by Starla Kaye
His stomach knotted just like it did when he climbed atop a bull. Fear always threatened to make him climb right back off, but he never did. He wasn’t a man who gave up easily. And having her in his life was a hell of a lot more important than winning yet another buckle. It was time to take the next step in his life. He’d already discussed it with his folks, not about him getting married, but him settling down.
He sucked in a breath and looked straight at her. “I’m giving up the rodeo life. My last ride will be in December.”
Her eyes widened and then doubt slid over her face. “Every time you’ve been injured you’ve said you were quitting. Then you heal up and go right back to the circuit.”
“I wasn’t ready, not really ready, before.” He understood her reluctance to believe him and wasn’t sure he could convince her he wanted a change. He’d clearly “called wolf” too many times already. “I mean it, darlin’. I’m coming back to start taking over the ranch. Mom and Dad want to retire to Florida. They need to. Dad’s health won’t let him keep on ranching much longer.”
He thought about how different his dad had seemed yesterday. Arthritis had nearly crippled his hands and knees. Pain etched his thinning face. He was a proud man and the idea of no longer being able to work the ranch like he’d done all of his life was killing him. Ryan had to step in and be the man they needed him to be. And he needed to support his mom as she dealt with all of these changes. He wanted to be a responsible son, wanted to prove to them—and clearly to Krystal—that he was more than just a bull rider. Hell, he was getting too damn old for riding bulls anyway. He’d broken so many bones over the years that the doctors had told him he’d face having arthritis in his joints one day. He hoped that day was a long way off, but it would come.
Sadness replaced the irritation in her expression. She leaned closer and reached out for him, but then pulled her hand back. “I’ve known your dad’s been having health problems. I just never… Well, I don’t think any of us around here ever imagined him giving up the ranch. I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” He swallowed hard. Seeing his dad failing like that had been difficult. He closed his eyes for a second before looking at her again. “I need you, more than ever.” He hesitated. “I’ve always needed you in my life.”
She shook her head, wariness in her gaze. “I don’t think that’s true. I’ve always been there for you when you wandered back home for a few days. I’ve been your friend…and your lover…of convenience.”
She blinked back tears and he could almost feel the hurt he saw in her eyes. “I can’t go on like this anymore.” She grabbed her coat and scooted out of the booth. “I’ll be your friend, I could never stop being that. But I can’t be your whenever-you-need-me lover anymore. I just can’t.”
“Krystal, please…” He let the plea fade away. Wrong place, wrong time. But he was not giving up on her. He couldn’t.
He forced himself to stay put. It was hard not to grab her and pull her to him while she tugged on her coat. Then instead of walking off, she surprised him by leaning down and giving him a quick kiss. It shook him clear to his bones. God, how he’d needed that.
But his pleasure was short lived. Regret filled her eyes as she said in a trembling whisper, “Everyone has always warned me away from you. I never listened. Dad even told me the other day that he would take the brush to my bottom if I got involved with you again. He won’t have to, because I’m not.”
He looked steadily at her. “Maybe I should give you a spanking. For being so pig-headed stubborn and not believing in me.”
She straightened to glower down at him. “You’ve done that a few times over the years. But trust me, cowboy, it’s never happening again.”
He watched her storm across the restaurant, watched the sweet sway of her hips in the skinny jeans. Damn but she had a great ass. He’d definitely be taking her over his knee again. There was nothing more in life he liked than a challenge. Now he faced a lot of them, but he was confident he could meet them all. Leaving the rodeo would be hard, but his body was more than ready. Taking over the ranch would be a definite trial, but he could do it. He’d always known he would one day and had even started thinking about some of the things he would do differently. The challenge that mattered most, though, was proving to Krystal that he could do all of this…and that he loved her with all of his heart.
