“It’s not like you’re an expert,” Ariel teased. “How long has it been?”
“He said he hasn’t seen anyone romantically since his wife died. For some reason, I don’t believe him. I don’t even think he was ever married. Just things he said. It all sounded . . . rehearsed. Maybe it’s my imagination. He said he threw himself into work. That part didn’t ring true, either. I like him, but there’s something about him that . . . I guess it’s law enforcement . . . that kind of thing.”
“They all say that, especially after a divorce. You’ll be what they call the transitional woman. If you want him, you’ll have to snare him. I would imagine, to answer your question, that he would be the type to be slow and thorough. He’s real good looking. But, now I know this isn’t going to make much sense, but he looks to me, as does Agent Navaro, as though . . . someone spruced them up. I said it wouldn’t make sense. It’s just my opinion. Another thing, do you think agents have a . . . routine? You know, stock phrases, things they say to everyone? I don’t like Navaro’s eyes. At one point I had the feeling he was undressing me with his eyes. Yep, slow and steady. Not too imaginative. If he was married for a long time he’s forgotten what foreplay is, like most men. What do you think about Lex? Let’s have another beer if we’re going to be talking about . . . such serious things.”
“Okay, I’ll fetch it. Cigarettes, too, right?”
“Bring more than one beer—this might take a while. Lots of cigarettes,” Ariel said, snapping the skinny strap of her bra in disgust.
“Gotcha.”
“I think,” Dolly said, brandishing her bottle of Corona aloft, “that men are stupid. They don’t pick up on signals. Take Harry now . . . those boxer shorts are going to be a problem, I can feel it in my bones. I asked him leading questions and either he’s stupid or else I didn’t make myself clear. My feeling is, he’s not into performing. Men think they have to do that, perform. ”What’s your opinion on that, Ariel? I’m about as drunk as you are. Your eyes are crossed—did you know that?”
“Who cares? What was the question? Did you give Snookie some beer? You know the rule, she gets what we get.”
“No, I did not,” Dolly said, enunciating each word carefully. “Somebody has to be sober. What if what’s-his-name comes back and tries to break in?”
“Then Snookie will go after him and hold him at bay. I’ll get my gun and shoot him. How does that sound?”
“Real good if you can see straight enough. I like that slip. Bet you could get away with wearing it as a dress.”
“That’s what I thought. You should see my bra and panties. I had this wonderful fantasy evening planned, and it all fell apart.” Ariel looked at her empty bottle and motioned for Dolly to hand her another. “They look like soldiers all lined up like that. That’s very original, Dolly.”
“Takes practice.” She hiccupped as she flipped open Ariel’s beer. “Your friend, what’s-his-name, sure ordered a lot of beer. I know, he thought he was going to stay all night and then Snookie did her number and it all went down the drain. That’s very funny, Ariel.”
“So funny we’re sitting here in our underwear stinking drunk. That’s not funny, Dolly. Actually,” she said, swigging from the bottle, “it is kind of funny. It used to be man and his dog. Now it’s woman and her dog. Shit!”
“Oh, Ariel, I feel so bad for you. Tell me about your fantasy. Can you remember it?” she asked, peering into her beer bottle. “I’m not horny anymore. Are you, Ariel?”
“Nope. What did you ask me again, Dolly?”
“I can’t remember. We drank ten bottles of beer. That’s a lot,” Dolly said stiffly. “Did you hear something?”
“Nope. What was the question?”
“I remember, I asked you about your . . . your . . . think, Ariel. Oooh, look at that lovely smoke ring I just blew.”
“It’s pretty. We should be smoking a joint. When was the last time we did that?”
“When we were thirty years old, maybe twenty-five. Is it important to know exactly when?” Dolly asked fretfully. “I heard something. You better get your gun, Ariel.”
“If you heard something, why isn’t Snookie barking?”
“She’s drunk like we are, that’s why.”
“You got my dog drunk, Dolly! You should be ashamed of yourself. Now who’s going to protect us?”
“You are, with your gun,” Dolly said smartly. “Tell me about your . . . fantasy. That was the question. In detail. Everything.”
