by Lylah James
It was impossible to say no to her puppy eyes. She pouted, and I saw Evaline doing the same.
“No,” Alessio simply stated.
I sighed and shrugged. “How big?”
“About a thousand people? Only the close ones,” Evaline suggested.
Woah.
“Will I get to wear a wedding dress?” I asked, feeling suddenly excited.
“Yes!” Maddie squealed.
I knew Alessio and I were already married. I didn’t really want another wedding.
But the thought of walking down the aisle toward Alessio, confessing my love to him, making my vows to him in front of everyone…it made me feel slightly giddy.
On top of that, I didn’t think it was possible to say no to Maddie and Evaline.
I turned in Alessio’s embrace and faced him. “I already consider us married. We don’t need another wedding. The vows we made to each other are already enough.” I paused.
“You want the wedding?” Alessio asked.
“Do you?” I shot back. “If you don’t, then we won’t have one.”
“I don’t care either way, Angel. You are already my wife. No one else can say otherwise.” He shot everyone a glare.
“I want to wear a wedding dress,” I whispered shyly, feeling suddenly nervous. “And walk down the aisle for you. Again.”
I sucked in a quick breath when Alessio kissed me hard. “We’ll have a wedding then,” he announced loudly.
Evaline and Maddie squealed behind me.
I only smiled at my husband.
My heart was overflowing with love for this man.
How could he be a killer and so sweet at the same time…I didn’t understand. But I didn’t have to understand. I just needed him the way he was.
Dangerous, ruthless, yet sweet and loving.
He winked, and my stomach fluttered in response. My heart drummed faster at his smile and blue eyes.
“But bring down the guest numbers, and after Princess is born,” I said when I turned to face the others.
“Deal,” Maddie quickly agreed.
It looked like we were having a wedding after all.
Alessio placed a kiss on my temple. “You are so sweet, husband.”
He teasingly nipped at my ear. “Only for you, wife.”
I giggled…feeling so free…so loved…so treasured.
In Alessio’s arms, I was whole.
Chapter 31
Two weeks later
“Where are we going?” I asked for probably the tenth time.
“You’ll see,” Alessio simply replied.
Our hands were entwined together, and he was pulling me somewhere. Although I had no idea where that somewhere was…because he wouldn’t tell me.
We walked down the hall toward his office. “We’re going to your office?”
“No.”
I was about to ask again when we stopped two doors before his office. I glanced up at Alessio, waiting for him to explain.
“You have never been in here, right?” he asked, gazing down at me intensely.
I shook my head. “No. It’s always locked.”
“Today is an important day. I guess you can say this is another tradition,” Alessio explained.
Confused, I stared at the door as he unlocked it. He pulled me inside, closing the door behind us.
The room was dark, the curtains drawn down, hiding the sun. Alessio walked to the window and dragged the curtains away, letting the sunlight infiltrate the room. It cast a golden glow around us.
I had to blink several times, trying to adjust my eyes to the sudden light.
Alessio had made sure to position me toward the wall. Because of this, the first thing I saw were the large portraits.
My eyes widened, and I let out a barely audible gasp. There were two portraits that I realized were of Lyov and Maria. They looked young in the photos.
The first portrait had Maria sitting on a chair while Lyov stood beside her, his hand on her shoulder. They were both looking at the camera. Maria had a small smile on her face while Lyov looked intense and serious. Almost vicious.
The second portrait, there was only one addition. A small boy sitting on Maria’s lap. When I saw her rounded pregnant belly, I instantly knew the little boy was Alessio.
That portrait was taken when Maria was pregnant with her princess. Tears blurred my eyes at the thought. A princess they never got to meet.
Lyov had the same expression as the first. I wasn’t surprised that he looked like the very killer he was.
I stared at the second portrait for a long time, my eyes on Maria and Alessio. He was a chubby kid. Such a cutie.
He looked so serious in that picture, like he knew this was something important.
My heart ached at the thought. Alessio had to grow up so fast. He never had a chance to enjoy his childhood. His mother’s death had caused him to spiral down so fast toward the dark side.
I felt his warmth behind my back before he even pulled me into his embrace. Alessio wrapped his arms around my waist, his lips placing wet kisses down my neck.
He was always touching me, holding me, showering me with love. I was the happiest when I was in his arms.
“You were so cute,” I muttered, still staring at the portrait.
“Yeah?” he questioned curiously.
“Yeah. I hope Princess has your eyes,” I replied.
“Hmm…I’m hoping that she has yours.”
I cuddled closer into his arms. “Want to place a bet?”
Alessio paused. “You need to stop hanging out with the guys.”
I laughed at that one. “You’re cute.”
“No. I’m hot. Sinfully deliciously sexy. Remember?”
I shook my head. “I should have never said that. You’re always going to remind me of it, aren’t you?” I said with a sigh.
This man. He had such a huge ego and was so damn arrogant. I shouldn’t feed into this arrogance.
But then again, whatever I said was the truth. And he knew it.
“Say it again,” he demanded.
“No.” I chuckled at the demand.
