by Kot, Eleyne
“So why do people use only one dimension to describe bra sizes - just give a cup size? What is necessary is also the back size. And another thing that is always forgotten is that cup sizes are proportional to band sizes. A 32 A is smaller than 34 A, etc. Cups are not the same,” I try to explain in fervor. “What most shops have available is just 20 or 25 sizes ranging from 32 to 40 A- D cups, and what they should have is 28-44 AA-K, if they want to be called good lingerie shops,”
“K cup!” Jim exclaims. “What size is that? I can't even imagine it.”
“What size do you think I'm wearing? And what size was that lacy bra I was wearing yesterday night?” I ask looking at him impishly.
“Errr,” he tries to squint at us while driving. “Normally I would say you're D or DD, but you said that it's stereotypes and the cups are proportional to the back sizes.”
“Well,“ I start to dig inside my top trying to get a label out when Babette interrupts me.
“I'm wearing a 95D!” she exclaims indignantly.
“I am using a 95 but don´t know anything about A, B, C,” Yasmin’s confused as well.
“Yasmin, I'm not familiar with Brazilian sizes, and this is probably what you are wearing. I'll have to measure you later on. Babette, haven't you been listening? This is not your correct size.” I sigh and I finally manage to get out the bra label from under the top. “Have a look,” I tell her. Then I add to Jim. “You can look, too, but better stop at the traffic light first.”
When the car stops at a red light, everybody looks curiously at the label, it says 75G.
“What? 75G?!” Jim asks incredulously, “I would never label your tits as "Get a reduction", neither yours, gals,” he adds.
“What?” Babette cannot believe what she sees, “your tits are more or less the same size as mine, but I'm a bit slimmer than you.”
“Babette, you make the same mistakes millions of women do, you take too big a back size and too small cups,” I answer. “It's the back size that is responsible for the support, it cannot be loose on your torso. You are slimmer than me and you’re wearing a bigger back size – a French 95 means 80 in European sizing. It should stay horizontal on your back but it doesn't, it rides up towards your neck. I can see it through your clothes. And your boobs are not supported at all.”
“Where do you know all these things from?” exclaims Jim.
“I spend quite a lot of time reading stuff on internet, and once I came across some information about a forum about bras and bra-fitting that was run by big-boobed women. And that's how it started for me. First, I spent about a month reading it all, trying to take in all the info, then I bought my first well-fitting bras.”
Everybody laughs.
“My first well-fitting bras,” Yasmin giggles crazily, “you know how funny it sounds?”
“I know,” I chuckle, too, “most of us on the Lobby, that's the name of the forum, joke that we're almost like a sect. Get a new, well-fitting bra and your life will change forever.”
The laughing continues.
“Well, it is kind of truth. Most women are not really happy about what they are given. Those with big boobs would like to have smaller ones, well mainly because they can't find anything that fits well and is comfortable. Those with small boobs would like to have bigger ones, and pretend to have them by wearing all those heavily padded bras.” Here Jim interrupts me.
“We know it too well, all this fucking padding. And when you open the bra suddenly everything is gone and we feel deceived.”
“I know,” I stroke his hair then add. “There was I time when I was considering a breast reduction, because I was simply uncomfortable.”
Jim’s reaction is predictable.
“What!” he exclaims horrified, “you wanted to have such pretty titties reduced?”
“Jim, pretty titties of this proportion are kind of heavy. If they don't get support, we start to hunch our back and in time it becomes painful, breasts become saggy, doing any sport is almost impossible when they bounce more than a basketball. If your nuts and dick weighed 2 or 3 pounds you would want to wear well-supporting undies, too.”
All of them just explode laughing. Jim almost has tears in his eyes.
“Don't say things like that when I'm driving. We might have an accident,” he can't stop giggling.
“Are we far?” Yasmin asks.
“We're already there. Now we just need to find a place to park,” he answers. After he finds a spot in front of big Marks and Spencer, we all get out of the car.