* * * *
Krystal wandered through the mall with all of the other last minute shoppers. She should be home helping her mom get ready for the family Christmas breakfast tomorrow and then the chaotic gift exchange that followed. But she’d been an emotional basketcase ever since seeing Ryan after Thanksgiving. She shouldn’t have agreed to meet him. She’d known how hard it would be to break up with him. Yes, that had been her intention…and she had…sort of. She hadn’t counted on him being devastated by it since he seemed to have an endless number of women who chased after him.
I didn’t cheat on you. Could she really believe him? Could she really trust him with her heart? Again. She’d promised to remain his friend, to support him however he needed her to, assuming he actually settled at the ranch. But could she be only his friend?
She knew his folks had already left for Florida. She usually spent Christmas Eve together with him and his parents. This year he would be alone for Christmas. The idea bothered her. He wasn’t good at being alone.
I don’t lie. She hugged her purse tighter to her side. She’d always trusted him before. But all of those pictures… Believe him, at least give him the benefit of the doubt. Her heart wasn’t quite ready to completely give up on him.
She stepped to the side of the crazily rushing shoppers and found she’d stopped next to Ramona’s Decadent Lingerie. She’d been in there dozens of times when she’d known he was coming home soon. He had a real fondness for sexy little panties and corsets. And she liked the way his eyes heated when he saw her, the way he spent serious time enjoying her, undressing her. Money always well spent. But his time for seeing her in such an outfit was in the past. Right?
A sexy little babydoll nightgown caught her attention. It was red, apron-style, with white fur trim and a matching thong. Perfect for Christmas. Ryan would freak out if he saw her in that, freak out in a deliciously hot way. Her body thrummed in anticipation.
Okay, she wanted him. And she wanted to believe him, trust in what she’d seen in his eyes when he’d started to plead with her not to give up on him. She’d thought over and over about that simple kiss. It had been simple and yet so complicated.
She stepped toward the doorway, heart racing. She had no business even thinking about the little Christmas lingerie item, absolutely shouldn’t be considering going in to see if they had her size. Then almost before she had another sane thought, she was handing over her credit card at the checkout register.
She walked out of the store, bag in hand, and knew where she wanted to spend Christmas Eve, good or bad. She would go to him, share one more special time with him…but she’d pray it wouldn’t be their last.
* * * *
He should have gone with his folks to Orlando instead of staying here in this big old house alone. The ranch hands could easily have handled everything until he got back in a week or so. But something had kept him from leaving. Krystal. He hadn’t seen her since that awful day at the pizza place. He’d been so busy wrapping up what he needed to with his final ride, with his sponsors, and then dealing with the legal details about the ranch. She’d been in his thoughts, though, every minute of the day.
It felt like he had a hole in his chest, his heart ached with missing her. They usually spent Christmas Eve together with his parents. For years his mom and dad had looked at her as their “daughter.” He knew his mom had always hoped he would get around to making her a permanent part of their family. She wanted her for a daughter-in-law. She’d been so disappointed when he’d reluctantly admitted that he’d screwed up and maybe lost her. But when he’d taken them to the airport in Kansas City, she’d taken him asi
de and firmly told him not to give up on her. She’d told him that Krystal loved him, had loved him for a long time.
He drew in a shaky breath, praying that his mom had been right. Now all he needed to do was scrape together the courage to go after Krystal and change her mind about him. Well, that, and he had to have a talk with her father. It was time they came to an understanding and time he earned the respect of the other man so important in her life.
Loneliness ate at him, but he couldn’t go to the Carter’s home now. This was family time and he wasn’t part of their family. He’d have to wait until after Christmas. But he couldn’t bear the idea of going to watch TV in the great room. His mom had left the decorated tree up and he didn’t want to look at it again, knowing he’d miss his folks…and miss Krystal.
He began turning off the lights downstairs, deciding to go up to his room. Maybe he’d read a little. Maybe he’d…
As he put a foot on the stairs near the front door, he heard the crunch of tires on the gravel in front of the house. He couldn’t imagine who it might be. He’d given all but one of the men today and tomorrow off and they’d gone to be with family. Curious, he went to the door and pulled it open.
