Eventually, the sun begins to rise and the sky turns marvellous shades of pinks and oranges. I watch, mesmerized by the beauty of the sun, rising over the horizon.
Once the sun has risen all the way, I sit up properly. “That was lovely, Old Red. Shall we head home now? I’m feeling much better. And hungry for some breakfast.”
* * *
As I’m hanging Old Red’s reins up on a hook in the barn, a shout brings me from my thoughts.
“Genevieve!” I hear Freida calling from the house.
“Coming!” I shout back, opening the gate for Old Red to get out into the paddock.
As soon as I reach the door, I know something is wrong.
Freida pulls me in the door, hounding me with questions. “Have you seen Douglas? Did he come out? Was he in his bed when you got up?”
I begin to physically vibrate. All of these questions I don’t know the answers to. “I-I don’t know. I can’t remember seeing him, though.”
“Oh, well he’s gone. Bradley says he woke up in the middle of the night, and Douglas wasn’t there. He thought Douglas had gone to the outhouse so he went back to sleep. He’s still not back, though.”
I hug Freida and she begins to cry. “Don’t worry. Maybe he went outside for some fresh air and feel asleep like I did. We’ll find him.”
Pa comes out of his room dressed. “I’m going out to call him. I will see if I can find him.”
“Okay. Thank you,” Freida stutters, sitting back down in her chair, looking faint.
Lydia moves to rest a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure we’ll find him, Freida.”
I sit down in the chair beside her, trying to put on a smile for her. “Yeah, he’s out there. Where did Bradley go?”
“He went out to search for him already. Didn’t you see him?” Hazel sets her knitting down and looks up at me.
I clear my throat, thinking back to how I’d been watching the sunset in the middle of the cow pasture. “No, I don’t think so.”
What I’ve been noticing lately is that I’m blind to anything I don’t want to see. I was seeing all of the beautiful things around me when my family was in pain back here. I’d been in my own little world, while so much had been going on here.
That’s when a thought comes back to me. Late last night I woke up and I heard the sniffs of someone, and I thought I could hear shuffling downstairs.
I then told myself I was imagining things, rolled back over and went to sleep. I now realize the sniffs and shuffles were likely Douglas. And I could’ve stopped him from going out into the night, but I passed it off as nothing. As I usually do. Perhaps this is my fault.
Chapter 13
The sun is beginning to set, and Freida has been crying off and on now for a few hours. One minute she will be completely sobbing, and then the next, be staring at the wall, not moving or making a sound.
Bradley and Pa are still out searching for Douglas. They came in for a minute or two around lunch to get some water, but that’s all we’ve seen of them today.
I’ve been feeling a little uncomfortable today, not knowing exactly what I should do.
Lydia is sitting in her chair, looking at the floor quietly. Hazel is trying to busy herself by dusting a little too thoroughly.
I look up at her. “Hazel, the door handle isn’t dusty.”
“It might be.” She smiles, continuing to dust it.
I shake my head, chuckling to myself.
The door opens a few minutes later and Freida shoots out of her chair. However, once she sees Pa, her mouth goes back to a frown and tears begin to well in her eyes.
Pa shakes his head, looking down. Instantly, Freida begins to cry loudly and her shoulders shake. The usually happy, cheerful person she is now looks so small. She seems so frail to the world around her. I don’t like it.
I feel myself shiver as I think to myself that this isn’t Freida.
She manages to get her sobs to a few sniffs, and she begins walking toward her room. “I think I’m going to sleep for a bit.”
And like that, she disappears into her room, casting one last sorrowful glance back. Maybe she’s hoping Douglas will suddenly appear.
I sigh as I sit down at the table. Bradley sits down next to me, pulling his hands through his thick, brown hair slowly.
I can’t stand it anymore. I silently excuse myself and make my way up the loft. It feels like my eyes are so heavy, and for once I feel like I might be able to fall asleep instantly.
