by Alexa Davis
I didn’t cry when I told him. I’d run out of tears so long before that I couldn’t remember the last time those memories had soaked my pillow.
“It occurred to me that you must be strong to stay at a job where someone is unkind to you. I take it back.”
I flinched and stiffened. “Okay.”
“I take it back because you aren’t just a strong person. I think you might be the strongest person I ever met.”
“Your brother got blown up in Afghanistan and still saved his platoon.”
“Yeah, he’s a pretty strong guy. He’d be impressed by you.”
I took the album from him and put it away. “You don’t smell so bad, anymore. I kind of miss the pine scent. Much better when it’s real than those fake pine trees for cars.”
Logan laughed and followed me into the kitchen.
“Can I offer you a drink?”
He closed the distance between us and ran his finger along my jaw. “You should know, I want to kiss you, very, very much. But, I’m not going to.”
I stammered, unsure of what I was supposed to say after being told by a man he refused to kiss me. “Okay,” I finally said, giving him a wry smile. “I’ve waited this long to be kissed; I think I’ll survive waiting a little longer.”
“Oh, God. Telling me that when I touch you, it will be for the first time, does not help me keep my distance.”
I chuckled. “You want me to believe I’m that irresistible?”
“No. That’s sort of the point. I’m going to prove to you that I deserve what you have to offer, and that you want to give it to me.”
“That’s a lot, considering everything else you have going on,” I said drily.
He laughed and rubbed his thumb over my jawline again. “I’ll make it a priority.” He pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tight, I couldn’t tell if it was for me or for him. I felt the hard line of his body pressed against me, and my heart beat so hard I was afraid he’d feel it inside his own ribcage.
“You sure know how to make a girl like you, even if you do have long hair and you can’t be trusted with your own coffee order.” I pulled away, even though I felt a keen ache as I did. “I’m learning, that maybe it’s not that all people are bad. I just have to start spending time with the right ones.”
“I think that’s exactly what you need. I even have a couple of family members I’d be willing to share with you. They’re even animal people like you. Especially my sister-in-law.”
I coughed and nodded quickly. I wasn’t ready to tell him I’d already met one sister-in-law. It seemed too serendipitous to not come across as stalking.
“Are you ready to put up more cameras?” I asked, a little desperate to change the subject.
“No. But after a little brunch, I will be. I owe you for the coffee.”
“You certainly do, Mr. Famous Photographer Hargrave. At the very least. And maybe we can talk about you for a bit while we’re at it. Now that I’ve bared my soul to you.”
“You did not,” he laughed, which I knew was the truth. “But, I will bare mine to you. If you think you have the kind of stamina to listen to a story that puts others to sleep, then I have all the time in the world to tell you. That’s what people do on stake-outs, right?”
I arched an eyebrow at him. Two days ago, I was living my boring life, where the most important part of my day was avoiding my boss because he was mad at me for not dating him. Suddenly, I was about to be alone in the woods for who knew how long with the most ridiculously sexy man I’d ever seen in person.
“God works in mysterious ways,” my mom liked to say. I wasn’t a religious person, but I’d learned the power of faith. Faith that I could be healed. Faith that I could overcome brutality. I wasn’t ready for faith in love. But I felt something click with him. The way I had with his sister-in-law, Callie. It felt good, being around people for the first time in a long time. And if being alone with Logan helped me feel less isolated, I was going to give him all the time he wanted.
7. Logan
Heidi didn’t understand why her story and her survival meant so much to me. Someday, I hoped to have the courage and the chance to tell her about Rebecca. Rebecca, who had made me laugh until my sides hurt, even when she was hooked up to the chemo, her body being invaded by poison to try to kill the cancer they hadn’t caught in time.
Maybe that was it. Maybe I could never find satisfaction easily because I needed the challenge of a strong woman who knew tragedy. Heidi had been tortured. First, by doctors to save her life. Then, by stupid, ignorant children who had since become stupid, ignorant adults.
Now, she championed for wildlife, in her own quiet way. I watched her as she drove, so intent on the road I didn’t even have to be sneaky about it. We’d gone to lunch and laughed as I told her about my accidental discovery of weed in the park. She had so many stories after that, about finding everything from corn liquor stills to a meth lab that had been blown up by the inexperienced cooks.
I told her everything but my conversations with Eli, both before and after. I couldn’t prove anything, so there wasn’t any good to come of it. Instead, I told her stories about the time I spent in the Himalayas, searching for snow leopards.
“That’s the one thing I wish I had in my park. Mountains instead of these little hills.”
“The Rocky Mountains are beautiful,” I agreed. “They are so huge. Until you find mountains that remind you how young the Rockies are.” I took her hand and helped her up a small embankment just up the road from where she’d parked. “Mount Everest is huge, but then you consider the mountains in the deepest trenches of the ocean and understand that Everest isn’t as big as it gets.”
“Is this your way of reminding me that we’re all insignificant specs in the universe?”
I laughed and shook my head. “Not at all, Heidi. Just a reminder to myself that there’s always something more.”
