by V. A. Dold
Only he was damned to never desire another woman once he met his mate. She was free to do as she pleased. Of course, she would never desire any other man the way she desired him, but that didn’t prevent her from saying no to him.
*****
For the first time since Simon’s ball, the morning was different; he had no energy or desire to get out of bed. Last night’s rejection had finally broken him. He had admitted defeat and threw in the towel.
His mother and father would be almost as heartbroken as he and his wolf were. He would be worthless in the corporate offices with Cade and Marcus, so he stayed home. Maybe it was best if he took a long vacation, perhaps on a sunny beach in Mexico?
Punching the pillow, he rolled over. He would figure it out later. Right now he didn’t care where he went or what he did. Sleep sounded better than thinking, so he would just stay in bed.
*****
Hours later he couldn’t remain in bed any longer. He stood in his bedroom staring blindly out the window wearing only the boxer shorts he’d slept in. His chest ached so badly it was difficult to breathe.
Alone, forever, never to have his mate accept him. As a shifter, he needed El in a way that defied human comprehension. For the first time, he seriously doubted he could go on without her. But, how to end his pain permanently, a gun to the head? Overdose of pills?
If he closed his eyes, she instantly appeared. Sleep had already proven a painful proposition. She wasn’t his anymore. Hell, she never had been his.
Stefan let out a ragged breath and padded to the shower. He was a bit rank and the least he could do was suffer without the stench he was generating.
As he emerged from his room he spotted something wedged into the cushions of the couch. El’s scarf. Instinctively he clutched it in his fist, burying his nose deep in her scent.
His entire body shuddered as newly buried emotions battered him and his heart bled out again.
Goddess, he loved her. More than he'd ever imagined a man could love a woman. And he didn't want to live without her. Couldn’t live without her.
Stefan collapsed as his knees gave in to the emotions crushing him.
Clutching the scarf, he buried his nose once more and wept. Agonized, ragged howls filled the room as tears rolled down his face and pooled on the floor. Kneeling became too much effort and he crumbled onto his side, curled into a fetal position. Racking sobs tore from his chest as he rocked blindly to comfort himself and his wolf, gripping that bit of fabric like a lifeline.
Every member of his family both heard and felt his pain. Their wolves howled in grief along with Stefan’s. Prayers from every family member were offered to the goddess, begging for her intercession. They all seriously feared for his life. Operation “Drastic Measures” had better work because it was his last hope. Only El held the power to end Stefan’s suffering.
*****
Two days. Two excruciatingly long days. Stefan hadn’t returned, hadn’t called. The morning after dinner and a movie, Lucas had driven away with Stefan’s suitcase of clothes. It was over; she really wasn’t ever going to see him again.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, she could be their poster child. She had been in denial of her feelings, convinced she was protecting herself, but the truth lay bleeding on the floor. She loved Stefan, heart and soul, and she had driven him away.
Mémé talked it out with her, and the only option left was to face her worst fear. She just prayed she could do it. After a long call to her therapist, she felt as ready as she ever would be.
Okay, El, what are you going to do to fix this blunder?
She was done hiding like a coward, it was time to set her wounds aside and live again. That meant she would have to open her heart to the very real possibility that Stefan would crush it and hand it back to her on a platter.
Dragging in a ragged, very terrified breath, she picked up her phone.
“Hello?”
“Emma, this is El. I screwed up big time trying to protect myself. Can you help me try to mend things with Stefan? Or did I destroy my chance completely.”
“Do you mean it? You’re ready to face your fears and put it all on the line?”
“One hundred percent. I love him, Emma. I was an idiot to let what happened in college destroy my only chance at happiness.”
“All right. The family has a plan. You hold tight and I’ll come get you when the time is right. Make sure you have people set up to care for your horses for several days.”
“Can you tell me the plan?”
“No. You’ll have to trust me.”
“Okay. I’ll be ready.”
Emma said goodbye and El sat staring at the clock. This unknown waiting was going to drive her crazy.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The Island
The family gathered quickly in Isaac and Emma’s living room. Alarm was written on every face and the scent of fear permeated the air.
“We have to do this now before his grief snaps his sanity. He’s already contemplating how to end his life so we’re out of time,” Isaac informed the group.
Gasps matched the horror on their faces.
“What’s the plan?” Cade asked.
“El called ten minutes ago. She’s ready to face her demons and is waiting for me to pick her up.”
“I’d like to strangle the bitch,” Marcus snarled.
“That is quite enough, young man! You have no idea what she has endured,” Emma scolded. “What happened to her was ugly and horrifying. We’re lucky she dated him at all. I honestly don’t know if I could have been as brave.”
Confused, questioning stares were shared between the listeners. Emma wasn’t afraid of anything; whatever El had experienced had to be unimaginable.
Simon sat forward; he understood suffering more than anyone in the room. “We’re going to need a sedative and ropes, really strong ropes.”
