One Year Home

by Marie Force

  John sits up a little straighter, possibly about to fire back at me. Or just fire me. At this point, I’m not sure which I’d prefer.

  “She’s right, you know,” Muncie says. “You can do this now or be blindsided by the questions they ask you in front of the camera.”

  “Or I could just say, ‘Fuck this whole thing’ and refuse to do any of it.”

  “Is that what you want?” My heart drops at the thought of him refusing to do the tour I’ve spent hours setting up for him. If I have to go back and undo all that, my name will be mud with producers who’re probably already promoting his upcoming appearances.

  “Hell yes, that’s what I want! I want to fucking retire and be left alone.”

  “To do what?”

  “I don’t know. Nothing?”

  “And you think that’ll be good for you in light of everything that’s happened? To sit in a room by yourself with nothing to do but think about all the ways your life has gone sideways?”

  “It would be better than this.”

  I’m oddly wounded by that. “Would it be? Really?”

  He glares at me as if to say anything would be better than dealing with me, even being completely alone with his traumatic thoughts.

  Okay, then. I put my notebook in my bag.

  “So that’s it? You’re just quitting?”

  It’s my turn to glare at him. “Do you know that I have never, in my entire life until now, wanted to strike another living being? And that’s saying something since I grew up with three older siblings who loved to torment me.”

  He sticks his jaw out. “Give it your best shot.”

  “I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction of being able to tell people that I punched an injured American hero veteran.”

  That earns me a genuine laugh, and it completely transforms him. I find myself staring at him, the way I would if he suddenly started speaking fluent Russian.

  Then he shocks me further. “What do you say we get the hell out of here for a while?”

  I’m stunned speechless. He wants to go somewhere? With me?

  “Wow, I’ve finally found the secret to shutting her up, Muncie.”

  “Maybe she’s just surprised to find that you’re capable of smiling and being nice?”

  Have I mentioned that I love David Muncie? Thank God for him.

  John waves a hand in front of my face. “Earth to Julianne. Are you in there? Did you hear me?”

  “I heard you. What I don’t understand is why.”

  “Why am I offering to get out of here with you?”

  I nod.

  “Because I heard you want to see the sights in San Diego, and Muncie, being somewhat new to the area himself, gave you the tourist traps. I thought you might want to see the real San Diego.”

  “And you want to be the one to show them to me?”

  “Well, yeah, I guess.”

  “Why? You don’t even like me.”

  “When did I say I didn’t like you?”

  “Um, the first day when you could barely say hello and looked at me like I was bringing the plague to your doorstep rather than the help you requested?”

  Muncie snorts and then coughs, earning another glare from his boss.

  “I didn’t do that.”

  I tip my head and raise a brow, letting him know I’m not buying his bullshit.

  “Okay, maybe I did that a little, but it’s not you. It’s all of it. I never asked for any of this.”

  “So your strategy is to shoot the messenger, or in this case, the person who’s trying to help you deal with a situation you didn’t ask for, but find yourself in nonetheless?”

  “Something like that.” He holds my gaze for a long moment, during which I can barely breathe as I wait to hear what he will say. “I apologize for treating you that way. You’re one hundred percent right that it’s not your fault, and I did ask for your help. I’ve been a bitchy pain in the ass, and I’m sorry. Can we clear the slate and start over?”

  Wow, I didn’t see that coming. I find myself speechless for the second time in as many minutes.

  Then he smiles—a real, sincere smile, and I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole into Wonderland. What that smile does to his already ridiculously handsome face cannot be described in mere words. “Please?”

  I snap out of the smile-induced stupor to realize he’s waiting for me to respond. After clearing my throat, I nod. “Okay.” And then I remember Amy. “My sister’s here. I’d like to bring her, if that’s all right.”

  “Sure. We’ll all go. Right, Muncie?”

  “Yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir.”

  “Can the bullshit, Muncie.”

  “I will if you will. Sir.”

