by Sloan Storm
“I would never try to tell someone else how to live their life, Dani.”
I paused, making a small gesture in the direction of her mother.
“I know that your relationship with your family is difficult at times. It probably feels impossible. Still, you have to find a way to be grateful for it even if it’s not the situation you want. I always hated my father, resented him for never taking an interest in my life. But those feelings, they aren’t worth holding onto, especially when life can be taken at any instant.”
I finished speaking and Dani looked into my eyes, biting her lower lip.
“Marco, I…”
“You don’t have to say anything, Dani,” I replied, interrupting her. “The most important thing right now is that you and I reestablish the tie that’s been broken. Without that, your mom is right, I should just leave and never come back.”
Dani swallowed hard, shaking her head.
“That’s not what I want.”
I let go of her, creating space between us again.
“I don’t want that either, Dani. But the truth is that we’ve got to get back to where we were. It won’t be easy. But, it will be worth it, if you’re willing to fight with me.”
Dani didn’t reply. I didn’t have anything else to say.
“Do you,” she began, looking into my eyes. “Do you know who your biological parents are?”
I looked down at the ground, kicking a loose stone across the path.
“Yes.”
“Well, don’t you…” she said
Her voice trailed off.
I looked at her. “Don’t I what?”
Dani shook her head, breaking eye contact with me.
“Nothing. It’s none of my business.”
A slow breath escaped from my nostrils.
“You’re wondering why I’m not curious about them, whether or not they are alive or know anything about me and what I’ve become. Right?”
I studied Dani’s face for a moment. She furrowed her brow.
“You don’t have to explain, Marco. It was stupid of me to ask.”
“No, it wasn’t stupid at all. I’ve wondered the very same things. It’s only natural. But the truth is, it’s all still so new I’m not sure how I feel, let alone what I’m going to do about it. Do you know what I mean?”
Dani nodded and cleared her throat at the same time.
“Yes, of course. I can’t imagine how difficult all of this has been for you. I’m sorry that you had to go through it by yourself.”
I swallowed hard, blown away by the compassion she showed. If the situation had been reversed, I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted, but it would’ve been far different than the way she did in that moment.
“Listen, Dani,” I said, determined to make things right with her. “I didn’t tell you about this to garner sympathy from you. I still have work to do to repair the damage I’ve caused.”
“Marco, I’m just exhausted right now. It’s taken every ounce of strength I have just to stand here and talk to you. I believe that you are being sincere, and I don't think that you’ve told me about your past to manipulate me. But, at the same time, I feel like I’m getting to the end of my rope. You can understand that, can’t you?”
I reached for her again, this time touching the bottom of her chin with my thumb and forefinger. I looked into her eyes.
“I’m here for you, Dani. Right here.”
DANI
A little more than twenty hours earlier, I never expected to see Marco Rhys in the flesh again. What’s more, his confession about his discovery of his past…
I couldn’t lie. It broke my heart.
While I meant everything I said about wanting to trust him, something inside of me held onto the fear. He told me so much but said so little. I was grateful to him for coming here and doing the right thing. But at the same time, he hadn’t told me how he felt, not really.
I’d already confessed my feelings. There was nothing left for me to hide. In spite of his honesty and willingness to share, I slowly began to think that the feelings I experienced were one-sided. But, no matter how badly I wanted to hear the words from his mouth, demanding he tell me wasn't going to accomplish anything. If he didn’t feel strongly enough about me to say so, then I had no choice but to protect myself and keep my guard up.
More than anything, I wanted to reach for him, care for him, and let him know everything would be okay. But so many things remained unresolved, I didn’t dare tread into such dangerous waters.
“Shit,” Marco muttered, snapping me out of my trance. “Looks like it’s long past my ten minutes, isn’t it?”
I smiled at him and glanced back over my shoulder in the direction of my mother who seemed unconcerned.
“I wouldn’t worry about it,” I replied, turning back to face Marco again. “I’m sure she won’t mind.”
Marco nodded.
“That’s good, because I’ve still got a few more things to say.”
I reached for him, placing my hand on his chest.
“Okay,” I began, looking into his eyes. “But before you do, I want to know why you weren’t honest with me about Serena the first night I met her.”
Marco looked away from me, exhaling a deep breath.
“That’s a tricky question, Dani.”
My hand fell away.
“Why?”
“Well it’s just that, there was nothing to say. Serena and I weren’t together then, and we still aren’t. Besides, you and I were just getting to know each other. Why would I want to screw that up? Put yourself in my situation. I had no idea she was going to be at my place when we got there. What would you have said – how would the evening have gone – if I told you that I was married without any context or meaning other than just being ‘honest’. I wasn’t trying to deceive you then, and I’m not now. It’s just one of the situations in life that has no easy explanation.”
I watched him while he struggled for a reply. I know it wasn’t easy, but at least he wasn’t trying to avoid the question.
“And like I said to you on the phone, Dani, if I’d known she was capable of the kinds of things she’s done, of course I would've done anything I could to stop her.”
