by Dale Mayer
She stole another sideways glance at the stranger beside her. She shouldn’t call him a stranger, since he was the father of her child, and didn’t that sound more intimate than it was? She shook her head ever-so-slightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. As she tried to toss off the thoughts confusing her, she glanced at him again. “Are you okay to stay at my place for a night or two, while you get your feet on the ground?”
He shrugged. “It was great that you picked me up. You certainly don’t have to give me a place to stay.”
“But I have to,” she said, “otherwise you might not come over.”
He winced at that.
She didn’t want to be mean, but, at the same time, she needed to know if there was any connection between her daughter and her daughter’s father. It sounded strange to put it that way, but she didn’t know how else to say it.
It was another ten minutes before she pulled up to the small, modest two-story house. The main attraction had been a huge backyard, perfect for children to play in. Sari loved having the space. It still broke Daniela’s heart that she couldn’t give Sari any siblings herself, but she was so grateful to have Sari in her life now that she refused to be upset.
As she parked the truck, she turned to look at him. “My sister’s name is Davida,” she said, “and she’ll probably leave right away.”
He looked at her oddly.
She shrugged. “You need to know that a lot of people here don’t have a very good attitude toward you.”
He stared at her in surprise.
She nodded and then gave a bit of explanation. “You’ve got to remember that Angel was here before you. She doesn’t have anything nice to say about you.”
“Interesting, on Angel’s part,” he bit off. “I met her one night, and, yes, we had a one-night stand, but two tangoed that night. She never told me about Sari until after the adoption was final.” He glared at her. “So, if anybody should be having nothing nice to say, it should be me about Angel.”
Daniela didn’t answer that but opened the truck door, hopped out and waited for him to join her. He did, his bag in hand, as she walked to the front door.
Sure enough, even before Daniela could open it, Davida had the front door open. She looked at Daniela, then her gaze swung to the six foot, two inch silent male at her sister’s side. She took a step back, defensive instincts coming up as she glared at the stranger. “Is this him?” she asked Daniela, her tone hostile.
Daniela sighed. “Yes. This is Weston. But you might want to know a little tidbit here. He didn’t know about Sari’s existence until after the adoption was final.”
Davida turned to look back at the stranger, shock in her gaze. Then, as if not wanting to let go of her anger and resentment, she said, “According to him, you mean?”
“Yes. According to me,” he said, standing on the front step. “It’d be interesting to have Angel here, so she could tell a different story with me standing in front of her.”
Davida frowned, then glanced back at Daniela. “I haven’t seen Angel since you adopted Sari.”
“No, thank goodness, neither have I,” Daniela said.
Stepping back a little farther, Davida ignored that. “Sari’s sleeping.”
“Perfect,” Daniela said. “I’m glad I’m here for when she wakes up.”
With that, Davida grabbed her jacket and purse. “I’ll talk to you later.” With a hard look at Weston, Davida disappeared out the front door.
Chapter 2
Daniela turned to look at Weston. “I’m sorry. Like I said, some feelings run deep.”
“So do mine,” he said in a milder tone. He dropped his bag on the floor, shifted from his coat, placing it on a hook next to the doorway. He looked down at his big boots and sighed. “I guess these need to come off too.”
“Yes, please.” She slipped off her shoes, parking them to the side. As soon as he had unlaced his boots, placing them next to hers, she asked, “Coffee?”
He stood and gave her a brief smile. “Thank you, that sounds great.” He looked around with interest.
She realized he was looking to see what kind of a home she was providing for his daughter. She shrugged self-consciously. “It’s not very high-end,” she said for lack of other words, “but the reason I rented this house was the big backyard for kids. It’s very much a family home.”
“Nothing wrong with family homes,” he said. “It’s obviously the preference, if you’ve got kids.”
She led the way to the kitchen, a huge old country-style room with big counters and wide open with glass doors leading out to the backyard. He walked to the glass doors and stared out.
“City lots. They’re not very big.” She hated the note of apology in her voice, as if she should have provided Sari with something so much more.
He turned to look at her and smiled. “It’s perfect,” he said. “I’m sure she is quite comfortable here.”
Daniela could feel some of her tension easing until another thought hit her. She didn’t know if he had a leg to stand on legally, but she suspected, from hearing his story, he might. And she could feel the fear cloying at the back of her throat at the thought of losing Sari. Daniela kept herself busy, bustling around to put on coffee. “Grab a chair if you want to sit.”
He shook his head. “I’ve been sitting for a while now, so standing is good for a bit.”
She could feel that intense gaze on her as she worked. She was hyperaware of everything he did. And the trouble was, he didn’t do anything except stare at her. Finally she hit the Start button on the coffeepot, then turned and faced him. “Do you need anything to eat?”
He shook his head.
She frowned. “When Sari wakes up, she’ll need a snack.”
“That makes sense,” he admitted.
She stopped, trying to regain her sense of balance. “Do you have any experience with children?”
