She woke up at that point, wondering what the dream meant. She got off the bed quietly, careful not to wake Paul. He had a tendency to get up when she did and insisted on getting her whatever she wanted from the kitchen.
He had been true to his word and got someone to do the housework which meant that she had nothing to do when she got home. She had been doing some gardening, finding that planting vegetables and fruit trees was quite therapeutic. She made her way down to the kitchen and made herself a cup of herbal tea; her stomach had started acting up again and the doctor had told her it might settle down when she got to her second trimester. She placed her hand on her still flat stomach, hardly believing that she was carrying a baby inside her.
She bit her lip as she remembered that her child would never know her parents and wished her dad was alive to see and know what was happening with her.
The kitchen was sparkling clean. She rested the cup on the beautiful marble counter top and sat on a curved chair in front of it. The sheer elegance of the house she called home often stunned her and she found herself looking around at the luxurious carpeting in the living room and the smooth shiny surface of the parquet floor in the kitchen. Paul had not spared any expense in making the place something to look at and she loved him for the way he was always taking care of her.
“I knew I would find you down here,” his deep voice had her turning to face him.
“And I knew you would come and find me,” she said with a smile as she opened her arms to let him in.
Chapter 8
Gladys died two weeks later. Leah had been to see her that very day and they had been talking about the baby and how Paul was a man living on the moon nowadays.
“You have given him the world my dear, “Gladys told her with a smile. “He was in here the other day and all he could talk about were you and the baby.”
“He does not want me to pick up a straw and when I am at the office he constantly asks me if I am okay.” Leah said shaking her head.
“You need to cherish that my dear, not many people have that sort of a marriage.” Gladys said patting her hands. She looked frail, Leah thought. The doctor had said that her immune system had deteriorated and she was not eating much.
“I will.” Leah had told her softly.
She had been to visit her in the afternoon and had planned to go back in the evening but she had been busy typing up some of her notes and had lost track of time. She died that night at around twelve o’clock and they got the call the next morning.
“How could she be dead? I saw her earlier in the afternoon.” Leah was visibly shaken. They had been having breakfast at the house when Paul got the call. “What happened?”
“A fresh bout of pneumonia and coughing. Her lungs collapsed and they could not help her. She went peacefully baby.” Paul tried to take her into his arms but she pulled away and hurried towards the bedroom.
He followed her. “She did not want to suffer anymore Leah, we have to understand that.” He said gently. She was sitting at the stool in front of the huge dresser; her eyes huge and blank. “God knows best...” he began when she rounded on him.
“Stop it!” she cried out, her hands clenched. “I am tired of hearing that God knows best and I am tired of facing death.”
He came towards her and knelt in front of her. He wanted to tell her not to be so upset, remember the child she was carrying but he knew she would not appreciate him saying that.
“We live in a world where death is inevitable,” he took her hands in his. “Saying God knows best is not a trite cliché, it’s a fact of life. We don’t understand and maybe we never will but the faster we learn to accept it the better it is for us.”
“I can’t; not right now.” She told him tonelessly. “I just want a few minutes alone Paul, please.” She looked at him with haunted eyes and he felt his heart move.
“Okay,” he stood up. “I’ll be in the dining room when you need me.”
Leah just sat there. If only she had known that it was going to the last time she would ever see Gladys alive she would have told her thanks and told her that she loved her. But she had looked fine to her, maybe a little weak but not overly so and the doctor had said she was coming on. What happened? She was not shutting her husband out but she needed time to process yet another loss; when did it end?
She had a Thanksgiving dinner to plan and Gladys would not be there. She was not sure she wanted the dinner to be held after all.
*****
She went through the rest of the day as if in a daze. Usually she would go down to the kitchen that had been Gladys' and you could smell the delicious aroma of cookies baking or some other delicious pastry but now she did not have the heart to do so. Paul had checked in on her frequently, respecting the time she needed to grieve but she knew that soon she would have to talk to him.
He came in just as she was scribbling some notes on the paper in front of her. “You okay?” he took a seat on the edge of her desk and looked at her searchingly. She was wearing a black and red cashmere sweater and red dress pants and her hair was caught up on top of her head.
“Not really but I am getting there.” She told him, placing her hand on his thigh.
“Her funeral is a week from today.” He told her, placing his hand over hers. He hated to see her upset or unhappy and he would have done anything to shield her from the bad things of the world.
“Isn’t that too soon?” her hand shifted on his thigh but he held on to her. “Today is Wednesday.”
“That’s what she wanted baby,” Paul said gently. “She hated frills and she always said as soon as her eyes were closed that she should be buried immediately.”
Leah nodded. She had not cried and she was determined not to. “We have to respect her wishes.”
“She has gone home to rest.” Paul felt as if he was running out of words to comfort her. He knew they had gotten close but he had no idea she would have taken her death so badly.
