It looks like Riley’s made herself comfortable with Tux. That’s right, I’ve given up calling my cat by his given name. He never responded to it, but he does respond to Tux. “Do you need to get your work set up?” I ask her, setting down the last box I carried in.
“Yeah, I’m off from my day job tomorrow since it’s Halloween, and I was gonna do my best to knock some stuff out. I won’t interrupt you, will I?”
“Distract me maybe, but interrupt me? No,” I assure her. Knowing she’ll be up here tomorrow by herself is definitely going to be hell on my focus.
She smiles, and the way her lips tilt hits me right in the chest.
“Good, I don’t want this,” she puts her arms out, indicating all the stuff she’s brought in. “To freak you out. I know I come with a lot.”
“I knew you did when I asked you to stay.”
Apparently my words are the right things to say her smile widens, and she gets to work setting up the things she needs to work. It’s weird watching someone else do their job, compared to the way I do mine. Hadley’s quick and efficient, whereas a lot of time, I’m slow. I take my time getting my tools together and making a game plan of how I’m going to attack a problem. Hadley seems to have an assembly line and a focus I’ve never seen. “You’re serious about that,” I tilt my head at the machine she’s put on my kitchen table, along with her MacBook.
“I have to be,” she shrugs. “What I really want to do is be a professional organizer. You know, do for other people, what I’m doing for your office, but it’s hard to get your name out there for it. The easiest way for me to even begin is doing all this planner stuff. They’ve become really popular lately, and I’ve always loved design. Women eat up these stickers and specific pages I make. But what I’m hoping,” she stops fiddling with her printer and pushes her hair back. “Is to eventually transition to just organizing. It’s more money, and hands-on, which means I won’t be stuck behind a computer forever. I love this, because I’m creative, but I’d rather do the organization because I can see it changing, and when I’m done, people are so excited with their new space.”
“How many have you done?”
“Organization jobs?”
I nod, gripping the back of the chair where I stand at the kitchen table. “Four so far, and they’ve all been free, because I want them for my portfolio. You’re my last free one, so you’re pretty lucky,” she winks.
Smiling back at her, I come around the table, putting my arms around her waist. Leaning in so Riley can’t hear, I let my voice drop an octave. “Pretty sure I’m paying you in ways you never thought you’d be paid before.”
She breathes deeply and I feel her nipples tighten, rubbing against my chest. “If you wanna make a payment sometime this weekend, I wouldn’t be opposed,” She whispers back.
Glancing over my shoulder, I see Riley’s still involved with Tux and the TV is on. She’s engrossed in whatever it is she’s watching. In a synchronized move, I lean down and run my fingers up Hadley’s side, tilting her chin with the palm of my hand. She rises up on tiptoes to meet me halfway. When our lips meet, it’s the all-consuming rush it always is, and I have to remind myself Riley is here. She’s young, she’s impressionable, and she doesn’t need to see us go at it like two teenagers on a first date. Pulling back is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Nipping at her mouth, I slow it down, clearing my throat when we finally release one another.
She rests her head against my collarbone, while I rub my hands up and down her back, soothing the heated rush I know we both feel. It’s never been like this with another woman. My heart’s never pounded, my mind has never been completely overtaken by thoughts of her, and I haven’t ever physically ached to hold another woman in my arms. But with Hadley? I’m having all the symptoms of a man who’s about to lose his head, heart, and fucking mind. Never once did I think I would be that man, but it sure looks like I’m going to surprise myself.
“Do you have much longer to go here?” I hope my voice doesn’t sound as strangled as my balls feel right this instant.
“I have a few orders to fill, which will probably take about an hour.”
Her voice sounds breathless and I give myself a pat on the back for doing that to her. One thing about Hadley is she makes me feel like a man, you know one of those men who can do anything? She gives me the confidence, the drive, the overwhelming desire to beat my chest and tell everyone who looks our way that this woman is mine. I glance up at the clock, seeing it’s late afternoon. I didn’t have lunch, I’m fucking hungry.