Without changing, I fall onto the bed. I begin closing my eyes before falling into a world of darkness. Before I drift off, though, I feel a single, wet tear run down my face.
* * *
I jolt myself awake. It’s dark and I can’t see a thing. Eventually, my eyes seem to adjust and Lydia’s slowly breathing beside me.
The loft is hot with a stuffy sort of heat, one that makes you feel like you’re choking. I can’t stand it anymore, so I climb out of bed. The floor is cold on my bare feet as I make my way down the ladder.
Downstairs is no better. In fact, it’s worse. Then from the door, a soft knock sounds. Then a thud, as if someone is kicking the door.
I try to say who’s there, but no words come out. The door flies open, revealing a pale Douglas. “You,” he screams, running toward me.
I try to scream, but no sound comes out. I can’t yell for help as he shoves me to the ground. “It’s all your fault, Genevieve. Stop living in your dreams. Reality is here. You heard me. You could’ve saved me, but now…it’s too late.”
* * *
I wake up in a puddle of sweat. Is this really my fault? Surely not. Douglas made the decision to go out into the night on his own. But maybe if…no, I can’t think like this.
I decide going downstairs will be my best option. I know it’s quite early in the morning, but I don’t want my sisters to be woken up due to me shuffling around uncomfortably.
Pausing on the ladder, I see Freida sitting alone in her rocking chair. The chair creaks back and forth slowly. Should I go down? What if she would rather to be alone?
As I’m about to climb back up, she turns around and gives me a weak smile. “Hello.”
I guess that’s my cue to come down.
Quietly, I sit in the chair next to her. She’s lit a candle beside her and is wrapped up in a small blanket. She’s visibly shivering even though the house isn’t cold at all.
“How are you?”
She lets out a long breath. “Honestly, I feel like I’ve been out in the middle of a storm and then attacked by a bear.”
“So not very good then.”
“No.” She smiles, but then instantly presses her mouth in to a thin line.
She sighs, looking at me, her eyes meeting mine. “Why are you always up so early?”
“My dreams. They shake me up pretty good. Most times I can’t fall back asleep.”
She closes her eyes, tilting her head back slightly. “What did you dream about this time?”
“Uh…well, it was about Douglas.”
“Oh.” She pauses. “Look, Genevieve. I know Douglas and Bradley haven’t exactly been nice to you. I know you may not believe me, but they’re genuinely kind boys. I think they’re just so broken after the loss of their father. And I know Douglas, wherever he is, wouldn’t want you to be thinking he doesn’t like you. In fact he probably does, but since you’re the daughter of the man who replaced his father, as he says, you know?”
“Yeah, I wish I’d been able to get to know Douglas in a better way.”
She smiles. “You will. He’ll be back soon.”
I tilt my head. Does she know where he is? “How do you know?”
“Oh, Genevieve, I don’t. But it’s the only way I’m going to be able to keep going about my life. I have to believe he’s still out there somewhere.”
Nodding, I curl up in the rocking chair, bringing my legs up to my chest. I can hear the sound of Freida’s chair rocking back and forth. I close my eyes for a few seconds, drowsi
ness washing over me.
Soon, I feel myself drifting to sleep. But before I do, I feel a blanket being laid over me, and Freida planting a kiss on the top of my head. “Sleep well, Genevieve.”
Chapter 14
“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” I ask once more, climbing up onto the driver’s seat of the wagon.
Pa smiles up at me. “No. You three girls go. I need to stay here with Freida and Bradley. Don’t forget to pick up Darlene.”
“Bye, Pa.” Hazel laughs, waving as I slowly urge the horses into a slow canter.
Lydia is in the back of the wagon, setting out blankets for Alice to sit on. The floor of the wagon is rather hard and Alice never sits in the seat long. She usually lays on the ground talking to herself.
It’s been three days since Douglas first went missing, and there has still been no luck finding him. Freida keeps saying he’s coming home, but as the days go by, I’m beginning to lose hope.