“Is that why you’ve moved around so much? Because you’re always looking for something more?”
“I guess that’s part of it,” I confessed, “but, the world is so big, and someone needs to see it and bring all the edges together so it doesn’t feel so huge.”
“Wow, for a hippie cowboy, you sure are deep,” she scoffed at me, then strode on ahead. “C’mon, there’s something I want you to see.”
We walked in silence for a long time, deeper into the woods and up the river until I thought we might be at its source.
“My hell, woman. Where’re we going?” I asked.
“Just a little farther, cowboy. I wanted to show you our mountain.”
“I thought Ratcliff Lake was in the middle of the flattest park outside of the plains.”
“Well, it isn’t much, but you’ll see how mighty something can be, without being huge.” We rounded a bend and pushed through some trees. As we walked, I heard a sound in the distance that turned into a dull roar as she led me through the pines and fir trees. And there, in front of me, was a waterfall. She was right about the might of small things. The tributary that fed the Ratcliff Lake ended in a lovely waterfall no more than twenty feet tall, that spilled over a rock formation and tumbled in white frothy waves to the lake below. Automatically, I reached for my camera and swore under my breath when I realized I’d left the Nikon in my truck.
“I forgot my camera,” I sighed, watching the water churn over the rocks.
“That’s okay. Sometimes, it’s good to experience something and not have a memento of it. This is my favorite place in the whole world, I think.” She touched the back of my hand lightly and my gut clenched. Just being near her made my mouth dry. My zipper pressed tight into me until it was almost painful. I reached out and took her hand in mine, holding it as we stood side by side and watched the creek become mighty for just that twenty feet, feeding the lake as it died.
“I like not having my camera if it leaves my hands free for other things,” I remarked. I gave her hand a quick squeeze.
She dropped her eyes and pressed
her fingers to mine hesitantly. “I thought you might like it here.” She looked happier than I’d seen her as she shared her favorite place with me.
“I told you that I was going to earn your trust then kiss your face off, right?”
“Um, I don’t think you said anything about me losing my face in the process, but yes, I heard you mention kissing.”
I held her in my arms in front of that mini-waterfall, and she tilted her chin up to meet me. “If I kiss you enough, you might lose your face. Are you willing to take that risk?”
She slanted her eyes at me and gave me a half smile. “I don’t think I am. I appreciated lunch though. Perhaps we could get dinner sometime and see where things go from there?”
I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “You drive a hard bargain. But I think it can be arranged.”
She laughed that sexy, husky sound that made me dip in for another kiss on her temple.
“You ever get tired of being so ridiculously good looking?” she asked, her eyes shining almost bright green as she looked up at me.
“Not if it keeps you coming back for more.”
She smacked my chest. “I want to go see Honey. How about you? Let’s get those last two cameras up and go bother Dr. Seale.” She tugged on my arm and giggled as I turned to look at the waterfall one last time. “Oh, come on, this is our spot now. You have my permission to come back whenever you want, as long as you aren’t kissing anyone.”
I spun her into my arms and held her close enough that I felt her breath on my lips. “No kissing by the waterfall. Check.” I released her, and she huffed at me before striding ahead with that purposeful walk that was so much fun to watch.
Despite the park looking flat, the walk back to the visitor’s center had a gentle downward slope. It made the hike back faster than going in and less tiring. Even so, I was panting when we reached the parking lot. Heidi hadn’t even broken a sweat.
“I can’t wait to see how Honey is doing,” she squeaked as I opened the door and gave her a hand up into the truck.
“You do know he’s a boy, right?”
“He’s what, four or five days old? He’s not worried about his masculinity yet. That doesn’t happen until his rack comes in.”
“Yeah, I’d rather not think about his rack either.”
“How long have you been using that line? Because you might want to retire it,” she teased.
“Sugar, a little at a time, I plan on giving up every line… that doesn’t work on you.”
She snorted and shook her head at me, then stared out the window. “I like spending time with you, Logan, even if I’m not some super beautiful model like you probably date.”
I glanced at her, but she didn’t seem upset, just matter-of-fact.
“Then let’s just enjoy the time we have together. We don’t have to think about anyone else.” I touched her hand briefly. “Trust me; you’re the only woman on my mind right now.”
We rode in silence until Heidi pointed out the turn to the veterinary clinic. I helped her down from the truck and thrilled a little as she took my arm, almost skipping next to me on our way in. The clinic was busy, but when the receptionist saw Heidi, she grinned and told us to go back to Dr. Seale’s office to wait.
Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait long. Dr. Seale stuck his head in to apologize that he couldn’t stay and talk. He had back-to-back surgeries all day. Instead, the technician escorted us back to the large animal holding pens, where Honey was asleep in a dog kennel.
“Why is he back here all alone?” Heidi asked the technician.
He looked at the chart for a moment, then nodded. “Oh, it says here he had to be moved. The dogs kept barking and scaring him. Only vegetarians ever come back here, so Dr. Seale thought it was best if he stayed away from the animals that sounded like his natural predators.”
Heidi nodded and crouched in front of the kennel, speaking softly to the fawn.
