“Sandra?”
He glanced up. “The waitress at the diner in town.”
“She knew you when you were growing up,” I said. He’d brought me to that diner back in February, when we were planning how to take down J.R. Simmons. Sandra’s warmth for James had helped me see a new side of him. “Considerin’ how much she adores you, I’m sure she loves cleaning your house.”
“She doesn’t know it’s mine,” he said, then took the last bite of his sandwich.
I stopped, my own half-eaten sandwich in midair. “How could she not know it’s yours?”
“I had a service arrange it. I never talk to her directly and always pay cash. I got her a smart phone as a Christmas bonus a couple of years ago—she was wantin’ to video chat with her son and grandkids in Louisiana—and I text her when I want something specific done.”
“Why?”
“Why ask her to do specific things?”
“No, why the secrecy?”
“This is my refuge. I only come here a few days a week, but I can’t afford for the wrong people to know about it. And I’d never put Sandra in the position of keeping it a secret.”
“So how many people know you own this place?”
“Two. Jed and now you.”
I let that sink in. So this wasn’t where he brought women after all. “Why did you bring me here?”
He took a breath and started to say something. Then he closed his mouth like a steel trap and slid off his stool. Grabbing his plate, he set it in the sink and looked out the window into the darkness. “There are two bedrooms upstairs. The one on the left is mine, but the one on the right is the guest room. It has a private bathroom and towels.”
“Why do you need a guest room if no one ever comes here?”
He turned and gave me a look that suggested it wouldn’t be wise to push it.
Too bad I wasn’t good with orders. I stood next to the island. “Why didn’t you take me to a safe house?”
“Would you rather be in one of those dumps?”
I took a step toward him. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Because most of them aren’t fit for dogs. You know that. Plus, no one’s going to be looking for you here.”
I stopped in front of him, my heart beating furiously against my ribcage. My head told me to let it go, but something wouldn’t let me. “Why did you really bring me here?”
The look he gave me was so conflicted, I almost backed down. Almost. “Don’t go there, Rose. You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Do you?”
“No. Not with you.” He started to walk past me, but then he wrapped an arm around me and hauled me to him so quickly I had to lift my hands to his chest to brace myself. His mouth lowered to mine and then he kissed me with a hunger that might have shocked me if I hadn’t shared it.
I slid my hands up his chest and looped them around the back of his head, clinging to him. There was nothing gentle about James Malcolm, and his kiss was possessive and demanding.
His hand slid under my shirt and found my breast. When his thumb brushed over my thin bra, I released a frustrated moan that tightened his hold around my back. But then he dragged his mouth from my lips and buried his face in the hair at the base of my neck. His chest heaved against mine. I waited for him to speak as confusion set in.
“Rose.” The regret in his voice was like a stab to my heart.
His hold on me tightened, but then he lifted his head again, dropped his arms, and backed away. My humiliation returned, even more intense than it had been that night in the barn.
He refused to look at me. “I’m never gonna be that man, Rose,” he finally said, scrubbing a hand through his hair.
I shook my head in frustration. “What man?”
“The respectable, law-abiding citizen you need. Even if I left this world behind me, I’ve lived in it too long to be free of the stench of it. But truth be told, I’m not the kind of guy to work a nine-to-five job. Or to have a wife with two-point-five kids.”
“And a dog,” I said, trying keep my emotion out of my voice. “You’re forgetting the dog.”
He turned back to me, and his gaze held mine. The sadness in his eyes wrenched my heart. “And the dog,” he said ruefully. “I’d rather take a bullet to the head than live that life. It will never be me.”
Anger mushroomed in my chest even though I knew he was right, maybe because of it. “You don’t get to decide what I want! I never asked you for anything more than you are, James Malcolm,” I said, my voice hard. “I never asked you for anything.”
“You did. Tonight. Radcliffe Dyer is a huge risk to your life. And to mine. I should have eliminated that threat. But I didn’t. For you.”
I sucked in an angry breath. “You’re chiding me for reminding you to have a conscience? For placing value on human life?”
“There’s no room for that in this world. You heard what he said. It’s why Wagner and Reynolds are coming after me.”
“You’re full of crap. I know you value human life. You valued your mother’s life and your brother’s. You value mine.”
Anger filled his eyes. “To my detriment. Emotion makes me weak. Caring about someone makes me vulnerable. I had to get out of bed at goddamned three o’clock in the morning to deal with a mess created by my own sloppiness.” He took several steps away from me and started pacing.
“Are you saying that you don’t want me in your life?”
He still refused to look at me. “No. And that’s exactly what makes me weak. I’m giving Wagner and Reynolds a weapon to use against me.” He turned back to face me. “The most damned effective weapon they could ever have. I’d do anything to save you.”
“James,” I choked out. “I’d do the same for you.”
“I know. And that scares the shit out of me.” His face was drawn and he looked like he wanted to throw up. “This can never happen again. Never.”
“You can’t make that decision on your own. This is between the two of us.”
“It’s not up for discussion.”
“We could work this out. You’re not the first man who is a . . . works on the other side of the law to have a relationship.”
His eyes hardened. “Criminal. Say it, Rose.”