It seems like Bradley has realized it too, because he’s barely spoken in the last twenty-four hours. And he didn’t comment on my dishwashing abilities this morning.
However, the only people in our house feeling up to going to church this morning are Hazel, Lydia, and me. I mostly just want out of the house where everyone is moping around. It’s starting to make me feel unsettled.
When I stop the wagon in front of Darlene’s house, they come out of the door instantly.
I hear Robert opening the back, and I turn around to see him lifting Alice in, then helping Darlene in before passing Levi to her. Soon, Robert takes his seat next to Darlene, and Alice, as expected, is lying on the floor playing with her carved duck.
“Quack. Quack.” Alice giggles as I get the wagon moving again.
“So I assume no luck in finding the boy?” Robert asks Lydia.
“No. Freida’s nearly torn in half.”
Robert clears his throat. “Well I’ve been keeping an eye on the river near our house.”
I turn around to look back at him. “You think that’s where he is?”
He shrugs. “Hard to say, but it’s a high possibility. The current in the river is quite strong.”
I shiver at the thought of helpless little Douglas, falling into the river and probably trying to call for help. Only everyone was asleep.
No. I refuse to believe that’s what happened to him.
I remain in my own thoughts most of the way to Riverbend until the small, town appears over the horizon.
Than a thought comes to me. Perhaps Joel will be here. Genevieve. You don’t care if he’s there or not, I tell myself. But, it’s a little hard to believe.
* * *
We’re finally seated in the pews of the church, and I’m sitting on the opposite side this time, next to Alice. “What dis?” She reaches for the book in the back of the pew.
“No, no. Don’t touch that.” I pause, picking up the duck she dropped on the floor. “Here. Play with the ducky. Quack, quack.”
She giggles, taking the duck from me.
I then see Joel walking down the aisle with his three siblings behind him. Don’t invite him. Don’t.
I clearly can’t listen to myself, because I find myself standing up to wave at him. He seems to hesitate, as if searching for something or someone. Eventually, though he shrugs and leads his siblings toward us.
I see Robert tense, and I know he must recognize him. Darlene whispers something to him, as he stares at Joel while he passes. May I say, it’s a very intent stare.
Joel sits down next to me, his arms stiff. “Where’s your Pa?” he whispers.
“At home.”
He sighs. “That man over there. He saw me. I can tell he recognized me. He was the one I fought with.”
“It’s fine.”
“Okay, well, Genevieve. This is my sister Julie, my brother Albert, and this is Stephen.”
The boys nod in acknowledgment. Julie smiles, reaching to shake my hand. “Oh, it’s nice to meet you. It’s nice to be able to talk with a girl for once. Being trapped on the farm with these three is exhausting.”
I laugh, and Joel rolls his eyes.
“So, where’s all your family today?”
I sigh, thinking of how Freida is right now. “Well, my stepbrother Douglas went missing a few days ago. When we woke up, he wasn’t in his bed. We’ve been searching everywhere for him, but still no luck. Freida and Bradley are pretty upset so Pa thought he’d stay with them today.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure he’ll be back.”
I let out a long breath, looking up into his dark, brown eyes. “Do you really think that?”
“Well, the more days that pass, I’m thinking the less likely it is he’ll return. But there’s always a possibility, right?”
“I honestly don’t know anymore.”
“Gevee. Gevee.” Alice’s voice draws my attention to the small child beside me.
I smile down at her. “Yes?”
“I dwopped ducky.” She points to the floor. Sure enough, under the pew in front of us is Alice’s wooden duck.
“Now how’d you manage that?” I laugh, trying to reach it with my foot.
“Here.” Joel stands up, bending down to grab the duck from under the pew. He hands her the duck, and she smiles, hugging it to her chest.
“What do you say?” I nudge her gently with my elbow.
She giggles setting the duck on my shoulder. “Tank ooo.”
