I saw all of this in a matter of seconds, but my perusal was halted when he took a few large strides toward me and his arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me off the ground, crushing me in a hug meant for lovers, not strangers.
Best friends turned strangers. That was what we were, now. My Charlie was a stranger because my heart wouldn't be able to handle anything else. His strong hold on me tried to convince me otherwise.
Chapter 3
Charlie
"Tess. I can't believe it," I murmured against her neck and inhaled deeply. I shuddered at the slam of her familiar scent. She had always smelled like sweet mint and rain. Good to know some things hadn't changed. Her dark brown hair was a lot longer now and she was slimmer than I remembered, but her eyes were the same. Chocolate and caramel and just as compelling.
Five years. It had been five years since I had last seen or talked to her and the hole I had felt in my chest since, kept reminding me of what she had left behind and what she had taken away. Now, with my arms wrapped around her, that hole didn't exist. It was filled completely and for the first time in five years, I felt like I could breathe.
"You're here. You're really here," I said, setting her on her feet and pulling back just enough to see her face again. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips parted when I took another close look at her. She was always much shorter than me with the top of her head just reaching my shoulders. I never really liked tall girls, probably because they were so different from Tess. She was no more than 5'4"and now that she had apparently lost weight, I felt like I could pick her up and tuck her in my pocket. She still had curves to die for, though, and I had died many times over the years watching every one of those curves gracefully move.
Her expression was pained as she stepped back and pulled out of the hold I had around her waist. "What are you doing here?" she asked shakily.
Her words sounded cold, but her face said something completely different and I knew what she was about to do. She had done it so many times when we were younger. She thought she was good at acting cold or indifferent, but she had really sucked at it. Still did. I always acted like I didn't know any better just to humor her. I liked seeing the relief on her face when she thought she had successfully tricked me into thinking what she wanted. Not this time, though. I couldn't let her push me away. I wouldn't let her.
I was too in love with her to let her go again.
"Tess, it's been five years. What do you think I'm doing here? Trevor said you were home so I came right over." I glanced over at her brother as she turned and glared at him, and he just had to look sheepish and innocent enough to make me forget how mad I had been at him. He and Sarah hadn't told me anything over the years. Well, Sarah hadn't said anything. I got Trevor to talk a few times, but only because I could do some physical harm to him. I had texted Trevor to ditch the bitch and come over for a drink and when he replied that he was reuniting with his long lost sister, it took me a good 10 minutes to understand what he meant. I told him I was on my way and he made a lame attempt to stop me by saying 'not your best idea'.
Tess backed up a little further and looked down at her hands. "Well, I was just heading up to bed. I've had a long day. Goodnight."
Then she was gone. Up the stairs and out of sight and the hole that had been filled, cracked open again. I stared after her in stunned silence and it took all my strength to stay where I was. I must have looked pathetic because Sarah stepped forward to give me a hug and she looked like she was about to cry.
"I'm sorry, Charlie. She just isn't ready. She has been through a lot and I don't think any of us can expect her to be very social right now." She looked up at me and patted my cheek. "Don't worry, though. She will come around. Come on, let's sit."
"I told you it wasn't a good idea, man. She isn't the same girl she used to be and I don't think she ever will be," Trevor said quietly.
"I know that, Trevor," I replied. "I just didn't think she would treat me like a total stranger. You know how close we were. I just couldn't not come over."
He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and rested his chin in his hands. "She was telling us what was going on when you showed up."
I snapped my head up to look at him. "And?"
He looked over at his mother and back to me before shaking his head. "I'm not sure what would be appropriate to tell you, man."
Sarah stood quickly and walked into the kitchen. She looked like she was about to be sick and I wanted to follow after her. Over the years, she had become a second mother to me. Well, technically she was the only mother to me. Mine had remarried and taken off to Europe to spend the rest of her life traveling and being oblivious to the life she left behind. Tess and Trevor's mom had made sure I was a part of the family. After Tess left and Trevor went back to college, she needed someone to take care of and I was here every day for months.
I scrubbed a hand down my face and tried to wipe away the memory of those few days where we had no idea what had happened to Tess. Sarah was a mess and Trevor was furious with me. He thought I was the reason she took off, that I had hurt her in some way.
Tess and I had been best friends since the 5th grade when Michael Stower had knocked her down and dumped a bucket of sand on her head at the playground during recess. I kicked his legs out from under him, shoved his face in the sand, and told him if he touched her again I would make sure he ate nothing but sand every day for the rest of the year. I helped her clean the sand out of her hair and she hugged me and said thank you. She had the prettiest voice out of all the girls in school and I had always wanted to talk to her, but was too shy. After that, we spent every recess together and I made sure no one messed with her. I was a scrawny kid, but I could fight if I needed to.