“Everything?”
“I already told you about Harry’s boxer shorts so you have to tell me. You said you would. Is it good, Ariel?”
“Oh, yes,” Ariel sighed. “I didn’t even wear panty hose because they’re a pain to get on and more of a pain to get off.” She giggled when she held out a shapely leg to show Dolly her thigh-highs. I’m wearing this scandalous underwear. Paid a fortune for it and never had the right occasion to wear it. This was the occasion and look what happened. I was going to let him take it off.”
“All of it?” Dolly’s hand flew to her mouth in pretended shock.
“Yep. Then I was going to take off all his stuff. Myself. Everything, even his shorts.”
“What if he wears boxers?” Dolly mumbled.
“I’m going to be very disappointed,” Ariel sing-songed. “I like tight buns and you can’t appreciate tight buns in boxers. ’Is that how you feel about Harry?”
“Uh-huh. Then what?”
“Then I was going to check out . . . you know . . . see how big . . . or small . . . whatever . . . and get him to the bed. Touchy, feely, that kind of thing. How come I’m telling you my fantasy?”
“Because I asked you,” Dolly said. “I hear something again. Snookie, wake up! She won’t get up, Ariel.”
“Because she’s drunk. Do you want me to get my gun?”
“Yes-I-do!”
“Okay. I’m not going outside. Whoever it is has to come in here and then I’ll shoot him. Only if he comes in, Dolly. Do we agree?”
“Yes.” Dolly opened the last two bottles of Corona. She watched as Ariel trotted over to the mantel for the gun. She blew imaginary dust off it, then stuck it down between her breasts.
“That’s not a good idea, Ariel. You’re so drunk you might shoot off your nipple and then where will you be?” She doubled over, howling with laughter.
“Nippleless. Without a nipple. Bosom with no nipple. Rosy crests. That’s what they call them in romance novels. I’ll just put it here on the steps beside us. Since we’re probably going to sleep here it’s a good place. The living room is lopsided, Dolly. I never noticed that before.”
“I don’t care. Do you care, Ariel? What else were you going to do to that guy?”
“Lex?”
“That’s the one,” Dolly giggled.
“I was going to have my way with him. I was going to ravage and savage him. I was going to . . . do all those things those heroines do to the heroes in romance novels. I learned a lot reading those books.”
“Be spa-sif-ick,” Dolly said.
Outside in the bushes, underneath the boarded-up window, Lex Sanders peeped through the two pieces of plywood he and Harry had nailed to the window frame. He clapped his hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t laugh aloud and give himself away. He’d returned because he was worried about the window. His intention was to check on the two women, and then spend the night in the car watching the house. Now, though, he saw that his work was cut out for him. Who was going to put the two of them to bed? If he was any judge, neither one could hold her liquor. He knew both of them would be heading for the bathroom soon. He didn’t see the gun, but he did see Snookie sound asleep by the steps. He continued to listen.
“Plunder, too. Ravage, savage, and plunder. Everything, Dolly. All the things I never did . . . all kinds of things. Triple orgasms. That’s possible. I read it when I was at the dentist’s. In Cosmo. He gets one, I get a triple.”
“How?”
“How? You work at i
t. That’s how. He works at it. When it happens, I’ll tell you and you can have Harry try it. It’s an experiment. I don’t feel so good. That pepperoni pizza must have been bad. I have to go to the bathroom. Ooohhh, this room is really lopsided,” Ariel said, holding on to the banister.
Outside in the bushes, Lex slapped his leg, howling silently. This couldn’t be the Ariel Hart he knew and lusted after. But it was. He was shifting his weight from one leg to the other when a neighbor’s cat jumped from the bushes, hissing and scratching. He let out a stifled yelp as he moved sideways. A second later something whizzed by his ear and he felt his hair part down the middle. He hit the ground with a thump. He risked a quick glance upward and saw four round holes in the freshly nailed plywood. “Jesus Christ!” he bellowed.