My mouth parted as I watched him.
“I’m a criminal. The sheriff could file a dozen charges on me, and I’d probably be guilty of them all. But I’d pay Carter a hefty sum to defend me. Then he’d offer a nice cash gift to multiple people to get me off the charges, and I’d walk free because of my own corruption.” He shook his head. “You can’t live with that. Even when you worked for me as the Lady in Black, you only did it to save Mason Deveraux’s life. You had a higher purpose. My purpose is to make money and gain power.”
“I did it to save your life as well.”
“But not my business.”
I couldn’t argue with that. He was right. Tears filled my eyes. “But that’s not you. Not the real you.”
“Rose,” he said so softly I could barely hear him. “It’s the most real part of me.” He ripped his shirt off over his head, and I gasped. His chest was solid, and his abs rippled down into his jeans. He moved toward me with a purpose in his eyes, and I held my breath, thinking—hoping—he’d changed his mind. Instead, he grabbed my hand and put it on a scar on his side. Electricity zipped through my blood. “See this? This was from a knife fight in my pool hall. It was over a gambling debt.”
I gasped and tried to pull away, but he held tight and moved my hand to his left shoulder. “This is from a gunshot wound when I worked for J.R. Simmons.”
I looked up into his face.
“I’ve been on death’s door nearly half a dozen times, but it didn’t matter because no one gave a shit. I can’t afford to worry about someone giving a shit.”
“Too damn late, James Malcolm,” I said, trying not to cry, trying not to think of all of those horrible things happening to him. “I started caring about you months and months
ago. Even before this.” I motioned between us. “We were friends first, and you damn well know it. Whether we do this or not, I care about you.”
He shook his head. “No.”
“You’re full of talk about how bad and brave you are. But it’s all talk, because you’re a coward,” I said, my temper heating again. “You want to choose your life of crime over the chance to have a real life, then go ahead. But you’re living in denial if you think something could happen to you and no one would care.” I poked my finger into his chest. “I know the real reason you’re doing this—because you believe you don’t deserve to have someone love you. Because your father convinced you that was your truth, yet I’m here to tell you that’s a lie.” I took two steps up the stairs, then turned around to look into his stunned face. “But guess what? You and I are a whole lot more alike than you give us credit for. You’re just too stubborn to see it.”
He gave me a long hard look, then walked to the front door.
Chapter 22
I hadn’t slept well, which wasn’t all that surprising. After I’d gone into the guest room, I’d stripped off my T-shirt and jeans and tossed them on a chair in the corner. As soon as I climbed into the smooth sheets, I knew that James had paid a fortune for linens he’d never intended for someone to use. Why?
Our argument kept running over and over in my head, and with each replay, the realization that there was truth in James’ proclamation grew heavier and heavier until it felt like it was dragging me to the bottom of the Fenton County Lake.
The time James and I spent together was such a small sliver of his life—a peaceful oasis he’d carved out of the chaos. James had once confessed that his legal businesses were much more profitable and less of an aggravation than his illegal ones, but it seemed unlikely that he’d ever just walk away. The truth of the matter was that he was up to his elbows in dozens of messes that could land him in handcuffs at any moment.
While I liked the man I had grown to know—the one buried deep beneath the intimidation and harshness—that man did not live in this world. But that wasn’t entirely true. Glimpses of him had begun seeping out, like the way he’d offered Raddy protection despite himself. Still, I was worried James was right, that the men in his world would consider him weak. And the weak became prey.
The bottom line was that I could never live with a man whose life was in constant danger, not when it was because he was thwarting the law rather than upholding it like Mason did.
Still, the hardest pill to swallow was that he hadn’t even given me a choice. He’d made the decision for both of us. I didn’t know what I would have chosen if given the option, but I knew one thing for sure: whatever I felt for him was genuine.
I’d spent so much time mulling it over, tossing and turning, that I slept until eight—much later than intended. When I saw the time, I realized that Neely Kate was probably worried sick.
Scrambling out of bed, I dug my phone out of my jeans pocket. There was one missed call from Neely Kate.
Only one?
I called her back, and she answered right away.
“Do you think you’ll be at the office today?”
“What?” I blinked and shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “Aren’t you gonna ask where I am?”
“No, Jed already told me. He said Skeeter put you into hiding because he’s worried about your safety, but he refused to tell me why. This has something to do with Raddy Dyer, doesn’t it?”
Did Jed know I was at James’ house? And had he conveyed the news to Neely Kate in person? I wanted to ask, but I had a feeling she wouldn’t tell me anything. “Raddy called me in the middle of the night and asked me to meet him. He said he was in trouble and needed help.”
“Why didn’t Raddy call me?”
“He told me to come alone. He specifically told me not to bring you.”
“Why would he do that?” she asked, sounding good and ticked. “And why would you listen to him? We were supposed to be workin’ on this together. Why would you go without me?”
I paused, ignoring the last question in favor of the first. “Because he was exploiting my friendship with James. He threatened to tell the other side about me and James if I didn’t show.”
“What did he want?”
“Raddy got scared after he pissed off Buck Reynolds last night at the Trading Post. So in exchange for James’ protection, Raddy told James what he knew about the guys who are making a bid for James’ position.”