We were inseparable all the way through high school and even though it tortured me to watch her go on dates with other guys and hear about who she thought was cute, I always answered the phone and listened to her excited voice tell me all about them. Senior year was different. Her summer boyfriend broke up with her the day before school started because he didn't want to be 'tied down' when he could be having fun and going out with other girls. She came over to my house in tears and I held her for hours while she told me all the things she had liked about him and kept asking why no one wanted to be with her.
I made it my goal that year to show her how much she meant to me. I had been in love with her since I first saw her at recess in the 4th grade when I had been the new kid who had just moved into the neighborhood. She was playing hop scotch with her friends and her long braid bounced up and down on her back, hypnotizing me. I attempted to talk to her several times, but there was always someone who got to her first. Until the day I saved her from Michael.
Senior year, I didn't go out with any other girls, not that there were a lot of girls that really wanted to go out with me. I had only ever been on three dates and those were girls from church whose mothers were friends with my mother and talked me into taking them to a dance. I wasn't the guy I was now. I was shy and reserved, only really opening up whenever it was just Tess and me.
When Sarah got the call from Tess after she had disappeared, Trevor had to hold me back from snatching the phone away. He ended up punching me in the face and sitting on my chest to keep me down. He had broken my nose, but I hadn't noticed all the blood. His mom hung up the phone in tears and told me that there was nothing any of us could do to get her back. We had to let her go.
I don't think I had ever cried before that day and I know I hadn't cried since. That was the day my heart was ripped out of my chest and nothing but a gaping hole was left. I lived for the monthly post cards and the only reason I woke up every day was the hope that she had sent one early and it would say where she was so I could find her.
I begged Sarah to let me talk to her that first Mother's Day that she called, but she wouldn't let me. That's when she told me that she had made Tess a promise to never speak of me. She would stop sending post cards if I was ever brought up and Sarah coul
dn't stand the thought of not knowing if she was okay. I stopped asking anything about her after that, only finding out she was safe when a new card would come in the mail. I started fighting then, doing mixed martial arts and competing underground and buried myself in my training. I stayed busy, traveling around the country for fights but always came back. Trevor graduated and moved back to be close to his mother and help take care of her.
I started taking care of both of them when I won my first championship. Sarah never asked for anything, but I sent her a check on the first day of every month no matter where I was and made sure she cashed it. She really didn't have a choice. She would lose the house and everything else without my help.
"Don't take it too personal, Charlie," Trevor said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Tess is back. That's what matters. There's time to fix things."
I nodded reluctantly and looked into the kitchen. Sarah was sitting at the dining table with her head in her hands. "What do I need to do?" I asked him.
"I don't know. Give her some time. She's been on her own now for years and I don't think she has really accepted what is going on with her," he replied.
Ellie scoffed, "How could anyone accept that? She's unpredictable and shouldn't be anywhere but in a mental hospital."
I stood abruptly and couldn't stop the words coming out of my mouth if I tried. "Don't you dare speak about her that way. You have no idea who she is and you have no right to--"
"That's enough!" Sarah shouted from the kitchen.
Ellie started talking as if nothing had happened, "Forgive me for being cautious about being in the same room as a freaking psychopath!"
A crash sounded from the kitchen just before Sarah appeared in the doorway looking more menacing than I had ever seen her. "Get out of my house!"
Trevor snatched Ellie up by her arm and dragged her to the door. "This is a shock for all of us, Mom. Ellie just isn't used to drama like this. I'll take her home and be back in a while, give us all a chance to cool down."
I shook my head as he walked out the door. The man was dense. Never in a million years would I marry someone who spoke about my sister that way, if I had ever had a sister. Something had to be done about that, but right now, the focus was Tess. We watched them leave and I forced my feet to stay where they were and not let them take me up the stairs to Tess.
"Charlie, come here, sweetie." Sarah tilted her head to the kitchen and went back in to sit down. I took the seat across from her and sat silently. "How was the fight, dear?"
I had gotten back into town two days ago and distracted myself with training, so I didn't get a chance to call yet. "I won. Got another coming up next month in New York."
"Congratulations, you don't look like he got in any punches." She smiled and studied my face, checking for the usual scrape or bruise.
"Not this time," I said. "New guy who was too cocky. I knocked him out 45 seconds into the first round." I cracked my knuckles and stretched my fingers, feeling the stiffness from a day of training on the bags. I had been working harder than ever for the last couple weeks knowing that Tess was planning on coming back, I just didn't know exactly when.
"You were cocky once," she chuckled. "Your first fight sent you to the hospital. I don't think I have ever seen so many bruises on one person before." She had come straight to the hospital after Trevor told her what had happened. She started yelling at me the second the doctor walked out of the room. I couldn't help but laugh when she said she would do twice the damage if I ever let another one of those 'big lugs' take me down like that again.
"I'm less cocky now."
Her smile faded and I had to look away. She was such a strong woman and was there for me when I needed her. She needed me now and so did Tess.
"She needs you, Charlie. More now than ever before," she said gently. "Just be patient."