“OK. Here we go. A moment of truth is approaching. Let's see what the U.K., has for our tits!” I declare impishly making them all chuckle again.
...........................................................................................
Inside the store we head immediately for the lingerie section without wasting time on looking at other clothes and other things. It seems that Yasmin has bought enough to suffice us for a few days more here, till we find a way of getting back to 2011. Even though I'd willingly stay with them here, in this time and place. We start looking at what is shown on the displays and soon we have a shop assistant approaching us, a middle-aged, big dragon of a woman who, of course, is wearing a badly fitted bra.
“How can I help you?”
“Well, we’re looking for black bras. Is black what you need?” I ask Yasmin and Babette.
“Yes, we do,” Babette answers.
“What size do you need?” the shop assistant asks.
“Could you give us the biggest cups you have in 32 and 34?” I answer.
“32? 34? Are you sure?” She seems surprised. “I would give them a 36.”
“Are you implying they are fatter than me?” I ask sweetly. “Because I happen to wear a 32 or 34 depending on the brand, and sometimes even a 30.”
“A 30? Such sizes do not exist!” she claims with an air of person ‘I've worked 20 years in bra business and I know better.’
“Oh, yes they do. I have several in my lingerie drawer,” I assure her cheerfully. “So what are the biggest cups in 32 and 34 that you have here?”
She makes a face but goes away to fetch some black basic bras. She also brings some beige ones. When Jim sees them he grimaces.
“They're ugly. You're not going to buy them, are you?”
I look at the beige bras - the woman seems to have brought us a beige Doreen, the ugliest bra in the world irrespective of its color. The shop assistant eyes Jim as if he were a kind of bug, generally undesired in a woman's section of the store and explains in an authoritarian way.
“This is a very good style for bigger breasts. It supports very well and thanks to these wide straps it doesn't dig in the shoulders,” she seems to be sure of herself.
“Yeah, indeed, Doreen is a very good style if you want to look like your own great grandmother. And it’ll discourage any man who even looks at it, almost like a 100 percent efficient contraceptive. Jim, how would you like to get any girl’s tits out of this…” I pause trying to find the best word to describe the ugliness, “breastplate?” I address him.
“Hmmm,” is his diplomatic answer. But his eyes are full of disgust.
I sigh.
“This one’s out of question. Not to mention this dirty beige color, even rags that I use for cleaning floors are nicer than this.” Then I look at the size of black ones she brought, there seems to be a 32C and 32D. “Nothing bigger in 32?” I address the woman again.
She seems on the verge of explosion, I dare to question her authority. Jim observes the scene and it looks as if he was trying harder and harder to contain his laughter.
She says.“32D is for big breasts. If you want something bigger you have to take a 34D.”
I pick the black 32D and examine it.
“For big breasts? Well, doesn't look like it. They could perhaps fit their knees in these cups,” I hear a gale of laughter. Jim can’t control it anymore. The gals start to giggle too. “Don't you have something closer to 32FF? Or at leas
t 32F? They would be better,” The lady's eyes start to bulge.
“My child, F cup is gigantic, like this!” She makes a gesture describing this cup as something of a proportion of a watermelon. “You would drown in it. I wear 44D. You have nothing more than 36C.”
I start to lose patience with her, and I take out the label of my bra again.
“See? I'm wearing a 75G, 75 is a European equivalent of a British 34. And it's not gigantic, just average. So please stop talking nonsense.”
It seems that during this exchange I found some slightly bigger cups in 34 - they seem to have 34F, which is almost like a miracle. I didn't expect to find anything over DD cup in this back size. “Gals, let's go to the trying room and see if this fits you.”
While we pick up 34F I have found for the gals the shop assistant insists.
“You should try 34DD, too, they don’t really have such big breasts.”
I pick up the 34DD just to avoid quarreling with her anymore, but I tell the gals.
“You’ll see. The cups will be too small...”
