I opened the tube. Inside was a deep red color, obviously well-worn judging by the state of the bullet. I wondered about the woman who had worn it. Did she look beautiful? Of course she did, Nate wouldn't have slept with her otherwise. Would he go back to her once he dropped me off in the morning? Maybe. Or maybe he would find some else. That was what I wanted, right?
I let the lipstick tube drop to the floor once again and lay back, willing myself to sleep. By some miracle, I managed to sleep for the few hours that were left before morning. I was awakened by the sunrise streaming into the bedroom. A few moments later, Nate knocked on the door.
"Come in!" I called out and he poked his head around the door. He was even better looking than I remembered. The way he had fucked me last night came to mind suddenly and I felt myself blushing at the thought. That wasn't going to happen again. Not even if I wanted it to happen. Not after last night.
"Hi Ruby. Sorry it's so early, but I have a meeting and I figure that you want to be home as soon as possible. I can make some breakfast if you want?" he said, in an oddly distant tone. I hated it. Though I had insisted that this was what I wanted, now that he was respecting my wishes I wasn't quite sure.
"Oh no, I don't need any breakfast, thanks. And it's not too early. Give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll be ready to go," I said, plastering a big smile on my face. I was disappointed when Nate didn't smile back. He only nodded and closed the door.
I listened to him making his way downstairs before I got up. I had discarded my clothes in the downstairs bathroom and the last thing I wanted to do was go down and get them. I wondered if one of Nate's other girls may also have forgotten some clothes that might fit me, but I was out of luck. I poked through Nate's walk in closets to find a number of finely tailored suits and a great deal of casual wear. I found a red flannel shirt and tried it on. On my tiny frame it looked like a cute dress. I hoped that Nate wouldn't mind me borrowing it.
He barely glanced at me when I got downstairs. He just handed me a black coffee and nodded.
"I borrowed your shirt," I said, "I hope that's OK?"
He gave me a weak smile.
"Sure, I have like ten shirts just like it," he said. I desperately wanted him to add 'and you look cute in it' but I was disappointed.
We drank our coffee in relative silence. I looked around the kitchen, desperately trying to think of something clever to say. I asked Nate where he got his food processor and if smoothies were really as good as they were made out to be. I asked him if he needed to hire a house keeper to keep such a huge space in such good condition. I asked him if he had a busy work day ahead of him. Nate answered every question in monosyllables, never looking up from his smart phone. I wanted to cry but I didn't allow myself. After all, this was what I had wanted.
The motorcycle ride home was a little better as the awkward silence was filled with engine sounds. I wouldn't have minded if it had gone on forever but Nate took every shortcut possible so that we got to my apartment building in what must have been record time. It seemed that he couldn't wait to get rid of me now.
I got off the bike and handed him my helmet. He took it graciously and looked up at me.
"Well, thanks for the shirt," I said. Nate shrugged.
"It was nothing, pal. I'll see you at the next wedding, I guess? Tell Aunt Bonnie that my mom says hi," he said. No sooner than the word 'goodbye' had escaped my lips, Nate had started the engine once again and sped away from me. I watched after him long after he had disappeared from my view. My heart felt like it was breaking. The worst part was that I had done this to myself.
I walked slowly up the stairs to my apartment. This time, Jeff wasn't there. Even Lucy didn't seem that happy to see me, though when I poured her a small bowl of milk she seemed to warm up a little bit. I spent the morning working on the illustrations that I had sorely neglected, trying my best to keep my mind off of Nate.
By the afternoon I felt like I was going stir crazy so I left the house to get a little bit of fresh air. The last thing I needed to develop was cabin fever. After all, I was crazy enough. I found myself wandering to the nearest mall. Though I usually spent my time there browsing through the art shop and lusting after paint and craft materials that I couldn't afford, I felt drawn to the expensive make up store. I usually hated those kind of place. They always stank of perfume and powder, the sales assistants would try to harass my pale ass until I gave in and bought some fifty dollar bronzer and my fellow customers were always viscous harpies who would stamp over their own kids to get twenty percent off. It wasn't exactly my scene.
However, today it seemed relatively quiet and only one sales girl asked me if I'd ever thought about warming up my complexion.
"No thanks," I said, "I'm here to look at lipstick."
I didn't know what lipstick I was looking for but I quickly found the familiar black and gold packaging. I was watching every tube that looked vaguely like the one from Nate's house when my thoughts were interrupted by a voice I had heard before.
"Ruby!" exclaimed Trisha, pulling me into a hug. She smelled like a portable make up store and there was no chance that the sales assistant would be asking her to warm up her complexion, given the interesting orange shade that she was sporting on her skin right now. Even so, I was happy to see her.
"Trisha! You look great," I lied, "But where's your husband?"
It was a smooth way of disguising the fact that I had long forgotten his name.
"Peter? Oh, he hates these places. I'm just doing a little retail therapy," she pulled out a wad of gift cards and waved them in my face, "Wedding presents! I think you’re supposed to use them to buy blenders and microwaves and things like that, but I think the key to a happy marriage is a good foundation!"