Joel chuckles and sits back down.
I can feel my sisters closely watching us, as well as Robert’s chilling stare. I imagine he’s trying to understand why everyone seems fine with Joel. He’ll come around eventually, I’m sure.
Soon the service starts, and my job of keeping Alice quiet begins.
“No. Don’t drop that anymore,” I whisper, passing her the duck for the third time. She laughs and throws it on the floor. “Fine.” I cross my arms. “I’m not getting it then.”
Immediately, her lip begins to quiver and I rush to grab the duck. She laughs, pausing before throwing it back on the ground.
I sigh and can hear Joel trying to contain his laughter beside me.
I’m never having children.
Chapter 15
The church service is over, and Darlene desperately wants to go see Adeline. I turn to Darlene. “Do you think we could invite Joel and his siblings? They’re all alone out on their farm.”
I watch her bite her lip, then smile. “Sure. The more the merrier.” She takes Alice’s hand and begins walking toward Adeline’s. “Meet you there.”
I watch my family begin to walk away, with Robert looking back at me as he says something to Darlene.
Turning to Joel, I smile, finding my hand quickly brushing past the pendant. “If you’d like to come for some cookies and coffee, you’re welcome to come.”
“Really?” He gives a sad smile.
“Yes, I asked my sister. And this is your chance to show them how you’ve changed.”
He pauses, looking at his sister.
Before he can answer, Julie grins. “Yes! Yes! Thank you. I get even more of an outing. No more boys.” Julie is jumping up and down, speaking quickly.
Joel crosses his arms, glaring at her. “You make living with us sound terrible.”
“Any girl would lose her sanity eventually.”
I chuckle and Julie falls into step beside me, Joel on the other. Stephen and Albert trail behind us.
Soon we reach the house, and I open the door. Robert looks toward us and I smile at him. Darlene rests a hand on his shoulder, and he bites his lip as if to refrain from saying something.
“Hello, everyone. I’ve brought some friends.” I emphasize the word. “This is the Adams family. Joel, Julie, Stephen, and Albert.”
Adeline looks like she’s seen a burglar. Which I suppose is almost true. “The Joel Adams.”
“Yes.” Joel smiles nervously, looking down. He puts his hands in his pockets.
“Look, I know most of you
probably want me to leave right now, and at the word I will, but I just want to apologize. I’m not going to make any excuses for what I did back then. It was wrong. I suppose I went through a rough patch. But I assure you, I’ve changed. I now care for my three younger siblings on a farm near here.”
“Who is he?” I can hear August lean over and whisper to Adeline.
“He stole our wheat four years ago.”
“No.” I say defensively. “He didn’t. We caught him, and he returned it all.”
Joel clears his throat, Julie grabs his arm. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I’d really like the chance to show you who I am now.”
To my surprise, Robert stands from his chair and holds out his hand to Joel. “Hello, Mr. Adams. It’s nice to meet you.”
Joel’s eyes widen, but he has a huge grin on his face. “It’s good to meet you too.”
Soon, everyone is sitting around the table. Darlene is cradling Charity in her arms and Adeline is cooing at Levi.
Robert and August are talking about some stuff I have no clue about with Joel and his brothers.
And Julie is teaching Lydia how to do a unique braid with her hair. I watch how everyone is getting along, thinking to myself, that maybe if Robert can move past Joel’s bad past, Pa can too.
* * *
The women are preparing supper because Adeline has invited us to all stay. The men are still chatting at the table while I mash the potatoes.
Darlene is making the chicken, and Alice has her arms wrapped around her leg, sobbing. “Alice. Get off, dear.”
“No!” She wails. “Up. I want up.”
“No. I’m busy, sweetheart. Go play.”
Alice screams, tears running down her face.
I chuckle, setting my pot of potatoes on the stove. “Darlene? Would you like me to distract her?”
“Yes. Would you mind doing that?” Darlene’s eyes meet mine.
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