Inside, Ariel looked at Dolly and then at the gun in her hand. “I shot somebody. Somebody is out there. I hit somebody and I couldn’t even see what I was shooting at. Dolly, let’s go see who we shot.”
“What’s with that we stuff? If you shot him, why do we have to look at him? Let him lie out there till the milkman comes in the morning.”
“Okay,” Ariel said agreeably. “The doorbell’s ringing.”
“If you shoot through the door it will probably stop. We won’t look at him till morning either.”
Ariel brought the gun up to shoulder height, squinted, and jerked backward when she heard her name called from the other side of the door.
“Ariel! It’s Lex Sanders. Open this goddamn door!”
The two women looked at each other. They both mouthed the name Lex at the same time. “Look at it this way, Ariel. You’re getting a second chance to salvage . . . blunder, and what was that other thing you were going to do?”
“Ravage. ”
Ariel opened the door a crack. “Lex! What are you doing here?”
“I came back to check on you and Dolly. I didn’t like leaving you here with that open window. Were you shooting through the plywood? Why, for God’s sake?”
“He wants to know why, Dolly,” Ariel sing-songed.
“If he wants to know, then you should tell him.”
“What should I tell him?”
“The truth,” Dolly snapped. “All those three things we said. You shouldn’t have had that last beer, Ariel. Oh, I’m going to be sick.”
“So am I,” Ariel said, bolting for the downstairs lavatory while Dolly headed for her bathroom off the kitchen. Snookie slept on.
Lex leaned against the bathroom door frame, his arms crossed against his chest. When Ariel was finally finished throwing up, Lex squeezed toothpaste onto a toothbrush and offered it to her.
“How could you stand there and watch me go through that?” she asked.
“I have to tell you it wasn’t a pretty sight.”
“Go home,” Ariel said around the foam in her mouth.
“I like your outfit. It’s sexy.”
“That’s what I thought when I put it on. You’re too damn late. Go home.”
“I heard you, you know.”
“You what?”
“I heard you and Dolly talking. Very interesting conversation.”
Ariel dropped her head into her hands. “God, I just got the grandmother of all headaches. You shouldn’t believe anything you hear standing outside a plywood window. Everyone knows plywood distorts vowels . . . words . . . sayings. God!”
“I don’t think I ever heard that before. Are you sure?” His face was so blank, so innocent looking. Ariel groaned.
“Come on, I’ll take you up to bed and get you settled in. I’ll sleep downstairs on the sofa. It was my intention to sit outside in my car until morning. I can’t leave you here like this with a drunken dog who’s sleeping it off.”
“I can go to bed by myself, Mr. Sanders.”
“I don’t doubt that a bit, but the stairs are tricky for someone in your condition. I wouldn’t want you to topple backward and fall on that sleeping dog.”
“Oh. All right, you can help me up the steps, but at the top you turn around and go back down. Okay?”
“Okay. Hold on to my arm. See, I told you it was tricky,” Lex said when both of Ariel’s feet came down on his own right foot.
“I’m not embarrassed, you know,” Ariel said.
“I’m glad. Just three more steps. Atta girl. You made it.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t?” she snapped.
“There was a moment there when I wasn’t sure.”
“Wiseass,” Ariel retorted. “This is my room. You got me here safe and sound and you should leave now. Anything else wouldn’t . . . look right.”
Lex grinned as he poked his head into Ariel’s room. “For some reason I thought of you as a tidy person. Tiki would never allow this.”
“Like I care. Listen, it takes a lot when a woman has a date. You have to try . . . you can’t decide . . . why am I explaining anything to you, anyway? Go home!”
“Why indeed?” Lex chuckled. “I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep tight, Ariel.” He kissed her lightly on the forehead. “I meant to tell you earlier how good you smelled. Sort of like a warm summer garden on a star-filled night.”
“Really? That’s one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me.”
“If you give me a chance, Ariel, there are all kinds of nice things I can say to you.”
“Okay, but say them tomorrow,” she said, getting between the covers. A second later she was sound asleep.
“Sleep well, Ariel,” Lex said as he turned out the light and closed the door.