She laughed so loudly that people were staring but I went along with it. It was just nice to have some human interaction for once.
"No honeymoon then?" I asked.
"No way! We spent way too much on the wedding," she said, "Anyway, who needs that crap. We can go out to dinner and dancing here and we know that everyone speaks English and that we'll like the food!"
She said all that as if it made perfect sense and I nodded in agreement, though I couldn't have seen things more differently if I'd tried. I'd always though that a wedding was something you did for your family and friends and maybe for your church, to make them feel included and important. The honeymoon was the actual fun part, getting to see a different culture and spend night after night with the person you loved most in the world. Maybe I was being silly and idealistic. The furthest abroad I'd been was Cancun during spring break and it didn't look like I'd ever find someone who wanted to spend all that time with me. Who was I to criticize Trisha when she had the one thing that I couldn't seem to find? True love.
"That's great," I said, smiling, "And it was so worth it. Your wedding was a beautiful experience for everyone involved."
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. My mother had always said that. I had just decided that she was on to something. My words made Trisha beam with pride.
"That's so sweet Rubes!" she gave a little giggle, "Looks like you'll have a lot to compete with the day that you get married." I didn't let the smile leave my face but this was torture now.
"Yeah, that'll be the day."
Trisha gave me a knowing look. I had no idea what she was getting at.
"Come on Rubes, don't play coy with me. I know about you and your little romance."
My heart started pounding. She knew? Oh god, she must have seen us dancing at the wedding. Maybe she even saw us going to Nate's room together. Trisha was the biggest blabbermouth in my extended family. If she knew, everyone knew.
"Oh god, Trisha please don't tell my mom!" I said, people were staring again so I lowered my voice, "It was a mistake, I didn't know. I feel like such an idiot. I know it's wrong but it won't happen again. I just need you to keep it to yourself."
Trisha smirked.
"OK
, I will. But now you know that you can't keep secrets from me," she said. I watched her pick up the shade of lipstick that I had been looking for and swatch it on her hand. She wrinkled her nose at the color, "Ew, it's so vampy. I'm not trying to look like a madam from a brothel."
I swiped the tube from her.
"Yeah, it's not your color. Thank you Trisha, I owe you big time," I said, taking the lipstick towards the checkout. We both said goodbye. I could only hope that she would be true to her word, for once in her life.
“Tell Jeff I said hi,” she winked as she said goodbye. I didn't argue, though I wanted to. She didn't know after all. I was safe.
Nate
I got a text from my cousin Trisha a few minutes after I had dropped Ruby off to her apartment.
"Did Ruby tell you anything when you sat next to her at the wedding?" she asked. She'd told me a lot of things, of course she had, but Trisha didn't need to know about our relationship. No one did. Especially now that it was basically over. I replied with one word, 'No'. My cousin only ever texted me when she wanted gossip about someone and I knew how competitive she was with Ruby. I wasn't going to help her in any way. I got another text a few minutes later.
"She's back with her ex. She told me. Poor Ruby loves being heartbroken. Don't tell anyone!" I turned off my phone and went to work. I didn't need this shit.
Chapter Four
Ruby
Trisha was full of shit. Jeff was full of shit. The two of them were total shitlords but that didn't stop everyone believing them when they told everyone who would listen that Jeff and I were back together. It became apparent as soon as I returned home that Trisha hadn't known about Nate. My voice mail was overloaded with messages from my mom telling me that this was a bad idea, Trisha telling me that she had no idea how this information had gotten out since her lips were sealed like always and Jeff saying that he was sorry, and could we talk, and could I just give him a chance (the term 'heartless bitch' was also tossed in for good measure). It was annoying, but after calming my mom down and deleting the other messages I felt a sense of relief wash over me. No one knew about me and Nate. They would never have to know, because it was over now. I put the lipstick on and went back to work for the rest of the evening. This was fine. I was fine.
Nate
As much as it hurt me to do it, for the next month or so I kept away from Ruby. I deleted her number, dumped the clothes she had left at my house and did my best to remove her from my mind. It shouldn't have been difficult for me. After all, my schedule was so hectic. Hopping from city to city in an attempt to inspire people keeps a man pretty busy. I should have been enjoying myself, drinking and going to bed with beautiful women from around the world. That's what I would have done in the past. But now it was different. Now my appetite for life, for women, seemed to have died. I found myself missing the feel of Ruby's skin underneath my fingers. I missed the way her back arched when she climaxed. I missed the taste of her. It didn't matter. It was over.
Ruby
My twenty fifth birthday arrived all too soon, without a single attempt at contact from Nate. I had thought that I might get some teasing text messages, or maybe that he would have shown up at my apartment with a bottle of wine and that cute smirk. He must know that he could win me over easily. Yes, I had freaked out the last two times we had had sex but that was me. I was neurotic and silly. He had to be able to see how much I enjoyed being with him? Even if it wasn't socially acceptable. There had to be some way that we could continue our liaisons in secret.
