I looked good.
Benny called a minute later full of compliments and advice. I thanked her for the compliments and ignored the advice since it was mostly where to put my hands when he kissed me or how to 'accidently' show a little more leg than was necessary to distract him.
Mom was in tears with laughter, hearing everything because she had put her on speakerphone. I was just trying not to sweat.
Two minutes before 6 o'clock, there was a knock at the door. We were still up in my mother's room and I had just said goodbye to Benny. I checked myself in the mirror again while Mom ran down the stairs first. She was opening the door when I started down carefully since the heels were a little much for me.
"Oh Charlie," she gasped, "you look so handsome!"
"Thanks, Sarah. Is Tess about re--"
His words halted when he caught sight of me. Benny would be proud. Mom stepped aside to let him in, but he didn't move. I felt a simmer in my veins when I took him in.
He was dressed in dark jeans with a black dress shirt with white pin stripes and a white undershirt peeking through since he left the top two buttons opened. His hair was still a little shiny from a recent shower and styled messily, like he had just ran his fingers through it and tugged like he did when he was nervous. It looked so sexy and my knees about buckled at the sight of him. In his hand was a small bouquet of brightly colored daisies. His other hand went to the door frame, like he was holding himself up.
His eyes moved leisurely from the top of my head to my toes and back up and I felt his approval in every inch of skin. "Wow," he breathed.
Mom clapped her hands and stepped toward me to give me a quick hug. She kissed my cheek and whispered, "He's a goner," then walked up the stairs in a rush.
He had finally stepped inside the house and shut the door. I felt a tingle run up my spine when he looked at me again and his green eyes ran down my body a second time.
"You look… wow. Gorgeous, Tess," he said and pushed a hand through his hair, then rubbed the back of his neck. He was nervous, which made me nervous, which made me even more nervous because I was starting to sweat again. "Um, these are for you," he blurted out and offered me the flowers.
I couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled up in my throat as I reached for them. I felt like I was back in high school again and on my first date ever. "Thanks, Charlie. They're beautiful."
He just smiled shyly and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Is this as embarrassing for you as it is for me?"
I giggled again, but it came out as more of a snort. I clapped my hand over my mouth and nose and felt my face turn beet red. That was the opposite of sexy, Benny would be disappointed.
He just stared at me with a pleased grin, "You have no idea how great it is to hear that again." Then he stepped closer until our toes were touching and I had to look up at him, he had gotten taller and I felt so small standing so close to him. He reached down and grasped my hand in his, then brushed his lips across my knuckles. "This is what I missed. You've always been so beautiful and tonight is no exception… but you take my breath away when you are just you."
I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I just kept staring at him hoping that the erratic beating in my chest wouldn't be heard over the heavy breathing I had no idea how to stop. Either way, I probably sounded like a complete lunatic.
"I know this may be pushing it, but tonight let's not pretend like we haven't been apart the last 5 years. I know it may be a little awkward, but there is no point in acting like you have been here all along. Nothing between us has really changed, but..." His voice was so deep and smooth, when he spoke.
I really don't think I heard everything he said correctly, but I think I got the gist of it. However, if he didn't want things to be uncomfortable, he was going to have to ugly himself up a bit because I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't spend the night staring at him.
"Okay," I finally said, "let's just let whatever happens happen and not worry about anything else but enjoying each other's company." I could do that, right? I mean, I really wasn't jumping ahead to the end of the date and wondering whether or not he was going to try to kiss me or if he would kiss me before he brought me home and if it would lead to us not coming back to my house and maybe going to his house. I wasn't doing that. At least, I was lying to myself about it, but I could deal with that.
Oh God, I was sweating again.
He was still holding onto my hands and had somehow gotten even closer to me so our chests were only an inch apart. His eyes were smoldering and I couldn't look away. When his fingers caressed my cheek and moved a piece of hair behind my ear, I felt a pleasant shock and leaned into his hand as he cupped my cheek. I felt his warm minty breath against my cheek as I moved my hand to his chest to hold myself up.
He leaned closer until our lips were just a breath away, both of us taken over by some unseen force and neither one of us fighting it.
I had always imagined how soft his lips would be and wondered if his kisses would be firm and confident, or soft and tender. I wondered how he used his tongue and where he would put his hands. I had been kissed a handful of times in my life. Most of which were in high school. When I was moving around over the years, one guy at a bar kissed me after talking to him for 15 minutes and it was absolutely horrifying. I knew Charlie's kiss would change my life completely and there would be no going back after it happened.
Of course, since my luck isn't exactly up to par these days, I didn't get to find out. He had just taken the final breath of courage to close the distance between us, which felt like miles instead of millimeters, when drunk Trevor burst in the door with a giggling Ellie by his side, forcing us to spring apart like we had just gotten caught doing something naughty.