Isaac looked at his love. “I’m so sorry, mon amour, you’ll have to put the sedative in coffee or something and get him to drink it. Can you do that?”
Emma raised her chin. “Yes.” She nodded for emphasis.
“We’ll take him to the cabin and leave him loosely tied. If he begins to regain consciousness we don’t want him getting free before we have the boat a good distance away,” Isaac instructed. “But, we also need to allow him to eventually untie himself. Once we’re underway, I’ll call you, and you can fetch El and follow in a second boat. I think it’s best we have Stefan there first.”
They had a solid plan. Emma was already preparing the sedative. It was hard to gauge the amount; shifter metabolism burned through drugs at an alarming rate.
*****
Stefan groaned and struggled in a drugged haze as the men lifted him from the boat to the dock. They barely got a safe distance away before he came fully awake with an enraged roar.
Isaac waited for his son to calm enough to listen. “We will return in two days. Be forgiving and understanding, and for Goddess’s sake, make the most of your time.”
“Come back here!” he demanded.
“I’m sorry, son. I can’t do that.” Isaac turned his back to Stefan and the boat sped away.
Enraged, he seized the ropes from the deck and launched them into the river. After ten minutes of staring at the spot he’d last seen the boat, he conceded they weren’t coming back.
What did he care, nothing mattered anyway. He trudged to the cabin and flopped on the couch, glowering at the suitcase just inside the door.
Now what?
*****
Emma cut the motor well away from the dock and used a long pole to propel the boat the rest of the way. It wouldn’t do to have Stefan come charging out of the cabin. No words were said or good luck offered. All of that had been done well out of Stefan’s range of hearing.
Once El was safely delivered, she pushed off and floated out of sight before firing up the engine again.
The players were in place, now all they could do was wait.
/>
*****
El watched Stefan’s eyes narrow as she walked through the cabin door, suitcase in hand.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he snarled.
“I’ve come to talk to you. I’d like to try to tell you what happened to me.” She sat next to him on the couch and gripped his arm. “To explain why I’m such a mess.”
“I don’t know what happened between you and that short-dicked asshole, but whatever he did fucked you up good enough to destroy us. I’m disappointed in you and I fucking hate him. Just do me a favor and stay the hell away from me.”
Her fingers tightened, as her eyes slowly filled with agony. “Please, Stefan, I want to explain myself to you and try to fix this.”
He didn’t respond, just glared at her.
“Thank you,” she took a ragged breath and tried to speak, but only a gut-wrenching sob came out.
Ah hell.
He gathered her in his arms and stroked her hair until she cried herself out.
“I’m sorry.” She hiccupped. “Every time I think about that night, I lose it.”
Stefan reached for the tissues on the end table.
“Here.”
She blew her nose and collected herself.
“This is a very difficult memory to tell. After the trial was over, I thought I would never have to tell it again.”
“There was a trial? What the hell happened to you?”
El stood and walked to the huge window overlooking the river. She wouldn’t make it through this if she had to look at his face.
“I was a junior in college. Getting great grades, and had a few close friends, but no steady boyfriend. Then Chet blew into my life. He said all the right things, held doors for me, pushed in my chair when we dined together. Everything a lady dreams about in a perfect, romantic gentleman.”
“Everything I did,” Stefan murmured.
She ignored his comment and determinedly continued. “I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. He was rich and incredibly handsome. Most of all, he loved me. One night after we had been out, he asked me to his room. I was hesitant and nervous. I’d never ‘been’ with a man and was a little terrified. He cuddled with me on the bed and convinced me that if I loved him I would have sex with him. He was very insistent. Being naive and afraid he would break up with me, I gave in.”
El grew more and more agitated as the story continued, blindly pacing back and forth wringing her hands.
“He told me to strip and sat there waiting, watching. I could barely get the buttons of my blouse to slide through the holes my fingers shook so badly, but I did what he told me to do. Then he demanded my slacks, too. When I was completely naked he told me to get on the bed and only undid his pants enough to get his dick out. Without any warning he rammed it into me. I screamed in pain, but he kept slamming into me.”
Stefan was growling loudly with his fists clenching and unclenching. With every detail his snarls grew louder.
El whimpered and covered her face with her hands. When Stefan gently gripped her shoulders, she screamed and threw herself away from his touch.
“Shit. I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She shook her head when he reached for her.
“Don’t touch me.”
He held his hands up and stepped back, returning to the couch to give her space.
Once she regained her footing and straightened her clothes, she took a deep breath.
“That’s when it got truly horrifying. The bedroom door crashed open and every frat boy in the house filed in to watch and cheer Chet on. When I screamed for him to stop and fought to get away, they surrounded the bed and held me down. Chet pulled out and said he couldn’t stand to touch the fat bitch and instructed them to drag me to the end of the bed and spread my legs wide so he could finish without having any contact with my body.
