by Lesley Jones
“Where would you like it to go? Can we start over? Is that possible?”
He shakes his head. Looking down at where his thumb is brushing over my knuckles, he says very quietly, “No, I don’t think we can, Kitten.” My heart feels like it’s being crushed, squeezed so tight; it’s painful. Well, serves me right. After everything I’ve put Cam through over the years, I really can’t blame him. “We can’t start over. We’ve shared too much to put it all behind us, but we can try and move forward, deal with all the shit from the past and try to find a way, but I can’t promise anything.” My heart speeds up as I process what he’s telling me.
I desperately want him to look up and make eye contact, but he keeps looking down at our joined hands. “You hurt me, Kitten. I don’t hurt for anyone, but you hurt me and you fucking broke me, and I don’t know if I can take a chance on you doing that to me again.”
“I won’t… I promise I won’t,” I blurt out. “I did love you, Cam. I think I’m still in love with you now.”
He nods his head a little bit. “Then I need you to show me, Kitten. I need you to prove it. I need to know that you’re not just using me as a quick fix again.” He finally looks up and meets my gaze. “I can’t run the risk of having you walk away from me again. I need to know for sure that you’re in it for the long haul this time.” I’m nodding as he speaks. I can do that. I can prove all of those things to him. “I have a lot of shit going on right now… And I don’t think you’re ready to even attempt moving on.” My stomach drops again.
“Did you not just hear everything I said to Marley. I’m ready. It’s time. I need to carry on with my life.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want you to need to carry on with your life. I want you to want to carry on with your life and I want you to want me in it.” He pauses and looks up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to feel used, Kitten. I won’t be used. I won’t ever let that happen again.” He leans in and kisses my forehead. “We both have a lot going on in our lives. Let’s get back to England and catch up in a couple of weeks, but like I said, I’m not promising anything.”
I nod. There’s not a lot else I can do. I gave up my rights to call the shots where Cam’s concerned the night I fell through Lennon’s front door and straight back into Sean’s arms twelve long years ago. I don’t know what he’s read in my expression, but he lets out a long sigh.
“I want you, Kitten, believe me, I want you so fucking bad, but I just want you to be sure. Take a step back and think about it, because when we’re together, neither of us ever seem to think straight.” He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Take some time to think about why you want to be with me. I don’t want to be just someone to help you through until the next love of your life comes along. I want the next love of your life to be me.” He traces the cupid’s bow of my lips with the pad of his thumb. “I know I’ll never replace him. I know I’ll never be able to give you back what you’ve lost. If I could, I would. Believe me. I really would, but I know that we have something that you didn’t have with him. If everything you had with him was so fucking perfect, then the world wouldn’t crackle whenever we get near each other. I’m not disputing that you loved him, but I am disputing that given the chance, you wouldn’t have felt even more for me.”
“I’ve already admitted that I think I was in love with you.”
“Not good enough, Kitten. I want you to know for sure that you are in love with me. Then and only then will I consider getting more involved. I can’t allow it to be any other way.” He sits forward on the edge of the sofa but turns his head towards me. “Being here with you tonight and not touching you has nearly killed me. I’m aching for ya, Kitten. I wanna kiss ya, lick ya, taste and fuck ya. I wanna bury myself inside ya, feel that tight little cunt of yours throb and pulse around my cock when you come. I want to hear those little noises you make when I flick my tongue over your clit, but I know, if I so much as kiss you, we won’t be making it out of this room for at least a week. And I know, that I will be wanting you by my side and in my bed every morning and every night till the day I die. Until you decide that’s what you want too, I’ve got to keep my hands off you.” My mouth is dry. I want to say so much. I want to promise him that I’m his; that I’ll be his forever; that I’ve done nothing but think about what I feel for him for years, especially in the last few weeks. But I don’t think he’s ready to believe me, and if it’s proof that he wants, if he wants me to show him what he means to him, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll find a way to show him, I’ll find a way to make him understand, that’s the very least I owe him.