His heart pounded and he stared in surprise at the sight of Krystal climbing out of her Mini Cooper. How many times had he teased her about the ridiculous little car? Now he was damn glad to see it.
He should have rushed out to meet her, should have scooped her into his arms and carried her into the house. Instead he called on every ounce of control he had left and waited for her to come to him. He was determined to win her back, but he was also worried about scaring her off again. It hurt that she’d believed he had bedded other women. Sure, he liked to flirt, but there had never been and never would be another woman for him. He’d looked at his website and felt sick. He’d never given those pictures much thought, until he saw them from her point of view. They were coming off that site ASAP!
She walked up the sidewalk, appearing uncertain. In the light from the porch he could see the worry in her eyes, saw the way she nibbled on her lower lip like she did whenever she was nervous. She stopped at the bottom of the porch steps. “Can I come in?”
Her sense of uncertainty got to him. All that mattered was she’d come to him. They had a lot to work through, but he’d worked damn hard to get to the top of the PBR, to be the best of the professional bull riders. He didn’t give up when he had a goal in mind. He wanted her for his wife.
“Always,” he said huskily. “You’re always welcome here.” He stepped aside so she could walk by him. As she did, he drew in her scent, something lightly minty this time. He liked it.
She stepped into the entry, looked around at the dark rooms, and frowned. “Are you sure you want me here?”
“More than anything.” He closed the door and faced her. “I was having trouble being here alone tonight. I’d decided to go on up to bed.”
She didn’t say anything for a second and he wished he knew what was going through her mind. Finally, she started unbuttoning the long coat she had on. But she held it firmly together and studied him another second.
“I brought you a Christmas present.” She clutched the coat together even more. “Well, sort of.”
He had one for her, too. Something he’d bought during the wild month between Thanksgiving and moving here. He hadn’t planned on giving it to her quite yet. But maybe…
“All I need is you.” He stepped toward her, noticed her trembling. “Is something wrong?”
Without a word, she let the coat slip from her shoulders, pool at her feet.
He blinked in shock, before he grinned in pure delight. “Hell of a present, darlin’.”
She blushed. “I thought of you when I saw it.”
“Thought of me taking it off you, right? Because that’s damn sure what I intend to do.”
Her eyes darkened and he saw the way her breasts swelled toward him. The way she breathed rapidly. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”
Her quiet words were like a punch to the gut. “Honey, you’re not the one at fault. I’m the idiot who didn’t treat you right.” She started to speak, but he shook his head. “No. I let time get away from me. Let all of that rodeo craziness keep me from thinking straight.”
“But I—”
He put a finger to her mouth, stopping her protest. “Let me be man enough to own up to my failings. I let you down by not calling, by not something…emailing, whatever.”
Her eyes watered and he prayed he’d made progress in winning her back. He decided to lighten the moment, hoping he wasn’t making another mistake. “I’ll let you make it up to me.”
To his relief, she smiled. Mischief danced in those beautiful green eyes. She could do anything she wanted with him. He was hers plain and simple.
Krystal’s heart raced, her stomach fluttered as if filled with nervous butterflies. This wasn’t the first time they’d made love, or the first time she’d been in charge. She’d walked into his house, looked into his love-filled eyes, and known she’d wrongly judged him. He might have a serious flirtatious streak, but when he gave his word about something, he held to it. He hadn’t exactly said in so many words that she belonged to him or that he belonged to her.
“We’re going to have to work on some things, cowboy. Like your failure to adequately communicate.” Would he take this wrong?
He nodded. “You need more than just my physical loving. You need me to say the words, make sure you understand that I mean them.” He trailed a finger along the edge of the fur leading to her cleavage.
She trembled, warmth heated low in her body. She felt her nether lips swelling. “Yes. You can’t just assume others know what you mean.”