I nodded. “I know. It’s just too bad that the damage is already done.”
Marco slid his hands into the pockets of his pants.
“It’s funny that you mention that, Dani. That’s the other reason I’m here to see you.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Well, how do you think I ran into Chloe? I didn’t just bump into her on a random Manhattan street corner. I went to your apartment. It was the very next stop I made after visiting the firm.”
I leaned away from him, my mouth falling open.
“What? When did you go to my office?”
“Yesterday.”
Confusion clouded my mind. “Why?”
Marco scoffed at me.
“What do you mean why? I went there to fight for you – to explain to Bernard and Leopold exactly the type of person they were dealing with in Serena. That's why I went there.”
The revelation caught me completely by surprise.
“I… I don’t even know what to say right now. What happened?”
Shrugging, Marco continued, “It was pretty straightforward. With the assistance of my family’s attorneys, I’ve laid out my revised terms. I informed Bernard and Leopold that under no circumstances would I do business with them so long as they were dealing with Serena.” He paused, waiting for me to reply. When I didn’t do so immediately, Marco reached towards me, touching my arm.
“You seem upset, Dani.”
Flabbergasted, I shook my head.
“No, I’m not upset at all. I’m just… surprised.”
“Why?”
“I suppose I just wasn’t expecting it. That’s all.”
Marco fell silent, narrowing his gaze at me. He seemed suspicious of my answer.
“What?” I aske
d. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I guess I expected you to be more pleased.”
“Well I mean, I am. I guess.”
Marco grimaced and crossed his arms at his chest.
“Why do I get the feeling that you’re lying to me, Dani?”
“It’s not like that,” I stammered, trying to organize my thoughts. “It’s just that I’m not used to anyone else fighting my battles for me. I’ve always had to do it alone. That’s all I was trying to say.”
I reached for Marco’s arm in return, wrapping my fingers around it and squeezing for emphasis.
“I’m very grateful to you. It’s just new for me.”
I smiled at him and his tension appeared to ease. In the very next instant, the idea of Bernard and Leopold panicking over losing Marco’s account caused me to chuckle.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“It’s nothing. I just have this image of the two of them huddled with the firm’s attorneys, trying to figure out what to do next.”
Marco chuckled in return.
“That’s exactly what they’re doing. In fact, that’s how we left it. Everything is on the table, Dani. Without you, there’s no deal.”
What happened between Marco and me still hurt. But the fact that he had gone there and done what he did meant a lot, probably a lot more than I was comfortable admitting in the moment. We stood there in silence for a few seconds. Maybe Marco sensed my apprehension.
“Dani,” he began, unfolding his arms and dropping them to his sides. “I’m gonna go. I hope that you find some time to think about what we’ve discussed. I’ve said all I can say and done what I believed to be the right thing.”
I nodded at him.
“I know you did. Thank you.”
With that, he gestured in the direction of my mother.
“Let me get you back.”
I turned and began to retrace our steps, heading towards the bench where my mom sat.
“Promise me you’ll think about forgiving me for what I’ve done.”
Without turning to look at him, I nodded.
“I will.” I replied. “But right now, I just need some space. Some time to think about what’s next for me. Whatever you have done to intervene with Bernard and Leopold is out of my hands. I need time to myself.”
Marco wasted no time in responding.
“Believe it or not, I feel exactly the same way.”
DANI
Not long after, Marco finished walking me back to the bench to join my mother. She looked up at us but before I could say anything, Marco spoke.
“Madam,” he began, kindness in his tone. “I know that we didn’t exactly hit it off earlier. However, I want to express my condolences over the loss of your husband.”
Without responding, my mother narrowed her eyes at him, crossing her legs in a guarded manner.
Marco gestured towards me.
“As for what’s happened between your daughter and me, that’s a private matter. But rest assured, I’m doing everything I can to fix the problems I’ve caused for her.”
With that, Marco turned towards me, leaned in and kissed me once on the cheek. I hadn’t expected it. The feel of his mouth against my face rekindled emotions I thought I wouldn’t experience again. I reached up and tugged a strand of hair behind my ear, trying to conceal the effect it had on me.
Marco leaned away from me, smiling.
“I’ll be in touch, Dani. Take care of yourself… ” he paused, glancing at my mother again. “of each other.”
I looked at him in silence, smiling in return. Marco turned and started to walk away. I watched him for thirty seconds or so. Only the sound of my mother clearing her throat shifted my focus.
“What did you two talk about?” she asked.
Breaking my gaze on him, I looked down at her and shrugged.
“A lot of things – too many to mention right now. Besides, I think it’s time for us to get back to the others. Don’t you?”
My mother nodded, exhaling and reaching up to take hold of my hand. I grabbed it, helping her to stand. Taking the walk we’d planned to before Marco showed up, my mom and I meandered along the gravel trail, making our way back to the mortuary and the rest of my family.