Chapter Thirteen
Kitten
Cam carries my bags down to the hotel lobby and waits with me for my car. There’s no sign of Jackson or Brooke ten minutes later when it pulls up, and I’m so tired; I just want to get in and get to the airport. As the driver puts my bags in the boot, Cam pulls me into him. He grabs my arse cheeks and grinds himself against me.
“I can do this now.” He bites along my jaw and I let out a little moan. “Now you’re leaving and I know we can’t take this further. I can do this.” He wraps his arm around my back and grabs at my hair with his hand, his lips move to mine, gently at first and then it just explodes, lips, tongues, teeth. I grab a handful of his hair and force his mouth down harder on mine. I hear a car pull up and we separate our mouths, standing with our foreheads pressed together. “Fuck, Kitten, you have the power to ruin me, never forget that.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” We both turn and look as Jodie, Brooke and Jackson pile out of a taxi. I’m a little confused at Jodie’s comment.
“You made it. I didn’t think you would…” I start to say.
“This is where you vanished to. You left the club last night with her?” What? I look from Jodie to Cam, totally confused.
“Have you no fucking shame? It’s the one year anniversary of the death of your husband and child, and you choose to spend the night whoring around with another man.” I shake my head.
“No, no, I’ve known Cam for years. It wasn’t like that,” I try to plead my case. I look at Brooke and Jackson, who are trying to hold each other up, without much success.
“Poor Princess Georgia, whatever she wants, she just fucking takes. I don’t believe this. You and him, I just don’t believe it.”
Realisation smacks me right between the eyes as I work out that Cam is the bloke that Jodie works with and has been on a few dates with. I look up at Cam as he starts to speak.
“Jodie, we went for dinner a couple of times. There was never anything between us and Georgia’s telling you the truth. We’ve been friends for years.” She puts her hands on her hips and looks between us.
“You know what, fuck the pair of ya. You’re welcome to each other, but just so you know, she’s spent the last month fucking my ex in Byron, so if it’s sloppy seconds you’re into, you’re welcome.” I feel Cam squeeze my shoulder but he doesn’t say anything. Jodie then gestures with her head towards Cam, but sneers as she says to me, “And he, sweet spoilt Georgia, is having something you never will, you spoilt little bitch. Cameron here is having a baby with his girlfriend back in England.” Everything sways and spins around me, then slows down, sound becomes distorted and I can’t decide if I’m too hot or freezing cold. Somehow, I manage to make my legs move and turn towards the car. Cam grabs my arm and pulls me back towards him.
“She’s not my girlfriend. It’s not like that, Kitten. Listen to me.” He holds my face in his big hands and makes me look at him. “She’s not my girlfriend. I’m not with her. It’s… you need to let me explain. We need to talk about this.” He looks past me to Jodie I assume. “You have no idea what you’ve done. You spiteful bitch, fuck off out of here. You’re sacked. I don’t want you near my club again.” I break free from his hold as he talks. “Georgia, wait, I’ll come to the airport with you. Let me just explain.”
I shake my head and smack his hands off me. “Stay the fuck away from me,�
�� I scream at him. I need to get away. I need to get in the car and get away from both of them. He grabs me by the shoulders.
“Fucking listen to me,” he roars, but in a split second, he’s gone, yanked backward. I seize the opportunity and jump in the car as quickly as I can and tell the driver to get us to the airport. We drive away as I watch Cam and Jackson swinging punches at each other.
Chapter Fourteen
Tiger
A million thoughts rush through my head. I need to explain to her. I need to make her understand that it’s not like that. I don’t have a girlfriend. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I had a wife and then I had her, and then I had nothing, fuck all, and that’s what I’m gonna be left with again if I don’t sort this shit out and make myself clear.
Before I get a chance to say anymore, I’m yanked by my shoulder and spin around to face her cousin, the fucking Aussie prick, who if I didn’t know better, I would think wanted to get in her knickers.
“Get ya fucking hands off her.” Fucking idiot, does he think I would hurt her?