Leah nodded again. “You are making the arrangements?” she forced herself to ask. Her husband nodded. “She gave me power of attorney a year ago so I am handling her affairs.” He bent to kiss her softly on the lips. “I have a meeting so I will see you later.” He clasped her hand briefly then left.
Leah placed her hand over her still flat stomach. She had not started showing yet and aside from the occasional nausea, it was like she was not pregnant.
“Make sure to rub some cocoa butter on your stomach to avoid stretch marks,” Gladys had told her one day when she had gone to the hospital for a visit. “You’re going to be a great mother.”
*****
She did not go to the funeral. No amount of coaxing from her husband did the job and he went without her reluctantly.
The Wednesday had dawned clear and cold and it was the week before Thanksgiving. The offices were closed in respect for her funeral and Leah stayed home. She had not been feeling well since the morning anyway and she had hid it from Paul knowing that he would have stayed home with her, no matter what she said. She could not go; she did not want to say goodbye to her and she did not want to see her lying there in a casket. The funeral was set for two and she knew her husband was going to be helping Pastor Leo to inter the body.
She wandered around the large house aimlessly. It was too cold to go outside and do some gardening and there was nothing in the house to do, it was spotless. And what was worse she had left the laptop at work so she could not even work on her book. So basically she had a lot of time to think and thinking was not something she wanted to do right now. So she just went to bed and curled up on her side until she fell asleep.
He came home right after the service and saw her on the bed wide awake. He had picked up a box of pizza because he knew she had probably not eaten. He came quietly into the room and placed the box of pizza on the side table. He had taken off his suit jacket and his tie and had unbuttoned the top buttons of his steel gray silk shirt. The wind had tousled his gilded brown hair and Leah could not help but
realize how handsome he was. “The service was good,” he sat on the side of the bed. “She looked so peaceful in the box it was like she was sleeping. You were missed.”
“So she’s gone,” Leah said stiffly, she hadn't moved since he came inside the room. “I will never get to talk to her anymore or taste any of her cookies or have her tell me her life’s wisdom. She is gone forever, just like my dad and my mom.”
“I want to be here for you baby, just tell me what to do,” he pleaded.
“I want all of them back!” she cried, her eyes bright with tears. “Can you make that happen?”
“No, but I am here and I am your husband who hurts when you do. It is killing me to see you like this and not able to do a thing about it.” He said holding her hand even though she tried to tug it away from him. “They are dead but I am here and I am alive and I need you to stop pushing me away from you like I am the enemy. I am your husband and I love you so much that I cannot stand it sometimes. I want you to tell me what to do to make you feel better because I refuse to be pushed away!”
Leah stared at him. He was right, he was not the enemy and he had been trying to reach out to her ever since the death of Gladys and all she had done was push him away. She felt the dam burst and she reached out to him blindly as the tears started.
“Let it out baby,” he told her huskily, holding her in his arms. “Let it all out.”
*****
She ate a little later after he had cleaned her up and went for something to drink in the kitchen. He saw her smiling at last and he leaned over to wipe the cheese off the side of her mouth. “I feel like such an idiot,” she said ruefully.
“Why?”
“Because I did not go and I really wanted to say goodbye to her.” She put aside the crust she had been eating.
“She left something for you,” he told her, removing the box from the bed. They had finished off the box of pizza and the juice.
“For me?” she looked at her husband puzzled.
“She left her house to a sister who had nowhere to live and everything in it but she left this for you.” He handed her a package and bending his head, he kissed her cheek. “I will leave you to read it.”
She looked up at him gratefully and started opening the package. It was pages upon pages of handwritten notes and as she started reading she realized that Gladys had put her life story on paper. There was a note addressed to her: “I never knew if the child that had been taken from me forcibly was a boy or a girl and I will forever regret the choice I made or that was made for me but I met Paul and then you and both of you became like my children. I want you to know how much I love you and your kind, generous husband and I want you to open up yourself and allow the Lord to have his way in your life.
“I have lived my life and I want you to live yours without regrets and reservations. You have been given the gift of a wonderful marriage and the start of a brand new family, please don’t let the past influence what you have now. I have been tired for a long time and I wanted to go home so please don’t take it personally. The short time I spent with you and your husband and the other members of the wonderful congregation gave my life meaning after my husband died. Love your husband and your child when he or she comes and I will be looking from my home beside my savior and wishing you all the best. Love your friend and surrogate mother, Gladys.
“Oh I know with the wealthy husband you have there is no need for gifts but I would like you to accept this humble gift I have left for you. It would mean a lot to me if you would wear it.”
She dug through the package and took out a thin gold necklace with a cross pendant on it. She touched the one she always had on around her neck no matter where she was going or what she was wearing, the one her husband had given her some months ago. She would be wearing both of them from now on.
“Everything all right?” Paul asked coming back into the room.
“Everything is great!” she told him smiling through her tears and holding out her arms to him. “I love you.” She murmured as he closed his arms around her.