“But Skeeter went and killed him anyway?”
“What? No! He sent Raddy to meet a guy who was going to take him to a safe house.”
Neely Kate paused. “Rose, Raddy Dyer is dead.”
The room swayed, and I sank down on the bed. “What?”
“They found him shot in the head in the Atchison parking lot.”
I felt like I was going to throw up. “No.”
“Why are you so surprised?” she asked flatly. “Skeeter Malcolm wouldn’t let someone threaten him and then walk away. He’s already got enough turmoil in the county. It would set a precedent that would make regaining control next to impossible.”
I put a hand on my stomach, hoping to settle my nausea. “James said he let Raddy go. Because of me.” But he’d also stormed out of his own house, pissed that he’d caved to me.
“Rose, Raddy Dyer’s dead. There’s no disputing that.”
“It could have been Buck. Turns out Raddy stole that necklace from Buck. It was never his grandmother’s. He just put it with the family jewelry in Rayna’s drawer to try and hide it.” But I said the words in a kind of daze. I couldn’t stop thinking about how Raddy had been found dead at the very place he was supposed to meet James’ man. And why would Buck kill Raddy when he still hadn’t turned over the necklace?
“So the necklace is still missing?” Neely Kate asked.
“Yeah. Although I’m not sure what it matters anymore. Raddy’s dead and it belonged to Buck Reynolds all along.” Then I thought about my conversation with Buck at One Eyed Joes. Would he still expect me to find it?
“When’s Skeeter gonna spring you loose?” she asked.
She was being so short with me, I sucked in a breath. “What bee’s crawled up in your bonnet?”
“Because I think it’s one giant coincidence that Skeeter Malcolm was out in your barn talkin’ to Raddy Dyer right after Rayna was murdered. Other than that one time we were working with him to bring down J.R. Simmons, when has Skeeter ever been in your barn?”
“As far as I know, only that once.”
“And Raddy Dyer happened to be out there the only other time he made an appearance?”
Irritation prickled the hairs on the back of my neck. “What are you suggestin’, Neely Kate?”
“It’s nothing I haven’t already told you. I think Skeeter knows all about that necklace, and he wants it for himself.”
“And you think he’s usin’ me to get it?” I asked in disbelief.
“It’s a twofer for him. He makes sure you’re safe, and he gets to keep the prize. He knows you never wanted it for you. We were gonna hand it over to Raddy.”
“You’re forgettin’ something,” I said in a curt tone. “Raddy called me. He threatened me, Neely Kate. The only reason James met us was to protect me, and he let Raddy go because he knew I wanted him to.”
“Are you sure that was his plan? Maybe he just let Raddy—and you—think they’d worked out a deal. You have to know that Skeeter Malcolm is not widely known for negotiating tactics. How do you think he got where he is now? Besides, some people think he’s gone soft. With all those guys makin’ a run at him, he might have been trying to set an example.”
Could she be right? Was that the reason he’d refused to let me force a vision? Because I’d see that Raddy was dead? Did James have Raddy killed?
Her voice was softer when she continued. “You said Skeeter was tryin’ to keep Raddy from tellin’ people you two are friends. Is that all you two are?”
“What does that mean?”
“Mason’s gone, so there’s nothing holding you back from starting something with him. You disappear every Tuesday night. We both know who you’ve been meetin’.”
I didn’t say anything, but my silence was statement enough.
“I’m not judgin’ you, Rose. You deserve a fling. Just make sure it’s not something more.” She paused. “But I know you. You don’t do flings. You’re a relationship kind of girl, and Skeeter Malcolm doesn’t do long term. He’s not a safe bet. At all. You’re gonna get hurt, and I’m worried it’s gonna be more than just your heart.”
What could I say to that? She wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already know. “I’ll let you know when I’ll be in,” I said with resignation.
I hung up and quickly got dressed, then headed downstairs. My stomach twisted with nerves. Doubts over Raddy were floating around in my head, but I felt guilty for even entertaining them. James would never lie to me. Our entire relationship was founded on truth, which was ironic considering his position. But one thing I could count on was the fact that I could be entirely honest with him without worrying about judgment or recrimination, and I counted on him being one hundred percent honest with me. Sure, he still held lots of secrets, but he told me what I needed to know.
Even as I assured myself, I knew that wasn’t entirely true. We were both lying about our feelings for one another. But that was different, wasn’t it?
As I landed at the bottom of the staircase, memories of his kiss the night before filled my head, making my stomach flutter. How was I going to face him?
After James’ speech about running from domesticity, I wasn’t sure what I’d find waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. It sure wasn’t big, bad James Malcolm sitting in a chair on his deck with his feet propped up on an ottoman. He was drinking a cup of coffee, and his laptop was resting on his thighs.
I stopped and stared at him through the set of the French doors that opened to the deck. As I watched him, I realized I had two choices—I could cut him out of my life completely, or I could try to go back to the way things had been before. The choice was obvious. I’d lost too many people lately. I didn’t want to lose James too.
Family Jewels: Rose Gardner Investigations #1 Page 23