His eyebrows shot up. “Are you asking if I left any other abandoned children around the world?”
She glared at him. “No. For all I know, you’re married and have kids of your own now.”
“Well, I consider Sari my own,” he said, calmly crossing his arms over his chest.
She took a deep calming breath. “Look. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot.”
“Again.” His eyebrows rose ever-so-slightly, but he stared at her steadily.
“I was hoping you and Sari would have a relationship of some kind. She misses Charlie very much.”
“What happened to Charlie?”
“Charlie—” she started and then stopped.
He waited, not giving an inch.
She took a deep breath. “Charlie got in his truck one day and drove off a cliff.” She could feel the stillness come over Weston.
“Suicide?”
She reached a hand to her chest, trying to still the pain in her heart. “I don’t know. It was ruled an accident.”
But Weston continued to stare at her steadily. “And what do you think it was?”
“He had a lot of mental health issues,” she said. “He was sick, with cancer. He was depressed, on heavy medications, and had mood swings. It’s possible either way. He may have done it deliberately. He may have just lost his concentration, or maybe it was just a really bad accident, and no ill intention was behind it.”
“And it’s easier not to know?”
“Absolutely,” she said, “because then I don’t have to think about him wanting to leave us. And I don’t have to address my feelings about all the years I spent living with someone who was emotionally so difficult.”
“So instead,” he said with surprising and very piercing insight, “you have to live with the guilt that you could have done more and for feeling relief that it’s over.”
She stared at him in shock and burst into tears.
He gave a strangled exclamation and abandoned his side of the island—which was doing a good job of keeping a distance between them—and strode to her. He wrapped her up in his arms, pulli
ng her against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That was uncalled for.”
She shook her head and tried to pull away but, at the same time, maintained her grip on his shirt, and so the shirt was coming with her. Finally she gave up the ghost and started to cry deep sobs that soaked his shirt almost immediately.
He held her close, wondering how long it had been since she had had a good cry and if she’d ever had anybody there for her to lean on. Davida sure didn’t seem like the warm and fuzzy type. And Daniela had to stay strong for Sari. Weston could already see how Daniela was a protective and nurturing mother figure for Sari.
So it couldn’t have been easy to lose her husband, particularly under those circumstances, meanwhile to be looking after Weston’s daughter. Not to mention suddenly hearing Sari had been given away without his permission. That was a lot for Daniela to take in all at once.
When she finally stopped crying, she pulled back, wiping her face on her sleeve like a child, the action making him smile. She looked up at him through watery eyes and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said, his voice equally quiet. “Sometimes we can bottle it in, but, at some point, it just has to blow.”
She sniffled, then turned and washed her hands under the tap. She reached for two cups and, with a slightly shaky hand, poured two cups of coffee.
When she handed him one, he could see she was slowly regaining some sense of control.
“I guess, but, God, this wasn’t what you bargained for.”
“Still, I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough year or so.”
“Yeah, it has been,” she said.
“Well, if you don’t mind my asking, why did you want Sari then?”
“Maybe because I was lonely,” she said. “Maybe because I was desperate for a child and knew I would never have one of my own. Charlie hadn’t fallen ill yet, but I already knew I couldn’t have children. Other than that, … I don’t really know, but I saw her and fell in love.”
At that, he smiled. “Thank you for that, because you could have given me all the logical answers in the world, but it’s the last one that really counts.”
She looked at him, and he could see her uncertainty. She’d obviously had a rougher time of it than he knew. She took a deep breath and gave him a real smile, as if somehow they had crossed that barrier that had been upsetting and ruffling feathers when she’d first picked him up. “Sari really is a sweetheart,” she said warmly.
“And how did she get along with Charlie?”
“She adored him,” Daniela said. “And then, all of a sudden, he wasn’t here anymore. And she changed. She became very quiet, introverted in a way she hadn’t been before.”
“She’s hardly old enough to show a lot of that, isn’t she?” he asked hesitantly because Daniela was right, he didn’t have much exposure to children of that age. To children of any age. He’d been an only child, and no other children were in his immediate world. Another reason why he was completely torn over Sari’s current circumstances.
“As a mother, I know,” she said. “And it wasn’t hard for the people who knew her to see the changes.”
“I’m sorry for her then. Grief and loss are hard things to be forced to learn about at that age.”
Just then they heard some wailing up above on the second floor. Daniela hopped to her feet and said, “That’s Sari.”
He got to his feet immediately, and he saw her hesitate.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to get her, calm her down from her nap. Sometimes she wakes up a little edgy. I think it would be best before I introduce the two of you.”
He nodded and slowly sat back down again.
As he waited, he looked around, wondering just what the hell he was even doing here. It was obvious she cared and really wanted his daughter, but his concern was, What did he want? He already felt like an asshole for not immediately jumping in and starting court proceedings to regain his daughter. Had Sari been adopted legally? That just added to his confusion.