They are still chuckling but they take the indicated bras and we head to the changing room. I stay behind and warn Jim.
“Be discreet. If you try to enter the dressing room this dragon of a woman will probably breathe fire on you.” His eyes are sparkling with mischief. I can see that he will attempt to join us but he tries to pretend to be indifferent.
I join the gals in the cubicle.
“Ok, let's look at the bras you're wearing now and what is exactly wrong with them.” They have already removed their tops. Then I start to explain. “See, the back size should be horizontal on your torso, if it's not it means it's too loose and doesn't provide enough support. Raise your arms.” They do and suddenly the curtain moves and Jim slithers inside. They almost exclaim loudly, but he shushes them.
“The dragon didn't see me,” he whispers. “You can continue,” he winks.
Babette seems a bit nervous about wearing only a bra in Jim's company and I remind her.
“As if he didn't see you naked two nights ago.”
“Well, you're right,” she visibly relaxes, “so why are we supposed to raise our arms?”
“Do it and you´ll see,” I answer. They obey and I point. “Can you see? The band doesn't support your boobs enough and they escape beneath the underwires. They shouldn't be moving on your body at all. You can lower your arms now. Now the wires - the front should be lying flat to your sternum, the lateral endings should point more or less into the middle of your armpit. This shows that the cups you are wearing are already too small. Well, what will happen if you put everything that should be there inside?”
They just stare at me not knowing what to do or say.
“Ok,” I remove my top and demonstrate. “Do like this. Bend down. Grab the left lateral wire with your left hand. Pull it away from your skin; now, with your right hand gather all this flesh from under your armpit and put in the cup. Put back the wire back in a vertical position. Now you can stand straight and look in the mirror.”
They do it and gasp. What they have now on their left breast is a classic example of a double boob.
“You see how much of your tits are there under your armpits? Now it shows that the cups you have now are too small. Well, now let´s see if the ones we picked up will fit any better. We can start with the ones that the dragon insisted on.”
They remove their old bras and put on new ones.
“They seem pretty ok, but a bit tight,” Babette says, but at the same time we hear from the outside.
“Can I enter?” It’s the dragon.
I grab the curtain and cover Jim with it, whispering.
“Whatever you hear, stay quiet, don’t laugh,” and then say in a normal voice, “yes.”
She enters and looks at the gals.
“You see?” she addresses me triumphantly, “they fit well.”
“But they’re a bit tight and uncomfortable,” says Yasmin.
“I told you, you should have taken a 36,” says the shop assistant.
“Gals, these cups are too small. Just do what I showed you before, scoop all the escaped boobs from under the armpits and gather them into the cups.” They comply.
“Now look into the mirror,” they can see double boob on each breast again. The shop assistant doesn’t give up, though.
“Very pretty now, very sexy,” she says.
“Oh, yes if you want to have four boobs instead of just two. The breast line should be smooth. And the front gore is not lying flat on the sternum, you can almost have a tank passing there between their breasts and the bra.”
“What are you talking about, it should be like this, it’s always like this if you have breasts this size!” exclaims the dragon. “And you want to put them into bigger cups! Who would want to cover the breasts in this way?”
“Oh, yes, why cover the breast?” I say sarcastically. “Why not cut holes in the cups to show even more?” I retort and hear a strange noise from behind. Apparently Jim finds it hard to stay quiet. I nudge him with my elbow. “A 34DD is too small, they are going to try 34F. Gals remove them, and try 34F.”
They take them off and put on 34F. Give the 34DD back to the dragon who goes away. They put on 34F and Yasmin says.
“It's too big... See? I have a lot of empty space near the edges of the cups...”
“Me too,” says Babette.
“Gals, don't forget what I just showed you. Bend down and repeat the procedure. On both sides.” They comply and suddenly the cups get filled in. “You should do it whenever you put on a new bra... You see? They don't seem big now. Let's adjust the straps a bit.”
