mourning period is over,” he said.
Emma’s heart sank at the thought of marrying someone else - especially John. The thought did not sit well in her already queasy stomach. That was how John had interpreted Harley’s last words to him; to marry her as a way to take care of her.
“It has only been a few weeks since Harley has passed into Gott’s kingdom,” Abram continued on, reaching out to cup Emma’s cheek in the palm of his hand. “No one, including Gott, expects you to accept another mann until the time is right. If you feel Gott telling you the time is right after prayer, then trust in that.”
“I will try,” Emma said, forcing a smile on her face. Her heart was already heavy with confusion and grief, so she did not wish to discuss it even more. “Come, Da, let’s enjoy the meals together. It is a beautiful day Gott has given us.”
She spent the rest of the morning with her two sisters, but politely excused herself once the afternoon sun started to slip down the sky. A headache throbbed at Emma’s temples as she walked along the dirt road back to her farm. The quietness of the fields around her, however, was interrupted when a young child, no older than three, darted across the road in front of her suddenly. She stopped to stare up at Emma curiously with deep blue eyes, her blonde curly hair tied back in a ponytail with a ribbon.
“Wait, Paisley!” A tiny voice called out desperately. “Don’t keep running! We’re gonna be in so much trouble when dad finds us.”
The grass in the field parted to reveal another child, close to six years old or younger, with wild curly blonde hair framing an innocent and tanned face. She caught sight of Emma standing in the middle of the road, and wiggled her way through the fence.
“Sorry,” she said, grabbing ahold of the toddler’s hand. “Come on, Paisley. We have to find our way back home.”
Emma’s motherly instincts clicked on.
“Do you know where your home is?” she asked kindly.
“We live on a farm,” the older child answered, gazing around the fields with a look of confusion. “There are so many farms here. We don’t know which one.”
Before panic could set in with them, Emma offered them both a slice of freshly baked bread before taking Paisley’s hand in her own. A jolt of maternal longing went through her at the feel of tiny fingers gripping her own tightly.
“How about we walk together until your farm looks familiar?” she offered.
“Okay.”
The older child looked at her warily, but strode down the road with purpose. Her curly hair bounced energetically as she walked barefoot along the gravel without a hint of a grimace.
They walked past a few farms that Emma knew were neighbors of her community until they were on the outskirts. Images of Trey sprang to her mind from their conversation downtown. I live on a farm neighboring a few Amish farms. The realization washed over Emma, as she stared down at the two blonde haired children walking along with her obediently, that they were Trey’s children.
“Right there!” the older girl announced suddenly, pointing to a house on the border of the Byler farm. “That’s where dad’s farm is. Come on, Paisley. Let’s—”
She was cut short when the three of them caught sight of Trey striding up the road to intercept them. The two girls immediately looked down to the ground in shame at the fury in their father’s eyes. Emma, however, was having a different reaction.
Her heart gave a strange flutter when Trey approached them, dressed casually in a pair of tattered work jeans and a white tee-shirt. His curly blonde hair also bounced when he walked.
“Where did you two go?” Trey demanded, gazing down at them with a stern frown.
“We were hiding in the field,” the eldest replied, scuffing her bare feet on the gravel. “I didn’t mean to get lost, dad.”
“You both are in big trouble,” Trey said. “Go to the house, Chloe. Take your little sister with you. I’ll figure out your punishments.”
Paisley let go of Emma’s hand to follow Chloe down the road to their house. Side by side, the two sisters looked almost identical as they followed Trey’s orders.
“Thank you,” Trey said to Emma. He offered her a small sincere smile. “I was just beginning to panic when I turned my back to realize they were gone.”
“It was a gut thing that I found them, then,” Emma said, returning the smile a bit shyly. “They would’ve been surely lost if they went on further. All the farms look the same here.”
“They do,” Trey agreed, running a hand along the back of his neck with a tired sigh. “I just need to find a reliable nanny that can look after them. My wife had been good about keeping track of them, especially Chloe, but…”
There it was— the unmistakable longing and sadness of losing someone. It was clear that both those
innocent girls had lost their maemm while Trey had lost his fraa.
If you feel Gott telling you the time is right after prayer, then trust in that.
She had no clear explanation why, but Emma knew then and there that it was no coincidence that she had run into Trey and his two girls. They were clearly suffering from a loss, as she was, too. It connected them in very small intricate ways of Gott’s plan for them all. More than anything, she could imagine her and Harley’s kinner looking at her with unchecked love and respect. Just feeling Paisley’s little hand in her own had stirred those deeply desired motherly feelings.
It was clear then what Emma had to do, not only for them, but for herself as well.
“Are you still searching for a nanny?”
Ch.4
Monday morning came early, with a noticeable chill to the air. Emma rose an hour earlier than normal to spend time in prayer before dressing for the day. She spent the morning tending to the usual chores, but by the time the afternoon sun rose high above, her nerves were getting the best of her.
She had accepted Trey’s offer of being a nanny for his girls while he was at work. They were in desperate need of someone to look after them, and while Emma appreciated her maemm’s offer of working at the bakery, she needed a job that gave her a bit of time to cope through her grievous emotions that varied from day to day.
And she couldn’t deny the urge she felt to help the Stone family through their own difficult time.
A dull headache pounded in Emma’s temples as she readied herself for the afternoon with the Stone children. It was also hard to ignore the constant uneasy grumble her stomach gave as she packed a hot beef stew for them to eat for dinner.
“Perhaps a ride in the cool air will help this sour stomach,” Emma whispered out loud, loosening her apron slightly to ease the ache in her abdomen.