  John grabs his crutches and hauls himself to his feet, taking a second to get his balance. “Wait until he sees his next performance eval. The word insubordination will be heavily emphasized.”

  Despite his words, he seems amused and more relaxed than I’ve seen him yet, as if clearing the air with me relieved him of a burden.

  “I’m going to change, and then we can go pick up your sister. Muncie will drive us.”

  “Um, okay, I’ll let her know.”

  He heads for the bedroom, and I wait until the door closes behind him to turn to look at Muncie. “What just happened here?” I ask in a whisper.

  “I have no idea, but I’m not asking any questions, and you shouldn’t either.”

  “Maybe he’s sick of being pissed.”

  “That’d be a full-fledged miracle. I give you all the credit.”

  “Why? I didn’t do anything.”

  “You don’t put up with his crap. That’s huge.”

  “That’s sort of mortifying, actually. I’m always respectful to my clients. But he just makes me…”

  “Ragey? Infuriated? Crazy?”

  I huff out a laugh. “All of the above.”

  “I feel your pain, believe me.” Muncie glances at the closed bedroom door. “But I feel his pain, too. With everything that’s happened, I give him credit for getting out of bed in the morning.”

  Muncie clearly respects the man he works for, even if he doesn’t always like him.

  I dash off a quick text to Amy. Get up and get pretty. We’ve got a sightseeing date with the captain and his handler, Muncie. Don’t ask. Just get ready!

  She responds right away. Um, okay, but I have questions!

  As do I.

  Curiouser and curiouser.

  GET. READY.

  She responds with the laughing emoji. Thank God she’s here to go on this outing with me. I’d be a nervous wreck with only Muncie there to provide a buffer between me and him. Amy will play the role of my security blanket just by being there. It’s always been like that for me where she’s concerned. If Amy is there, I feel better. It’s that simple.

  The bedroom door opens, and John emerges wearing well-worn jeans, a white polo shirt with a Navy insignia on the chest and a pair of black Nikes that look new. “Ready?” He’s combed his hair and is still wearing the same relaxed expression that astounded me before. Who is this man, and what has he done with Captain Cranky?

  I could deal with the cranky. This version of him, however, is dangerous. I’m not sure why I think that. I just do.

  “Am I allowed to change, too, or do you plan to drag me around San Diego in uniform?” Muncie asks.

  I’ve never seen him in anything but the khaki uniform.

  “We can run by your place.”

  “Gee, thanks. Do you want to bring the chair?” Muncie gestures to a folded wheelchair that I’ve never noticed before tucked into the corner by the door.

  “No,” John says quickly. “Let’s go.”

  We head for the door, and Muncie is the last one out. He locks up while John and I head for the elevator. I walk slowly to match his pace.

  “Muncie told me you’re anti-zoo?” he says while we wait for the elevator.

  “I can’t bear to see animals in captivity, even if t
hey’re well cared for. It just hurts my heart.”

  “I feel the same way. What are your thoughts on seals in their natural environment?”

  “Seals are so cute. I wish I could have a pet seal.”

  “Then we have to hit La Jolla Cove first.”

  “What goes on there?”

  “Seals and sea lions and other fun stuff.”

  The elevator arrives, and the three of us step in to take it down to the lobby level. His apartment is in a building that advertises furnished residences. I wonder if he lived there before he deployed or if the place is new to him, but I don’t ask. I’ve learned to choose my questions wisely with him.

  Muncie’s black Toyota Highlander SUV has a handicapped parking placard hanging from the mirror.

  “Take the front,” John says.

  “That’s okay. I’ll sit in the back with my sister.”

  He gets into the passenger seat, and Muncie stows his crutches in the back, their routine seeming well practiced and efficient.

  On the short ride to the hotel, John points out a few bars and restaurants he says he used to frequent the last time he lived here. I assume that means Ava did, too.

  He gestures to a sand-colored apartment building. “That’s where we lived.”