I sighed and nodded in agreement. "I've been patient for 5 years, Sarah. I would wait for her for the rest of my life. I won't let her go again. You know that."
"Yes, I know." She took a sip of her tea and closed her eyes. "When you first realized something was wrong… what was it that told you she…?"
I rubbed the back of my neck and peered down at the old table that had been in this kitchen since before I was born. It was worn down and scratched, much like we all had been over the last few years. Tess had been wearing thin before any of us really knew something was wrong.
"I chalked up the first episode to her being drunk. We were sophomores and had gone to Danny Danko's birthday party. You remember that? We told you we were staying with friends overnight at the lake, but we really were just too drunk to come home."
She shook her head in amusement. "I knew you were drunk when you called me and told me she had already fallen asleep. You were slurring your words so badly, I could barely understand you."
"Serious? And you never said anything?"
She chuckled, "No, Charlie. I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to her. And how was I supposed to stop you. You both were already drunk and I had no vehicle to come and get you. Trevor had taken the car to that same party."
"Yeah, well, we thought we had you fooled. Tess was terrified of disappointing you, though, and swore never to do that again. I never saw her drink anything with alcohol after that night. Especially after she woke up the next morning and couldn't remember anything. We thought it was because of the drinking, but after what happened that summer, I realized it was more than that."
She hadn't even remembered going to the party in the first place. She was freaking out when she woke up in the back of my station wagon next to me instead of her own bed. I told her what had happened and she couldn't remember anything at all. Didn't even know we had gone to the party in the first place.
"I really knew something was wrong when later that summer we had gone to the lake together and she hadn't remembered even going with me," I added quietly.
"Yes, I remember that. I noticed something was off earlier that week. She was acting so strange. Not her usual relaxed self. She was so jittery and loud. I remember her pointing things out that she would have never pointed out before, like a zit that Trevor had or a shirt that didn't look good on me. I finally had to tell her she couldn't go out until she fixed her attitude." Her brow furrowed as she remembered.
"What's going on, Sarah?" I couldn't take the mystery anymore. I couldn't do anything until I knew what was happening with Tess.
She took a deep breath and said, "She'll probably kill me for telling you, but she is too stubborn to do it herself." She stood and walked to the sink to rinse out her mug, then braced herself on the counter and stared out the window. "She has dissociative identity disorder, Charlie. Multiple personalities. I don't even know how to help her. I'm her mother and I can't help her."
I didn't know what to say and I couldn't wrap my head around what I had just been told. I just sat and listened as Sarah told me what she knew.
Trevor walked in about 30 minutes later and apologized for what Ellie had said. "She's not really familiar with any of this stuff so she didn't know what she was saying," he said.
I was starting to believe Sarah's suggestion that he really was brain washed. That or he just didn't think he deserved anyone better. I was there when he and Ellie first started dating. She wasn't so bad at first. They had known each other back in high school, but were in different groups and never really spoke to each other until he came back from college and saw her in town. They went out a few times and we all hung out occasionally without any problems. It was when I brought them out to L.A. for one of my fights that I noticed she was putting on a show for him.
Trevor had gone to sleep in the extra room of the suite we were staying in and she came out into the living room where I was settling up some of the schedule with my team. We all got to talking and she said some things about Trevor that surprised me. Things a woman shouldn't tell her man's best friend. When my team left, she tried to convince me to have a drink with her. When I refused, she started comin
g on to me and tried to kiss me. I shoved her away and let her know exactly what I thought of her before heading into my room and locking the door. The next morning, she had already gotten to Trevor and tried to convince him that I had tried to get her to have sex with me. The only problem with that plan was that she didn't know about Tess.
I had been with a few women over the years. I was in a career that gave ample opportunity for me to be with someone with no strings attached. After my first win, I had discovered how easy it was to find a woman to help distract me from what I really wanted, but couldn't have. Trevor had previously been with me on one of those occasions that I was especially ignorant about who I was taking back to my room. He stopped me and dragged me back home to his mother who then told me that she had spoken to Tess a week before and she knew where she was. I broke down and finally said out loud what they had known all along. I was in love with Tess.
After that, Trevor knew I didn't have it in me to be with anyone else. But instead of calling Ellie out on her lie, he played it off as a misunderstanding and left it all but forgotten. I still didn't trust her and made sure I was never alone with her. Ever. There was no convincing him to step back and really see what was happening in front of him either. She flirted relentlessly with other men when Trevor wasn't watching and played dumb when she insulted anyone he considered friend or family. I knew she had cheated on him several times, but I had no way to prove it. We were just going to have to wait until she slipped up and got caught. It made me sick. I wanted to wring that woman's neck, especially after what she said about Tess.
Tess.
Seeing the look on her face over and over again in my mind made the fist around my heart squeeze tightly. She was determined to do whatever it took to keep me at a distance and after hearing about what had happened over the last five years, I understood why she would, I just didn't understand why she would think I could love her any less.
Every One Of Me Page 3