He nipped at my neck playfully. I felt his hips moving against my back, and my mouth fell open. Alessio thrust against my back, letting me feel his hard length.
“Oh my God,” I hissed when he laughed.
“Say it,” Alessio ordered teasingly. His hand made its way to my breast, and I froze when his fingers made contact with my nipple.
He softly dragged his finger tip over it through my dress.
“You are impossible, Alessio.”
I couldn’t stop the moan when he played with my hard nipple, pinching and tugging at the pebbled point.
“Not exactly what I want to hear, kitten,” he returned huskily.
“Your body is made for sinning. You are deliciously sexy,” I quickly said as he continued to tease me.
His slow ministration stopped. “Do you want to sin then? Right now? Right here?”
I took a deep breath. The invitation was quite inviting. I loved the idea, but I shook my head. “No. Because that’s not why you brought me here. After you explain, then maybe we can go back to our room, and I will let you have your way with me.”
“Hmm…I think that’s a good deal. You won’t be able to walk tomorrow, though. Is that good with you?”
He was making it more impossible to resist him. Turning around in his arms, I smiled at the goofy smile on his face. I kissed his lips slowly before pulling away. “You can just carry me around. That’s what you do most of the time anyway.”
“You make a good deal, Ayla Ivanshov,” he said proudly. He loved calling me by my full name. Maybe it was a way to remind himself that I was truly his.
After all the heartbreak, I was finally his in every sense of word.
“You taught me well, Alessio Ivanshov,” I replied.
We stared at each other, both wearing silly smiles. His loving gaze finally moved from mine to the portrait behind me.
“I’m sorry, Alessio,” I whispered in his chest.
His arms went tight around me. “Don’t apologize, Ayla. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
I hiccupped back a sob. His unwavering love for me always made me speechless. I cried softly in his chest, trying to find my words.
“It still haunts me, Alessio. To know that it was my family who destroyed yours. I still wonder how you can look at me and not hate the mere sight of me. How can you love me when I am the offspring of the man who killed your mother?”
His hand caressed my back soothingly. When he spoke, his words held power and strength. “It’s not your fault. I’m not going to blame you for this. You ask me how can I love you? Well, I don’t know. I really don’t know, Ayla. I don’t need a reason to love you. All I know is that I can’t live without you. When I look at you, when I see your smile or hear your laughter…it’s enough to make me feel at peace. You calm me. I can’t be without you. It’s simple…there is no me without you.”
I stayed silent, letting his love cocoon me in a safe embrace.
“You wanted to know why I brought you here?” he asked.
I nodded and waited for him to continue.
Alessio sighed and slightly pulled away. He brushed my tears away. “It’s because it’s our turn to be on that wall.”
“It’s your turn to take that seat as Queen. It’s another tradition for the Ivanshov family. Something we have been practicing for decades. For some families, their women hold no power. But for us, our wives are our queens. Our Angels.” Alessio paused, looking slightly chocked by emotions.
“The photographer will be here in a few hours. By tomorrow morning, our portrait will be on that wall,” Alessio continued before he kissed forehead sweetly.
“I’m really your wife…in every way,” I stated tearfully.
“Yes, you are, Angel,” he replied with a small smile.
He turned me around so my back was to him. Holding me close, we stared at the two portraits. “And you are not only the Queen of the Ivanshov family, but you have thousands of men under you. Four Russian families. They all belong to you.”
His lips were so close to my ear as he whispered his next words. “And the Italians are yours too. They are at your feet. You are above them, Angel. I made sure of that.”
A shiver ran through me. His voice was rough and held a hint of hard dominance. I swallowed nervously. “This is a bit overwhelming, Alessio. Months ago, I had nothing. And now I have more than I want.”
“You have everything you deserve, Ayla.”
Alessio palmed my pregnant belly. “I will never let our daughter go through what we went through.”
My heart soared, and I closed my eyes with a relieved and happy sigh. “You are amazing; you know that? Sometimes I feel like it’s all a dream. Like you aren’t real. You can’t be real.”
He stiffened behind me, and my eyes snapped open at the sudden change. “I’m not amazing, Ayla. I’m far from amazing. If you knew what I had done…then you wouldn’t say that.”
I turned in his arms, looking at his cold face. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m a killer, Ayla,” he stated, staring at my face intently. He was looking for my reaction.
“I know that,” I replied softly.
“I have killed for years, and I will keep doing it—for this family. To protect my empire. And to protect you and our kids. It’s who I am,” he explained quietly.
“I know.”
“No. You don’t. You don’t know, Ayla. You have no idea of the things I have done. I’m not an amazing man. I’m a monster,” he continued, looking slightly heartbroken. “I don’t deserve you.”
My hands went to his chest. “Stop saying that. Just stop, Alessio. I get to decide if you deserve me or not. And I say you deserve me. Just like I deserve you.”
Alessio let out a dry laugh. “So innocent, Angel. I’m tempted to keep you that way. I don’t want to drag you into the dark side with me, but I can’t let you go either.”