I help them.
“Well, now it's even better but this band size is slightly too loose on both you,” I show them that I can pull it away quite far from their torsos. “It will ride up, but as they don't have bigger cups with smaller band sizes, we have no choice. Buy this one and shorten it a bit,” I tie it in a bow at Yasmin's back, and at Babette's, too. “It's quite easy to do even if you do it yourselves, I can show you later. What do you think?”
Jim joins the conversation quietly.
“These bras are not really too nice. I'd rather you bought something more sexy, with lace. Something like you were wearing yesterday,” he says, looking at me.
“You're welcome to go and ask the dragon for something sexier in this size,” I smile and he sighs.
“I'll do it...”
“Well, I'll take this one, perhaps even two of them. It's still more comfortable than the one that I had. I can feel the difference even though, as you say, the band size is too loose. Do you guys have some kind of sewing kit at home? Black thread, needles?” Yasmin asks.
Jim seems a bit lost.
“I don't believe we do...”
“OK. We'll buy some needles and thread. I'll take this one, too. You're kind of right in that it supports better, though my old one is much better looking,” Babette keeps on looking into the mirror observing her elevated boobs. So does Yasmin. I look out to check if the coast is clear and seeing nobody; I beckon at Jim.
“Come on.” He follows me. “Well, what do you think?” I ask him straight-forwardly.
“Well, it's kind of complicated. Don't they have something nicer for Yasmin and Babette?” He approaches the dragon and asks her. “Do you have some lace bras in the... What was the size?”
“34F”I answer.
“Nice sexy lace bras in 34F,” he repeats, looking hopefully at the shop assistant. But it’s in vain. He receives a cold stare and a negative answer. The gals go out of the dressing room with the bras they want to buy and approach us.
“We'll take these ones.” They inform the dragon. “And I want one more like this, same size,” adds Yasmin.
Yasmin’s Story:
Well, the visit in a lingerie section of Marks and Spencer doesn’t turn up to be a complete disaster. But we have more shopping to do. We’re going to select the teddies now and Jim is escorting us, ke
eping a wary eye on other male costumers and assistants who cross in our way.
“Just don´t act like a proud chief of the tribe, are you the owner of a harem, Jim?” I joke.
“Associated owner of the harem,” he laughs.
“No owner,” I comment. “We’re free women.”
“Who are lost in the time and have no clue how to get back and nobody to take care of you, sweet lost sheep.”
We giggle, but we finally stand in front of the teddy section. They are really very erotic and hot. Eleyne is talking with the assistant, Babette is looking at the models on display and Jim is sassily taking a look at the girl's boobs.
“Hey,” I murmur, “be discreet.”
“You said it: we are in a free country. I’m free to look at what I want,” he answers.
Eleyne turns to me asking.
“What did Colin say about buying dozens of teddies? Are you going to buy one or is Jim distracting you with some mischievous tricks?”
“He is doing that,” I sigh, “you can´t leave him alone a minute.”
The assistant, a pretty young girl, looks at him and blushes, but she seems to be really flattered by his bold glances to her enchantments. Obviously, we don’t really appreciate what he’s doing and we build a wall of women in front of the counter to prevent Jim from looking too much and too long at the assistants.
I’m checking a silk teddy, black and discreet, nothing erotic. It could be nice to feel elegant for one time and the rest of the gals seem to agree to buy something elegant, too. We decide to buy some cotton sets of light colours.
“Aren’t those very ...unerotic?” Jim frowns. “Are you going to wear them for us?”
“We will wear them when we finish with you,” I reply and he grins, saying.
“Ok. Let me see the hot part of this.”
“Well,” says Eleyne, “here it comes.” And she shows us a red hot lace teddy with suspenders.
“Wow!” I say. “I want one for me.”
“And for me,” says Eleyne.
“Don´t you want one for yourself, Jim?” I joke and he fakes a horror expression in his face, he exclaims:
“Never!”