His hand slipped lower, shifted inside the babydoll to cup one of her aching breasts. He gave her that crooked oh-so-sinful smile of his. “I get that now. Learned the hard way and nearly lost you.” He lightly pinched the nipple. “I’ll tell you every day that I love you for the rest of my life.”
She moaned, feeling moisture between her legs, and her clit twitched with longing. She glanced down at the thick erection tenting out his jeans. “Talk about hard.”
“Only for you, darlin’.” He put her hand on him and groaned as she gently squeezed. “Think we could take this little reunion upstairs? Before I can’t walk.”
She giggled. Then she looked up at him and quietly admitted, “Dad wasn’t too happy about me coming here tonight. Even threatened to get the brush.” She’d known he hadn’t meant the threat. His eyes had been worried. He’d been angry, yes, but because he didn’t want to see her get hurt again.
Ryan pulled her against him and she felt his thick bulge rubbing at the place so ready for him. He reached around to cup her buttocks. “If you need a spanking, I’ll turn you over my knee.”
He massaged her cheeks and held her tightly. “There’s nothing quite as nice as seeing your sweet ass turn a pretty pink.” He rubbed back and forth, torturing her with yearning. “Except maybe seeing those legs of yours spread nice and wide for me.”
“If I have a choice, I’ll take option two. Legs spread wide. Lying naked and ready for you to find your way home.” She reached around him to pinch one taut butt cheek. “You have a great ass, too, cowboy.”
In retaliation, he slapped her bottom. “Be nice or I won’t give you that ring.”
“What ring?” She pushed him back, looked at him with such hope in her gaze.
He heaved a sigh. “Damn. I meant to do this differently, another time.”
“What?” she asked breathlessly.
He seemed to weigh something in his mind. Then he blew out a deep breath and scooped her into his arms. He carried her upstairs to his bedroom and set her gently on the side of the bed. “Wait there.”
She couldn’t have moved if she wanted to. Breathing was all she could handle as she waited impatiently. He went to his dresser and dug around in the top drawer.
He faced her with two things and a hesitant look. One was a
two-sided paddle he’d come home with for her on a visit once. One side was leather, the other was fur. They’d played with the fur side several times and her body shivered in memory. Good memories. Very good memories.
He must have noticed her interest and the way she squirmed in longing. With a grin of understanding, he set it on the dresser. “Later, darlin’.”
Then he looked uncertain, shifted nervously. After a couple of awkward seconds, he walked toward her with a small box in his hand. His tan had faded a bit. She almost took pity on him, sensing what he was building up the courage to do and hoping she was right.
“I…I…” He cleared his throat, looked unsure how to proceed.
Fighting a smile, she motioned him down.
He took the hint and went to one knee in front of her. He still appeared pale and nervous. But he opened the box and she nearly lost it seeing the gorgeous diamond. She sniffed a couple of times, then tears trickled silently down her face.
“Are you crying?” he asked in disbelief. “Am I doing this all wrong?” He started to stand, grumbling, “Damn. I knew I’d screw this up.”
She shoved on his shoulder to keep him from getting to his feet. “You’re doing just fine. But hurry it up, please.”
He frowned. “Patience, woman. This isn’t easy.”
She wanted to drop to the floor in front of him, hug him to her. She wanted to kiss him all over, again and again. Instead she sat primly, waiting, holding out her left hand.
He pulled the ring from the box, grabbed her hand, and moved to slide the ring on her finger. She curled her ring finger under. “What?” he asked in confusion.
“Words. That ‘failure to communicate’ thing we talked about earlier. I want the words.” Her heart raced. Was she pushing him too far?
Sinking back to sit on his heel, he sighed. “Right. Words.” He met her gaze and slowly smiled. “Will you marry this hard-headed cowboy? Will you spend the rest of your life being patient with me as I mess up from time to time? Will you let me love you?”