I could tell by the look on his face that Charlie regretted pulling away and the look he gave Trevor would have probably dropped anyone else, but Trevor just smirked and became his recent belligerent self. I missed my sweet brother, always shallow, but sweet brother
"Looks like we were just in time, babe," he slurred and Ellie stopped giggling when she saw our faces and knew what was just about to happen between us.
Unexpectedly, she shot me with a death glare. I had no idea why she would be angry with me for almost kissing Charlie. Then it hit me. She was jealous of me. Well, needless to say, this pissed me off. She had my brother on her arm and okay, yeah, he wasn't the most romantic guy or really the most thoughtful, but he took care of her and all she did was treat him like a lap dog. I was just about to give her a piece of my mind when I felt Charlie's hand on the small of my back, pressing me toward the door.
"Have a nice time, T," Trevor called as we stepped onto the porch.
Charlie was practically dragging me to the car and I was pretty certain steam was coming out of my ears. He helped me into the passenger seat and came around the front, watching me watch him. When he took his place in the driver's seat I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"I want to strangle that bitch."
He smirked, "That makes two of us."
"How does she have the nerve to look at me like that? Did you and her have something before she was with Trevor or something?" I shifted in my seat to get more comfortable. Not that I cared. What he did while I was away was really none of my business.
I didn't care.
Stop caring, Tess.
He hesitated, but didn't look away and this made me a little nervous. If he had been with that psycho before, I don't know what I would do. No, he would have never been that shallow. But then, my brother would have had to be interested to get with that woman in the first place and he was not that desperate. Was he?
"No, Tess. But when her and Trevor were first dating, she tried to make a play at me."
I gasped and whipped my head back to the house, then back to his face. "Does Trevor know that?"
He nodded somberly, "Yeah, he does. She tried to twist it to her advantage, but he wasn't stupid enough to believe her. Plus, he knew that I was still--" he cut himself off and
started the engine. "He had no reason to believe her. But somehow, he stayed with her and she has gotten worse since then. He just doesn't want to admit it."
"Oh my God." I was fuming, mortified, and devastated all at once.
"Hey," Charlie soothed and grabbed my hand, "don't let them ruin our night, okay?"
I nodded, but couldn't get my head around how manipulative that woman actually was. "Okay." I took a deep breath and nodded again. "Okay, I'm okay now."
He eyed me cautiously, then shifted the car and pulled out to the street.
By the time we got to the restaurant, we were both more relaxed. The conversation started out with me asking questions about his training and him telling me about the different fights he had won, then it turned into laughing about the stupid things we used to do together and I was almost in tears when he came to a stop. I didn't realize how much I missed him. I used to laugh and smile so much with him and it was good to know we could go back to that after so much time. As we ate, it felt like we picked up right where we left off, except I now knew how he had felt about me all those years ago and I wanted to find out more. We were just finishing up dessert when he surprised me with a question I never thought he would ask.
"Tess, would you mind if I came to your appointment on Monday?"
I stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds too long. He looked down at his plate and moved some of his cake around.
"I mean, unless you are uncomfortable with that. I just thought it would be good to get a little more insight… I don't know, I just want to understand it better." He looked back up at me and waited.
I'm not sure what made me respond. Normally, something like this would have made me run for the hills and never look back. I mean, that was asking a lot of me. I had no intention of ever letting him or my family see a switch if I could help it which I knew eventually I wouldn't be able to, but still. I wasn't about to say 'hey, you guys want to see something crazy?' and go all switchy on them. And this? This was completely different. This wasn't a 'what if', it was a 'for sure' he would see it.
I know he had seen it before, but I wasn't aware of it thanks to everyone keeping secrets and I knew that a switch was very possible every single day I spent with him. I couldn't truly control them, but knowing it might not happen made me feel better. So far, things had gone well and I was learning to avoid my triggers.
"I- I don't know," I said quietly.
He just nodded tightly and took the last bite of his cake. He looked around the room, obviously a little embarrassed about asking and probably a little disappointed in my answer.
Here's the thing, though. As I thought about what it would be like for him to be sitting in that room and seeing something like that, I wasn't panicky about it, I guess I was just shocked that he actually was willingly putting himself there. I wanted him to understand and learn how to deal with me, but I couldn't ask him to do it. That was too much, too selfish.
"What about your training?"
He shrugged, "It wouldn't hurt to take a day off."
In other words, he shouldn't, but he wanted to come with me more.
"Charlie."
His eyes came back to mine and his smile was tight and forced, but his eyes… those beautiful green eyes were soft and I could see how much he cared about me.
"I don't know what will happen. I just… I don't want you to see something that will…" I trailed off, unable to get my thoughts together long enough to form a coherent sentence. What if I had a freak out or something and he got scared and took off?
His hand reached across the table and grasped mine. "Tess, there is nothing that could happen that would scare me off."
Okay, so now he was reading my mind or I had actually spoken my thoughts out loud.
The look on my face must have clued him into what I was thinking because he smiled, a genuine smile this time, and it was beautiful. His eyes brightened when he smiled like that and the green in them was so breath taking. He wasn't forcing it, but he was letting me know that I could trust him.