“I had to lay there and take it; I couldn’t fight them all. While he slammed into me over and over the others laughed and took turns grabbing and groping my breasts and squeezing them. The whole time he told me how fat and repulsive I was and he was only sticking his dick in me because he had to.
“When he was done, he ran from the room. The others hauled me from the bed and threw me naked into the hall with my clothes. I could hear Chet as I limped away, retching in the bathroom, complaining about having to fuck the fat bitch and how he couldn’t take a shower fast enough.
“The doctor had to stitch me and I was black and blue for a week. I was blacklisted on campus for charging the entire frat house and sending them to prison, Chet for rape and the others on a variety of lesser charges.
“The number of people who blame the victim is unbelievably repulsive. I had no choice but to transfer to another college where no one knew who I was. It took two years of intensive therapy before I could sleep through the night. I still meet with my therapist on occasion when the dreams get too bad.”
She paused and for the first time since she began, looked at him.
“You were the first man I ever chose to sleep with because I desired to. I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to touch me again. I’m damaged goods,” she whispered before she broke down in sobs and crumpled to the floor.
Stefan got down onto the floor next to her and gathered her into his lap, rocking her until she was too exhausted to shed another tear.
“Oh my God, El, you were a virgin?”
She nodded her head against his chest.
“When you told me you had limited experience, that was it, wasn’t it?”
Again, she nodded into his chest.
“Those bastards should be thankful they’re behind bars,” he growled into her hair. “Or I’d be hunting them tonight.”
Without releasing his hold, he stood and carried her to the bed. Both fully clothed and completely exhausted fell to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
*****
Hours later Stefan woke and gingerly left the bed in an attempt to not wake her.
She cracked an eye open as he left the room. The man had an extremely sexy ass, and she heaved a disappointed sigh when he closed the door.
Stefan decided to see what he could pull together for dinner before she woke up. As much as he never wanted to think about what she had gone through, he was seriously impressed. El was one tough cookie. She was a fighter and would always go down swinging. Her resilience made him both respect her and hotter than hades.
She was strong and sexy and one hell of a survivor. He felt like an ass for pushing her to have a relationship now that he knew her past.
At that moment he resolved to let her set the pace and take as long as she needed to work her way through this.
He was putting the finishing touches on the table when she joined him with damp hair from the shower.
“Smells good.”
“The refrigerator was stocked with pre-made food. Convenient.”
She didn’t know what to say or where they stood, so she played with the hem of her blouse and avoided his eyes.
“Cher,” he said as he lifted her chin, “look at me.”
Slowly she lifted her lashes and raised her eyes.
“I’m so damn proud of you. You did what you had to and fought overwhelming odds and still managed to live through the horrors of a trial to see them convicted. God, baby, you humble me.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I should have fought harder.”
“Oh, honey. There was no way to win against a room full of men. I’m just so thankful you survived in one piece. I want you to take your time but would like to talk to you about us when you’re ready.”
She breathed out a heavy sigh. “It’s okay, I expected this. I know we’re over. Regardless of that, I needed to explain everything to you so someday you wouldn’t hate me so much.”
He shook his head. “You couldn’t be more wrong. Unless you plan on refusing me completely, I have no intention of ending anything with you.”
Her gaze shot to his. “You
mean it? You’re not repulsed by me now?”
“No, just the opposite. You make me hotter than hell. But, I’ll control myself.”
El leapt into his arms.
Damn. Just holding her made his desire rage. Thank goddess the windows were closed because right now a light breeze would finish him off.
“How about we eat a little dinner and make a plan?” Stefan suggested.
“All right.”
As they filled their plates, Stefan began, “I want to take our relationship as slowly as you need me to. I was thinking about what triggers your panic and I have an idea. I think it will be more comfortable for you if you’re in charge of setting the pace for how quickly we move forward. I’ll follow your lead and I won’t pressure you or make any demands. Also, would it help if I was blindfolded and you tied me to the bed? That way you would have complete control when I make love to you.”
“That might work. You’re a little kinky, Le Beau.” El grinned. “You’re really going to trust me to untie you later?”
“Damn, woman, you have me so worked up, I would do anything you asked.”
“You’re on.”
Stefan could feel her confidence grow as she considered her newly realized power over him. From her thoughts, he could tell she had never been in a position of power or even mutual power in a relationship. This was going to work, he just knew it.
“Since you told me your past, I feel it is only fair to tell you mine.”
El set her fork aside and gave him her entire attention.
For the next ten minutes, he relived that day so long ago when Beth shattered his heart and set him on a road to ruin. Even one hundred fifty years later, she had almost destroyed his happiness a second time.
“I’m so sorry, Stefan.”
“So am I. Because of my fears, I stupidly thought I would be safe by acting like a man whore. I never expected it to backfire and cause me to lose you.”
“Let’s try not to let anything come between us again,” she whispered.