I push him away and turn back around to make sure Georgia’s not in the middle of this when the cheeky fucker lamps me one, right on the side of the jaw and it fucking hurts. I spin back to face him and land a perfect right hook on his chin that puts him straight on his arse. Turning back to Georgia, so I can jump in the car and get us out of here, I realise I’m too late and can only watch as she’s driven away into the early morning Sydney traffic.
“Fuck!” I shout while kicking the wheel of the taxi that’s parked outside the hotel. Then I’m grabbed again and the dickhead cousin is trying to get another shot at me. “Mate, seriously, fuck off before I hurt you,” I say as I push him away. The bloke’s so pissed he can hardly stand up, and if I crack him again, he’ll go down like a sack of shit and I’m worried he’ll hit his head. I’ve seen it happen too many times, drunken idiots, not knowing when to shut the fuck up and walk away, and here we have a prime example. He swings at me again. I barely have to dodge, but I push him away again anyway, and he goes back down on his arse. This time, I make sure he stays there by pushing on his chest with my foot and then put my foot on his throat. I don’t apply pressure. Well, not a lot, just enough to keep him down, but then I’ve got the two birds he’s with screaming in my earhole. Then they’re on me, fucking clawing and grabbing at my hair. What is it with birds? Why do they try and make themselves busy when blokes are having a punch up?
I don’t wanna get rough, but they’re pissing me off and the little one actually has quite a hard punch. I get them both off my back and grab them by the hair. I’ve still got matey pinned to the floor by my shoe and the two screeching women by the hair, one in each hand either side of me. When I look up, there’s three hotel security guard’s heading toward me.
“Do yourself a favour boys and don’t get involved. Take these three off my hands and I’ll walk away.”
“Let go of my fucking hair,” Jodie screams as she tries to kick me. I look down at her. Spiteful little bitch, she caused all of this. I let go of her hair and push her down on the floor.
“Hey mate, we’ve called the cops. They’re on their way,” one of the guards calls out. Fucking great, that’s all I need.
I look down at the three psychos and it suddenly strikes me how much they all look alike and how they all have the same blue eyes as Georgia and her mum. My stomach turns, my chest tightens and I let out a long breath. Just thinking about that fucking woman does that to me.
“I’m gonna walk away. I don’t want no more trouble. If you come at me again, I’ll break his fucking legs. You understand me?”
“Just get your foot off him,” Jodie says. I raise my eyebrows as I look at her.
“You started this, you vindictive little bitch. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you feel the need to say all of that earlier?”
She shrugs. “Coz everything Georgia wants, Georgia always gets.”
“So she wanted a dead husband and baby, did she? Grow the fuck up. That poor girl has been through enough, and if you three are her family, then you should know that.” She looks away from me and down again at who I assume is her brother. I can hear sirens approaching so I take my foot off his throat and hold my hand out to help him up. He takes it and I help him stand, at the same time. I let go of the younger girl, who then smacks me hard around the face.
“That’s for hurting my family, but especially for hurting my cousin. You’re a cunt, now fuck off and find her and put what she said right.” She gestures with her defiant little chin at her sister. “If I find out you’ve broken what we’ve fixed while she’s been here, I’ll hunt you the fuck down and kill you in your sleep.”
I want to laugh, but she reminds me so much of George that I can’t. Instead, I jump into the taxi that’s still sitting at the side of the road and give the driver the name of my hotel. I pull out my phone and call Georgia; it goes to answer phone. I knew she wouldn’t answer. Fucking woman drives me mental.
“Georgia, I know you’re pissed off, but we need to talk. Nothing you heard tonight is how it seems. Please call me back.” I know she won’t call me. Fuck. I can’t believe how this has turned out. How the fuck did I not join the dots and work out that Georgia and Jodie were related? Jodie told me she had a cousin over from England who had recently lost her husband. Georgia told me she was staying with her family in Byron Bay. I remember Jodie saying she was from Byron. Why the fuck didn’t I work it out?