He wanted to be in Sari’s life, but, if that were the case, why had he taken so long to get up here? And when he thought about Charlie and what Daniela had been through, this little girl had already lost somebody who cared about her. The worst thing Weston could do would be to step into her life, then step back out again almost as fast. She needed to know he was here for her all the time. This wasn’t a case of him being a daddy only when he felt like it. Sari would need him if he would commit. But, if he wouldn’t commit, then he needed to get his ass the hell out of this and get a long way away from here.
And it may already be too late for that.
When he heard a sudden noise behind him, he turned to see Daniela holding one of the cutest little cherubs he’d ever seen. She had huge blue eyes, just like his own mother’s. And even more damning was the head of bright red hair, but so soft, so thin and fine.
Sari looked at him, and her bottom lip trembled. Then she burst into tears.
Chapter 3
Daniela chuckled and held Sari close. “Don’t take it personally,” she said to the very startled Weston standing, staring in dismay at his daughter. “She doesn’t generally take to anybody right off.”
He nodded and sank back down again. “It’s a good thing I wasn’t expecting her to run toward me with open arms,” he joked.
She smiled, grabbed his coffee cup, and refilled both hers and his, while she held Sari, cuddling her close.
Finally Sari stopped sobbing, and Daniela sat her daughter on the counter, standing in front of her, Sari with her thumb in her mouth, staring around Daniela at the stranger.
Daniela reached up, gently pulling the thumb from her mouth. “You’re just fine now,” she said. “This is Weston. Remember? I told you about him.”
Sari looked at him with a little more interest and a whole lot less fear as Daniela grabbed Sari once more and moved around the kitchen, making a snack of banana slices for her daughter. She took the plate to the table. With Sari sitting on her lap, Daniela helped her daughter reach toward the plate and pick up pieces to eat. Sari didn’t say a word, but now she stared constantly at Weston.
“Now that she’s over the initial shock,” Daniela said in a quiet voice, “she’s contemplating the scenario.”
“She doesn’t like change, I gather?”
“No, she’s had quite a lot of change in her life.”
“But she doesn’t know I have any impact on her world.”
“I think she does,” Daniela said. “I understand you’re here about a dog?”
At that Sari piped up. “Doggy?” She twisted around, looking in the kitchen for the dog.
Weston chuckled. “I’m here to make sure the dog is doing okay. But I have to track the family down.”
“Why is that?”
Weston slowly and quietly, without raising his voice, tried to keep the little girl calm and happy as he explained about Shambhala’s life. “She’s also blind in one eye,” he said, “but, per her file, she’s apparently very fond of music.”
“That sounds lovely,” Daniela said. “But why would she not be with the adoptive family?”
“We just need to contact them to confirm the dog’s whereabouts and her well-being because nobody’s been able to speak with them. They’re homesteaders, so I’ll make the trek out to where we believe they are to make sure the dog’s doing okay, then come back here and head home again.” At that he stopped and frowned.
She nodded. “I know you have to leave,” she said. “I was just hoping maybe you would come back and have some kind of a relationship with your daughter.”
He looked at Sari, who looked so much like his mom and the pictures he remembered seeing of her when she was a young girl. “She definitely resembles my mother.”
“Is your mother still alive?”
He nodded. “Both of my parents are.”
“So Sari would have grandparents?” Daniela asked in spite of herself.
“Potentially, yes,” he s
aid.
“Potentially?” she challenged.
“Sari’s already lost several important people in her life,” he said. “Angel and then Charlie. I need to know I can be here in her life on a long-term basis.”
She looked at him in surprise. “You know what? I’m really glad you brought that up. I didn’t know quite how to tell you, but you need to either be in or you need to ship out.”
“I was thinking of that myself,” he said. “It’s just not all that easy to come to terms with fatherhood when she’s already a toddler, and I haven’t had that time since her birth or the traditional nine months of pregnancy to get used to the idea.”
“I get it,” she said. “Still, it needs to be a decision you’re prepared to make.”
“You obviously feel very strongly about it,” he said. “Yet you’ve gone to a lot of effort to bring me up here.”
“That was for Sari’s sake,” she said.
Just then, Sari looked back at him. “Doggy?”
He looked at her in surprise. “I’m here to look for a doggy, yes,” he said cautiously, still not exactly sure how he was supposed to talk to her.
“Doggy,” she demanded in a stronger voice.
He smiled, pulled out his phone and brought up the picture of Shambhala. Holding it up for Sari, he said, “Doggy. Shambhala.”
Immediately she tried to get her tongue around that twisted word, ending up with Shamba.
“Good enough,” he said. “I’m here to check on Shamba.”
Daniela held out her hand. “Do you mind if I see her?”
He shifted his cell over so she could take a look.
She took the phone from his hand and held it at a different angle for better viewing. “You know something? I think I’ve seen her.” She frowned. “Somewhere around the feedstore, I think.”
“Maybe the homesteaders were coming in to get something from the store,” he said. “They are supposed to be homesteading about ten miles from here.”
“What are their names?”