  He doesn’t say anything else after that, and I wonder if it hurts him to see the place where he lived with Ava. I hate to think of him suffering any more than he already has.

  When we arrive at my hotel, John turns to me. “Wear sneakers if you have them. The rocks can be slippery.”

  “Will do. I’ll be quick.”

  “Take your time,” he says. “We’re in no rush.”

  I grab my giant purse that doubles as a work tote and jump out of the car. Inside, I take the elevator up to my floor and walk into my room to find Amy dressed in a cute dress with her dark hair in a ponytail and a sweater tied around her waist.

  “They said to wear sneakers if we have them.”

  Her nose wrinkles with distaste. “I’m not wearing sneakers when it’s seventy-eight degrees.”

  “We’re going to see seals and sea lions.”

  “I’ll take my chances with sandals.”

  While I try to figure out what to wear on this unexpected outing, she plops down on one of the two queen-size beds. “So what’s the deal?”

  “I don’t know. We were arguing about something, and he suddenly says, ‘Do you want to get out of here for a while?’ At first, I was so surprised, I didn’t know what to say. I could tell Muncie was, too.” I change into a pair of shorts and a lightweight floral top, hoping it won’t seem like I tried too hard to look good, and put my hair up in a ponytail before slathering myself in sunscreen and handing the bottle to Amy. “I’m sure it’s more about me asking him questions he doesn’t want to answer than some altruistic desire to make sure I properly see San Diego while I’m here.”

  I stop moving and stand in front of Amy. “How do I look?”

  “Fine. Why?”

  “Just making sure I don’t look, you know, like I got dressed up or something.”

  “You’re wearing shorts and a top.”

  “I know what I’m wearing, Amy!”

  “Why’re you freaking out?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Ah, yeah, you are.”

  “I’m not!” I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and take down the ponytail, comb my hair and redo it. And when I notice my hands are shaking, I have to admit that Amy’s right. I am freaking out. Why am I freaking out?

  I leave the bathroom and find Amy where I left her, still eyeing me suspiciously.

  “I’m freaking out because nice John is… He’s… He’s not a jerk.”

  “Okay… And?”

  “And nothing. He’s just different, and I don’t…” Exasperated with myself and her and especially him, I throw up my hands. “I don’t know why I’m freaking out.”

  “Oh. My. God.”

  “What?” I’m tossing my phone, room key, gum, sunglasses and sunscreen into a smaller bag.

  “Julianne.”

  My siblings never call me that. Ever. I’m always Jules or JuJu or some other derivative of Jules, but never Julianne.

  I turn to her.

  “What’re you doing?”

  “Uh, I’m getting ready to go?”

  “That’s not what I’m asking, and you know it. What are you doing?”

  “My job?”

  She scowls, letting me know the nonanswer isn’t going to fly. “You cannot have feelings for this man, Jules. You just can’t.”

  The words hit me like a punch to the gut, stealing the breath from my lungs. It takes me a few seconds to recover. “I don’t! Most of the time, I can’t stand him.”

  “And the rest of the time?”

  “I feel sorry for him.” That’s the God’s honest truth. “He’s been through hell.”

  Amy stands and comes over to me, putting her hands on my shoulders and forcing me to look at her. “You cannot go there with him. You cannot. Do you hear me?”

  “I’m not going there with him. He’s my client.”

  “He’s Ava’s ex.”

  I break loose from her hold. “I know who he is, Amy. I don’t need you to tell me.”

  “You sure of that?”

  “Are you trying to piss me off?”

  “Not at all. I’m trying to keep you from doing something really, really stupid.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “Allowing yourself to have feelings for a man who is completely and totally off-limits.”

  “I’d have to be dead not to sympathize with what he’s been through.”

  “Sympathy is fine, and no one is more sympathetic than you are. But that’s all it can be. Tell me you know that.”

  “Of course I do. Now, let’s go before they think we aren’t coming.” Unsettled by the conversation, I grab my bag and head for the door, hoping she’s following me. The unsettled feeling comes with me.