“Alessio—” I started, but he shook his head, cutting me off.
“If I were a good man, I would have let you go to have a good life. Not trapped you here with me.”
“But it’s my choice. I decided to stay here with you. I chose you,” I quickly fought back. He was just being plain ridiculous now.
Alessio brought his hand to my face. His thumb caressed the underside of my eye, slowly dragging his finger to my cheek. “I’m not any better than your father or Alberto. You ended up falling in love with the Devil.”
My eyes widened, my lips parting in shock. “You don’t mean that. Stop it!” I screamed. “Don’t ever compare yourself with them. Do you understand?”
Holding his collar, I glared at the man I desperately loved. How dare he lower himself to their level?
“Tell me something, Alessio. Have you ever taken a woman against her will? Have you ever hit a woman? Rape her until she was unconscious and couldn’t move? Rape her while she was pregnant with another man’s baby? Have you ever chained a woman to a wall and beat her up…whipped her until she puked from crying too much?” I questioned fiercely.
Before he could answer, I continued. “Alberto did all of that to me and more. I know the difference between a good man and the Devil. You might be a killer, but you are a good man.”
My tears ran freely down my cheeks. I wanted Alessio to believe me. I was desperate for him to believe me.
Grabbing his cheeks, I stood on my toes until our faces were closer. Our lips were mere inches apart. “You said you have trapped me here. But tell me, if I ever want to leave…if I ever want to take our daughter and leave this place, will you let me go? What if I can’t bear to stay on this estate any longer…or stay with you? What if I chose to leave, would you let me go?”
He sucked in a shocked breath and looked pained. Like I had shot him, took his heart, and trampled over it.
“Even if it fucking killed me and I would be so tempted to tie you to our bed, I would let you go. Only if that’s what you wanted and made you happy. But not after fighting for us,” he choked out, like the words were hard to say.
I nodded, already knowing that would be his answer. I took his lips, and he let me lead the kiss. I kissed my husband slowly and softly, pouring all my love in that one kiss.
“And that’s exactly why you are different from Alberto. You two can’t even be compared in the slightest bit, my love,” I breathed against his lips.
His arms wrapped around me so tightly that it was almost impossible to breathe. “You won’t leave me?”
I shook my head. “No. I won’t. It was used just for an example,” I muttered. His heart drummed faster against mine, and I rubbed his chest, trying to soothe him.
“Don’t ever compare yourself with them. I know you have killed, and I know you will kill again. It doesn’t scare me. Because I know in the end, when you come back home, you will hold me in your arms and make sweet love to me…showing me exactly how much you love me,” I continued softly, this time my lips on his chest, right over his beating heart.
“Always,” he vowed.
I smiled. “Exactly.”
“I have done horrible things, Ayla, but my love for you is true,” he confessed.
“How horrible? Tell me,” I demanded.
“I almost killed a man in front of his wife and daughter. I made them watch as I tortured him. I have killed more men than I could ever count. I cut Artur’s tongue out.” He paused when I flinched at the visual.
“I made him bleed for hours. I cut off Enzo’s dick. I tortured them until they were unconscious and could barely breathe.” Alessio bent his head down.
“And I ripped Alberto’s fucking heart out of his chest with my bare hands,” he hissed in my ear. “Is that what you want to hear, Angel?”
“They were all bad men. They des
erved it, Alessio,” I pushed out.
“Not all of them were bad,” he said drily.
My breath was stolen from me and I froze. “What?”
Alessio stayed silent, and I looked at him in shock. “Have you…ever…killed an innocent?”
He stared at me with hard blue eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. I do what I have to do for my family. For my empire. When I have a purpose, a goal…I go for it. I take what I have to take. I take what I want. It doesn’t matter who is in front of me. Everyone who is in my path ends up soulless. I go for my target, not caring what disaster I leave behind.”
My hands shook, and I took several deep breaths. “So, no. I don’t know who is innocent or who isn’t. I don’t care. It’s what I want and what I have to do to get it. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. Do I care? No, I don’t. But do I care what you think of me? Then yes, I do.”
I brought a shaky hand to my lips and shook my head, trying to find the proper words. He chuckled low and looked hurt when I didn’t say anything.
“Go ahead. Say it, Ayla. I’m a monster. Your husband is a killer,” he goaded.
I shook my head again.
“I know exactly who you are. I married you knowing what you do and how you do it. I’m not surprised. Just a little overwhelmed with the information. You’re right. You are a killer. You are a monster.” I paused.
His eyes widened, and he took a step back, like I had burned him.
Taking a step forward, I crowded his personal space again. “But you are my monster.”
Alessio sucked in a surprised breath, his shoulders sagging. “Do you understand what I’m saying? I accept you for who you are. You are mine. All of you. So I would really appreciate it if you stop lowering yourself. I decide what I deserve, and I say we deserve each other.”
Alessio was silent for a moment, his expression deadly.
And then he threw his head back and laughed. Pulling me into his arms, he buried his head in my neck. “You are crazy for loving me. You can’t back out now. It’s too late. I’m never letting you go, Angel.”