"Okay," I breathed. Might as well chase him off now than get any deeper and end up with a shredded heart, too. "Okay, come with me Monday."
He smiled again, kissed my hand and nodded. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me yet," I muttered.
I decided then and there that no matter what happened, I would hold onto the good things. I would hold on to what I felt every time he touched me. I would never let myself forget the happy memories we had made in the past, including the past few weeks.
I would have to hold onto those things, because for me, there wouldn't be anyone else. If I lost Charlie… I lost everything.
Chapter 11
Charlie
"You nervous?" Tess asked as we pulled into the parking lot of Dr. Geoffrey's office.
Yes. I was nervous, but I couldn't let her see that. She was already stressing out about it enough for the both of us. I was nervous about seeing her become someone else in front of my eyes, but I knew it would still be her. I was even nervous about seeing the process for it.
Hypnosis had always freaked me out. What scared me the most, though? Seeing her suffer with it. I know how frustrated she could get and after seeing her so upset about things she couldn't remember and blaming herself for all the things that had happened, I didn't think I could handle seeing her fall apart. She was barely holding on by a thread. I saw it in her eyes and in the way she avoided getting serious about this whole situation. She tried to find the humor in it, which I loved about her, but sometimes I think it weighed on her more than she let on.
"No, Tess. I'm not nervous," I said and was surprised by how steady my voice was.
"Good," she said and her voice broke on the word. "I'm terrified."
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and walked her into the building. She relaxed and chuckled to herself. "I told Dr. G to make it interesting for you. He's an odd duck so we'll see what he has in store."
I stopped just outside the door leading to the office and turned her shoulders to face me. Her face was strained and tired. She hadn't gotten much sleep since I asked to join her today and I hadn't seen her since our date.
Sarah told me she thinks she had a switch over the weekend. She had been acting strange and stayed in her room almost the entire time. She didn't know for sure though and Tess refused to confirm it. So far, she didn't remember anything during a switch, I didn't think she would start to after all these years so I know she would have realized whether it happened or not.
I felt a hefty dose of guilt about it. If I hadn't asked to come, she wouldn't have been so stressed which was probably the trigger for whatever happened over the weekend. I would have to keep that in mind later on.
After I brought her home from dinner Friday night, she was fidgety and quiet. When I walked her to the door, I thought she was going to burst into tears, so instead of kissing her goodnight, like I had planned on doing the whole night especially after seeing her in that dress, I pulled her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my waist and held on so tight, it felt like she became a part of me right then and there.
"Remember, Tess," I said in her hair next to her ear, "nothing will scare me off." She had pulled away to look up into my eyes and I made sure she saw how honest I was being. "Nothing."
She just nodded and rocked to her tip toes and gave me a peck on the cheek. I think we were both a little shocked, but she hurried inside and shut the door before I could do anything about it. I would have to talk to my coach about my reaction time lately. I felt like I was slipping a little.
Now that we were actually here, at her appointment, I was more than ready. I looked down into her chocolate, caramel eyes which were wide and glistening. "Nothing, Tess," I reminded her.
Her lips twitched before she nodded, more to herself than to me, then opened the office door.
Here we go.
***
Tess was right. Dr. Geoffrey was odd, but he was straight forward. He told me to prepare
myself for anything and not to interfere if he needed to call for assistance. I looked over at Tess when he told me this and she was staring down at her shaking hands trying not to hyperventilate.
"Calm, Theresa. We don't want to trigger anything before we begin. Deep breaths, remember what your focus is," he said.
She immediately began to relax and looked up after a minute and stated she was ready.
"Alright, now, I think it would be a good idea to ease into this with Mr. Mackenzie here," he said and waited for her response.
"I agree," she whispered.
"Good." He turned his chair to face me and pulled out a small digital recorder, setting it on the small table separating me from Tess.
I was an observer so he had me sitting in the farthest chair away so I would remember to keep my distance unless he gave me permission. It was all a little intense for me, but he reminded me that since this was all very new between him and Tess still, we had to be cautious.
"Now, Mr. Mackenzie, before I induce hypnosis, I want you to listen to a piece of the last session. It will give you an idea of what to expect and it will also allow me to point out the switch when it occurs so you will understand what you will see today."
I nodded and shifted in the uncomfortable leather chair, the creaking sound reverberated through the room. He pressed play on the recorder and I could hear him speaking clearly through the small speaker.
Dr. G: "Theresa, are you there?"
Tess: "Yes, I'm here."
Dr. G: "How are you doing, Theresa?"
Tess: "I'm nervous. I feel disconnected."
Dr. G: "That is common. Remember when we talked about feeling like you were having an out of body experience?"
Tess: "Yes."
Dr. G: "Good. Now, Theresa, I want you to try to keep your mind open. You have informed me that you want to try and remember the switch. You wanted to see if opening that up will help you remember the switches in the past. Is that correct?"
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