  I don’t have feelings for him.

  He’s just a client, and that’s all he’ll ever be.

  Chapter Six

  JOHN

  Muncie and I listen to sports talk radio while we wait for Julianne and her sister. After months of spending most of every day with him, I can tell he’s got something on his mind.

  “Whatever it is, just say it.”

  “Whatever what is?”

  “That you’re dying to say.”

  “I don’t have a statement so much as a question.”

  Exasperated, I wave my hand to encourage Muncie to ask away.

  “What’s up with the field trip?”

  “I just felt like getting out of that apartment for something other than doctors’ appointments.”

  “That’s all it is?”

  “What else would it be?”

  He hesitates, which isn’t like him. He’s gotten very good at speaking his mind with me, which I usually appreciate—not that I can tell the insubordinate pain in the ass that.

  “You’re different with her.”

  “Huh? Different with who?”

  “Julianne. She gets to you.”

  “She annoys me with her endless questions.”

  “You know as well as I do that she’s just doing her job and trying to get you ready for a media tour that you’re in no way prepared for. But that’s not what I’m talking about.”

  “How about you tell me what you’re talking about, then?”

  “I’m not sure, exactly. There’s just something different about you since she’s been here.”

  “What’s different is that I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do.”

  “Nope, that’s not it. I need to think about it some more. I’ll get back to you.”

  “You do that.”

  “Here they come.”

  Julianne’s sister is a bit taller than her and has dark hair, but the two women have similar gaits and builds. She’s curvy like Julianne, but with one quic
k glance, I can see that Amy is more reserved than her more outgoing younger sister.

  They get into the backseat.

  “David Muncie, John West, this is my sister, Amelia Tilden. Everyone calls her Amy.”

  “Nice to meet you both,” Amy says.

  “Likewise,” I reply. “Glad you could join us today.”

  “Me, too. I’m excited to see San Diego. And thank you very much for your service.”

  “You’re welcome.” I hear that a lot, and it never gets old that people appreciate what we did, even if it’s weird that people know the role I played in it. That never would’ve been my choice.

  After a quick stop at Muncie’s apartment building so he can change out of his uniform, we head for the coast.

  “What are you ladies looking forward to seeing?”

  “The beach,” Amy says.

  “And the seals,” Julianne adds.

  “Yes, the seals, too,” Amy says.

  “And I want some good Tex-Mex,” Julianne says.

  I snort with laughter. “Tex-Mex is Texas. Here, it’s just Mexican.”

  “I stand corrected. Where can we get it?”

  “Roberto’s. It’s the best there is. We’ll go there after we see the seals.”

  I drink in the familiar scenery of the only place that’s ever felt like home to me. The view is different to me post-deployment and post-Ava. Now I don’t know where I belong or if anywhere will ever feel like home to me again.

  The counselor I saw when I was still in the hospital repeatedly emphasized the need to take things one step at a time—literally. My first priority has been mobility, and I’m slowly but surely getting there. With the media tour hurdle to get past, I haven’t given much thought to what will come after that. Will I stay in San Diego, or will it be too painful to be here long-term without Ava? I haven’t figured that out yet. While the remote cabin in the mountains appeals to me, being alone all the time doesn’t.

  I’m hoping the answers will come to me before I have to make decisions about the next part of my life. My Navy pension will kick in right away, so I’m not going to have to work unless I want to. While that might sound ideal, I’m concerned about having too much time on my hands to brood, so I may look for a job. Eventually.

  I joined the Navy after getting into trouble as a kid. I loved the Navy from the beginning. I loved the structure I’d never had, the camaraderie, the friends, the opportunity to travel and, later, the chance to move into the officer corps. My career has exceeded all my expectations, and I loved every minute of it until the day Al Khad took down the Star of the High Seas, killing four thousand people and ruining the lives of so many others, including mine and Ava’s.