“How about Sprite and I leave you to it. We’ll go grab dinner. By the time we get back, you should be done, right?”
“Are you sure?” her eyes look like they’re going to pop out of her head.
“Yeah, we like each other, right Sprite?” I look over at Riley, who’s lying on the couch, watching the TV show, Tux on her chest.
“You’re okay,” she grins at me.
The teasing takes me off-guard. Riley’s never teased with me before. Not that I didn’t think she was capable, but it’s not the type of personality she normally has – at least not a trait I’ve seen yet. “I’m okay?” I put my hand up to my heart and make a noise like she’s stabbed me, before I struggle over to the couch and fall on the side she’s not taking up. “You wound me, little girl.”
“You’ll be fine,” she giggles as I tickle her legs.
“I sure do hope so, I’d hate to have to go to the hospital and explain a little girl broke my heart.”
She puts Tux on the ground before she moves over towards me, curling up next to my side. “I think you’re stuck with us.”
Fucking emotions I’ve never felt before tighten my throat, my chest, and every other part of my body that needs oxygen. There’s a part of me that’s worried about saying the wrong thing, and there’s another part of me that says fuck it, say what I want. In the end, what I want wins. “I think you’re stuck with me too.”
I let my eyes drift to Hadley, who’s taken her phone out, snapping a picture of us on the couch. With Hadley sitting at the table, watching us, and Riley curled around me, I can’t think of any way my life could get better than it is right now.
Hadley tossed me her keys as we left the apartment, telling me to take her car to go grab dinner. Fuck that and the little sardine can.
“I’m gonna grab your booster seat out of your mom’s car,” I tell Riley as we get downstairs. I park in the back of the building, and not many people even know I have my own vehicle.
“Are we riding the bike?” she asks, her voice unsure as she glances at me.
“No,” I can’t help but laugh. “I have my own vehicle, but we’ll let your mom think I got into her tiny car. She probably thinks it’s funny. Me driving with my knees up to my ears.”
Riley laughs at the imagery as I go about putting the booster seat in my truck. It takes a few minutes, but we’re on the road.
“What should we get, Sprite?” I ask as Riley and I head across the bridge to the strip where all the fast food restaurants are. “What does you mom like?
“Chick-fil-a, soup and nuggets,” she answers from the back of the truck.
“I haven’t had that in a long time, does it sound good to you?” It amazes me how she was so reluctant when I first met her, and now she’s poised enough to give me her opinion on where to eat. I like to think maybe I had something to do with it, but then again, I don’t want to give myself too much credit either.
“Yeah,” she nods. “I like the nuggets and chocolate shakes.”
I wonder if she’s allowed to have a chocolate shake, and then decide since she’s with me, she can have whatever she wants. “How’s school going?” I want to keep her talking, and I like hearing about her days. We don’t get time alone often.
“I got a ribbon yesterday,” she reaches into the backpack she’s brought along with us.
Letting my eyes flash to the backseat, I see her holding it up proudly. “Awesome, Sprite! What’d you
get it for?”
“Reading,” she pushes her glasses up. “I like to read.”
I laugh, because somehow that doesn’t surprise me.
“Trick, does this go up here?” Hadley asks as she opens my cupboard, looking for a place to put the pan she got out of my dishwasher.
She’s on tiptoe trying to reach it. Taking advantage of the fact that Riley’s taking a bath, I come up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her back to my front. There’s so many emotions running through my head, I’m not sure how to deal with them. The words I hear coming from my lips are words I never thought I’d speak to another person, because I never thought I was worthy enough after being in jail, to have someone like these two in my life. “When the two of you are here, it makes me feel like I really have a family.”
Hadley inhales deeply, turning in my arms. “You do,” she grips my face with her hands, pulling my head so that my eyes are looking into hers. “As unconventional as this is, as much as some might say I’m crazy, as much as some might say you’re crazy – we are a family.”