“Look at him,” she said, standing up and looping her arm through mine. “That little guy is alive today because of you.” She pursed her lips and frowned at me. “We still have two cameras to put up, don’t we?”
I chuckled and nodded. “I’d like to have them up for a few days before I head back to Austin.”
Heidi’s face fell. “Thanks for bringing me out to see him. we should probably get back.”
I followed her out, trying to figure out what I’d done to make her unhappy again.
“Are we going to talk about what’s bothering you? We were barely there for ten minutes, and you’re done.”
“He was asleep, we have work to do, and I’m bummed because I just got a reminder that you live two hours away. When you go, I’ll never see you again. Meeting people I feel comfortable with isn’t easy for me. I’ll miss you. I’ll miss you when you’re gone, and I don’t even know you that well.” She looked up into my face. “I’m not sure how to deal with that.
“Then don’t. I’m on a two-week vacation. If I wasn’t before, then I’m calling it in when I stop the truck. After that, if you still like having me around, we’ll figure something out.” I rubbed her neck lightly.
“Don’t borrow trouble, right?” she asked.
“Exactly. Don’t cut me out before I’ve had a chance to earn that kiss.”
She chuckled. “This is a big deal to you, isn’t it?”
“Sugar, this is the only thing on earth that matters to me right now. Other than illegal logging, drought conditions, and the foxes and fish and birds.”
She giggled and nodded. “So, first things first. Cameras go up, then dinner, then you teach me how to kiss. I want to impress the next guy.”
I choked out a surprised laugh and stopped rubbing her neck while she giggled at her own joke. She was right about us needing to spend more time with each other before I got physical with her, especially since everything we did would be new to her. There was just one small complication: I was more than halfway in love with her, and we hardly knew each other.
She bit her lip, and I knew she was anxious and thinking about me, or us. She wanted the same things I did: a family, people to count on, and to make a difference. But she was a homebody, and I was on my way out of Texas, if the job Boyden had referred me for paid off
It had been a lifetime since I’d felt a pull so strong toward a woman. But if I had to choose someone I’d never met to be the only thing only thing on my mind 24/7, it would be her, every time. I reached over and held my hand out, palm up. After hesitating, she placed hers on mine, and I gripped her hand tight.
“Blessings come in funny ways. Heidi,” I said, quoting my father. “If God’s telling me to stay home in North Africa, then I couldn’t imagine a better person to stick around for,” I declared. “Remind me to send Honey a specialty hay bale for introducing us.”
Heidi giggled and leaned against the window, holding my hand. “Yeah. Thanks, Honey. See you soon,” she added and smiled at me. “Maybe by the time you see Honey again, you’ll have earned that kiss.” She shrugged, and I laughed.
“Challenge accepted.”
8. Heidi
All I’d done was hold a rickety ladder against a tree. Just held the ladder. But when Logan came down with that satisfied look on his face, I might as well have placed that camera myself. It was exciting and felt like rebellion. I knew the other rangers wouldn’t approve of me helping a group who worked outside the law. Then again, I had the feeling that Logan knew the marijuana he’d found belonged to Eli. I didn’t judge Eli for what he was doing, but it hadn’t helped his case when he’d asked me to go out with him.
“Whatcha thinking, good-lookin’?” Logan was watching me. “You had this funny look on your face. Like you ate something sour.”
“That’s about right,” I laughed. “I was thinking about how good it feels to be helping you out here. The last few months have been less than optimal for me, workwise.”
“Because you friend-zoned Eli.”
I punched him in the arm. “There was no
friend-zone. I thought we were real friends. Then he told me I needed to go out with him.” I huffed. “No. Not ‘go out with.’ Sleep with. He told me I needed to have sex to be worth dating, and he’d do me the favor of being my first.”
Logan’s mouth made an “O” shape. I picked up the knapsack with the last bit of camera equipment in it and threw it over my shoulder. Wisely, he stopped talking and tucked the ladder under his arm.
I didn’t think I needed to share that when Eli propositioned me, I was so grossed out that my automatic response wasn’t diplomatic or kind. I was still paying for my lapse in manners, and he’d suffered nothing for harassing his employee. When I told the guys, they said they needed him more than me. I’d spent months trying to prove them false. What a stupid waste of my time. I was too scared to leave the job I had to try something new.
But I’d interned at the park while I was going to school. It was the only job I’d ever had, and I was the youngest ranger ever. Those were things I took pride in. I didn’t want to lose out on that because of him.
“This place was my first job,” I said, as he tucked away the map he’d been studying. “I worked here even when I wasn’t getting paid for it. It feels disloyal to think about leaving, but here I am, breaking the one rule that’s sure to get me fired.”
“You can’t help it. I’m just that good looking.”
“It’s not really about you. You know that, right?”
“Ouch. You could’ve lied, you know. Sheesh.” Logan grinned at me. “You’re pretty darn independent to do anything for a guy, handsome as hell or not.”
I laughed and tripped over a root, barely catching myself. “See what you did?”
“You wouldn’t be the first girl to fall at my feet.”