Later that evening, in my hotel room, I collapsed into the bed, exhausted and in desperate need of sleep. In spite of that, random thoughts rattled around in my head, preventing me from drifting away. Of course, above them all was my memory of my father. Even now, none of it seemed real to me.
I’d missed the opportunity, the only chance I would’ve had, to see him before he passed away. Circumstances had conspired against me, but still, I couldn’t shake my feelings of guilt. The only thing that helped soothe the pain was the fact that my mother had been so supportive of my remorse.
Just then, my thoughts drifted to her.
What would happen to her now? She’d been with my father since her early twenties, married for her entire adult life. Now, she was a widow and a fairly young one. I hoped the conversation we had would be the beginning of a new relationship, a friendship, between us. I wanted that very much, but the long years of history we shared filled me with some apprehension.
One of the last things she said to me earlier in the evening stuck with me. In a moment of surprising honesty, she told me I’d been right all along. When I asked her what she meant, my mother simply explained my decision to rely on no one but myself would protect me from the kind of anguish she now faced.
I wasn’t sure what to make of her confession. When a person is grieving, it’s difficult to take everything they say seriously. It’s not that I thought she was lying, far from it. More likely, she was dealing with the first waves of loneliness in the wake of my dad’s death and struggling to put the emotion into words.
But lying on the mattress and staring up at the ceiling, I considered another reason for the things she said. Maybe somewhere deep inside, she really did believe what she told me. It’s a mother’s instinct to want to protect, to shield their children from the inevitable harshness of life. I wondered if that was her objective.
By telling me I was right, maybe she was hoping I’d avoid the same pain now consuming her. Because if I never loved anyone the way she loved my father, then I would never have anything to fear. There will be no loss, no pain and no suffering.
Whether that was her goal or not, I had no idea. After all, it’s not like we had a long history of discussing such things. I was only guessing about her motives. Groaning, I rolled over on my side, tucking one pillow between my legs and stuffing another under my head. I stared at the clock in my hotel room. It was off by hours. I hadn't cared enough to fix it.
Searching my feelings about Marco next, I began to soften towards him. He’d come so far and made such an effort it seemed impossible he was being anything but genuine with me. But things were still so fucked up, it was going to take a lot more to repair the mess we found ourselves in than a fifteen-minute chat.
I crossed my arms in front of my body, pulling my knees up towards my chest into a fetal position. I wanted to believe every word coming out of his mouth.
Not being with him was crushing me. And even though he hadn’t come out and expressed the same feelings for me, I knew in his own way he was doing the best he could. I bit my lip. For a moment I allowed myself to imagine everything had been fixed, almost like nothing ever happened.
Would he tell me then?
I grimaced, and a somber realization settled in on my consciousness. Maybe he didn’t have the same feelings. Maybe the only reason he’d come was out of a sense of guilt, obligation. It was an admirable gesture, but in the end it would mean the same thing for me - Marco Rhys would not be part of my life.
The idea sparked a dull ache deep in the pit of my stomach. In that instant, I made a decision. The days ahead would be filled with nothing but turmoil. I already knew it. In spite of that, I promised myself I wouldn’t let my desires go unspoken. I’d already c
onfessed my love for him and got nothing in return. Even so, I would’ve never been able to live with myself if I didn’t give whatever we had at least one more chance.
My eyelids grew heavy. For several minutes, I battled them, doing my best to organize my thoughts before I drifted away. The last image I had was of my mother, standing above my father’s casket, weeping. Even if everything worked out between Marco and me… Even if we spent a lifetime of bliss together, I would, at some point, face the exact same fate.
I didn’t know if I was ready for it. Was she?
MARCO
Seeing Dani again was bittersweet. I was under no illusion she trusted me. Of course, I couldn’t blame her. My only hope was with some time and my continuing effort to fix things with her career, she’d come around. But that was out of my control since it was a decision only she could make.
I returned to my hotel suite in Manhattan late the night before. Sleep didn’t come easy or quick. Before I realized it, I was up with the sunrise. The only thing on my agenda that day was a brief meeting with my attorneys ahead of my final discussions with Bernard and Leopold the next afternoon.
Later that day, after ordering a couple of bottles of wine, I made my way to a balcony off my hotel room, overlooking the busy city streets below. New York was a place I loved, even if I didn’t get to visit very often. The energy of the city reminded me of the track. Everywhere life buzzed, moving at an incredible speed, just the way I liked it.
With a nearly full glass of wine in one hand, I eased into an oversized chair on the balcony. After taking a seat, I turned my head and looked at the only thing I brought with me on my trip - the envelope my father left in the strong box. For several minutes, I sat there, trying to center myself and collect my thoughts.
The wine went down easy, and quick. Placing the empty glass down on the cement tiling next to my chair, I lifted the envelope in front of my face. Since discovering it, I hadn’t bothered to pull out the contents again. I didn’t know if it was because of anger, fear, or disgust. Whatever the emotion was, I didn’t question it.
I licked my lips, grateful for what little humidity hung in the air. What is it about crossroads in life? There’s never any warning, only a choice… Which road will it be?