Obviously, Nate didn't want to. He had moved on to the next girl in the next city with the next shade of lipstick. Men like variety, as Trisha had always said. They don't like to be tied down to the same woman. Jeff had gotten with Amy because I hadn't made enough of an effort to keep things interesting for him. I should have made him nicer dinners and dressed up in sexy lingerie more often. Then he might have stayed.
My mom didn't live in the city and I didn't have the money to travel home to see her. I didn't exactly have many friends in the city, so I allowed Trisha to organize a birthday dinner for both of us. She had insisted that it would be fun and not at all pathetic. She'd invite everyone she knew and I would have a magical evening.
Though I wasn't in the mood, I managed to force myself out of bed and into a vaguely presentable dress. I dragged a comb through my hair and put on a wash of that red lipstick, thinking that I might as well get some use out of it.
Trisha picked me up at seven in the evening, dressed in an interesting pink rhinestone number that looked like something a kid would wear in one of those creepy child beauty pageants. She hugged me tight and tossed me a bag full of presents before she began to drive to the restaurant.
"Trisha, you shouldn't have," I said. I unwrapped every package. There was another pink lipstick, a bottle of perfume that smelled like bubblegum, a pair of pink heart earrings, a box of chocolates and even a little feather toy for Lucy.
"Don't worry about it honey. I know you've had a tough year. It's my birthday too, but tonight's your night," she winked and shot me a pearly white smile. She seemed unenthusiastic about my present, a collage of childhood pictures of us and a pink nail polish, but she thanked me all the same. She didn't even make a dig at my financial problems, which I greatly appreciated.
We pulled up in front of a fancy Chinese restaurant. It was the kind of place that served the exact same food that you'd find in a take-out place only less greasy and four times as expensive. Trisha had chosen well.
We got out of the car and were greeted by a whole bunch of Trisha's friends, a few who I had met at the wedding. Her husband didn't seem to be anywhere in sight but I bit my tongue and didn't say anything. Maybe he would be coming later.
We went inside and Trisha asked for the biggest table in the house. It was all very grand inside, with dangling chandeliers and waitresses in red silk dresses. I was about to sit between two of her friends when Trisha stopped me.
"No Ruby!" she scolded, "You need an empty seat beside you! Not everyone is here yet."
A few stragglers arrived within the next ten minutes. They were kind enough to bring me presents and were very over the top in wishing me a happy birthday. I wonder if Trisha had threatened them to act that way. I couldn't say that I minded. Maybe this wouldn't be a bad night after all.
One of them tried to sit next to me and Trisha yelled at her, insisting that that seat was taken. Strange. Very strange. I couldn't understand why Trisha wasn't allowing her friends to sit beside me. She had said it herself. Tonight was my night.
I soon understood everything. Jeff walked in, dressed as scruffily as he had in college in a too big shirt and shabby looking jeans. He was holding two bunches of gas station flowers in his hands, one of them very pink and the other more red.
Trisha greeted him as if he was her long lost brother and took her bunch of flowers as if they were hot house lilies.
"How thoughtful!" she exclaimed, "Oh Jeff, you really are the perfect guy!"
I knew what was coming next. He sat next to me and handed me the red bunch of flowers. I thanked him curtly and put them under the table with my other gifts. He looked heartbroken at my coldness but I didn't care.
"Are you ready to order?" asked one of the pretty waitresses. I saw Jeff's eyes wander to her tight silk ensemble for a moment, but he soon thought better of it and his eyes returned to me. I opened my mouth to say yes but Trisha interrupted me.
“Sorry, we're still waiting on one more person. Wait, here he is!” Trisha waved enthusiastically. I looked behind me and my heart immediately sank.
It was Nate.
He looked incredible of course, dressed in his leather jacket and an expensive looking pair of black jeans. His hair was slightly tousled in a way that made me want to reach out and touch it. I could see the other girls, and some of the guys at the table were checking him out just like I was. In his hand were two small boxes, each gift wrapped in the same red metallic wrapping paper.
; Trisha actually got out of her seat to go hug him and thanked him profusely for showing up. She introduced him to every single person at the table and smiled when she got to me.
"Nate, you remember Ruby, right? You sat next to her at the wedding," she said. Nate nodded and gave me a small smile.
"Of course I do. Hi Ruby," he said.
Then Jeff leaned forward to shake Nate's hand and introduce himself. I could see Nate frowning a little as Jeff told him his name. I wondered if he remembered everything I had told him about my ex. If he did, he chose not to make a scene and sat down between Trisha and her friend Laura, directly across from me.
We all ordered our food and when the waitress left, got chatting. Jeff started talking to me about his new gym membership and some short story he'd had published in some magazine or other, but my eyes stayed on Nate. It became obvious very quickly that Trisha was trying to get Nate and Laura together. I had nothing against Laura, she seemed like a nice girl, but the idea of her with Nate infuriated me. I sat there, powerlessly watching as Trisha tried to find what the two had in common. Judging by the color of Laura's cheeks, she found Nate very attractive. He was talking to her and being as charming as always, but I couldn't tell if he was just being polite or if he actually liked her. His expression was impossible to read.
Dane: Hollywood's Finest Page 25