I pay the taxi driver, head straight to the hotel reception and ask them to call British Airways. I need to see if I can get on an earlier flight. I need to get back to England and sort this shit out. Fuck it, everything I said to George earlier has gone out the window. I wanted her to prove she wants to be with me. I wanted her to want me like I want her, but fuck all of that shit now. Now I just need her to know the truth. I hate the thought that she thinks I lied to her. I hate that I’ve caused her more fucking pain. Despite everything she’s been through, she’s not as fragile as she was when I first met her, but I’m still worried that what went on this morning could all have been too much for her. I know she likes me. I think she loves me, but my fucking ego got in the way and I wanted her to prove it, but now I’m worried that I might have pushed her over the edge.
I change sharpish, throw my clothes into my suitcase as quickly as I can and head back down to jump into a taxi for the airport. I’ve managed to get on a nine-thirty flight. I should be back in England by about lunchtime Monday, not too much after Georgia hopefully. I call her again from the back of the taxi as we drive to the airport and again the call goes straight to her answer phone, voicemail, message bank, whatever the fuck they call it nowadays. “Kitten, please, you know I’m gonna come find you. We need to talk and talk we will, so you either get in touch or I turn up at your door. You choose, but I will talk and you will listen. I… I miss you already. Have a safe flight.”
* * *
Because of the last minute change to my flight, I can check straight in and head immediately through to the bar in the first class lounge of the airline. It’s only seven thirty but I need a drink. This is what she does to me. It’s what she’s always done to me. Georgia fucking Layton, the only woman I’ve ever loved. I order a double and knock it back, enjoying the burn as it slides down my throat. I take a look around the lounge, feeling a little disappointed she’s not on this flight. My phone rings and I pull it out of the pocket of the jeans I changed into back at the hotel. I had no choice. I had the Aussie wanker’s blood on my suit trousers and shirt. He bled on my two grand suit trousers, cheeky bastard. I hope the call’s from Kitten, but I can see from the screen that it’s Tamara and I want to break something. I’ve learnt that ignoring her calls doesn’t work, and right now, until I work out if the baby she’s carrying is mine, I need to treat her with kid gloves.
“Good morning, Tamara, what can I do for you?”
“I felt the baby move.” My heart rate accelerates. As much as I hate the circumstan
ces, I’m gonna be devastated if this baby turns out not to be mine.
“That’s fantastic. How are you feeling?” I nod to the barman to pour me the same again and take a seat on one of the stools. There’s a woman with jet black hair and bright red lips sitting further along the bar staring at me. I turn my back. I don’t need her ‘come fuck me’ look right now. She ain’t bad looking, but she’s not on Georgia’s level. Nobody’s as beautiful as her. I run my hands over my unshaven chin and think about how she felt in my arms last night.
“Are you listening to me, Cam?” God, this woman has a whiney voice. Fuck, what if it’s a girl and sounds like her? Why can’t it be Georgia who’s carrying my baby, if that is, this is my baby, because I seriously have no idea how this happened. I’ve only ever had sex without a condom with two women in my entire life; my wife, and once with Georgia in my office. The last time I’d ever had my hands and mouth on her, it was fanfuckingtastic. I shift on the bar stool as I feel myself grow hard thinking about that night. It was wrong. She was married and I never get involved with married women, but fuck, no matter how much time passes, I’m hard whenever I’m around that girl. She just has something that calls to me and I can’t resist her and I know she feels it too.
“So will you?”
“Will I what?” Fuck off, woman.
“Will you be home by Thursday, so you can come to see the consultant with me?”
“No,” I lie “Take the nurse with you. I want to know everything they say.” We still don’t know if everything is going okay with the baby’s development. Tamara was hitting the Columbian marching powder to the tune of fifty quid a day for the first three months of her pregnancy. I’d sent her to a specialised rehab clinic where both her and the baby were weaned off the shit over an eight week period. And I’m now paying for a nurse to be at her side twenty four seven, just to make sure she doesn’t slip off the wagon, which is what she keeps threatening to do whenever I try and get through to her that we’re not and never will be a couple.