Downstairs he checked on Dolly, who was asleep in the bathtub. He scooped her up and carried her in to her bed. Satisfied that Snookie was okay, he settled himself on the sofa, Ariel’s gun on the table next to him.
Eventually he slept, his dreams full of a woman named Ariel Hart. The woman of his dreams slept peacefully, her own dreams filled with memories of a dark-eyed young boy who reminded her of the man guarding her house and her person.
Nine
Ariel awoke shortly before dawn. The late night hours flashed in front of her, a kaleidoscope of memory. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and was sorry she’d moved so quickly. Her head throbbed, her stomach churned, and her mouth tasted like old rubber boots. She brushed her teeth three times, using half a bottle of mouthwash. She grabbed three aspirin, chewing the hateful things and then swallowing water slowly. She brushed her teeth again, all the while swearing that she would never, ever, as long as she lived, get drunk again.
She felt every one of her fifty years as she made her way to a steaming shower that helped ease the tension between her shoulder blades. Dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, Ariel opened the door to the second floor deck to let Snookie out. She stood at the railing to watch the sun struggle to the horizon. A new day. Thank God. This new day, like all her yesterdays, would be whatever she made of it.
Snookie nuzzled her leg. She reached down to stroke the dog’s huge head. “I’ve done some stupid things in my life, Snookie, but last night was the stupidest. I gave you beer when I shouldn’t have. I drank too much, and I know better than to do that. But, the worst thing of all is, I shot off my gun with no idea of what I was doing because I was drunk. That’s why people shouldn’t keep guns. People like me, anyway. I could have killed Lex Sanders. If I hadn’t given you that beer you would have barked to let me know he was out there. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m supposed to be a responsible adult and what do I do? I act like some lovesick teenager? C’mon, baby, I’ll get you something to eat and make some coffee for myself. By the way, you and I are going to have to have a little talk about that stunt you pulled last night. But, we’ll have it later. I love it that you love me, I really do.”
Snookie, lady that she was, walked sedately next to her mistress as they made their way downstairs. When they reached the bottom of the steps, the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She growled deep in her belly, waiting for a command from Ariel.
“It’s okay, Snookie, those a
re Lex’s shoes. He must be in the kitchen.” She dropped to her knees to cradle the shepherd’s face in her hands. “He’s a friend. Now, smell these shoes, get his scent, and don’t forget it. You take care of him, too. He’s part of that little talk we’re going to have later. God, you’re gorgeous. Bet I could get you in the movies, but then they’d ruin your life and you’d be on a time clock and they wouldn’t let you be Snookie anymore. I’d have to go back to Hollywood, and wouldn’t that be something? Well, that isn’t going to happen. We have a new life now, and it’s pretty good, all things taken into consideration.”
“You look rested, Ariel,” Lex said. “I took the liberty of making coffee.” He poured her a cup as he spoke. “I’ve got to get back to the ranch. Make sure you get the glazier here as soon as possible and don’t forget to notify the alarm company. Don’t be embarrassed. Each of us is entitled to do something . . . out of the ordinary at least once in our lives. It’s really my fault, anyway. I should have called or knocked on the door and told you I was out there. You reacted.”
“I could have killed you. I’m really sorry. Last night was a culmination of a lot of things for me. Things I shouldn’t have done, and will, believe me, never do again. I am embarrassed. I acted very foolishly. I do apologize. Thanks for staying over and thanks for making the coffee.”
“My pleasure. Do we still have a date on Saturday?”
“I’d like that.”
Lex winked at her and grinned. “As soon as I find my shoes I’ll be out of here.”
Snookie raced out of the kitchen and returned with the shoelaces to both shoes clamped between her teeth. She placed them in front of Lex, then backed off to stand next to Ariel.
Lex laughed. “Here’s your shoes, what’s your hurry? That’s some dog, Ariel.”
“I know.”
“If anything else happens, give me a call. By the way, Dolly fell asleep in the bathtub. I put her in bed. You might want to check on her.”
“You seem to have experience handling drunks,” Ariel said quietly, her face pink with shame.
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