“I know,” he told her softly.
*****
It was going to be a boy and Paul cried when he heard it. She was already six months pregnant and had already grown big in size. The baby was scheduled to be born in June, a few days after her birthday which was June 10th. Paul had gone on a shopping spree and had the live in helper set up the nursery.
“What a magnificent place,” Janet murmured in appreciation as she looked around the house. They had invited her over to spend the weekend and she had accepted eagerly. Leah was giving her the tour while Paul was making sure the room he had assigned to her was ready. They had grown closer since that day in the room after she had read Gladys’ letter and she was on the verge of completing her book. She had included the notes that Gladys had left her and merged the two stories together.
They were now in the nursery which had been wall papered in a pale blue and with all the necessary furniture assembled and waiting. Paul had found an antique crib and had it restored and polished to a high sheen.
“My son has outdone himself,” Janet murmured, gazing at the beautifully furnished room. “I want to be a part of my grand child’s life.” She said turning towards her daughter in law.
“Of course,” Leah said with a smile, reaching out to touch the woman briefly. “We want that too.”
They stood beside the crib and Janet took up some of the tiny clothes that had been put inside the crib. “It’s hard to believe that a person can fit into something so tiny.” She murmured.
Just then Paul came into the room. “All set mom,” he told his mother with a smile. It had started to get dark and it had been snowing earlier. There was a fire blazing in the hearth and they were planning to sit there and drink hot chocolate until it was time to turn in.
“You’re going to make wonderful parents,” she told them with a wistful smile as they left the nursery.
*****
They spent the weekend at home and they talked. Janet insisted on doing most of the cooking as the live-in helper had gone home for the weekend.
“Are you sure?” Paul had asked her uncertainly. His mother shooed him out of the kitchen as she tied the apron around her waist.
“I am not going to burn down the kitchen.” She assured him with a smile.
She made lasagna and a tasty fruit salad and she also made a pumpkin pie for dessert, refusing help from either of them.
“This is delicious mom!” Paul exclaimed as they sat down to eat and said Grace.
“Absolutely,” Leah said, eating the meal in appreciation. “I didn’t know you could cook like this?”
“I had to learn or starve and when I was out there on the streets I often got odd jobs in restaurants.”
Paul looked at her, his expression speaking volumes.
“It’s okay son,” Janet reached across to touch his hand on the table. “I can talk about it now.”
Leah found that having another woman in the house made a world of difference. While her husband was watching the sports game she and Janet went inside the nursery to rearrange it.
“I think I like these the best.” Leah said holding up a cute all in one sleepwear with feet. “It’s so cute.”
Janet smiled as she folded the tiny clothes and put them away. “I am having so much fun here; I can’t believe how much better I am now. There was a time in my life when I could not leave the home because of how scared I was of the outside world.”
“You are always welcome here,” Leah told her softly, putting aside the little jacket she had been folding and coming over to sit beside her. “As a matter of fact we were wondering if you wanted to come and live with us.”
Janet looked at her and she felt the tears blurring her vision. “You two have made me so happy that I can hardly stand it. But I would not feel comfortable living here with you when you’re just starting your family. I want to stay at the home for a little while longer before I venture out and get my fee
t wet. But I hope I am always welcome to come for weekends.”
“You are more than welcome anytime,” Leah went over to hug her and Janet clung to her, silently thanking God for giving her back her family.
*****
They went to church on Sunday and Leah wondered how she would feel going to church and not seeing Gladys. Paul took her hand in his as they took their set up front and his eyes caught hers and she knew he knew what she was thinking. “I am okay,” she mouthed at him.
Pastor Leo spoke at length about ‘Our dear sister Gladys and her faithfulness to the ministry and how she had never used her condition in the wheelchair to make anyone feel sorry for her.
“We should all take a leaf out of her book my brothers and sisters,” he said. The sanctuary was packed to capacity as usual and there was an air of quiet peace in the atmosphere. The choir was seated in their usual place but this time they were wearing white with a little black around the edges. “We are not here to mourn our dear sister but to rejoice because of the life she lived. The Bible tells us to rejoice when a soul has gone home to rest. Sister Gladys lived her life for the Lord and that is what we are required to do my brothers and sisters. Let us continue in our calling so that we will be told ‘well done good and faithful servant’ when our time arrive.”
Leah felt as if every word he spoke had been directed at her and she felt the tears shimmering in her eyes. She who had not cried often in her life; preferring to keep everything bottled up, found herself crying so often now. The doctor had told her it was hormones and her body was changing because of the baby; but she knew it was more than that. She was around people who felt deeply and had taught her to do so as well.
Paul clasped her hand and pulled her closer to him. “She loved you very much.” He whispered in her ear.
Leah nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder.
They did not go home after church. Paul took them to the same restaurant that he had taken her to before. This time he had not emptied it out and there were families sitting around the table having their Sunday meal.
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