“It’s only been two months,” I protest, because in my head that’s only weeks, and it should take years to form a family. It should take a lifetime.
“Time doesn’t matter, Trick,” she tries to pull me down so that I’m on the same level as her.
Instead, I grip her around the waist and lift her onto the counter. There we’re on the same level. She doesn’t have to strain, I don’t have to bend.
“Actions matter,” she continues. “And I know from the way you make it a point to always include Riley, the way you do things for me – you care. Nobody can fake the amount of okayness you have with the wrench we put in your life. Hell, I’ve overtaken your kitchen, and part of your living room, just so I can stay here with you. You’ve never once made me or her feel like we’re an inconvenience for you.”
“You’re not,” I lean in, kissing her neck. “What you’ve given me is a gift, I’m never going to take it for granted.”
“Not everyone thinks that way, Trick.”
As quick as I can snap my fingers, she’s monotone and her blue eyes are clouded. I wonder where the fuck she’s gone to.
Hadley
“What do you mean you can’t come?” I’m starting to panic as I look at my husband, seeing the unbending emotion in his face.
“Hadley, I told you when we had her, there would be times I couldn’t participate, times I couldn’t act like other fathers do.”
He cuts me down with sharp words, giving me a bored look as he continues putting his cufflinks in his button-down shirt. It infuriates me when he gives me this look. “You don’t act like most husbands do, either,” I’m pissed and he’s going to see the fury, he’s going to experience the full wrath of my disappointment.
“Don’t be a brat,” he grabs his suit jacket, putting it over the shirt.
“What kind of a man schedules a business dinner on the day of his daughter’s ballet recital, but then doesn’t even think about the fact his wife can’t come? And can I add she does fucking ballet because it’s what you want her to do, even though she expressed interest in piano? Yet you’ve never seen her do it?”
“She’s three, Hadley, and do you have to use such vulgar language?”
He’s giving me his back, and I hate when he does this more than anything, like he can dismiss me because he’s turned away from me. Add to it, I think he’s cheating on me, and I’ve had enough. “You mean the word fucking? Saying it’s the only way I’m getting it these days.”
He turns back around quicker than I’ve ever seen him move, and before I know it, I’m pressed up against the wall, my wrists over my head, and his knee between my legs. “You have a problem with our sex life? Maybe you should take a look at yourself. You don’t support me. You’ve not lost the baby weight from the child I didn’t want. It’s not all tight and compact anymore, sweetheart. Have you not noticed how hard it is for me to get it up?”
“You bastard,” I fight against the hold of his hands around my wrists.
“That’s it, honey, fight it. Maybe then I can manage to get a little excited.”
Tears pour down my face, I can’t believe this is what we’ve become. Phillip can be harsh, and I realized quickly after we got married, the show he likes to put on for the public. But in private he’s never been mean like this. Not even when I told him I was pregnant, knowing he didn’t want a child. All the life goes out of me at the words he’s spewed my way. I go limp, and he lets me go, allowing me to fall to the floor.
“I’ll tell Riley you don’t feel well,” I wipe at the tears on my face.
“Don’t lie for me, Hadley. Tell Riley I don’t care to watch a bunch of babies pretending to dance on a stage for hours when I can have real, adult conversation. It’s best she gets used to disappointment now.”
With those words, he’s out the door, and I have to figure out how in the hell I’m going to pull myself together in twenty minutes to take Riley. Because that’s what mothers do. Be the people our kids count on, and it’s apparent now more than ever, she’ll never be able to count on her dad.
Trick
“Hey, where’d you go?” I can see the tears pooling in her eyes.
She smiles and shakes her head, leaning in to kiss me softly on the lips. “Nowhere I ever need to be again.”
The way it looks like she’s trying to spare my feelings rubs me wrong. “Be honest with me, babe, because without honesty, we have nothing.”
She’s quiet for a few minutes. “When I found Phillip with his secretary, it was kind of a relief. He’d become so cold during the months leading up to the big explosion that happened when we broke up. He didn’t appreciate his family, and I think it’s time I stop trying to make the memories better than they were. He was a son of a bitch who didn’t deserve me or Riley. It’s time I let it go, this anger I carry around. The anger prevents me from giving you everything of myself. It was so easy in the beginning to hold onto my sadness, but I don’t want to do that anymore.”
“Can you elaborate, I’m a little confused,” I hug her to me.
Pulling away, her eyes are downcast, which pisses me off; I don’t want her to be unsure of ever telling me anything. “Everyone assumed when he left I was heartbroken, and I was, don’t get me wrong. I wanted the family, him to love us, his daughter to know who he was, the feeling of security I had with his money in my bank account, and the house I’d built into a home. But none of those things was him, it was everything he could give me. I’m beginning to realize that. I’ve held onto the sadness and anger because I lost my security and my confidence, not because I lost his love.”
Wow, I didn’t expect to hear those words from her mouth. I kind of suspected things were different than what she was projecting, but to hear her say it wasn’t his love or his presence she’s missed gives me hope, hope this woman can be mine. I’ve held back because I didn’t know if she was ready for the intensity that comes along with me, but I know now, she’s ready.
“Then I’m warning you now, I’m not holding back anymore.”
I can tell by looking in her eyes she knows what I’m talking about. We’ve removed the gloves, and there’s nothing holding either one of us back.
“We have to make sure Riley’s taken care of and doesn’t get hurt,” she whispers. “I can’t have her hurt again, I can’t have her wondering what she’s done wrong.”
“I would kill myself before I hurt her or you,” I pull her into my arms. “I’m not making you promises I can’t keep, because that’s what we’ve built this on, but you’re gonna know what you mean to me, Hadley.”
“I’m scared,” she admits, a smile on her face. “But I’m ready.”
And so am I.
26
Hadley
“Will you be here when I get back?” I ask Trick as I finish doing Riley’s hair. It’s more elaborate curls than we normally send her off to school with, but for her costume tonight, it’s a must. W
e won’t have time to make it work when she gets home from school.
“I don’t know, I have to run and get a part, then I have a friend of mine who called and wants me to go look at this bike he’s fixing to buy. It depends on how traffic is and if he and I shoot the shit too long,” he grins.
Something tells me Trick does things on his own timetable and when he wants to shoot the shit, they talk all day. I wonder how I’m going to get in the apartment, but I don’t want to come right out and ask. It seems forward, and I don’t want to scare him off.
“What does shooting the shit mean?” Riley pipes up from where she’s sitting in front of me. “How can you put poo in a gun?”
Trick and I look at each other, both trying to contain our laughter. Apparently we both forget when little ears are around. “It’s a phrase you’ll learn about when you get older,” Trick tells her, tapping her nose as he walks by. “Besides, young ladies shouldn’t say four-letter words like that.”
“What four-letter words should we say?” She questions.
I want to laugh, because Riley is really inquisitive before she goes to school in the morning. Every day it’s like this. Question after question, and sometimes I lose my patience if we’re running late, but Trick is handling it like a pro. “Cute, wild, girl, star, love…”
“You’re like a thesaurus,” I laugh as I continue taking the rollers out of Riley’s hair.
“Love is a good one,” Riley muses as she takes a bite of the donut he’s brought her, and a sip of the orange juice I found in his fridge.
“It is a good one,” I agree. “I love you,” I tell her, leaning in to give her a kiss, making a loud smacking noise.
“I love you too, Mommy!” she laughs, trying to get away from me. “I love Trick, too,” she looks up at him, a smile on her face.
Quickly my eyes cut to him; if I hadn’t been expecting those words from her mouth about him, they had to be completely off of his radar. He’s stunned, I can tell by the expression on his face, the way it’s gone almost deathly white. He’s holding his chest, and I pray to God he’s not about to have a heart attack. I don’t know what to say, and just as I’m about to make a joke of some sort, Trick finds his voice.
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